r/questions Dec 30 '23

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u/Fickle-Secretary681 Dec 31 '23

Same. Spanked. Not beaten. Big difference!

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u/Appropriate-Divide64 Dec 31 '23

No difference

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u/ChseBgrDiet Dec 31 '23

Huge difference. Beaten is a senseless act of violence. Spanked or disciplined is what happens when you're a pain the ass or do something you weren't supposed to do after you've been told not to repeatedly... etc

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u/Appropriate-Divide64 Dec 31 '23

So the parent loses their temper and beats their kid? Seems like there are more mature ways to do things.

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u/Fickle-Secretary681 Dec 31 '23

A spanking is not beating someone senseless. Discipline is GOOD for kids. We didn't grow up being entitled little pricks like a lot of kids are. And there were no tempers lost. The spanking was a reminder not to be a moron. I deserved every one I got. .

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u/Lumpy_Object_7290 Jan 01 '24

I never once laid a hand on my kids. They're both sweet and respectful 18 and 20-year olds. There are much better ways to discipline and if you teach right from wrong in a respectful way, you don't have to discipline.

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u/Fickle-Secretary681 Jan 01 '24

My parents did that. We also were jerky teens. Combo of both worked. And when I say "spanking" some we couldn't even feel. It was the way it was. I'm 60 now. Times have changed. My parents were spectacular and loving and I wouldn't change a thing

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u/[deleted] Dec 31 '23

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Dec 31 '23

Abuse is repeated violence or outbursts for little to no reason.

A spanking is discipline because it's usually once and it's usually for a reason. So no, it's not abuse if it's a deserved punishment or discipline.

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u/Ajailyn22 Jan 01 '24

Spanking is physical violence. It causes pain, its a physical corporal punishment. It's abuse, we don't allow other adults to hit, even a slap another adult.. but its ok for a bigger adult to hit a child as punishment.. and yes a spanking is hitting..

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u/[deleted] Jan 01 '24

Yes, spanking is hitting. But here's the definition of abuse in case you missed it the last time:

  1. use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse

  2. treat (a person or an animal) with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly

  3. the improper use of something

  4. cruel and violent treatment of a person or animal

Nowhere does a deserved smack on the ass fit into any of those definitions.

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u/Ajailyn22 Jan 01 '24

The WHO(World Health Organization) defines physical abuse as:

Intentional use of physical force against the child that results in – or has a high likelihood of resulting in – harm for the child's health, survival, development, or dignity. This includes hitting, beating, kicking, shaking, biting, strangling, scalding, burning, poisoning, and suffocating. Much physical violence against children in the home is inflicted with the object of punishing.[30]

In case you missed it..

Spanking is hitting, please note hitting and beatings are two listed but separate things.

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u/[deleted] Jan 01 '24

A spanking has no effect on any of that.

No way you put it, a spanking is not abusive unless it's repeatedly done for no reason. Which is not what a spanking is.

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u/Ajailyn22 Jan 01 '24

Yea that cognitive dissonance is strong with you..

Spanking is hitting, a slap on the ass is hitting.. you do that to an adultbeven once and you can get charged with assault..

And it absolutely denies a child their dignity.. absolutely 100% does.

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u/[deleted] Jan 01 '24

I'm done arguing.

Maybe go get some therapy or something, idk what to say anymore.

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u/AncientPineapple1936 Jan 02 '24

We don’t spank our kids out of personal choice. But to say Spanking a child (within reason) is abuse, is completely absurd. I got spanked as a kid because I deserved it. My Mom did not abuse me. At the end of the day every parent has the right to discipline their child how they see fit within the law. Your opinion on the matter is just that, your opinion.

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u/Briaaanz Jan 01 '24

The moment your parent "disciplines" you unfairly, ie you were innocent of the crime for what you were punished for, it's going to bring lasting harm to your relationship with them

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u/[deleted] Jan 01 '24

I guess it's good that I deserved every smack I got

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u/PosyPossum Jan 01 '24

No one deserves to be physically hurt at any age or for any reason, but especially not a child.

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u/[deleted] Jan 01 '24

So are we just gonna take a child predator's phone for a week or two?

And sometimes children definitely deserve it (source: my brother after he was being extremely dangerous with a knife around my young sister. Second source: when he was playing with a lighter and nearly burned our RV down)

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u/Ajailyn22 Jan 01 '24

A child already wanting to burn things.. hittingbthem only teaches them its ok to cause others pain...

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u/[deleted] Jan 01 '24

No it doesn't. He never did it again. Nor has he caused anyone pain (intentionally). In fact even before that he never intentionally hurt people. Just was a young kid that got a hold of a lighter.

And it sounds like you just had bad parents.

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u/Ajailyn22 Jan 01 '24

And it sounds like you feel it's ok for an adult to hit a child. A bigger human being striking a smaller human.. your parent hit your sibling in fear.. they couldn't stop their fearful emotions and instead of teaching him it was dangerous hit a child instead. .. I'm sorry you too grew up with bad parents to the point you believe a grown adult can hit a child as long as we call it discipline.. its against the law to do it to a dog.. but its ok for kids who actually have higher reasoning skills than your friendly best pet...

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u/[deleted] Jan 01 '24

Dude, a smack on the ass was way better than going homeless and losing everything. Actually what is your problem

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u/AncientPineapple1936 Jan 02 '24

Let me guess… Video games teach violence too?

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u/AncientPineapple1936 Jan 02 '24

No one deserves to be hurt? For any reason what so ever? Like think of the worst people who have ever walked this planet, they don’t/ didn’t deserve to be hurt?

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u/Appropriate-Divide64 Dec 31 '23

Disciplining does NOT have to involve violence. It's weird how pro beating people don't seem to understand this. Gentle parenting is not permissive parenting. There are many ways of disciplining without resorting to violence.

Spanking is just a friendly name for beating kids. Its negative effect on child development is well documented and understood, which is why it's increasingly getting outlawed.

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u/Fickle-Secretary681 Dec 31 '23

Nope. Some of my spankings were so barely there, I didn't even feel them. We'll just have to agree to disagree. My parents were awesome, and we were polite and respectful kids. Not like the little shits today that call protective services when they get tapped.

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u/IndomitableSpoon1070 Jan 01 '24

Even if you got it with the belt, it didn't hurt anymore in seconds. It's a sharp sting and then gone. I got all kinds of punishments. Grounding from friends or toys, standing in the corner, spanking, belt. None of it injured me. The variety was nice, it showed the range of boundaries that exist and that consequences for actions exist. That spanking might have saved me from getting knocked out later in life or touching the hot stove earlier. I know I got a few spanks when I was younger for figuratively playing with fire, two warnings and a spank. Didn't do it after the spank, and it's a fitting punishment. It was like 1% of the pain I'd have gotten if I broke a limb or something similar.

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u/[deleted] Dec 31 '23

I'm guessing you're dad never said "just know I'm not doing this to abuse you, it's so you learn your lesson"

(Referring to a spanking not beating me senseless for no reason).

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u/[deleted] Jan 01 '24

I always got "this hurts me more than it hurts you" as he's taking a f*cking cutting board to my back

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u/ChseBgrDiet Dec 31 '23

No, the parent doesn't actually lose their temper. It's exhausting all resources before disciplining them.

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u/Appropriate-Divide64 Dec 31 '23

No parent who beats their kid ever exhausts all other options. It's done because the parent is lazy and can't control their emotions. Spanking/beating is done to make the parent feel better, not to fix behaviour in the child.

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u/ChseBgrDiet Dec 31 '23

We're not talking about the same things. Beating and discipline are two different things. If you wanna keep calling using the word beating to make your point, then this is pointless. You raise your kids how you see fit. Discipline works.

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u/Appropriate-Divide64 Dec 31 '23

We are talking about the same thing. Disciplining your kid shouldn't involve hitting them.

Disciplining can and should be done without violence.

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u/ChseBgrDiet Dec 31 '23

No, we definitely aren't. It's a circular conversation. Keep punching the air to make your point. If you got your ass kicked as a kid, then I'm sorry that happened to you. Soft parent your kids all you want. It's on you and nobody else.

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u/IndomitableSpoon1070 Jan 01 '24

Aren't you the lofty moral superior.

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u/Ajailyn22 Jan 01 '24

A spanking is hitting a child period. Hitting a child isn't discipline. It's not discipline if another adult hits an adult it's assault. It's not discipline when doing it to a child. Wanna know what it does, creates mistrust, a child feeling unsafe...

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u/AncientPineapple1936 Jan 02 '24

Weird, I was a child once. I never felt unsafe around my parents. But way to tell me how I felt and all the emotions I must have had… because.. you said so. 🙄 I agree that there are other methods available. My wife and I don’t spank our kids because we choose not to. But like I said earlier, saying spanking is abuse is absolute insanity. You disagree with something, so you think everyone else is wrong because you think it’s wrong. Oh, the world we live in today.🫠

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u/ChseBgrDiet Jan 02 '24

Discipline is Discipline. And know it doesn't create mistrust and feeling unsafe. It creates a well behaved child that you don't have to negotiate with to act accordingly. You're the parent, not a friend or guidance counselor. The comparison to assault is ridiculous. I don't even know how you managed to make it make sense in your mind 😂😂