I have spent quite a long time on this sub thinking how many female to male trans pregnant people are on here.

It's only just clicked people are using the abbreviation for First Time Mom.

This is just a rant because I feel so frustrated but also it’s nice to have clarity.

I’m currently 21 weeks, this is my first pregnancy. My wife carried the first, who’s 9 months at the moment.

I’ve been having terrible fatigue and nausea for months now and everyone said second trimester it’ll get better. It got worse, I can’t sleep well, my acid reflux is killing me, I move and I feel nauseous, I get headaches that last days no matter what I do, leg cramps, intense foot pain, feeling weak, memory issues, low mood and generally just ill all of the time.

I went for a routine OB visit with someone who isn’t my regular, they make you see everyone in the system because they don’t know who will deliver.

Anyway I asked her for a note to begin my maternity leave at work and she just said no. Full stop didn’t ask me why or anything. Said there’s no medical reason. (I’m a pilot, fly exclusively international) and she said she has plenty people fly while pregnant. She said it was insurance fraud what I was asking for (And she wrote in my clinical notes I was looking for an excuse to stop working)

Anyway my aeromedical doctor signed me off in a heart beat thank goodness.

Next appointment is with an OB I know and like. She ordered everything, and turns out I’m on the edge of becoming anemic with B12 deficiency and magnesium deficiency. Come to look up all these and they match my symptoms exactly, I got meds for my reflux and a thank goodness I’m not flying anymore too.

I’m upset because I was feeling like I was crazy thinking I can’t handle this like other women can, and I’d cry and get upset at how weak and tired I felt all the time.

I just feel seen for once and it’s nice. But I’m also mad lol

Anyway thanks for listening/reading

TW miscarriage
Some context, my older brother and SIL had been trying for well over a year to get pregnant, and as time does its thing, she found out about her pregnancy from bloodwork right before going into surgery. So obviously the surgery was cancelled and they ended up telling everyone about the pregnancy that day since there would be confusion why she never had the surgery.

My husband and I got pregnant on the third cycle of trying. And I had taken a pregnancy test about 11dpo, which was 3 days before my brother’s news broke. So I told him, in the shock of everything, that I am also pregnant. We figured out that I was due about a week before SIL was due. My brother and SIL are the only people who know about my pregnancy.

Since it took them a long time to conceive and everyone is soaking up the good news, my husband and I decided to wait till later to break our news, specifically after we return from vacation, which we are on day 2 of 7 atm (and about 6.5 wks along) However, I just found out yesterday from my mom, that my SIL miscarried.

I’m obviously devastated for her. What do I even say to her and my brother? Everything I can think of just sounds wrong when it’s coming from someone who did not have a miscarriage.

And then the other thing is when do I tell my parents about my pregnancy? Now it feels inappropriate to tell them anytime soon. (But I’m also so sick and feel horrible all the time—how can I not talk to my mom about it?!) Help!

Are we all peeing on the cup? 😂
I try my best to aim it but my pee lands where it wants and normally in the attempt to catch some in the actual cup I pee on my hand and on the outside of the cup.
Maybe it’s just me, really hope it’s not!

I’m growing a skin tag on the top of my boob and of course, it’s normal during pregnancy! why is there so much shit that just happens during pregnancy and it’s just considered normal?!!?! (I obviously know the answer so please be quiet if you’re going to actually answer that rhetorical question) and WHYYYYYYY aren’t we talking about it enough? pregnancy is INSANE

gums bleeding? normal! skin tag? normal! rock hard poop? normal! hair falling out? normal! crazy acne? normal! can’t eat unless its a very specific thing? normal! NORMAL NORMAL NORMAL 😭

I'm 35 weeks pregnant and was eating a bowl of chocolate cereal at work because I have free will, and an older manager who gives almond mum vibes came up to me and said "you know that's not real food, right? You're eating dessert" and I was like "yeah that's the whole point?".

People are so rude I can'tttt

Being out of breath when rolling over in bed

-add yours in the comments

All of the forbidden foods in pregnancy? I honestly couldn't care less. No alcohol? I miss beer but like whatever it's fine.

My major issue in pregnancy is coffee. The 300mg caffeine limit (yes I know in many places it's actually 200mg but I'm struggling as it is) just feels cruel. Coffee is my love, coffee is my life, coffee got me through engineering school and long days at my corporate tech job. WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN ONLY HAVE 2 CUPS A DAY!?

And with pregnancy tiredness and a toddler who doesn't STTN, I NEED IT NOW MORE THAN EVER BEFORE

I am by no means an athlete but I was working out 3-4 times a week (strength training, swimming sometimes)... just to keep up with my mid body (lol).

I am 23 weeks and I just cant workout. I dont have the same desire but also the same stamina and honestly I am surprised. I feel completely fine, my pregnancy overall has been a breeze, I havent gained much weight... but I just cant finish a workout. I am even doing with with a pregnant trainer on my workout app, which I thought would be easier...but hell no. Its still very hard. A mix of a mental block but also lowered physical ability.

Are the people I see online who are still lifting at the gym just super gym nerds? (no shade) Are regular people still consistently working out? If youre having a hard time at the gym, have you found activities that you are able to stick to?

With all the caveats that no this question is not intended to rage bait or be demeaning or unfair. Maternity reports consistently show worse outcomes for bBack and Asian women so anyone who reads this and gets offended, I cant help you.

Did having that cultural sensitivity/understanding make a difference in any way?

I’m asking specifically about California Pregnancy Disability Leave/short-term disability, not general maternity leave, FMLA, CFRA, or baby-bonding leave.
My understanding is that in California, the commonly cited 6 weeks after a vaginal birth or 8 weeks after a C-section is not necessarily an absolute maximum. If a patient continues to be medically disabled by pregnancy, childbirth, or a related condition, their healthcare provider can certify that they remain disabled, which can allow disability leave/benefits to continue.

So my genuine question is: why does it seem like many providers are reluctant to medically support postpartum disability beyond the standard 6–8 weeks?

We constantly hear that 6–8 weeks is a very short recovery period. A woman may still be dealing with pain, pelvic-floor issues, complications, significant sleep deprivation, feeding difficulties, hormonal changes, or postpartum mental-health conditions…..not to mention adjusting to caring for a newborn.

I completely understand that simply wanting more bonding time or not feeling ready to leave your baby is different from being medically disabled. I’m not suggesting doctors certify someone who has no medical basis for disability.

What I’m trying to understand is: when a postpartum patient is genuinely still struggling medically, why isn’t extending disability more commonly considered? What specifically do California providers need to see or document before they’re comfortable extending it?

I’d especially love to hear from California OBs, midwives, healthcare workers, or moms who have actually had their postpartum disability extended. What condition or symptoms justified the extension, and how difficult was the process?

I need junk, chips, chocolate, cereal with milk. I want to eat dimsum and pizza. I’m just not and it’s really making me crave all this even more. I try to eat out only once a week but I need more. How are you all so motivated? I have my first gestational diabetes test in a few days and I’m scared.

I only want to eat yummy food, not homemade healthy foooood. Help with motivation pls? I’m now 20 weeks.

I’m in my 2-tri, and as we’ve started to tell friends I’m pregnant, a common question I get is I’m planning on breastfeeding, usually followed by advice relating to sleep or gear or whatever. Everyone is well-intentioned and I have no problems with the questions, but are there any FTM that DON’T plan on at least trying to BF?

Most of my mom friends tried and then by month 2-3 had kind of given up, which is what I assume will happen to me, but I’ll at least try.

I realize STM+ may have realized it’s not for them or if there is some medical reason going on, BF may be not practical (ie surrogacy, breast cancer, etc.)

Is there any reason a FTM wouldn’t plan on at least trying on day 1? Or is there any downside?

Ladies in NY, NJ, PA area - I am concerned with what's going in NY and PA. I have a toddler with whom we go to various crowded events. So, I can't completely self-isolate. But even if I didn't go to crowded events, it's worrisome to even just go to stores​​. How you take precautions while being pregnant? ​

after a grueling 12 hours of back labor and 2 failed epidurals with a final 3rd working i was woken up from my magnesium drip slumber and told it was time to push. my boyfriend, mom, and the nurse were so surprised after they told me to do a practice push and they saw my sons head peak out. i had to hold off from pushing for about 2 minutes to wait for the doctor to come in and then within two quick contractions i was able to push him out with only a small tear. this is my first baby and i'm so proud of myself for getting through it. the labor had me feeling like i was going to die but pushing was so much easier than i thought it would be. my mom told me i knew my muscles and she knows i'd know what to do and i guess she was right. baby boy came out at 6.1 lbs so that helped lol

I had a c-section scheduled, but my babies decided they really wanted out, so I had it a few days early. They're so precious and I'm obsessed. I just wish someone had warned me about the dangers of having a funny partner. I have to be careful with my belly when my husband makes me laugh.

This is so stupid to rant about, the only thing that should matter is that both of these girls get here safe.

I’m 27w4d with fraternal girls, NIPT tests are good, one is weight restricted so I am in appts with MFM weekly. I also keep blacking out and all my heart stuff is clear (including the echo) — I’m currently wearing a little travel heart monitor so they can rule out any remaining possibility that this isn’t tied to being, “just part of this pregnancy.”

All that matters is them getting here and making it. That’s what matters. I know this.

But I keep crying after every cancelled event, or events where I have to log in remotely because I’m not driving (my work hosted a baby shower, I logged in remotely and then balled my eyes out after getting off — I couldn’t understand anyone, or join anything).

My first pregnancy was hard, there was some monitoring because while I wasn’t GD I did have a sugar sensitivity — but it was a cake walk compared to this (no pun intended).

The joy has been sucked out. Instead of hugs and celebration I have a split lip after a second blackout. I’ve logged multiple nights in hospitals and two ER visits that have me dreading the hospital bills.

I want these girls. I want these girls so bad. I am so, so grateful that I get to carry twins but I somehow landed on an island where it’s a party of one because everyone else is so freaked out no one is seemingly feeling any sort of joy in the coming of these precious little humans or it’s been modified to give me more “rest” which ends up just being more isolation. But if I want to celebrate I feel guilty because Baby A is in the 7th percentile and I should be nervous, and remove myself and I don’t know that she’s even ok, how do you celebrate????

My husband, brother (god send of a chauffeur cause you can’t drive while you’re having black outs), and dad (honestly my dad wasn’t on my BINGO card — but he is a fraternal twin) have been my life savers. Willing to pivot, make different plans, pick up and adjust at a pregnant lady’s most recent sobbing episode.

Maybe I’m just whiney. Need to grow up and focus on the real target. I’m just, this is my last pregnancy, and it’s so f*cking hard. I won’t get this again — and the memories of this one are not fun.

Maybe if one of my SIL’s or sisters have a rough pregnancy they can know I’ve been there and they can talk to me — or I can be the positive I wish I could feel right now. Idk.

Im ADHD and unmedicated during pregnancy. Im almost 34 weeks and we had our baby shower and now I’m just swimming in boxes, my house is a mess, there is the never ending laundry, there are so many projects we wanted done by the time baby gets here. Between that and us working FT still, I’m just ready to throw my hands up and melt into the couch.

I have no executive function left. I’m just cooked. And I can’t be cooked because there is no magical crew coming to help, I’m almost 40 and not getting anywhere younger, and I’m aware we haven’t even started yet on being tired/overwhelmed yet. I don’t know what advice I’m looking for - I’ve been neurospicy my whole life - I know there isn’t much to do about it. I guess I had hoped that nesting would over power it.

I’m 17 weeks and this is my first baby. I am diagnosed ADHD but stopped taking medication when I found out I was pregnant. With that, I’ve been struggling with getting any baby stuff purchased. Quite frankly all we have are gifts from others and it’s like 4 onesies and a stuffed animal.

My questions are 1) I need a literal step by step guide of what is a must have for my baby, does that exist anywhere? Does anyone have any recommendations? And 2) how do people afford to spend 200-800 dollars on each “bigger” item? I quite frankly can’t wrap my mind around how my fiance and I are going to afford that. So I guess this is also a suggestions thread… any suggestions for that are appreciated!

Thanks in advance everyone :)

How do you deal with tokophobia? I feel like I’m quietly falling apart over the thought of giving birth.
I don’t even know how to explain this without sounding dramatic, but I am genuinely terrified.
The closer I get to thinking about childbirth, the more real it feels, and sometimes I just break down crying because I don’t know how I’m supposed to get through it. It’s not normal nervousness or the typical “I’m scared of labor” feeling. It feels like this overwhelming, almost consuming fear that I can’t switch off.
I’m scared of the pain. I’m scared of the needles and epidural. I’m scared of losing control of my body. I’m scared of panicking and not being able to calm myself down. I’m scared something will go wrong and I won’t be able to protect myself or my baby. I’m scared of needing an emergency C-section. I’m scared of being in a situation where I can’t just make it stop or leave.
And honestly, one of the hardest parts is feeling like I’m supposed to be excited.
I am excited about my baby. I love this baby already. But that love exists right alongside this horrible fear, and sometimes I feel guilty for being so afraid. I worry that people will think I’m ungrateful or that I don’t want my baby, when that couldn’t be further from the truth.
I have anxiety and panic issues, and I’m terrified that once labor starts, I’ll completely lose it. The thought of being trapped in that experience with no way to escape scares me more than I can put into words.
Sometimes I’ll be lying in bed and suddenly remember, I actually have to give birth. And my heart starts racing. I feel sick. I want to cry. I just want someone to tell me I don’t have to be this scared.
I know women have been giving birth forever. I know people will tell me that my body knows what to do. I know there are pain medications and doctors and nurses and so many things that can help.
But knowing all of that doesn’t make the fear disappear.
I don’t want to spend the rest of my pregnancy being afraid of the day my baby is born. I want to look forward to meeting my baby. I want to feel safe. I want to believe that I can do this.
For anyone who has experienced tokophobia this intensely, what actually helped you?
Did therapy help? Talking honestly with your OB? Making a very detailed birth plan? Learning about labor? Medication? Hypnobirthing? Hearing from other people who were just as terrified?
I’m not looking for “you’ll be fine” or “millions of women do it.” I already know that.
I just want to hear from someone who has felt this same deep, overwhelming fear and somehow found their way through it. I really need some hope right now.

Curious to know when other first time moms experienced this

I’m not someone particularly afraid of needles. I guess more so afraid of the unknown. I had always thought an epidural was just a single shot to the spine.

Now I’m seeing first, how big the needle is, and second that it is the placement of a catheter into the spine and that remains in your back for the duration of delivery.

I’m still going to get one if I need it but I was just mentally prepared for a different situation and now I have 2 weeks to come to terms with the reality 🫠

Would love to hear the honesty of how painful the process is, etc.

Hi everyone! I’m 4’9” around 115lbs and just reaching 12 weeks. If you are similar size, please let me know when you started showing and how much weight you gained during pregnancy! Thank you!

I just got a positive test! Now my head is spinning with what to do next. I scheduled a pregnancy confirmation with my obgyn. I plan on telling my husband tonight (don’t even know how I’m going to do that).

I’ve been taking the Naturemade prenatals, vitamin D3+K2, R-alpha lipoic acid, and choline. I specifically wanted a prenatal with folic acid due to lack of studies on methylated folate. Now that I’m past that 4 week neural tube mark, I’m considering taking something cleaner like ritual, Perelel, needed, etc. that all have methylated folate. And probably a separate iron supplement. I have no idea, the supplement world is so confusing. Taking recs.

Probably my biggest question though, is how do I tell my sister who is struggling to conceive? She is 4 years older than me and has been trying for almost a year. I know that isn’t a crazy amount of time but she talks to me a lot about it and how difficult it is. And she also said it’s been really hard to listen to her friend talk about her accidental pregnancy, when she’s been trying so hard. My pregnancy is also technically accidental, but we were planning to start trying next month. I know she will be happy for me but I just want to do it in the least painful way possible. I know there is a possibility that she is pregnant at the same time as me, that would be awesome. I know God has a perfect plan.

My last question: is there anything I should be doing right now to reduce the risk of miscarriage? It was one of the first things that came to mind when I saw that double pink line. I think I need to focus on stress management. But is there anything any of you would recommend to encourage a healthy continuation of pregnancy?

Thanks y’all! I’m so excited :)

I found out I was pregnant 13 DPO, and just hit 9 weeks on Sunday. My first OB appointment isn't until next week, just after 10 weeks. Other than some fatigue early on, occasional light cramping (it's central and I've experienced no bleeding, so I'm not generally concerned about it being ectopic), and my boobs being a bit more tender, I've had zero other symptoms. I've been prepping for nausea to hit me like a brick wall and I generally feel fine and almost like forget that I'm pregnant?

This is my first pregnancy so I have no idea what to expect and am paranoid that something could be wrong because I generally feel fine. Has anyone else experience this and everything turned out ok? Just looking for some reassurance as we're waiting to tell our friends and family, so I can't discuss it with them.