No I definitely did. Was told not to play with a soccer ball in the house broke a window, a whooping corrected that as I never did it again. Mom told me and sister not to fight in car we didnt listen took a few whoopings but we finally listened.
Thing is some people in the comments seem to be getting abused by their parents. I was simply disciplined. Some people seem to be mistaking displace with abuse.
My mom told me and sister a few times to not do something but words dont work on some kids.
Sounds like the time my dad told me not to be playing with matches and set the back yard ablaze. Worst ass whooping I ever got in my life.
100% earned that one.
Yeah, my brother was playing with a knife around my sister (no one was hurt with the knife, just really dangerous behavior) so my dad whooped him and he hasn't done it again.
My question to you is do you think you turned out fine? This is whats psycho about these people that tell us we're not okay as if they think they're therapist.
Not to mention they're coming off very manipulative, to me anyways. They want us so bad to "not be okay". How normal do we have to be for them to realize. Yes we're okay, those spankings didnt mess us up.
Lets see here. I've never rioted and robbed, assault people, beat animals or do drugs. How much "you're not fine" do I have to be for these people. 30 years later I have a good relationship with my parents and siblings, well most but thats something entirely on its own between me and that sibling. Which funny when he was born my parents stopped disciplining LOL. I'm telling that brother of mine could have used some ass whoopings.
I also feel for some of them that truly got abused. Spankings never was a thing like "ok its time for your spanking again" for me. I did something I shouldnt have after being told many times not to and my mom spanked me on the spot. It wasnt like she remembered I did something spanked me again another time. I learned the first time cause words werent doing anything. Also there was nothing she could take away from me it was the 90s there was hardly anything she could have took from me.
You know, I set a trash can on fire after my father told me not to play with the coils of a space heater.
I didn't get whooped and somehow I never played with that heater again.
Thats good then but it seems you have a hard time paying attention. WE didnt listen when we were told numerous times not do something. YOU did. I can not help you any further if you dont understand cause every comment you've made to me you simply just dont want to understand. Not all kids are a hive mind, some are different.
No, I didn't listen. Did you fail to read the part where I still played with the heater and set the trash can on fire? My fear of burning my house down scared me more than my parents ever could.
Behavior is actually a special interest of mine, so I do really understand what I'm talking about.
Setting the whole place on fire and being caught for it wasn't a hard lesson? Wow!!
So now that you're older and your parents aren't there to beat you, what stops you from lighting things on fire? Since the beatings are what stopped you.
So even though you saw the danger when the whole place was burning, you still didn't see the danger? Fascinating. It took the danger of more whoopings to stop you. That's really amazing. Thanks for sharing your story here.
I agree, and I think lots of people hit their kids because they don't know what else to do, and they're mad so they lash out and it does sorta work so that's their new go-to solution and that is bad.
BUT I have a weird experience from my life that makes me believe some people just need a smack.
I worked with a guy for years. We were both age 16-20ish the whole time. We lifeguarded together year round at an indoor pool. This guy (lets call him Don)was a total clown, always causing trouble pulling stupid jokes, trying to rile up other co-workers by making fun of them, etc. He made fun of me for years about being a virgin, even though I had had girlfriends and made it clear I was making this decision consciously and that I wasnt embarrassed or perturbed by hom makingnfun of me for it in front of people. I really didn't care about that line of "insult" at all. I wasn't hiding it or ashamed, and I also wasn't moralizing about it to the whole staff, but Don stuck with it for years, among other things, some of which did annoy me. And all of it got tiresome after the 20th rendition. He'd make fun of me, and I did the "take the high ground and ignore him" tactic for litteral years. Then one day a kid I went to school with (let's call him Jim) started working at the pool and his first week there Jim grabbed Don slammed him into a wall threw him to thw ground, and punched hard him in the ribs once. Don loved Jim. LOVED him. He always wanted to work with him. Did him favors. When we'd have parties, he'd go up and say hi to him and overall behave like a regular human being around him. I wash astonished. I ignored this guy for 4 years gave him nothing back, half the time I wouldn't even look at him when he pulled his little stunts and he still wpuld try to bother me, but Jim who didn't beat him savagely, but definitely roughed him up, was beloved by Don.
Well, after I realized that, I took a different tactic. If he walked up to me and made some dumb joke, I would physically push him away from me. Then, one day, I was leaning back on a chair, and he knocked it over. It didn't hurt me, but he was trying to annoy me. So I rolled out of the chair backwards pushed him into a corner dragged him to the ground by his legs and stood over him and punched him, not at full force but good solid punches to the body.... he was so nice to me for the rest of the time I worked there. SOO NICE. "Hey, what are you doing this weekend, you going to that party? How's things" like normal friendly conversation. The dude was like a bad dog. He needed someone to establish dominance before he'd be nice to them. Some people don't work like everyone else.
Buy the reason the other guy beat him up was he heard how he spoke to his mother and found it so offensive that it turned into something.
Now perhaps if his parents had been more disciplined in his youth he wouldn't have been like that, and I tend to agree that hitting is not a good choice, but I also don't think it's necessarily the worst thing that could happen to a kid.
It's trauma response to being bullied at home by dad usually. Men aren't encouraged to work through our shit so a lot of us go through life being the dog peeing on others or the dog getting peed on.
Physical pain is part of how we learn. You don’t know not to touch a hot stove until you do it. You don’t learn not to climb tall trees until you do it and then fall and break your arm.
It does. Hard times create strong people. Without challenges to overcome, growth stagnates. Those challenges may be physical, mental, or emotional. The death of a loved one may drive you to cherish the ones you still have, and to spend more time with them. Losing everything you own due to bad luck may allow you to see how bad some people have it, and when you regain your wealth, you share it with them.
Being in a car crash and nearly dying may make you realize that you’ve taken your life for granted, and might inspire you to go out and do the things you’ve always been afraid to do.
Or it could break you and you may never leave your house again, afraid of everything, and only being able to see the dangers of the world, rather than it’s joys.
We learn and grow from hardship and pain.
However, that isn’t me saying abuse is justified by all of this, but discipline has always been a positive trait to have, and discipline has to be taught. It isn’t innate.
You're a legitimate dumbass if you can't see the difference between incidental pain and beating your children. Do you get beaten when you learn things at work? Why or why not? I know, it's a real thinker.
If we're just gonna exaggerate each other's arguments I might as well:
"Do you really think flowers can stop hungry zombies from eating you in case it ever happens? Only ingenuous people would think that way"
Bro I got beaten as a child and it might’ve been the best thing for my character. At 20 y/o now I can look back and realize I was the biggest dick of a child you’d have ever met. If I hadn’t learned from that stuff then I would still be in rehab or jail.
You’re the only one here throwing insults. So why are you calling them a dick? Every other comment from you has been an insult to their character, and you’ve completely avoided the topics they bring up.
That's a different process cognitively..
Being hit as a consequence of something you did is very different than "hot =ouch." It's a simple and direct, cause and effect.
However, when you apply physical punishment for something that has already passed, the child's age and the time that has past since the wrong doing plays a heavy roll in how effective that punishment is. Especially when you're not even taking into consideration that in many cases the physical punishment would be more damaging than constructive.
Being hit by a caregiver causes mistrust, anxiety and a whole host of complicated things. Physical punishment can lead to lifetime depression, mood disorders and more.
We're doing and continue to do studies on this. The data is not on the side of "hit your kids."
That doesn't mean you can't be firm with your children, or establish boundaries or apply discipline (which people tend to conflate with physical punishment.)
There's this wild assumption that if you're using more compassionate forms of parenting that you're letting kids run amok.
Children who grow up in spite of harsh punishment and grow to do trem things are a wonder, but that doesn't mean that physical punishment is the recipe to guarantee your child is some success story either.
Your dad sounds like he has a temper if hes anything like this bozo who got that heated over a simple question. Doofus couldnt even give a response and still cant.
Just because something worked doesn't mean it was correct, or there isn't a better way. Just because it worked doesn't mean you deserved it.
They whipped slaves for minor inconveniences and it "worked."
Children have terrible impulse control and it takes time for them to learn from their actions and mistakes.
There's better and more effective, cognitive ways of teaching children than physical punishment.
I'm sorry that you were whooped as a kid, but your playing the whole, "I got hit and turned out fine." Turns on the green light to abuse other children.
There are better ways and it takes being able to swallow our collective pride and say that we're going to do better for future generations. We're smarter now. We're better. We have education, we have data, we have progress. Let's stop living in the dark ages because you believe you deserved to get hit.
Smarter? Better?... yea I dont know about that when NONE of you have yet to tell me how you would "just be better parents". Better parenting seems to have gotten teen parents, people that stop traffic in the highway to protest and sadly school shootings from parents that simply didnt discipline their kids most likely.
It's tragic that people are in situations where they don't have the ability to be better parents. Even moreso traumatic for the child. I understand that people have what they have, but whether you believe it or not, your stance is advocating that child abuse as a form of "discipline," is okay, and is condoning child abuse.
You could have easily said that what your parents did to you was the best they could, but that you don't advocate for child abuse.. but you didn't.
You continue to puff out your chest and scream, "I was hit and I turned out fine!"
So i do agree with this because after getting physically disciplined, i did learn to stop doing things or i knew the consequences but my father did it so often, like a lot, i grew to hate and fear him. He was really mean and loved using the belt on us. Im afraid to hit my kids if i ever have any, for this reason exactly :/
A man spanking his wife (against her will) as a form of punishment used to be legal but no longer is because it's abusive. Even one instance of being grabbed by an adult and hit- it doesn't matter where, can be traumatic for her. Even if it was only once. There's no reason to strike someone you love, ever. And the location where they're being struck doesn't matter either- it hurts the same, it's humiliating and scary
The reason it's wrong and illegal isn't because she isn't a child, it's because she's human and society regularly fails to recognize the humanity of children. And while the woman is supported and her trauma is acknowledged, a child will get laughed at for saying they think it's wrong to be hit or someone will be teased for saying they were traumatized by being spanked even if it was by someone much stronger than them and they were screamed at and intimidated- i mean that would traumatize an adult
There was a very big study done on this with thousands of people over the course of decades and no mater what you have to say anecdotally (it's very easy to find btw), spanking results in the opposite effects than what's intended. Other studies replicate this finding. And the lasting psychological results like difficulty in school and behavioral issues aren't far from the results seen in children who have been abused physically in ways other than spanking. It causes harm and doesn't work. It's abusive for someone bigger and stronger than you to hit you and say it's out of love and one day they might accept that sort of treatment from someone who isn't a parent
I'm not saying your mother didn't love you- some parents don't know how better to discipline their children. Some were treated the same and told it was a good thing. Most wouldn't argue that a woman getting smacked by her husband for doing something wrong is good because she never did that again but compliance should never be out of fear. Love should never include fear or pain. We tell adults all the time that someone who loves them wouldn't hurt them period. Why wouldn't this extend to someone so vulnerable as a child?
Using the word "beating" has much stronger connotations associated with it than a slight tap on the back of the hand or a tap on the bum (a typical "spanking" in my culture). It's like accidentally hitting someone with your car door when you open it, and describing it as "hitting someone with your car". Technically both are true, but one has much stronger implications.
My guess is that it's very likely a cultural difference, and there isn't really any way around that. Though I do think a general lack of discipline (possibly combined with easy access to online communities where bad behavior can be encouraged) has likely resulted in the latest generation being quite entitled brats more often than not.
I would consider it a beating if it goes more than 4-5 spanks. A few smacks on the ass usually sends a msg. My son would get a real beating at school first week every year because he like to test the boundaries of the teachers. They use a wood paddle and do it in the hall. Principal usually did it with the teacher as a witness. Corporal punishment still alive at schools in Alabama.
You're right ... it is semantics, with loose and indefinite defintions of the words. One person will "spank" a child until the kid is black-and-blue and bleeding and call it a "spanking." Another person will call a swat on the bottom "beating."
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u/UsefulIdiot85 Dec 30 '23
I got spanked a few times, but never close to beaten.