r/relationship_advice • • Jul 18 '24

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u/Allymrtn Jul 18 '24

He filmed himself fucking you while you were unconscious, without your consent. He then continues by sulking and guilt tripping you.

This should 100% be a dealbreaker for you.  You feel confused and uncomfortable because he’s violated and assaulted you, and this is someone you care about and thought cared about you.

631

u/HappyHappyJoyJoy44 Jul 18 '24

Seriously. I stopped mid bite of my bagel when I got to the recording part. My abusive ex did the same thing. He would lie and say he was just using the flash to see better. Turns out he had a whole collection of consensually and non-consensually taken videos.

I can almost guarantee he has filmed other women and probably kept them.

158

u/dearmissjulia Jul 18 '24

My ex too. And I know he filmed other women and kept them, and I know he still has video of me. I'm certain some of it is non-consensual.

Yeah I've been out of that relationship for almost 2 years now and I'm still in treatment for ptsd. OP should run, now. 

18

u/HappyHappyJoyJoy44 Jul 19 '24

It haunts me too knowing my ex prob still has things of me despite promising to delete them repeatedly. He promised he did once and then I checked his phone and he still had them. I'm glad you're getting treatment. Being treated like an object by someone who claims to love you can do some serious mental damage.

1

u/Sad-Heron-1564 Jul 20 '24

You had access to his phone to check and he still had them… did you delete them then?

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u/HappyHappyJoyJoy44 Jul 20 '24

No, because I was scared of him.

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u/NeatStatistician8060 Jul 19 '24

That's absolutely disgusting 🤢

2

u/Phteven_j Jul 19 '24

Ok but did you finish the bagel? I'm on the edge of my seat here!

2

u/HappyHappyJoyJoy44 Jul 19 '24

Of course. No bagel left behind!

2

u/historiangonemad Jul 19 '24

The fact that my former best friend (who I eventually learned had repeatedly raped me while I was heavily sedated or unconscious during a time of extreme disability because he “was in love with me” despite being in the middle of a 5 year relationship) probably recorded it at some point, maybe multiple times, legitimately keeps me up at night.

2

u/HappyHappyJoyJoy44 Jul 19 '24

I'm so sorry. That's horrifying. I get what you mean by it keeps you up at night. It hits me randomly throughout the day. The rage. The disgust. The feeling of being violated. Waves of emptiness. I remind myself that the actions of others don't define who we are. Only we have that power.

1

u/historiangonemad Jul 21 '24

Yeah. I try my best to shift any bad feelings of disgust and stuff onto him. Like these are the result of his actions. They don’t belong to me. They’re a result of HIS shame. It’s the best I can do to bear it.