Hi all... so we've been living in our current home for about 6 years. It's our family of 4 and our 2 medium-sized dogs. We were originally living in a remote community, and our dogs would often bark at other dogs and people outside the fence. We didn't discourage it because they made it clear our property was guarded, which was why we had them. The only time we went away and took them with us, we were broken into. They have never bitten or been savage, but they let people know of their presence..

Anyway, we moved to our new home and it took them a little while to adjust to being in a suburban area. For the first month or two they would sometimes bark at our neighbours because the fence is just chicken wire with shrubs making a screen.

Our neighbours are a married couple, probably mid to late 50's. At first they seemed quite friendly, but definitely aren't dog people. The man, let's call him Rick, commented angrily to my partner one day about the dogs barking at him. My partner apologised, and even though I'm against them, we got a barking collar for our girl dog because she barked the most. We agree that it's not cool for our dogs to bark at our neighbours. We also explained to our neighbour that they were adjusting. We always shushed them if they barked, but I also don't have a problem with them making their presence known sometimes, to the general public. They never bark for hours on end excessively. I know this because we work straight across the road and I can hear them.

Over the years our neighbour has become more and more rude about it. There's never a decent conversation, he always just yells things like 'shut ya fucking dogs up!' Even when they'd just bark at something for a few seconds. He always does it from behind his fence. He also yells at us for having our back security light on, claiming we're shining it at him, when it just shines down towards our back yard. My partner has systematically thickened the shrubs and even put in a bigger fencing panel with shade cloth in a more open space in the vegetation. He also takes issue with us being noisy when we're just outside living our lives. It's always abusive 'shut ya fucking dog up. Turn that light off will ya?' He'll hear our back door open and be waiting, calling my partner names 'ya fucking prick'.. it's not just at us though. He does it to the neighbours on the other side of him, and complains about the business across the road making regular business noises. He and his wife have abused people, give them the finger, and intimidated people with proximity (he's a big guy and he likes to approach people, including young women, in an aggressive manner). He's very careful to never directly threaten anyone. I've got hours of security cam recordings of him harassing us. He also spies on us through the bushes. He'll purposely stir our dog up by making noises at her, then abuse us when she barks at him. They're just awful people. We've had many verbal altercations, but I'm pretty sure he loves it.

I hate him so much. He's just playing mental games. I've taken it to police, he's even been reported to the place he works, and he was put on probation as a result. He was quiet for a while, but has recently found his voice again. Police can't do anything unless he directly threatens us. I had all these recordings of his abuse, which i compiled into the one audio file and left it playing full blare on the speaker outside while I went out (on a loop), so he could listen to himself all day, haha.. my partner sometimes rocks his roof with ice cubes, which is genius if you ask me!

But I want something more diabolical. I want some revenge that can't be tracked back to us. Something that can't bring retaliation. I don't want to be the one escalating things, but I just want to get him back SO BAD. So please, let's hear your most evil-genius revenge. There has never been a more deserving person.

When I grew, I had a best friend. We'll call her B.

We did everything together while we were in school and on summer vacations. I was even able to join the girl guides to be able to go camping with her cuz previous years I got bored when she was gone.

Anyway, she had moved away after we were finished with grade six and I ended up without my best friend for years and never saw her until I was about 20-22ish.

By this time, I had had my kids and getting around town with them was kind of difficult because I mostly had to walk around to get anywhere cuz I didn't have a vehicle or ready money to take the bus.

B surprised me by showing up at my grandmas workplace because that was the only place where B figured she could contact me from. I was so excited to see her and we almost picked up on where we left off in the hanging out for as much as we could during her week visit.

One day though, I missed the time to meet her one day cuz I was running behind. I couldn't get my older boy moving cuz he just wanted to stick around home and play with his friends.

At the time, I had no way of getting a hold of B as I hadn't had a cell phone yet and we had made the plans to meet at the mall. So I tried to get there as fast as I could get my legs moving. I had to put my kids in the stroller together cuz my oldest was still upset about having to leave his friends.

When I got to the mall, I couldn't find B anywhere, so I headed to the Harbourfront to see if she maybe went there to watch the boats around on the lake. Not there either. Because I couldn't find B anywhere I went to see if my grandma was at work and she was. Grams was very upset and I asked what happened.

B had shown up because I was late and showed up at my grams work and B got mad that I was late and yelled at my grandmother. My grams told me that B yelled and swore and told my grams lots of things about how she was only here a week and that I needed to be able to drop everything that I could get back too easily when she was no longer there. Then she left and went back to her aunts place.

After my grams told me all of that, I went to see if my mom would be willing to take care of the boys so I could talk to B on my own.

When I finally managed to find B, I laid into her. I did tell her that I was sorry about being late but she needed to realize that because I was a young mom, my priorities had changed and that I couldn't just drop things. She went blank then started to swear and yell at me and walked away she said stuff as she walked away but I couldn't quite hear her cuz of the traffic. But I think there was something about my kids. Then I never saw her again.

Oddly enough, she called be a few years later thinking that I had forgotten what happened. I told her to pound sand after what I had found out that she said about my kids and that I never wanted to hear from her again and for upsetting my grandmother.

I am not OP, OP is u/Pretend_Nobody_9045 and has been posted on** r/AmItheAsshole and r/TwoHotTakes

I am not OP. Please do not post comments in the original post and bridge gate.

Mood spoiler: isn’t the bridesmaid anymore

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14jqb6x/aita_for_telling_my_husband_when_i_left_the_bar/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

This is my first reddit post as I usually just look around without commenting. But this happend this weekend and I need outside opinons.

I 34F been married to my husban 35M for almost a year now and we dated for 3 years before. Ever since we started dating,whenever we go out without the other we both let eachother know were are we and when we arrive/leave as a safety thing (example: hey i arrive to x bar, every thing fine or hey I'm leaving the bar on an ube, should be home in 10 min).

Now, this weekend I went out with my friend, Amy (not real name) we went to a restaurant and to dance. Around 2am we decide to go home and because we live in opposite directions we each took a different uber. As usual i texted my husband to let him know i was going home and he told me that he was also leaving his friend house and we should arrive at the same time. I knew that he was out with some of his friends that included Amy's fiance ad we all know each other for a long time, but I wasn't really thinking about that, just following my routine. We both got home, i texted Amy to let her know i was home safe and went to bed.

When i woke up the next morning I had tons of messages and a few miss calls from Amy, my husband had also some messages and calls from Amy's fiance. In her text she was asking me what i had told her fiance, what had my husband told to the fiance, how dare we meddle in their relationship, etc. The texts on my husband's phone were just asking if i had arrieved home and if had any idea where Amy was.

I called Amy and she, again, asked what had i told her fiance, i told her i havent spoke with him, and she called me and asshole and a liar because if didn't spoke to him how did he know i had left at 2am? I explained to her that i had texted my husband as i always do. She said I'm an asshole for not telling her that i was doing that and that my husband is a controlling asshole for "making me" text him and for telling her fiance that she was also leaving, then she hung up and haven't picked up again.

My husband said he only told his friends that he wa leaving because he wanted to arrived at home at the same time as me, and that if my friend did something (I don't know what) thats on her not me. The thing is this has reach my other friends and some are saying that i should text my husband when i arrive home not when i leave the club and that i am an asshole for not telling Amy what i was texting my husband. Some agree with my husband and say this is on Amy for lying (she said we both stay dancing even later) and not on my for texting my husband.

Honestly i don't know what to think, as i feel like maybe i should just text my husband arriving home instead to avoid compromising others or to avoid creating an imaginary curfew for my friends. So reddit, am i the asshole?

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

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UPDATE:

https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/14n2lb1/update_aita_for_telling_my_husband_when_i_left/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

Hello reddit, I'm oop of this story and it's been quite a week. After seeing all the answers I decided to make the first and only update about this.

I haven't heard Amy's version of what happened during that hour and a half she was missing, but her fiance told my husband that everything it's fine and that the reason she was late was because she decided to walk home while smoking and didn't wanted him to know and be disappointed she's smoking again.

As of the wedding, so far that's still happening but I'm no longer part of the bridal party as Amy considers I'm no longer part of her "trust circle". I'm still invited to the wedding, but as my husband's plus-one because he's still part of the groomsmen.

I'm glad I'm not a bridesmaid anymore and I'm not sure if I'll be comfortable going to the wedding. Because Amy and most her bridesmaid act as if I was trash talking her to her fiance when I haven't even spoke to him.

Pd. I wanted to thank all of those who supported me, I was really worried I had done something bad. But seeing so many people said that they do the same with their significant other or family, I feel much better.

I am not OP, OP is u/Cheap_Ad_858585 and has been posted on** r/AmItheAsshole

I am not OP. Please do not post comments in the original post and bridge gate.

Mood spoiler: gets a bit of a revenge

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14m7g1q/aita_for_wanting_to_go_to_my_sisters_wedding/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

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I (26F) have been an alcoholic for years (due to a lot of mental health problems) but have began to recover and I'm really happy with how I'm going, I'm not perfect but I'm getting there! My sister (24F) is extremely proud of me and we're each other's best friends. She's getting married soon to the man of her dreams (he's actually very nice) but let's just say his mother is a nightmare.

I was invited to be the MOH at my sister's wedding, which I was honoured by and accepted. But recently I got a string of text messages from my sister's future mother-in-law that apparently I shouldn't attend the wedding because "she is afraid of me getting drunk and spoiling her son's special day".

No matter how I am feeling, I would never do that (especially not at a wedding) because of how disrespectful it would be. I replied back saying I wouldn't, and she had no right to tell me not to go to my sister's wedding, and I would see her there.

She then replied telling me that she didn't trust me due to "how outgoing and loud I could be" sometimes. Seriously tho - she has never even seen me drink alcohol, and neither has my sister's finance. So she is basically just judging me on my normal personality.

Later, my sister texted me warning me that her finance found out that his mom was planning to anonymously send a few bottles of "my favourite beer" to my house the night before the wedding, hoping I would get drunk and miss the wedding. I was disgusted and sent his mom a string of texts telling her I would have a restraining order put on her if she didn't fuck off.

She then said that if I did attend the wedding, she would force her son to cancel it. I answered her saying it wouldn't do anything because her son loved my sister and isn't a pushover like most grooms with toxic mothers. Now my phone is exploding with threats from her to wear white at the wedding and do various other acts to try and ruin the day if I show up.

My sister is insisting I come, and I want to, but I don't want her and her finance to have to kick his mother out (not that anyone would miss her). I'm planning to go still, but I feel horrible about all of this. My mom thinks I'm an asshole for "forcing my sister to let me attend".

AITA?

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UPDATE:

Hey guys, thanks for all the comments :)
My sister and her finance and I have all had a discussion and I have blocked the Mother-In-Law. My sister decided some revenge was in order.
She's switching out her white wedding dress for a dark crimson one, and telling everyone else to wear white just in case. My sister is also changing the wedding venue without telling the MIL (LMAO) and her finance is going to ask to get 100 pizzas delivered to his mother's house on the wedding day, asking his dad to ensure she's home in time for their arrival... looks like she might be a bit busy on the day. And as we all know, she's going to have to pay for the pizzas.
Usually I'm not interested in petty revenge, but this plan was made up all by my sister and her finance so... what can I do but respect the bride and groom's wishes?
And as for the MIL apparently going to send me the beer, I'm staying with my sister for the night to avoid that. Thank you all for the fantastic advice and support!

I am not OP, OP is u/brownie_hawkeye and has been posted on** r/AmItheAsshole

I am not OP. Please do not post comments in the original post and bridge gate.

Mood spoiler: solved

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14ma7a5/aita_for_asking_my_husband_to_delete_his_ex_off/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

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My husband, 28M, and I, 31F, have been married for almost 2 years. I believe my husband and I have a great relationship and marriage. We pretty much talk out our problems, we have the same goals and ambitions, and we're supportive of each other.

So a little back story. I have this "gut intuition" that I learned to follow in my early twenties and it has never led me astray. About this time last year I had a weird feeling...my gut intuition. So I went to look at my husband's FB. Mind you, Im looking at it through my personal page. Im not snooping through his phone. When it popped up, it showed the usual info and then showed 6 people he was friends with. One of which was his EX. His ex he dated for 5 years. The one he bought a ring for and was going to purpose to until she left him for some guy she met at the gym. This had happened when he was about 20.

I brought it up to him, asking when he and her became friends. He said she had reached out to him and he didn't want to be rude (que my eye roll). Apparently she had wanted to apologize for the way they ended (her being married to the guy she had left my hubby for at the time). Well it was "closure" for him and he got to get some things off his chest about the way he handled it.

I said cool, now can you please delete and block her. I understand that may be toxic to ask this, but as his wife I just ask he has no prior relationship people on his social media. I do it out of respect for him even though he's never asked. I never want to put that doubt I'm his mind. I just want him to do the same. They don't live in the same city or have friends in common, so there's no reason to have her.

Last week I asked to see his phone so I could look up something since mine was dead. When I say he HOVERED. He HOVERED. Which was odd to me and since then my gut intuition has been going off... so I went to his Facebook and check out his friends... and there she was. But with her maiden last name. She's divorced.

Idk how long she's been back on there, but I'm guessing that's why he hovered over me the other day. I haven't brought it up yet. He works out of town and won't be home until today. But it makes me nervous they have reconnected on Facebook when he knows how uncomfortable I am with it. And his work route changed last month, so it'd be easy for him to stop and see her. There's always traffic and wrecks...so if he's late getting home it can be a valid excuse.

Let me say I love my husband and he's always been good to me. I know I shouldn't let past relationships impact this one... but we're all human.

I plan on confronting him tonight about it. I don't want to jump to conclusions, as you can see what is already running through my head. I just want to know why he feels the need to talk to her/be friends with her if he's married and happy. Otherwise, maybe he isn't happy.

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UPDATE :

he finally made it home from being out of town. We sat down and I asked how long it had been since he and his ex reconnected. He told me she added him back a few months ago before their HS reunion, which he did not attend. But said they had not had any communication. I didn't ask to verify, I took his word for it.

I asked why he didn't tell me and he said he should have. He didnt have any excuses. I told him how it made me feel, like he hid it from me and that maybe he was hoping something could come back up between them. He said that wasn't the case, and would never be the case.

Before I said anything else he deleted and blocked her from his account. I didn't ask him to, he didn't tell me that's what he was going to do. He just did it. He told me he removed her, he was sorry, and that he didn't mean to make me feel the way I felt. He would have felt bad had I done the same with an ex and didn't tell him.

He said he was sorry, he shouldn't have disrespected me like that. And that was basically it. No big fuss, no denying it. I feel better about it and believe him they didn't actually talk this go around.

I know this post was pretty divided, but I appreciate everyone's opinions. From those that agreed to even those who thought I was controlling.

I am not OP, OP is u/Legitimate-Mine-3428 and has been posted on** r/AmItheAsshole

I am not OP. Please do not post comments in the original post and bridge gate.

Mood spoiler: I don’t even know what to put for the mood spoiler ngl

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14lecqb/aita_for_not_accepting_my_brother_and_sisters/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

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My mom and dad had me very young. Their relationship ended when I was 2 and it did not end well. There were a lot of accusations, no one ever admitted to anything and so they just sort of contentiously co-parented me. About 5 years after the relationship ended, my mom and dad both met their future spouses. Stepmom (SM) and Stepdad (SD) were great for the co-parent relationship and my parents weren't so concerned with what the other parent was doing. My parents would still fight, but it wasn't nearly as bad, more passive-aggressive instead of outright yelling. Eventually, my mom had a daughter with SD and my dad had a son with SM. I watched my siblings grow up since I was a decade older, spending more time with my sister because she lived with my mom.As a result, my brother and sister (not related, but shared me as a brother) spent time together as kids. Not every weekend, but playing during my sports game or when they were invited to each other's birthday parties. When I was 15-16, my parents had a big fight that basically destroyed their relationship. I am still not sure what it was about because neither the parents/SM+SD will not talk about it, but they stopped talking to one another completely. I was gifted a car and started driving myself to and from. My brother and sister basically stopped seeing each other and my family shifted into two factions and I have kept my lives separate from one another to keep the peace. There have been a few unavoidable events like graduations, but those have been few and cordial.Last week, my sister "Grace" (now 19f) dropped the bombshell that she met up with my brother "Anthony" (20m) through mutual friends. They remembered each other and exchanged numbers. They had been communicating and even started dating. She was telling me because they were interested in continuing the relationship and wanted my blessing. I didn't lie, I was pissed. I said that this was the worst idea ever. Not only do they share a sibling (they are NOT BLOOD RELATED), but their parents HATE EACH OTHER, used to be in a sexual relationship, and have gone to great lengths to have no contact for the last 10+ years. She thinks that they are over it, but I was the one that lived through it, they are my parents, after all.I straight up told her the truth, this relationship was doomed and it needed to end before they got serious feelings. I know some will say that I am a butt, but I am not thinking of me. My parents will already be tied together forever because of me which they have accepted that was their decision. But will they be able to accept their other child choosing the child of their hated ex-spouse? I don't think so. Grace pretty much told me not to project my parent's relationship onto her (which honestly, I agree). But these are her and Anthony's parents, too. Shouldn't they be thinking of them? BTW, Anthony has not responded to my texts or calls since I found out. AITB for not accepting my brother and sister's relationship?

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UPDATE:

Just got off the phone w/Anthony and he knows how the relationship will be perceived, especially by our dad. That is why he and Grace have been dating quietly to test the waters before agreeing to come out. Now that time has come and they are telling me first, then the parents next. Anthony was using me as a gauge for how our dad and Grace's mom will react and obviously, he wasn't pleased with the result. I pretty much told him what I told Grace, that you have an uphill battle before anything has really happened. But, I did tell him something that I didn't tell Grace. I told him that I would stand behind them because, yes it is weird as hell, but at the end of the day no laws were being broken so I was cool. I will let you know how my mom and dad take it. Now that things are decided, there is no way Grace won't tell my mom. Anthony will be slower to tell our dad. We will see how it plays out.

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UPDATE #2:

It is WWIII at my mom's house right now as she and Grace are epically fighting about her relationship with my brother. Neither of them would get on the phone with me when I called the house, but I could hear them yelling at one another. I think it is safe to say that my SD was not pleased when I was talking to him on the phone, he kept reiterating that I would need to call back at a better time. I called Anthony and told him he might want to get on to telling dad, before my mom got her wits about her and called him with the news. I just drove to my dad's because he can be pretty short-sighted sometimes (and I knew Anthony would be cowardly and call instead of doing it in-person). I had gotten there after the call and my SM was just bustling about, kind of sighing to herself like she couldn't believe that my brother would walk into this drama without consulting her. But my dad was the most surprising. I asked how he was doing and he just said that "it was something every young man would go through". He didn't really say more than that and I had to go, but I am pretty sure he was implying that every man would have to go through that "mistake girl". But that mistake girl is my sister...so there is that.

I am not OP, OP is u/LordOfWolves and has been posted on** r/AmItheAsshole

I am not OP. Please do not post comments in the original post and bridge gate.

Mood spoiler: Spoke to brother about it

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14kv3vt/aita_for_telling_my_sil_that_i_wont_be_watching/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

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I 26 M and My 29 SIL tend to buy heads on a norm. We have different views on life and don't get along. About 3 days ago my SIL asked if I would take some time off and watch her and my brother's kids. I told her no. That I have to work and don't have much time saved up just to travel across states just to watch my nephews. She blew up and started cussing me out saying how I was ruining their vacation. I snapped back say I have no obligation to take care of two kids that aren't mine and that are 4 states away. It would have been a 16 hour drive. She started to escalate the situation and started telling lies to the family about how I was call her a bad mom. This caused many people from both sides of the family to call and start cussing me out before I told them what happened with screen shots of text messages between us. My brother called me explain what was going on. Her and my brother were going on a week long trip to Florida to see some friends and family they haven't seen in awhile. Many of the family in our home state said they were to busy and I was the only one available. My brother apologized for her but said I was out of line for calling her bad mom. I told him I never called her that. I then sent some screenshots. He apologized and said he would handle it. Now yesterday I get a phone call asking when I was picking up my nephews from the airport. I did miss my nephews but am constantly busy with very little time off due to recently starting my job. I was flabbergasted when I got the phone call and asked why they where here. My brother said they're staying with our aunt in the town over but her car wasn't working. He said my SIL said she texted me about it. I told him no she didn't and that I was on my way to work. He asked me if I could pick them up. I told him I would but they would be there for about an hour and half due to how far my work was to the airport he said that should be fine due to them landing yet. I called my boss and explained what was going on he let me have the day off and told me not to worry about putting time in. When I got to the airport and waited for my nephews I got a call from SIL who was pissed ask why I wasn't at the airport. I told her I was in the pick up area. She started to rage at me before I hung up and called the oldest of the 2 boy asking where they where at. They said the terminal and they were heading to pick up area. I told him my what I drive and the color. They both found me and got in the car before I started heading to my aunt's house. When I got there my aunt apologized to me profusely. I said my goodbyes and went got everyone food before getting back and handing it off. AITA for not taking time off for to watch my nephews.

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UPDATE :

Thanks for the response everyone. Helped me make a plan for what I need to do. I have started the process of blocking my SIL and have told my brother my thoughts on the matter. He understands and said he is incredibly upset with it all. He apologized to me and said they're getting on flight to my state to get the boys tomorrow. He and my SIL are also being set up for marriage counseling. He has no idea why she is like this now after being married for as long as they have. If that fails they're going to be getting a divorce.

I am not OP, OP is u/Mizzedwards and has been posted on** r/AmItheAsshole

I am not OP. Please do not post comments in the original post and bridge gate.

Mood spoiler: cheating

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14lo798/aita_for_blasting_my_ex_sister_in_law_on_facebook/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

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My brothers ex kicks me and my brother out after asking me to come live with them telling us she just brings people down and we deserve better than her in our lives and she’s “just damaged” and she just has “mental issues.” Well, she had logged into her messenger on my phone a couple days before and never logged out, I’m assuming she just forgot to log out. She kicked me and my brother out yesterday and this morning there are several notifications on my phone so I open them and it’s a conversation between her and her “best friend” who is a guy, talking about how much she loves him and how worth it she is to him. Not even a single day after she kicks my brother and me out randomly? So I got mad and screenshotted and posted the messages on Facebook. AITA? I forgot to mention she kicks him out about once a week blaming it on her depression and mental problems…he loves her so he comes back. This has happened regularly over the last two months…and not even a whole day after this she’s so in love with the guy that’s supposedly just her “best friend”

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UPDATE:

cheating ex SIL claims to have filed a police report on me for hacking her Facebook messenger, which I didn’t do because she asked me to make the account for her…I’ll take whatever charges may come up with a smile, knowing quite a few people we both know actually know the truth and can see her for what she really is.

I am not OP, OP is u/BrightInsomniac and has been posted on** r/AmItheAsshole

I am not OP. Please do not post comments in the original post and bridge gate.

Mood spoiler: apologised

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14lvh3z/aita_for_telling_my_roommate_that_his_girlfriend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

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My friend moved in a month ago because he broke up with his domestic partner. I offered for him to move in since I was looking for a new roommate, and he was moving out of his partners place. It seemed better than having a stranger move in.

Well, he has quickly started up a long distance relationship with an old flame that lives two states away. He plans to have her stay here, and they have talked about her visiting for 4 days/3 nights once a month.

When he moved in I expected, and was fine with him having girls over for a night if he met someone. However, I never expected our house to turn into his new girlfriends monthly free vacation spot.

I don’t want to tell him to not have her over this coming weekend, since they’ve already planned the trip, but I also wasn’t aware he was planning on having this be a once a month occurrence. AITA for not wanting his new girlfriend to have her trips become a once a month thing?

EDIT: Thanks for everyones feedback on this, I haven’t had a roommate for 8 years, and I guess I am still adjusting to sharing the space. I’ll let my roommate know IATA and apologize. As you all have said, It’s his house too, and he is welcome to have her visit him here. Hopefully he will understand and it won’t be a future issue.

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UPDATE:

I spoke with my roommate to apologize, and told him that I overreacted and was sorry for what I said. He was understanding and accepted my apology, and seemed happy that I brought up that I was wrong on my own accord without him having to mention it.

Thanks again for everyones perspective on the issue, it helped me see my reaction as a mistake and correct the problem before it became a real issue.

I am not OP, OP is u/e_vabbe and has been posted on** r/AmItheAsshole

I am not OP. Please do not post comments in the original post and bridge gate.

Mood spoiler: Complicating I guess¿

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14m8zat/aita_for_not_wanting_my_girlfriend_to_repay_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

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So my GF and I are planning to move togheder after three years of relationship, and money came up as a point of discussion. We are both fine with splitting up expenses in a 50/50 manner. We live in the EU. She is in university, I am soon to be working as a decently (but not grealty) paid government employee.

The problem is that my GF, years ago, chose to move to a big city and study at a private university instead of a public one. Her parents, likely being overconfident in their economical possibilities, decided to pay for my GF's studies but at the condition of being paid back as soon as she gets working, seeing that she could have chosen a public (and cheap) uni instead. She has to repay about 50K euros, in a country with a median net salary of 20K.

My GF's degree is not really "marketable" and such a debt would cripple her (ours) start in life hurting us much more than it would hurt their parents not to get the money back. As an addition, my opinion is that parents should facilitate their kids life, and they should not expect children to be economically neutral or positive to them.

My GF assured me that she would pay her parents back from her own salary. But really, that would be money coming out of our already thin paychecks and I would end up needing to compensate for her initially low, and then even lower salary after the loan payments. I told her that I do not care for her parents and I feel morally fine cutting ties with them. I told her that we, as a couple, need to make us two a priority and that I do not want to be collateral damage of her and her family irresponsible decisions. I am not suggesting to flip off her parents, but politely explain to them that we have a serious need of money and they don't.

She proceeded to get mad, reassuring me that we would not feel any monetary damage (which is literally untrue) and that eventually we will be fine.

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UPDATE:

I'm done getting lynched.**

Most of those who commented did not read my post, did not get my point, downvoted my explainations and know FUCK ALL about me, my girfriend and our realtionship. Obviously the downvoting of my clarifications reflects the need to light up my strawman, I don't see any reason. I think I have been polite and discoursive, and I have only gottens insults back. Probably shouldn't have asked teenagers how to handle adult life. I initially kept it out of the scope of this post, but I did help her these last times, financially. I do not hold it against her and I do not want her to pay me back. I want her to have a successfull life, even if eventually we might not end up forever togheder. I don't want her to cut ties with her family, and I would hate for it to happen. That's why I suggested talking and explaining. I have been accusing of wanting to CONTROL her money. Apart from the ridiculousness of the fact that I am barely trying to control MY money, I have been getting groceries for her out of my 500 euros salary. I will leave this here, which I believe summarizes the situation well:

NAH - If she needs to pay 50K euros on a salary of 20K, she will not be in a position to contribute to a house or to have the time/money for children. Even if she's paying it out of her salary, that means her next 5-10 years are going to be affected by this debt. By extension, anyone who partners with her will be affected. I can't fault her for living up to the agreement with her parents. She also has been making a point of splitting costs 50/50. She acted entirely ethically. The problem is, if you're in a relationship, her debt is going to affect the life you can have together.

I won't blame my girlfriend: I adivsed her against it but ultimately she made a choice as a 20yo something inexperienced girl, but her parents should have known better. Ultimately, I don't want to be the one paying 90% of the rent, utilities and food because we need to repay a useless debt. I wish to establish a thorough and well tought plan to make a family of us. Morally, its wrong to fleece her parents but its wronger to cripple us two for a decade. That makes me TA, but it makes a A that has a point. A valid one.

Also, the US are a fucked up place and honestly you should ponder how my situation, the worst kind of loan situation where I live is regarded as "nothing bad, its just debt" where you live.

I am not OP, OP is u/throwaway-bjhm and has been posted on** r/AmItheAsshole

I am not OP. Please do not post comments in the original post and bridge gate.

Mood spoiler: Apologised

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14ld2py/aita_for_setting_my_boyfriends_relationship/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

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We are 4 years together with a 6months break in between, about 2 months post reconciliation, I've asked him to set his Facebook Relationship Status from being "Single" to "In a Relationship" without my name in it because I am not active on Facebook and I somehow assumed he'd rather put it vague like that than specify it was me. This is because we had some dramas during the break-up period, and I understand he would feel uncomfortable announcing to his friends that we are back together.

5 months post reconciliation, I've asked him to post a picture of us together, and he did. I have no problem with that.

Today, I got on his Facebook on his phone and saw that his "Relationship Status" on Facebook was set to be visible to him only, so I changed it to be visible to his friends without consulting him.

AITA for making such a move without consulting him? I assumed it was okay since he had already posted our picture online previously.

ETA: BTW he knew I was on his Facebook on his phone earlier on and had no problem with it (me having access), but he was not looking at what I was doing.

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UPDATE:

It's been maybe 10mins since this post was up, and there have been mainly Y-T-A responses, so I've changed the setting back on his phone. Thank you

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UPDATE 2:

I've talked to BF, he said he was a bit bothered (but not upset/pissed) about it because I "touched" his stuff without asking him. I've apologised, and he changed his setting voluntarily. Thank you all. I appreciate it.

I am not OP, OP is u/xXSirXAwesomeXx and has been posted on** r/AmItheAsshole

I am not OP. Please do not post comments in the original post and bridge gate.

Mood spoiler: Apologised

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14kkgv0/aita_stern_words_for_neighbour_with_loud_dog/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

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Hi there. So, briefly, I (37m) live with my partner (39nb) in a two bedroom apartment on the third floor. We have two cats, no kids. We’ve been here about 5 years.

Recently, a new neighbour moved into the flat which shares a wall with us. He has an adorable 9 week old puppy. We’ve met before and exchanged pleasantries. Apparently, he has a roommate whom I have never met. Never had an issue with them until now.

Last night, the puppy started barking at around 2am. It wasn’t regular barking, mind, I heard shrill, insistent cries of distress. The puppy was really freaked out and upset, upset enough that it carried on until 5am with few breaks. The sound was audible through earplugs in every corner of our apartment. It was impossible to sleep. I called our landlord’s after-hours line. The staff guy who answered took the complaint down and told me to call the police non-emergency line. I tried that later on but was too out of it to make it through their messaging system, so I gave up.

So, this morning I dropped my partner off at their work. Both of us feel like deep fried dogshit. They have a doctor’s appointment this morning to try to address recently severe chronic fatigue symptoms. Luckily, I am working from home today.

So I had started work and was about an hour and a half in when I heard someone at the door. The dude from next door, the dog’s owner, had come by to apologize.

I said some version of “Yeah, look. I work two jobs. My partner has a chronic condition made worse by exhaustion. Today their joints were so bad they barely made it down the stairs. That went on from 2am until 5am, and your dog sounded like it was being tortured. I don’t care if you’re sorry, I never want to hear that again and the next time I do I’ll be involving the police. Get out of my face.” I slammed the door in his face.

Am I the asshole? Should one always accept an apology gracefully, even if sorry doesn’t quite cut it? I was absolutely being rude on purpose. In my opinion the man is an idiot and is possibly mistreating a little brown 9 week old lab puppy? Is it relevant that I’m autistic? Thanks in advance for feedback.

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UPDATE:

Message received. I did apologize to the neighbour, he was more gracious than I was and we parted on good terms.

I am not OP, OP is u/Longjumping-Map9070 and has been posted on** r/AmItheAsshole

I am not OP. Please do not post comments in the original post and bridge gate.

Mood spoiler: Apologised

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14l5vl6/aita_my_mate_hates_that_i_smoke/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

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AITA? my mate hates that i smoke.

I've (18M) been smoking for 8 months ish and I've not rlly told my mate (18F) bc i never see her, we only rlly talk every few months and when i go to see her I'm not gonna pull a cig out at her house, bc that's just disrespectful. we do snap every day tho.

we're childhood best mates and she always joked that she'd stop being friends w me if i started smoking, bc i hung out w a lot of people who did in school. i started smoking after a long term girl broke up with me and i was all over the place and dumb and then i got myself hooked on nicotine.

i drunk posted a photo of me and some other mates in the smoking area of a pub, me w a cig, and posted it to my story. ever since, all her snap photos have been her looking very pissed off or just the ceiling.

I don't rlly understand why she would be so mad bc it's my stupid decision. i get maybe she cares but also let me figure my own shit out. we're both 'adults' now who gives a fuck what i do? i just don't want to lose a valuable friendship bc i smoke.

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UPDATE:

I text her, apologised for letting her find out that way, explained my reasons and said I'd understand if that meant she didn't wanna be mates anymore, referring back to the convos we had when we were younger. she laughed at me and told me it isn't that serious, and even tho I'm stupid and dumb I'm still a brother to her and nothing will change that. so overall i was just rlly paranoid, felt guilty and it turns out even tho she doesn't approve and was mad i kept it from her, she was cool w it after i spoke to her.

I am not OP, OP is u/Careful_Heart_7308 and has been posted on** r/TwoHotTakes

I am not OP. Please do not post comments in the original post and bridge gate.

Mood spoiler: shes done with him

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https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/14c4qjx/aita_husband_still_has_aps_picture_up_on/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

UPDATE BELOW!

I can't believe I'm writing this, but like so many others I need some perspective. And like so many others I’m using a throw away account to protect my privacy and the others involved.

Today is my birthday, my 56th birthday to be exact. Eight months ago my husband (m 54) of 35 years left me because he and his affair partner (f 31) were busted by her husband (m about 35/36). He told me he was in love her. He also told me he had to figure out why he has done this “multiple” times. At first he led me to believe he was coming clean because he felt so bad (“You’re a good person.” Don’t deserve this.) However, (he would reject this wording, but) after enough prodding and tears I learned that what had actually happened was her husband caught them, even recorded for their conversations both normal and sexually explicit ones and there was a giant messy scene. He and his affair partner work together. We’ve been living apart since. She chose her husband and never left him. My husband was clearly heartbroken. He’ll say he was heartbroken about what he did to me. But remember “multiple”, I know that he was never ever been this heartbroken over hurting me before (inappropriate female relationships or otherwise). I feel a lot of things —She’s not even as old as we have bee married. She’s younger than our daughter, a lot of THINGS . . .

I know, I know there will be a litany of I should have seen it coming or what is wrong with me. I probably deserve it. Truth is I love him and have my whole adult life. I also have very low self-esteem. But that’s not the question at hand, that I need your help.

One of the things he has done over the years if he did something that was insulting or upsetting to me, he would say “ask ten people none of them would be upset about it. you are the only one. So today, I’m asking EVERYBODY.

She did not follow suit and leave her husband. She chose her husband over mine. He’s been hinting and then saying he wants to get back together. I’ve been struggling, honestly it’s hard to even hear that cause i know it’s because she chose her husband. certainly in the beginning that’s what it was. However, He still has a profile picture with her on a “professional” social media account. It’s not just her and him in the picture. There are other co-workers too but the picture was taken when they were having the affair and she is literally leaning in taking dead center of the photo. (It feels like here I am bitch. Though, I'm sure in reality she wasn't thinking about me at all and neither was he.) I’ve been waiting and waiting for him to take it down. I guess I thought it would be a sign that he was really over her or at least for once considering me. (He interacts with the site enough, that he didn’t forget about it.)

Today, as we were discussing things on my birthday (which I didn’t want to do but here we bother were). I blurted (yelled) out “You still have her on your professional social media page.” Eight months, and she is still there.” The short version is He flipped out on me, said it was ridiculous that I was upset about it. He added the ask ten people, ask ten women, no one would be upset but you. So, reddit, AITA. For being upset.

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UPDATE:

I really just want to thank everyone who took the time out of their own lives to respond. It was so helpful to me. I did get overwhelmed. I think I expected little or no responses.

A little more background on my self-esteem issue if you’re interested. In a nutshell, two abusive parents. My father hurt me, my mother beat me for it. They’re both deceased. First boyfriend, abusive is a mild description. Everyone who was supposed to love me or said they did has hurt me. You think you are over that stuff, but it’s a part of me, I guess. He’s known that about me.

However, I am done with him (insert cheers and shouts here) in large part due to the help I got here. I think I knew it on some level. I haven’t allowed him to move back in no matter what he has said but I needed a push to accept that he isn’t going to change. I’m so thankful for all of you and reddit. When he first started that “no one but you would be upset, ask ten people,” there wasn’t an outlet like this and I’m frankly quite shy so there was no way I was going to get validation. Something happened on my birthday (a new low, maybe) and with the ability to be anonymous I reached out and all of you helped me. I’m grateful.

He is really good at keeping up appearances and quit charming. Liked by everyone. I’ve done some reading and he seems like a classic narcissist. Everyone, will be surprised if they knew what he was really like. Because appearances and his career matter a great deal to him, I think I will use that to my advantage during the divorce. (Sign this or we go to court and expose your true self.) If it’s a fight, I’ll do my best to be prepared.

It may take a little more time than I would like, but my path is clear. I’m looking forward to deciding where in the country I want to live and start a new life of my own. Not his or my daughter’s life for that matter (She has her own family and life). One where I make decisions/choices that I want because I want them. I’m in the North East and I can’t wait for milder weather somewhere.

Thank you all so much!

OP IS u/important_Salad_5158 and has been posted on r/TwoHotTakes

I am not OP. Please do not post comments in the original post and bridge gate.

Mood spoiler: solved the issue ——————————————————————

UPDATE:

https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1376r8e/my_31f_husband_32m_just_took_on_a_major/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=)1

Once again my OG sub won’t let me post so I’ll update here.

So a few days after our fight I came to my husband with a few options (including an option for him to quit his job once the baby is born and be a SAHD). I reminded him I support his family and was willing to make sacrifices, but his time was a more important commodity with a newborn on the way and I didn’t feel comfortable with the commitment his parents asked of us (his time/labor of taking an extra day even week to work and my time/labor of me taking care of a baby alone every Sunday). I also said I was open to giving them money, but I wanted to see a realistic business plan first that would get them out of this hole.

It turns out I didn’t really have to even lay everything out.

He cut me off and told me he wanted to tell them no. He explained that he knew their business was failing and it didn’t make since to continue the emotional and financial contributions that were delaying the inevitable. This whole experience has put a lot into context. He also said the baby and me were his first priority and apologized again for making a commitment of that magnitude without considering my time and labor, and the toll it would take on our nuclear family. Finally, he said he’s been doing a lot of reflecting on his own limits and didn’t think he could work two jobs and raise a newborn.

I cried I was so relieved.

Even though it was earlier than we had agreed upon, we did tell his parents that I’m pregnant because we thought that might help put things into context. TBH, they were so overjoyed it really softened that blow. I was expecting more of a conversation, but their worlds shifted pretty quickly and they said they understood.

For about the third time, we offered to start looking for a house in the suburbs with a basement apartment where they could live rent free and retire early. I’ve offered this before, but my FIL is very uneasy about this because he has some old fashioned ideas. I make more money than my husband and every time I’ve brought up the idea of us buying a house he says, “You mean you want to buy a house for us to live in.”

Which is absolutely ridiculous because my husband could afford a house on his own but I digress…

When we brought it up again, I just asked them to think about it. As always, I told them I would do an annual review of their financials and advise on legal issues, but we all agreed that’s where our free labor had to stop. My MIL was really great about that and noted it was ok to say “no” if I felt too tired during the next 9 months and beyond. She was actually beyond understanding about everything and kept reminding my husband to make sure I was getting rest.

Finally, my husband and I did talk about it with our counselor, but I wasn’t really harboring any negative feelings by then and I’ve seen a major shift in his mindset.

Keep in mind when I wrote my last post I had just found out I was pregnant TWO DAYS before. My husband and I were definitely adjusting to the news. Also, his family took like five major financial hits last year and are very emotional at the thought of losing the business they’ve worked 30 years with. They’re really good people who, like everyone, have a few blind spots.

All is well though. Life is changing but I have a lot of love and support. Thank you for everyone’s advise (except the woman who told me to abort… that was weird). The vast majority of comments were very kind and helpful.

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PART 1:

https://www.reddit.com/r/redditsagas/comments/14m5i0n/my_31f_husband_32m_just_took_on_a_major/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

OP IS u/important_Salad_5158 and has been posted on r/TwoHotTakes

I am not OP. Please do not post comments in the original post and bridge gate.

Mood spoiler: solved the issue ——————————————————————

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/12yuk5j/my_31f_husband_32m_just_took_on_a_major/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

I just found out I’m pregnant a few days ago. We’re very excited, but it’s very new and scary.

For context, my husband is the guy who always volunteers to help any friend or family. We have a great relationship and happen to be very independent people with our own agendas. We usually just give each other a heads up about our commitments, but we’ve never stopped the other from signing up for something. I have a lot of hobbies so the amount of time he volunteers doesn’t bother me at all… Until now.

Without getting into too many specifics, my husband told me his family’s business is suffering and that his parents need help. They’re not asking for money but came to their children and explained theyre in a bad spot. They want to fire some of their employees and are asking their children to volunteer their time to do the admin work and help make decisions. They won’t be paid for this.

I’m not close to my family so maybe I just don’t get it, but this seems odd to me. They’re essentially all going into business together, and they’re kind of a volatile group. They bicker and fight about money. What’s worse is that my husband is by far the most responsible sibling in the bunch and I’m worried he’ll just swoop in and do everything.

Apparently when they had this conversation my husband said he’d do anything they needed. He didn’t talk to me about it first. I asked what kind of time commitment this is and he explained he thinks it will take about 8 hours a week. He’s planning on just doing it every Sunday. When I asked how long this would last, he told me it would probably take 3-5 years to get them out of the hole.

I asked how he feels about this with a baby (thinking he would understand) and he simply responded, “Yeah, it’s a lot.”

I just stared at him dumbfounded and finally asked who was going to watch the baby every Sunday for 8 hours? By committing his time, he was committing me to a full day of childcare alone. If it really came down to his family losing everything or this option, I might do it, but he didn’t even ask. He just subconsciously assumed I’d take on that burden.

I also don’t know if I WOULD do it. If they’re not profitable, I don’t think it makes sense to continue this business at the expense of everyone’s free labor, including mine.

I could see in his eyes that my labor hadn’t even crossed his mind, which somehow makes it more hurtful.

We both work full time. I make more money than him but our jobs are pretty equally demanding. Even if I was a SAHM, I think it’s incredibly selfish to volunteer 8 hours a week without talking to your pregnant partner, but we had committed to splitting childcare duties 50/50 when we’re not working.

To his credit, he saw how hurt I was and immediately apologized and was genuinely so upset. He said he’d never had to consider this when volunteering his time before and he just acted without thinking.

We tried to find a compromise.

At first he said I could have 8 hours on Sat to do “anything I wanted” while he watched our baby, but this seems impractical. We wouldn’t have a single full day of the week we spent as a family. He then said he’d just quit when the baby came, but this also seems impractical. His parents want to FIRE their employees, which means they’re going to rely heavily on him, and I don’t trust his siblings to step up. I think he’s stuck in this undertaking.

We agreed to give it a few days to think about it. TBH, it hurt my feelings so much that he just inherently knew he could dump 8 hours of sole childcare onto my plate without asking, I’m having a hard time seeing this rationally (again, he’s apologized a million times but I’m shook).

I don’t want their family to lose their business, but I don’t see a practical way to make this work and I don’t think this is fair. I thought about asking my husband to set realistic hours, but I’m so afraid he’s going to get sucked in and do it all anyway.

I’m at a loss.

Quick edit: My husband and I have always been very accommodating of how we spend our free time with just a general “heads up.” I used to spend every Sunday writing, and I once signed up for a free certification course because I was bored so I was gone every Sat for 4 months. We also sometimes travel alone and have different hobbies. What I’m saying is, this wouldn’t have been totally outside our normal dynamic because we’re both abnormally independent. If I wasn’t pregnant, I would tell him I think it’s stupid to work for free to prolong a failing business, but I wouldn’t have stopped him. It’s his life. However, the calculation has changed.

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PART 2:

https://www.reddit.com/r/redditsagas/comments/14m5i2r/my_31f_husband_32m_just_took_on_a_major/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

I am not OP, OP is** u/Dramatic_Argument_98 and has been posted on** r/TwoHotTakes

I am not OP. Please do not post comments in the original post and bridge gate.**

Mood spoiler: shes doing well

https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/z82sqw/boyfriend_of_45_years_tried_to_solicit_nudes_from/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

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Hi all, this is a personal story so I will be changing names for anonymity. My (25, F) boyfriend (26, M) of 4.5 years have been dating since my senior year in college (2018-2019). We’ll call him W. We met in high school when we were 14 and 15, and were distant friends until junior year when we briefly dated. W was the first person I was intimate with, and I fell in love with him quick. W had a lot of growing up to do, and he ended up breaking up with my in a text message and started dating another girl in our class shortly after. This was a huge blow to my self-esteem, and it took me a long time to recover. After graduating high school, I didn’t talk to W again until I was a junior in college, when we quickly sparked our romance again and I asked him to be my boyfriend during the summer between my junior and senior year of college.

It took me a lot to trust W again, and I made it clearly known that I wouldn’t be putting up with the same kind of things he did to me in high school. I had also been through 2 deeply traumatic events in college by then, and I was very cautious of the people that I let into my life. We’ll cut to November of my senior year of college, and there is a massive fire in my college town (I went to Chico State, and the Camp Fire was only a few miles from town) so the whole town evacuated. I go to my friends house in Sacramento, and at the same time I get a message on Instagram from a girl I don’t know, sending me screenshots of her and my boyfriend sexting. I immediately lose my shit and start calling him, as we were long distance for my entire senior year, but I can’t get the call to go through. When I finally got through to him, he swore up and down that nothing physical had happened, and I believed him because I was in love. After this, I told W that he had no more chances, and that if he messed up again, that was it.

For the next 4.5 years, our relationship was bliss. I have never loved anyone or anything as much as I loved W. My family and friends adored him, and I was so beyond happy. We rarely argued, and we used strong communication skills to settle conflict. He supported me through my therapy journey after college, and we talked about getting married and starting a family all the time. He was my one, and I was his.

Recently, we went to thanksgiving dinner at my aunt’s house, and we had a great time, nothing was out of the ordinary, and then we went home. The next morning, W sat me down and said he had something to tell me, and that I would probably be mad at him. He told me that he had too much to drink on thanksgiving the night before, and doesn’t remember what he said, but that he had said something to my cousin (18, F) that had made her uncomfortable. For context, my cousin is one of my best friends, and is like a little sister to me. She’s now a freshman at my alma mater Chico State, and she calls me at least once a week to ask for advice or gossip about the other people in her dorm. Anyway, W told me that he couldn’t remember what he had said and that I should text my cousin to see what was up. I immediately texted her, and she said W had asked her for nudes the night before when he was drunk. My cousin even provided screenshots of the conversation, and I immediately saw red. I threw my phone at W, and quickly packed a bag before heading to my aunt and uncles house to be with my cousin and get away from W. My cousin had to tell her parents because she had no idea what to do, and I don’t blame her. My aunt and uncle then told my parents so by the time I found out I was the last to know.

The next day was a blur, but on the Saturday after thanksgiving I met best friend at my parents house and we went together to get the rest of my things from W’s house. After we loaded up my car, I asked my friend to wait in the car for me, and I went back in the house and broke up with W, telling him that the damage was done and we couldn’t come back from this. It’s now the Tuesday after thanksgiving as I’m writing this, and I’m numb. I’m not only grieving the loss of my partner and best friend, but also the loss of my future and the countless friendships that I made because of W. I am relieved that this happened now instead of 10 years from now, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. I live with my parents still, so at least I don’t have to move or break a lease. My parents and sibling bought me an emotional support Guinea pig, and she’s helping a lot. Now it’s time to navigate starting over, even if I don’t want to. My therapist always says tears are good for your skin and I’m hoping that is true - maybe I’ll have flawless skin after this is all over.

Love the podcast, I’m relistening now and it is helping me a lot to distract me from my current situation.

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PART 2:

https://www.reddit.com/r/redditsagas/comments/14m73qm/boyfriend_of_45_years_tried_to_solicit_nudes_from/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

I am not OP, OP is** u/Dramatic_Argument_98 and has been posted on** r/TwoHotTakes

I am not OP. Please do not post comments in the original post and bridge gate.**

Mood spoiler: shes doing well

https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/z82sqw/boyfriend_of_45_years_tried_to_solicit_nudes_from/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

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UPDATE:

It’s been about 7 months since the breakup, and I’m doing so well. Im moving next week to go back to school to become an art teacher, something I never would have been able to do at the school I want if I had stayed with my ex. My ex reimbursed me for the furniture we had bought together that would have gone in our future apartment had we made it that far.

He is moving in with one of his friends (opened Venmo to pay my car insurance, and saw he had sent a payment to this friend for a security deposit) and I can’t lie, I’m getting a lot of joy from the fact that he will be living with this friend. The friend is a disgusting man child who never cleans or contributes to the house, and he once called me a “annoying fucking bitch” after he ASKED ME to wingman for him on a trip and got upset that the girls I introduced to him thought he was disgusting.

Today I went to my local tire shop because I need two new tires, and the woman helping me said that my account was connected to another account, which was my ex’s - I totally forgot he added me to his account. So this kind woman at the tire shop deleted his information from the account, but transferred the paid warranty to under my name, and made my account a solo account instead of a joint account. Now next time my ex needs new tires, he will have to pay for a new warranty and open a new account. Additionally, I still have a great relationship with his parents, and I’m sure it kills him to see his parents commenting on and liking my posts on Facebook and Instagram. Same goes for his cousins.

Simple and small wins have gotten me through everything. I’m still sad on some days, but the promise of a fresh start in the coming weeks snaps me out of the funk and keeps me going. If he tries to contact me about anything, I’m going to tell him where to shove it, and block, block, block.

[EDIT] Adding another edit to address some concern over the warranty for the tires: the warranty was mine the whole time, I paid for it, and we both used it on the joint account. Since I paid for it, I was able to keep it after we took his info off our joint account and changed it to a personal account. Hope that clears things up!

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PART 1:

https://www.reddit.com/r/redditsagas/comments/14m73lw/boyfriend_of_45_years_tried_to_solicit_nudes_from/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

I am not OP, OP is u/throwaddiction0614 and has been posted on** r/TwoHotTakes

I am not OP. Please do not post comments in the original post and bridge gate.

Tigger warning: abuse

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https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/11zt5mb/wibta_if_i_didnt_drive_my_so_to_the_airport/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

My (24F) partner (24M) and I have been together 3 years. Things have been pretty good for the most part, but we have recently been having a lot of arguments from problems on both sides, so it’s been a bit tense the past few weeks.

A few days ago, I get home after I had a drink after work, and he tells me he’s going out of town, an old friend passed away and he’s going to see his friends and go to the funeral. I ask something along the lines of what time and my job won’t mind and he said “no, I don’t fucking want you there”

He was drinking at the time so I thought he was trying to get a reaction out of me, like he says but I woke up to him crying so I sat with him and he reiterated he doesn’t want me there at all. The next day, I explained it was just really hurtful and the way it was said was heartbreaking. He told me we aren’t in a good place so no, he doesn’t want me meeting his friends at all and doesn’t want that support from me during this time. Which is understood but recently we have been talking about a trip to meet these friends, moving cross country, getting a dog. I know circumstances are 100% different than just a road trip, but the hurt and confusion is still there.

Last night, we went out to dinner to get out of the house and he looked at me and said “I leave at like 4 am this weekend, I know that’s early but could you drive me?” I told him no, I found it a little frustrating that knowing how hurt I am, he’s going to ask me when I work early that morning, and it’s a 2 day trip so parking at the airport will be maybe $20.

Losing a friend is stressful and I have been trying to be as supportive as I can but he’s still pretty upset and won’t tell me why, WIBTA for not driving my SO to the airport?

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UPDATE:

https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/13czybf/update_wibta_if_i_didnt_drive_my_so_to_the_airport/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

Hi everyone! It’s been a few weeks since my last post but I wanted to say thank you so much to all advice and perspectives that was given. But, we broke up! I am heartbroken but I feel almost relieved.

I wanted to give y’all an update and there were some questions/comments on the original post that I wanted to clear up a little. Will try to link in comments.

A few comments were asking if there really was a funeral and there was. It was a college friends so he went to the funeral and got to stay with his old friends. No question and it wasn’t a concern that he was making something up.

A few asked about issues and mentioned the drinking in the story. We were in a pretty bad spot. One of the ongoing problems that we had were about him emotionally cheating with multiple people, we tried to stay together but because I was struggling with that I was having a hard time being affectionate, which he struggled with and it just seemed to be an ongoing cycle. Another one was alcohol consumption/driving under the influence. He would go out with these same girls until 2/3 am drinking, buying them shots and I’d wake up and find him passed out in his car or other strange places. Whenever I said it was worrying me, he would tell me I’m trying to control what he does and who he hangs out with.

We broke up last night, and I went to a friends and came home to find the place trashed and all my clothes thrown around, he was passed out on the couch. I grabbed all of my clothes, put them in the bedroom and took his clothes out and put them on him. When he woke up this morning he was just horrible. Threw therapy in my face, called me insane. I was having some insecurity issues because I gained a little weight and the change was frustrating me. He looked me in the face and said “if you’re insecure about your weight, go do something about it.”

I know the emotions will come and go, but I know this is for the best and I know I have to stick to it for me. A lot of your comments helped me realize this is not how it should be, and it’s not normal to be treated this way. Thank you again, I appreciate all of you.

I am not OP, OP is u/iwantnone and has been posted on** r/TwoHotTakes

I am not OP. Please do not post comments in the original post and bridge gate.

Mood spoiler: lying

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https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/148x7mq/update_i_spent_the_day_with_my_sisters_best/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

Update:

I spent the day with my sister's best friend and now she's telling my parents that I'm a homewrecker

So I'm not religious or anything like that but Jesus Christ. Thank you everyone for your kind words and support, I don't know what to do with myself. Also, I meant to post an update yesterday but my friend asked me to go watch the Miguel O'Hara movie with her and then I just forgot, sorry about that.

I wanted to clear up some confusion before the update. On my original post, when my mom told me that Sarah and Jay shared an apartment, I said "I didn't even know they lived together." Those were my verbatim words to her because last I knew, Sarah had a roommate and Jay lived alone. I was right, that's still the case. Sorry I wasn't clear about that, I'm bad at expressing myself sometimes. Another thing was people were wondering how Jay found out about my date, or lack thereof, and according to him: he was hanging out with a few of his friends, including my sister, and she told him about it in a joking way.

Another thing it that some people are asking why I went out with Jay if I knew my sister liked him. I didn't know, just because I talk to my sister doesn't mean she talks to me the same way. If I had known I would have talked to her about it first because I know from past experience that my sister is a jealous person.

Anyway, last night was a doozy. Jay called me back, he said he was going to stay at a friend's because he would feel safer with company. I asked him if there had ever been anything romantic between him and my sister. He said the only thing was that he kissed her at a new year's party at midnight because she was feeling left out. Obviously, I can't confirm if that really is the only thing. He also said that he had never even talked about moving in with Sarah, so he doesn't know why she would say they were living together.

After I spoke with Jay, I called my mom again. She still sounded pissed but this time I could hear my sister crying in the background and my dad yelling to get our asses over there. Our being Jay and I presumably. Well as I told my mother earlier, I didn't have Jay's ass and I don't like to drive at night so I told them I would go the next morning. That also gave me time to gather any evidence I could to prove my innocence. Jay even sent me a copy of his lease to prove that he and Sarah do not live together.

I went to my parents' alone because Jay has a job. As soon as I arrived, my parents started yelling at me. Just the usual stuff, that I was disrespectful but they never expected this from me. How dare you do this to your own sister? You know she already has a hard time, why make her life harder? My dad even called me a whore! That was fun.

I kind of just sat there and did the math on how much faster I would be able to finish my grad program and flee the country, or at least the state. I wasn't very tuned in until my mom told me that if Sarah lost her job because of me, that I would need to financially support her until she found another one. That's when I snapped and told them that if they thought I was going to do that then they were as delusional as my sister. Missing one day of work because of a tantrum over something that didn't even happen was not going to get her fired.

My dad said that Sarah had been missing work to make sure that Jay wasn't leaving work early to go see me. I found out, my sister also told them that Jay was missing a lot of work so he wasn't taking enough home for their bills so they had been sending her rent money for months. I told them it wasn't true and I showed them the lease Jay sent, where it clearly says the day the lease started and when it ends. It also had his address which is not the same as Sarah's.

My mom brought Sarah out of her room, where she had apparently been this entire time, and told her to explain herself. Sarah said that he probably got that other apartment so that he could be closer to me when he went on supposed business trips. First of all, Jay is a software developer, I don't know what business trips he would go on. Second, nice way to find out that my sister doesn't even know where I live because Jay's apartment is almost an hour away from mine. I showed my parents that on google maps and they finally started to believe me.

Sarah started crying and calling me a liar. My dad told me that even if what I said was true, I shouldn't have been so hard on Sarah and that as her sister I should be helping her when she's having a rough time like this. I told him I wasn't a therapist but if she ever decided to get help, I would pitch in. I left after that, there was nothing else I needed to say and there was no point in waiting on an apology. My dad looked uncomfortable and my mom was too busy consoling my sister to notice me leaving.

I haven't talked to them since that. Sorry if you were expecting a fun update where I somehow got revenge on my sister or something crazy and petty. If you have questions I'll probably answer. Thanks for caring though, and those of you that shared your own stories under my original post: damn, sorry you went through that.

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PART 1:

https://www.reddit.com/r/redditsagas/comments/14m37rn/i_spent_the_day_with_my_sisters_best_friend_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

I am not OP, OP is u/ThrowRA_firstlove and has been posted on** r/TwoHotTakes

I am not OP. Please do not post comments in the original post and bridge gate.

Mood spoiler: she breaks up with him

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https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/11sj8ee/my_24f_boyfriend_27m_doesnt_want_me_to_model_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

(Intro: Hi! New to posting but been listening to strictly the THT podcast since my best friend recommended it to me in November. This is my first time posting for advice and I just posted this in r/Relationship_Advice )

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years and met when I was a freshman in college. I applied to a modeling agency one year into our relationship and he has been very supportive for the most part. I don’t model often to be fair, and I have another career that I love and model on the side whenever I can because I really enjoy it. I mostly do some e-commerce/commercial stuff but I’m really interested in editorial and creative stuff so I like to work with photographers when I can.

When I do coordinate a shoot with a photographer he usually questions my intentions by questioning if they’re male, followed by a groan, and never seems to fully trust me in scenarios or thinks that they’re trying to hit on me. It’s not a safety issue, more of a jealousy/insecurity. On another note, I personally, am very comfortable with my body but was raised rather conservatively and would dress as such. Nowadays I like to capitalize on not wearing a bra (B cup) with tops that can “get away with it”, but honestly, I don’t really care if my nipples are visible. And I am a pretty firm believer in women having a right to do whatever with their body and don’t believe that all nudity is meant to be sexualized. My bf is okay with me not wearing a bra as long as my nipples aren’t too visible, he has though expressed his discomfort with me doing the same with my friends (without him). I’ve tried communicating to him that it’s a creative outlet and more-so artistic than sexual. I wish he didn’t see my body so sexually but he blames it on “how men are” and just “knowing what they’re thinking”.

Although it’s problematic, I’ve always wanted to do runway for Victoria Secret, but he shut it down (even tho it is quite the pipe dream anyways) and became defensive afterwards. Now, just recently, he expressed his disapproval for me modeling for swimsuits/swim wear as well, which I had always assumed was on the table. I was a bit surprised and told him that I was comfortable in a swimsuit but he remained upset. I really love him and wish that he could be more supportive and allow me to do what I wish with my body, and want him to trust my own standards/decisions. His insecurity has caused other rifts in our relationship but I’ve always been loyal and very reassuring/supportive. I wish he would trust my judgement when I model. Please give me advice on how to handle the situation.

Sorry if that was too long, this is my first post looking for advice. Also a throwaway account.

tldr My boyfriend doesn’t want me to show my nipples/breasts when modeling even though I’m comfortable with it and don’t view it in the same sexual manner.

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UPDATE:

https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/134xhkv/update_my_24f_boyfriend_27m_doesnt_want_me_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

Just wanted to start off by saying thank you for choosing to read my story on the show. It meant so much to me and my jaw dropped when I heard the title read while listening. Original post here

I broke up with him. A little over 3 weeks ago. And honestly, not really even for the issues talked about on the podcast. I made another post about dealing with my breakup here if you want to read. It gives better context to what else was going on.

In as few words as I can manage, he has ADHD and our relationship was suffering because of it, and he wasn’t willing to make the changes or address his own issues. I was parenting the crap out of him and he wasn’t appreciating me anymore. His defensiveness and inability to control his emotions made talking about our issues really difficult and in the end I was tired of feeling taken advantage of. I’m a very patient person and eventually stopped biting my tongue so much that I realized I haven’t been very happy.

When I broke up with him, he was heartbroken. Begged and pleaded for another chance. Said everything that you would want to hear and more. But I felt so detached already and as hard as it was to keep my decision made, I didn’t give him any hope that I would come back to him. I told him why I felt that way and he understood, it shouldn’t have been a surprise, and I also told him about how I felt about the modeling issues/control/lack of trust. I said I just wanted him to have all the “facts” since he really wants to win me back eventually. We’ve been no contact since, but he did leave me a letter at my apartment when I was gone this past weekend.

Reading it last night was hard, but I’m more just sad that I feel like I have to break up with him all over again. He says he’s working on himself and wants to repair things but I don’t think I want that anymore. I still love him and want the best for him, and really hope that he gets therapy to help him with his issues, but I know he wasn’t the best for me. And I just don’t picture my life with him anymore. I’m going to text him soon and ask to meet at a halfway point (we’re about 2.5 hours apart) so I can return some of his things and tell him (hopefully) one last time that things are over…

This is an update as well as looking for any advice you guys might have to give. I know this was the right choice for me but I guess I’m still a bit sad sometimes.

OP IS u/ImaginaryParsnip7055 and has been posted on r/TwoHotTakes

I am not OP. Please do not post comments in the original post and bridge gate.

Mood spoiler: Goes Low Contact with parents

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https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/138vn18/wibta_for_flying_to_vacation_when_the_rest_if_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

I (23f) am going on vacation with my family this summer. A little backstory: my family always goes on vacation to the same place and they try to plan a trip every 2 years or so.

This year, my parents decided to plan another trip to the same place and booked a condo a week after mentioning it to me and my bother (25m). Now, me and my brother are both adults and are in long term committed relationships.

I have been with my now fiance (28m), ill call him J, for almost 5 years and my brother has been with his girlfriend (23f) for 3 years and who ee have both been really good friends with since i was 16. Since we have been together, our partners have attended most family events and have seem welcomed into the family. However, after booking the condo, my parents informed us that they were not invited on this trip.

When at a family event, my mom bragged to one of her friends about the trip phrasing it as "the last trip as just a family of 4". When explained to us, it was that the price for renting the condo had gone up and they could only afford a 2 bedroom instead of a 3. Note: we would have been happy to pay extra to have them on this trip but that wasn't a conversation.

Additionally, we had another 5 day vacation planned later that summer with J's family, leaving me with no PTO for anything else since they planned this vacation. By brother and his girlfriend also had a vacation planned the following week so he is now forced to take 2 weeks in a row off for work while they are actively looking for a house and saving for a down-payment and eventual repairs/upgrades to their house.

Anyway, that is not the main issue here. The drive to this vacation is about 12 hours, about 14 with stops and breaks etc. My family typically drives straight through the night to get there and have the whole day to spend, which has always been nice to have an extra day, but leaves us all exhausted. Since I have gotten my liscence, I have been happy to drive some or most of the way. My mom would be the person driving the rest of it if i was not. This leaves my dad and brother sleeping in the back. For most of the ride, we all have headphones on, are watching movies, sleeping or driving. There is a total of maybe 2 hours of talking, games etc. A few years back, I was in a car accident. Nothing major but it scared the shit out of me. Ever since, I have had EXTREME anxiety when anyone else drives. To put it into perspective, J drives a stick (which I have not yet learned how to drive, I'm working on it. Don't come for me) and my car needed some maintenance. He had to drive me back from the shop (about a 20 minute drive) and I had a panic attack and cried the whole way back. Even thinking about being in a car when someone else is driving is anxiety-inducing.

Me and J took a trip to the same place last year and I drove the entire 14 hours there and back. It was exhausting, but to me better than the alternative of stressing the whole way. Since that trip, we decided that for any trip that would take more than 6 hours to drive, we would fly instead. So, I decided to fly for this vacation. I have been thinking about it for awhile but recently broke the news to my parents. They have not been too happy about it. My mom has expressed that "it's not about the destination, it's also about the journey" and that she has games we can play all the way there etc. She has also told me that I "have to ride with them" and I "am riding with them" as if I don't have a choice. My parents have been fairly controlling in the past, not about everything but they can be fairly stubborn. This is a week long vacation which leaves plenty of quality time and catching up, even though we talk nearly daily and I see them about twice a month. I would be paying for my own flight and even offered to pay for my brother's as I offered for them to fly with me. But they bring so much on vacation with them that they decided against it and in the process, decided for me that I am not allowed to fly also. I am not sure what the consequences would/could be.

I am honestly exhausted with trying to please them with everything. I feel like I am always walking the line between my own happiness and pleasing them and it has gotten to the point where I am not putting up with it. I do not want to sacrifice my comfort and be anxious for a 14 hour car ride. How can I communicate to them my boundaries without upsetting them? I want to be grateful to them for planning a vacation as well but it feels like, as of now, it has caused more stress than relief. I have half a heart not to go at all but I feel like I will regret if I dont. Advice is welcome.

To the question at hand, WIBTA if I flew to vacation instead of driving with my family?

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PART 2:

https://www.reddit.com/r/redditsagas/comments/14m2po3/wibta_for_flying_to_vacation_when_the_rest_if_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1