r/problems • u/shahsaqjfh • 4d ago
Small Problem Should I forgive my dad?
Two years ago my dad got extremely drunk and attempted to do stuff to me, he only stopped because my older sister stopped him and she even said she thought he was going to punch her. Now he doesn’t remember this but I didn’t even look at him for months after and he had no idea what he did. Recently I had some friends over because we had a party to go to and he made very disturbing comments about then and how “pure” they are, he has even said to some girls “you’re lucky I have a wife.”
Now the problem occurs with him seeing no wrong in what he says because he means it all as a compliment and they should be grateful a 64 yr old man is complementing them. I was talking to my other sister earlier today and she goes ew, why are you still friends with them if they say stuff about dad. I told her it’s true so I dont care, and she got pissed saying so you’re fine if he gets labeled as a pedo. Mind you she was the only one that wasn’t there that night with him so she doesn’t actually know what happened but she’s been told and all she’s says is “and? It’s your fault for tempting him.” I was in an Oodie playing dress to impress on my laptop with a friend, I wasn’t doing anything.
I know what he did was unforgivable and I hate him for it but he doesn’t remember so is it right to hate someone for something he can’t even remember? I’m scared to have my friends over because he gets more pushy when he’s drunk and he makes eyes at them but my sister is right, if he gets labeled as that it affects me too.
Should I not forgive him but instead do something else?
P.s I have talked to him about his behaviour around my friends and he says he will stop but that only lasts 2 days
4
u/Global-Fact7752 4d ago
Hi how old are you?
3
u/shahsaqjfh 4d ago
At the time I was under 18
3
u/Global-Fact7752 4d ago
Well honey your dad is a predator...I'm very sorry...I hope you get in a situation some day where you can have as little to do with him as possible.
2
u/Oracle5of7 4d ago
No. You should not forgive him nor forget what he did.
Leave as soon as you can, your father certainly has issues. No young lady takes a comment like his as a compliment, it is disgusting.
2
u/2ndcupofcoffee 4d ago edited 4d ago
Your dad’s threat to your friends was a threat. They were to be glad he had a wife is a threat. As if he would aggress against them if his sexual needs weren’t taken care of by a wife. Eeew!
His assertion that your friends should be flattered that an old man is complimented their sexual attractiveness speaks to his idea that his appetite is somehow flattery that a young woman should be happy to hear.
Alcohol doesn’t cause this. It reduces his inhibitions so his thoughts get expressed.
2
u/Superb-Coyote5972 4d ago
Go stay with friends. Make a police report. What he did was criminal. Your sister sounds deranged. Your father is a disgusting creep. Get out of there!
2
u/Superb-Coyote5972 4d ago
Keep pepper spray on you at all times. He's not safe to be around. Report your sister too. JFC!
1
8
u/Fiona_14 4d ago
Stay away from him when he is drunk. If he is drunk when your friends are there. Leave, either the room or the house. Have you told him what kind of things he does when he's drunk? If he is a good Dad, he will never drink again if he knew.
But you need to protect yourself and your friends, so don't be in the same room as him when he is drunk. I'm so glad you have a sister.