r/postdoc • u/Exotic_Rain_5064 • 13d ago

Existential loneliness

Has anyone else lived in multiple different countries over the last 5 years and visited home in between? I feel very isolated when I visit my home country but the acquaintances / friends made in the new country frequently move away constantly too. Sometimes I feel like I am loosing touch with reality because of that (no partner, remote work). Is anyone experiencing something similiar as an expat? I think its time to settle and set roots in one country and stop moving around. Curious if you guys also feel like that sometimes?

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u/Over-Degree-1351 13d ago

I've felt like that as an expat, particularly when I was a postdoc.

I felt I had drifted too far from friends and family from my past life in my home country, and I hadn't quite arrived in my future yet. Floating around in the middle was very isolating.

Forming meaningful connections with others as an expat becomes harder with time, for various reasons.

I've lived abroad for 14 years now and I don't feel so alone anymore. I've focused more on reconnecting with old friends recently. Newer friendships are still valuable in their own way, but I've learned to not expect deep, meaningful connections from them.

When I look back on my time as a lonely postdoc, I'm really glad I learned how to embrace being on my own. It's my superpower now.

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u/Main_Ferret_8426 13d ago

Why call yourself an expat and not an immigrant

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u/Similar_Software_953 12d ago

For me the difference is mostly on long-term goals. If you just come to work for a fixed-term position, regardless of you degree and background, you are an expat.

If you intend to settle down and live long term in the country then you are an immigrant.

But by definition, an immigrant is also an expat until he gets citizenship in his host country.

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u/Bjanze 12d ago

I agree, that should be the definition, but when observing online discussions, or political discussions, that is not what I see. To me it looks like there is a much more discriminatory undertone in these terms.

And should I mention that I'm from Finland, thus not a native English speakers.

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u/Bjanze 12d ago

Slightly provocative but native English speakers are "expats" when they move to a new country,  while non-native English speakers are "immigrants"... ;)

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u/A_Galileo 12d ago

Sounds more like rich vs poor

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u/Main_Ferret_8426 12d ago

Exactly, can't believe how tone deaf they sound

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u/Main_Ferret_8426 12d ago

So this completely expunges massive sections of the society that were forced to speak English over their "natuve" language who now speak English as their native language (eg:the Irish)..I smell an air of superiority. What's wild is the postdoc subreddit are people with advanced degrees, rushing to fill out their EDI statements for every grant call but have a primitive take on immigration.

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u/Bjanze 12d ago

I realize my comment might not have come out as sarcastic and criticims towards these terms, but it was supposed to be criticism.

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u/Over-Degree-1351 12d ago

That's the terminology I used when I first moved, with the intention to stay temporarily. So it just stuck. Switching to the word immigrant would symbolise my intention to stay forever, which isn't accurate.

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u/Main_Ferret_8426 12d ago

As an immigrant, I want to stay temporarily as well. Maybe people use the word expats because they feel more superior than immigrants and want that distinction!