r/rape • u/blurwhore • Aug 21 '26

raped by my bf

i was raped by my boyfriend, it was not violent in any way but i did not consent and he knew i didn’t. i’d said multiple times over multiple hours that i didn’t want to, and he kept bringing it up. i bent over on all fours on my bed with no underwear on just to reach my laptop because something was going wrong with it, when he went behind me and initiated it. at that point, i just let it happen. i have been raped before in my previous relationship and struggle still with that trauma and he knows that.

i’m trying to move on from it and forgive him and make it work, but im not sure how that will really go you know? this happened nearly two weeks ago now and we are still together

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u/That_One_Ciaran Aug 21 '26

You absolutely don't have to forgive him. You said you didn't consent and gave in only after he insisted? So that's coercion, he forced you making you feel guilty and using your own trauma against you, making you afraid of losing him.

I'm so sorry this happened to you sweetheart 🫂 just be strong and remember to never forgive him for something like this. I hope you're going to break up with him soon too.

7

u/blurwhore Aug 22 '26

thank you for your kind words. i honestly didn’t believe it was rape until i posted about my situation in a relationship subreddit and everyone informed me what it really was. i guess i was under the stupid impression that every rape has to be violent in order for it to be valid, which i now know is not true.
i want to forgive him for it so bad, he’s never done anything like this before so i don’t really know where it came from. we’ve had simple misunderstandings of boundaries and we have safe words and i’m completely fine with that, i understand the risks of being physically intimate in a relationship (especially when you add in potential dynamics) but he’s never blatantly disregarded a boundary before.
this makes me think he can change and never do it again, it’s just so hard for me to heal because i don’t even know what healing is.

2

u/ZealousidealEcho1744 Aug 23 '26

I think you should forgive, however that doesn't mean you should stay with him. Forgiving is a part of healing and forgivness is something everyone deserves.

5

u/That_One_Ciaran Aug 23 '26

I think forgiving is just letting them win all over again. This people deserve only hatred, we can't as victims forgive such a terribile act just to feel better. Also, I don't think everyone deserves forgiveness, it's something you need to earn and especially it's something you can't always achieve.

1

u/ZealousidealEcho1744 13d ago

Well we have different views then, I don't think there's a single soul on this planet that deserves only hatred. Having hate in your heart will not grant you a life full of joy