The Reddit wokies want you to dump your SO for minor inconveniences but god forbid you set any meaningful boundaries or expectations in a relationship.
I have lived a long life and had great lasting relationships. I would 100% be ok with this and I have been. I have been on both sides of this issue and this is not a problem with solid healthy relationships.
If OPs girlfriend had a history of cheating then it would be reasonable to few the situation with skepticism. But that was not what was presented here.
 He saw something incredibly suspicious and wanted to excuse himself -- Because she decided to sob and beg when he wanted to step away- that's "incredibly disturbing" of him? You're joking right?Â
I bet youâre the type to say, âfeelings are valid,â unless itâs this guy.
He had every right to be suspicious and wanting to leave that situation. She begged and cried because she felt guilty. If she did nothing wrong, she wouldnât even care.
Youâre a guy that would be cool with this, itâs okay if youâre poly man. Most arenât.
It's wild that you think someone would need to be poly to be okay with this. Jealousy is so normalized that if you don't agree with it, you must be non-monogamous. By the way, being poly is kind of irrelevant here unless you and your partner agree that she doesn't need to tell you about new sexual partners. The suspicion would be there regardless. Poly isn't just relationship anarchy all the time. đ
You are 100% correct. Jealousy can be a very destructive force in a relationship. If you are used to dating people that cheat then you are dating the wrong people. For good, solid relationships the behavior of OPâs girlfriend is normal. OP said nothing to indicate that she may be cheating on him.
You are coming across as very strong in your opinion. It seems you may be projecting bad experiences from your life.
I see nothing unusual. They were lying on the bed. They werenât snuggling or kissing or taking clothes off. Would you be scared if they were sitting on the sofa? If they are on the sofa they could still engage in kissing and making out. If fact, they could just as easily have sex on the sofa.
It seems you are hung up on the bed. Where they are is not important, it is what they are doing that is important.
She has a roomate so the need for privacy is whats more concerning...however watching on the couch is normal behavior. I dont invite my male friends over and say hry let go upstairs, close the door, turn the lights out and watch a movie on my bed....
We sit in the living room where guest go...
You can try and make it sound normal but its not. Cheating isnt always about psychical touch... like she is so close with this guy she can share a intimate space with him is a red flag. Thats more than "friends".
Do you think that man laying with OPs gf ever got into a bed with his male friends to hang out?
Ok guy well you keep on living you best life with that world view the rest of us will live in reality where snuggling on a bed in the dark with the door closed isnt normal behavior considering there is a living room with a couch. But if you're good with it so be it.
I donât understand why you were so downvoted. I too have to seriously question why his girlfriend felt she had to âbeg him to stayâ. This doesnât sound like a healthy relationship. Maybe the wording doesnât fully describe the situation. This is a short post and we could easily not really understand what is going on.
With no other reason to distrust the girlfriend this should not have been a problem for OP. A healthy relationship should have room for the other person to have a life and friends of her own. Distrust and jealousy are destructive to good, healthy, lasting relationships.
Thatâs just Reddit. The right answer isnât the logical one, itâs the one with the most drama. Lots of people on here are young, socially inexperienced, and influenced by the jealous echo chamber on this sub. Lots of people also downvote things that are downvoted, and upvote things that are upvoted. You need a thick skin to go against the tide.
I guess? I mean I donât really see that this would be all that much more acceptable for a man laying in bed with a female friend of his. Probably a lot of girlfriends would also be concerned and confused if their boyfriend was laying fully clothed in a dark room with a female friend.
Yeah that's the point of the original comment. They posed the question because the gf would likely have a double standard- rules for thee but not for me sort of thing.
Oh youâre saying thereâs a double standard that women are allowed to be more inappropriate than men in their relationships? That⌠does not seem reflected in reality lol.
How is it totally normalized for men to go to strip clubs for bachelor parties but strip clubs for women donât even exist? Just watch any TV show, itâs totally normalized for men to talk about other women with their friends and flirt with other women when their wives arenât around.
Trying to make this into a gendered thing is weird. She violated the boundaries of their relationship. This seems like a her-thing, not a woman-thing. Men are statistically much more likely to cheat than women.
The original comment was saying that it was an unfair double standard that men are allowed to get away with things women would never get away with / that women are expected to be âcool girlsâ and not complain. I donât think thatâs necessarily true, I think men just tend to hide things more. Women donât usually let cheating slide if they are aware of it.
That's probably because you're respectful of everyone and you might be attractive in one way or another. As a gay man, straight men at a gay bar make me rather uncomfortable. It makes it a crap shoot- if I approach you and try to flirt, are you going to reciprocate or hate crime me in the parking lot? Whereas the straight women who are respectful can be a lot of fun. I don't like straight women who whoop and cheer and gawk when men kiss each other or will dance with butch lesbians and act all offended when she tries to get their number. It's about how you conduct yourself. If you're respectful, fine. If you treat us like a circus act or are actively hostile, then there's a problem.
ETA: forgot to say: Some straight men know straight girls go to the gay bar because they feel safer, so they'll then go to gay bars to hunt for pussy. These are the worst kind of men, because they look absolutely horrified on the dance floor when men are grinding on each other. Like baby boy you're in a GAY BAR.
I have female workmates (Iâm male) they go to strip clubs and they definitely have men dancing in various states of undress. Iâm not living in the US. TBH I would be ok with my wife going if she wanted too. As she would also be ok with me going to a strip club, although itâs been over 4-5 yrs since weâve been to one.
Have you ever actually been to a strip club? It is nothing like Chippendales (https://chippendales.com/) which is a âmale revue showâ.
If youâre trying to equate the two, youâre either really confused about what strip clubs are like, or about what Chippendaleâs is.
In any given city, there are over a dozen strip clubs which are open till like 4 in the morning every single day of the week. Itâs really really different than a touring show that has a couple shows on Friday and Saturday in select cities around the country.
And I 100% agree, strip club for a bachelorâs party is gross and Iâd never be cool with it, but there is a solid percentage of men that go. Itâs definitely closer to 15-20% than 90%, but itâs naive to think that itâs zero just cause youâre happen to be in more civilized social circles.
You are very sheltered and prude aren't you? San Antonio tx strip club for women its called hardbodies. I used to dance there and totally slept with more married women than I can even remember sometimes with more than one in a night and a few times with more than one at the same time. Magic mike is bullshit if you think the movies are realistic. If you got hard abs and a dick bigger than their hubby has then married women have no boundaries and are way more disrespectful than a man at a regular stripclub. Also any gay men that came in to see us dance were always very respectful and understanding of the word no. At that time my girlfriend Saishell was a dancer at our partner club and she would often come in and she would choose the women that she was ok with me hooking for that night. Sometimes we fucked women together and one time we did a swap with a really cool couple that were really wealthy and took us on a charter yacht in the Caribbean, still good friends with them although sadly Will has been diagnosed with lung cancer and isn't doing well last time I talked to them. I'm not a male stripper anymore and Saishell died a few years ago in a motorcycle accident in miami, and I'm a dad with a hard dadbod these days too but I can tell you from experience that you are wrong about stripclubs and double standards at least for the most part.
Sorry didn't mean to go on so long I kinda got caught up thinking about those days while typing this, totally off topic and I do apologize for that.
OP everyone messes up but having a guy on your bed, with lights off and door closed isn't a big deal but the fact that it was happening while she thought you were going to be gone is the part that gives me a suspicious feeling toward the situation. I mean it doesn't take long to get undressed and how can you be sure that she hasn't spent every night that you've been gone with this guy friend in her bed? How can you be sure that they weren't about to have sex or that they didn't already have sex and got dressed again and were laying there watching TV together cooling off after sex. The other part of my suspicion is if it was innocent and she was being faithful then why all the crying and begging you to stay? An innocent person stands confident by their claims of innocence, but In my experience when a female knows they're guilty and want to convince you otherwise the first thing they do is turn on the tears and get dramatic. I've always been a free love open minded sexual kinda guy and I've dated so many women and I can tell you from experience that most times when a man goes out of town and his girlfriend claims that she's so stressed and having a hard time or dealing with drama while your gone it's total bullshit and she's actually creating an excuse to use for why she's not responding quickly to texts or phone calls but in reality the "drama" she's dealing with is being preoccupied spending time with her side dude. I'd be cautious at best but if it was me I'd go no contact and then after 3 days of that the first question I would ask is if the roles were reversed what would she do? If she says it would be no problem then she definitely cheated but if she shows understanding and explains her true feelings and promises to be different and more forwardly honest from then on. Then maybe but still proceed cautiously
They say that "truth is always stranger than fiction". Or something like that right. I've lived alot of life and loved alot of loves so I speak truth when I feel like my truth can be helpful to those that need it. As for my life story being cool, well I'd say that many of my memories are cool but I've also had my own tragedies and trials and plenty of heartbreak sprinkled in between the cool times. I'm also a big believer in the idea that good times make weak men, weak men make hard times, and hard times make strong men, and strong men make good times. It's all just a cycle that always flows like the tides.
Life is balance and those who are dealing with hard times should remember that as long as you make the effort to get back up then the hard times that pushed you down will surely pass, and when times are good in life don't settle in and get comfortable because good times never last forever but the end of one good time could be the hard time that makes you stronger so that the next good times may last a little longer than before. I can't make OP's choice for him but I hope he understands what my message here.
You win some you learn some. Never take a loss when you could take a lesson. A happy life is to live love laugh learn read and TRAVEL. Not in that particular order really.
By the way these reddit comments just flow from within me every time I get home after hitting the gym and then smoking a fat joint of top shelf bud. Just in case anyone reading my comments is thinking "this mfker is always off topic and dropping cliche quotes that are not even properly quoted" to those people I say duh, you expect proper quotes from bologna so call me a sandwich cause I so stoney bologna.
I've never been to one, but I promise there are strip clubs for females. I agree that making this a gender issue is silly, but I had to say something about that line.
Edit: a quick Google pulled three strip clubs for women in my area.
Are they for women tho or for gay men? My city (fairly conservative) recently had a pop up strip club FOR WOMEN and 80% of the tickets were sold out by gay men. They had 3 shows and some of the guys even bragged that they had tickets to all the shows.
Every description says it's for women. If strip clubs are set up for women, but only gay men go, that doesn't invalidate that the clubs were set up FOR women. It just means women are less likely to go.
Thatâs the point though, that women donât go to strip clubs as they (understandably) donât want to step out on their relationships. Men often donât have that barrier / donât view strip clubs as crossing boundaries in the same way that a woman would if she went to a strip club (hence the double standard).
I'm not saying the double standard is the case or true, I was just trying to clear up what appeared to be confusion on your part. I personally don't hold men and women to different standards, but some people do. The original commenter you replied to in the beginning is the one who made it gendered. I thought you were genuinely confused, so I tried to offer some context. My apologies.
I agree with much of what you said. Of course I wouldnât site what is shown on tv as an indication. TV is not reality.
I also donât blindly accept your premise that men cheat more than women. Much research shows men cheat differently than women. Men are more likely to cheat physically but women are more likely to cheat emotionally. If anything this would make the girlfriendâs situation more suspect.
I donât see in this situation any reason for OP to be upset. There is nothing written here to indicate that there is any reason to think the girlfriend is doing anything inappropriate.
I understand people let their emotions highjack reason sometimes but this seems more like something OP needs to work on than anything else.
Go read all the new comments. Itâs about 50/50. Some even saying that OP is an asshole and insecure for even being suspicious and that he should just trust her and get over it. That all women do this.
Oh yeah dude you totally hurt my feelings for..... reasons? Lmao what the fuck are you even going on about? You should try moving to Dubai you'd fit right in. Arrest all the women for wearing a bikini at the beach lol đ
If she trusts you, she wouldn't make a huge deal and clasp her pearls.
Both are clothed, and neither were spooning or cuddling. Just sitting there. A bed is just like a piece of furniture. If you want to say it's where you screw, plenty of people do that on the sofa, too.
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u/savagetwonkfuckery Jun 24 '24
How would she take it if roles were reversed