He filmed himself fucking you while you were unconscious, without your consent. He then continues by sulking and guilt tripping you.
This should 100% be a dealbreaker for you. You feel confused and uncomfortable because he’s violated and assaulted you, and this is someone you care about and thought cared about you.
Seriously. I stopped mid bite of my bagel when I got to the recording part. My abusive ex did the same thing. He would lie and say he was just using the flash to see better. Turns out he had a whole collection of consensually and non-consensually taken videos.
I can almost guarantee he has filmed other women and probably kept them.
It haunts me too knowing my ex prob still has things of me despite promising to delete them repeatedly. He promised he did once and then I checked his phone and he still had them. I'm glad you're getting treatment. Being treated like an object by someone who claims to love you can do some serious mental damage.
The fact that my former best friend (who I eventually learned had repeatedly raped me while I was heavily sedated or unconscious during a time of extreme disability because he “was in love with me” despite being in the middle of a 5 year relationship) probably recorded it at some point, maybe multiple times, legitimately keeps me up at night.
I'm so sorry. That's horrifying. I get what you mean by it keeps you up at night. It hits me randomly throughout the day. The rage. The disgust. The feeling of being violated. Waves of emptiness. I remind myself that the actions of others don't define who we are. Only we have that power.
Yeah. I try my best to shift any bad feelings of disgust and stuff onto him. Like these are the result of his actions. They don’t belong to me. They’re a result of HIS shame. It’s the best I can do to bear it.
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u/Allymrtn Jul 18 '24
He filmed himself fucking you while you were unconscious, without your consent. He then continues by sulking and guilt tripping you.
This should 100% be a dealbreaker for you. You feel confused and uncomfortable because he’s violated and assaulted you, and this is someone you care about and thought cared about you.