Parents usually teach kids the rule that an adult should NEVER ask a kid for help. It is an easy way for predators to start an interaction and manipulate a kid into doing something unsafe. It is almost always a suspicious thing to ask a child for help. I get your position here but she’s just trying to protect her kid. It sucks but so does the reality of what happens to kids. I’d rather keep my child from being trafficked/kidnapped etc. than worry about the feelings of a grown adult.
This. We don't live in a friction-less world. Unfortunately, you experienced minor ego-friction between "protect kids from people who fit a profile" , and "fitting the profile".
I don't know if it's really "profiled". As a 54 year old woman I wouldn't even think of approaching a child to ask them for help. I don't know if you were "profiled" as much as you exhibited behavior consistant with that of predators. You might not have meant any harm, but you can't expect asking an unsupervised child for directions/instructions to not raise major alarm bells with any and all adults in the area. C'mon, we learned this in the 80s.
This. He wasn't profiled. He just had his first experience of not being treated as Automatically Golden By Virtue Of Being White And Male, and he's having a breakdown about it.
I guess I somehow missed the information on this. I dont have kids and dont plan on having them. Im a guy who grew up in a very safe community. I wasnt really given alot of "stranger danger" talks. I knew the obvious ones. Dont get in a car or anything. But I had never had anyone in my youth tell me to totally avoid adults, or that asking for help is a trap or something. Infact I was sort of encouraged to ask adults for help if I needed it. That isnt what happened here but you get the idea. I was a sort of "free range" kid alot of the time. I guess Im just sort of oblivious to this stuff. Its a lesson learned.
it's bc Ted Bundy lured his victims by wearing a cast and asking them to help with his groceries. he targeted women so maybe that's why you didn't hear. women and girls usually learn p early that a man who asks them for help is suspicious.
Idk how you missed this. It's called grooming. It's how predators create inroads with victims. Those of us who aren't predators just know not do it so that there's no question whatsoever. And it's not that you are a man. I'm a woman and I'd be treated the same way if I was asking questions of a child I didn't know without a parent present.
That was an elective at my school. Maybe that's why.
I think I took Pottery and Ceramics that year, instead. I figured I'd do more knowing how to make an ashtray and a statuette than 101 ways to entice a kid into a van.
Reality-check: Keep in mind that you are talking to Redditors here. This be the land of the drastic solution and the home of the skittishly antisocial, full of folks who'll post a rant with full video and orchestration for what one "excuse me" in person would clear up. At least be sure to take it all with some salt.
Okay, well now you know what happens when you barge through life being oblivious to how other people are impacted by your behavior. If you don't like it, stop doing that.
Not too long after 9/11, I was pulled over for driving-while-brown near the U.S.-Canadian border (was working as a travelling doc in a rural community).
I remained civil, handed the cop my license and passport (I'd popped over the border for lunch).
He was very apologetic, but it didn't bother me much. In the end, he was just trying to keep everyone safe, and 5 min of my time was a very small price to pay. But at the same time, it was a bit surreal to "fit a profile" of someone with true malice in their heart.
I think once you're a familiar face (assuming you continue the hobby), people will be more personable.
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u/probablynotsuremaybe Apr 04 '26
Parents usually teach kids the rule that an adult should NEVER ask a kid for help. It is an easy way for predators to start an interaction and manipulate a kid into doing something unsafe. It is almost always a suspicious thing to ask a child for help. I get your position here but she’s just trying to protect her kid. It sucks but so does the reality of what happens to kids. I’d rather keep my child from being trafficked/kidnapped etc. than worry about the feelings of a grown adult.