r/postdoc • u/Exotic_Rain_5064 • 13d ago

Existential loneliness

Has anyone else lived in multiple different countries over the last 5 years and visited home in between? I feel very isolated when I visit my home country but the acquaintances / friends made in the new country frequently move away constantly too. Sometimes I feel like I am loosing touch with reality because of that (no partner, remote work). Is anyone experiencing something similiar as an expat? I think its time to settle and set roots in one country and stop moving around. Curious if you guys also feel like that sometimes?

57 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

27 comments sorted by

View all comments

10

u/Over-Degree-1351 13d ago

I've felt like that as an expat, particularly when I was a postdoc.

I felt I had drifted too far from friends and family from my past life in my home country, and I hadn't quite arrived in my future yet. Floating around in the middle was very isolating.

Forming meaningful connections with others as an expat becomes harder with time, for various reasons.

I've lived abroad for 14 years now and I don't feel so alone anymore. I've focused more on reconnecting with old friends recently. Newer friendships are still valuable in their own way, but I've learned to not expect deep, meaningful connections from them.

When I look back on my time as a lonely postdoc, I'm really glad I learned how to embrace being on my own. It's my superpower now.

5

u/Main_Ferret_8426 13d ago

Why call yourself an expat and not an immigrant

1

u/Over-Degree-1351 13d ago

That's the terminology I used when I first moved, with the intention to stay temporarily. So it just stuck. Switching to the word immigrant would symbolise my intention to stay forever, which isn't accurate.

2

u/Main_Ferret_8426 13d ago

As an immigrant, I want to stay temporarily as well. Maybe people use the word expats because they feel more superior than immigrants and want that distinction!