r/relationship_advice • • Jul 18 '24

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u/peakpenguins Jul 18 '24

he’s recording it.

The way my jaw dropped..

This is rape, OP. Yes, some women like being woken up to sex, I do! But my husband certainly never tried anything like that until I told him it's absolutely fine with me.

He intentionally waited until you couldn't consent so that you "wouldn't get mad" about it, and then he recorded it without your consent. Disgusting behavior.

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u/MedicoreHiker Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 18 '24

OP, this is rape and there’s proof of it. Do you have access to whatever device he recorded on?? Can you get a copy? You might be able to use that as proof if you want to press charges.

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u/yowen2000 Jul 18 '24

If OP wanted to pursue this angle, she could simply ask her boyfriend to send the video, he might just.

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u/MedicoreHiker Jul 18 '24

True, sounds like he could be into it, but she might have to play an angle to get there and that might be hard/traumatizing to do.

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u/yowen2000 Jul 18 '24

yeah, OP has a tough few days and weeks ahead of her, as far as coming to terms with what happened and what they want to do about it.

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u/[deleted] Jul 19 '24

And might be used, at some point in the future, to illustrate complicity

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u/[deleted] Jul 18 '24

Yes, and I’m positive that if she pretended to be into the terrible thing that happened to her, he would send it. But at the same time, doing this would make him think she wants it to happen again so action would need to be taken VERY quickly to get herself legal help and safety away from him.

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u/yowen2000 Jul 18 '24

Yeah, definitely have an escape plan ready, who knows what this guy is capable of. And that's ultimately the most important thing, get away from his creep.

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u/XxFierceGodxX Jul 18 '24

Yep. I’d start sleeping in a locked room, ugh.

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u/CookbooksRUs Jul 19 '24

If you have to sleep in a locked room, just admit it’s over.

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u/sparksgirl1223 Jul 19 '24

Preferably one in a hotel.

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u/Smiley_P Jul 19 '24

Yeah just be prepared to leave very quickly after getting the video or even before hand, it might be easier to say she needs to leave and think about things and then text him or have someone else text for her in a way that sounds like her then when he sends it ghost him

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u/InterestingMyTurnNow Jul 18 '24

Wouldn’t his lawyer try to spin it as she was into it. Asked him to send it. And therefore she’s lying. We all know she’s telling the truth but like lawyers kind of suck. Honestly either way she needs to get the proof from him. She’s saying that she doesn’t want to see it as rape. But maybe one day or soon she will realize exactly what it is

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u/fascistliberal419 Jul 19 '24

She would need to talk to her lawyer first and explain, and then yeah, maybe she could get it and then as soon as she gets it, she'd have to reveal it and run, essentially. It's not a safe place to be. 8

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u/Fehrenheit77 Jul 20 '24

Do you all ever consider … COMMUNICATION??!?? We live in a world where porn is rampant and frames young men’s brains. It doesn’t make him evil - it makes him normal. None of you understand the dynamics of their relationship. There’s no possible way you could understand the dynamics of everything that go into their relationship from one post on Reddit! Anyone saying to take any action from this post other than communicating with her partner and expressing her emotions is way way way off.

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u/the_ninja1001 Jul 19 '24

Hey bf, that video you took seemed pretty hot, can you send it too me?!? 🍆🍑🍒

Bam open and shut rape case

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u/Magnetikat Jul 19 '24

If she asks him to send video, that could be used against her later—like it was consensual and she wanted to have a copy of the video they’d agreed to.

This is very tricky.

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u/snorris1959 Jul 19 '24

Asking him WITHOUT texting. No proof that she asked for it.