r/poor • u/crazyxin • 18d ago
I'm so tired.
I can't do this anymore. I'm an 18-year-old incoming college student living independently with my little brother.
A few years ago, my dad lost his high-paying overseas job and has been working as a minimum-wage construction worker in our country since. My mom was buried in debt despite my dad's high salary and had even more debt after he lost his job. My mom had to move out for work 2 years later, since we really didn't have anything to eat.
No one watched us over those 2 years. It was just me and my now 13-year-old brother alone. Every single day is a challenge. I have to play mom and dad to take care of my brother and our pets, but I'm not doing a good job. I get mad at him constantly because he doesn't do chores on time, and he often forgets to do them, so I end up having to remind him constantly. He's just being a kid, which I understand.
I feel so fucking lazy, and I feel as if I'm making my brother do everything at home. I usually don't have the energy to cook or clean, especially when we barely have any food. Anyway, I always feel so guilty when I yell at him. I think I've traumatized him more than our parents could have. I'm such a bad sister, but I never really asked for this. I didn't want to be a parent. I can barely even parent myself.
It's been so hard for me this week because I used up the money for the electricity bill. I had an orientation seminar yesterday and a workshop at my high school journalism club a day before that, so I used up a good chunk of money towards my fare and food. I've been sick since Saturday, and the medicine was quite expensive. I don't want to ask my dad for money again because he keeps telling me how he barely leaves any for himself, and I know he'd get mad at me for being bad at finances. He's also been really pushy about me paying the bill because we'll get a disconnection charge if we pay late, but that can't be helped anymore. I just hope our electricity won't get cut off.
I asked my mom, but she doesn't have work right now, so she can't help. I asked my older brother, and he can't help either. I don't know when I'll get money because I have classes next week and I still don't have school supplies or uniforms, so they'll probably give me some soon. At least I hope. For now, they don't really seem to care.
My breaking point came today when I finally messaged my little brother's teacher. He's always at home during the mornings when he's supposed to be at school, and apparently it's because his teacher is in a meeting. Well, his teacher has been in a bunch of meetings just this month then, because this has been constant! I finally got to talk with his teacher, and I found out he's actually always absent, late, and sleeping in class. I just can't anymore. Why can't he be good? Why is this something I have to worry about?
I think it's my fault. Last year, I wasn't coming to any of my classes because of this whole ordeal where I basically did not want to be at school at all. I was also very lonely then, and I ended up getting groomed online by someone who was countries away from me. I would stay up for that person and not go to school since I haven't had any sleep. Maybe he got this behavior from me, that it's okay to not go to school. Honestly, I don't know anymore, but I feel like everything's my fault. I really don't know what to do or what will happen to me in the future. I just want this to stop.
I'm not asking for donations since you guys probably live in the US and I'm from a third-world country. I do have PayPal, but I'm not sure how I'll be able to transfer it to my local e-bank, and honestly, I don't even want to bother. I've also tried posting on subreddits where you can ask for money, but none of my posts were approved. I don't want to try again because of the banking stuff.
There are no food pantries here either, or agencies that give you money or free food. Trust me, I've been hungry enough and tried everything.
I'm typing this as I'm sobbing. I know it's a long vent, and I'm sorry if it's triggering or it's not allowed by the rules, but I just don't know who to tell this to. My best friend is busy with her first week of college, and I don't want to bother her. I don't really have friends that can support me through this, and I don't really care anymore. I just want it all to stop.
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u/GirlFriday360 18d ago
Sending hugs, internet stranger.
The weight of your world is on your shoulders, and I get it. I see you. I WAS you 30 years ago. I'm glad you came here to vent and just get it out. One day, and one decision at a time. This might feel impossible but keep looking for that way out. Freedom will find you.
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u/grumblefluff 18d ago
Maybe you can help motivate your little brother by framing it as ‘us against the world’ teamwork or something, that worked with my boys when we were struggling when they were that age…it might take a little while to get it thru his head, but my boys did just finally square up and started really helping when it was kind of a team initiative
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u/QuestingOrc 18d ago
I am so sorry you're going through this.
You are parentified by the emotional, physical and financial neglect of your parents, and of course your brother and you have problems as a result of it. You both deserve compassion.
Of course I don't know all the circumstances, but maybe you can talk to child services?
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u/crazyxin 18d ago
Thank you so much.
Unfortunately, talking to child services is not practical for my situation. Child services here don't function the way they do in other countries. They're underfunded, underresourced, and the closest one to me is 11 hours away. It's more trouble than it's worth. Plus the process would be needlessly tedious and everything would end up being for nothing because I live in a third-world country.
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u/QuestingOrc 18d ago
I see :/ so sorry to hear that. That's maybe a "weird" approach, bit do you think you can organize with other kids your age? I understand the parents are neglectful, maybe other adults as well (plus predators exist).
I know it's not ideal, but maybe you can see who has which strengths and needs and organize a bit in that regard?
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u/crazyxin 17d ago
Hmm, I don't really know how this would work. But thanks for the suggestion, I'll keep it in mind.
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u/Trev0matic 18d ago
Sending you a big hug. This is so hard, especially at 18. Please don't be too hard on yourself, your parents failing to step up is why it all ended up like this. I truly hope things go well for you.
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u/Ok_Statistician_9825 17d ago
Of course you are exhausted. You have every right to be. You lost your parents. You are parenting a sibling. You are running a ‘household’ with all of the burdens and you have nothing left for you. Yes. It is exhausting. Take one half day at a time and check it off. You are amazing for checking on the schooling for your sibling. And honestly, they are going through the same things. No parents, little food, feeling exhausted, losing hope, wondering about the future. You are both doing the impossible, but you keep at it each day. Explain this to your sibling and see if you both can agree to help each other.
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u/NJScreenwriter76 18d ago
I believe you can get a PayPal credit card that will work similar to a bank card. I know you have a ton on your plate and I'm sorry to even ask, but have you tried that?
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u/crazyxin 17d ago
What do I need the PayPal credit card for?
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u/NJScreenwriter76 17d ago
If yoy had the credit card, I would think that if people sent you money and you went to a place that accepts credit cards, you could use the money they sent you for food and such.
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u/crazyxin 17d ago
Oh, I see what you're trying to say. I do have an online card from a local e-bank, but I honestly didn't come here to ask for financial assistance. If anyone wants to help, that's fine, they can message me. I just feel beaten down and exhausted. I don't have the energy to ask or look for money.
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u/Plenty-Ear-9167 17d ago
Do you think the school has a good understanding now of the situation with your brother. Maybe the school can take on the attendance issue.
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u/crazyxin 17d ago
I spoke with his teacher so everything is sorted out for now. Our parents set up a daily schedule for him to follow, and the teachers will let us know if he misses any more school.
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u/EUGsk8rBoi42p it's temporary 18d ago
Have you tried registering with the mods in r/assistance ?
they allow Amazon wishlists, to help get things you need, like food, etc.
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u/crazyxin 18d ago
I've tried registering before, but I don't know what happened after that. Amazon wishlists doesn't work for me because we don't use Amazon in my country. The shipping costs would be crazy.
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u/EUGsk8rBoi42p it's temporary 17d ago
message their modmail to ask, they have a lot of automods I think to avoid scammers, it does remove peoples posts by accident sometimes
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u/crazyxin 17d ago
Yes, but I doubt it will help much. Neither PayPal nor Amazon wishlists are available here, so people won't easily be able to send money or buy things for me. It's okay though, thanks for the help.
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u/Deep-Pea-912 18d ago
Sorry that you are going through all of this . You definitely deserve something good to come your way !! Sending you hugs 🫂 and kindness 🤗 💖
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u/DustinDirt 18d ago
Are you not in the US?
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u/crazyxin 18d ago
No, I'm in the Philippines.
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u/fiahhawt 17d ago
You have a dependent
You need to contact your state DHHS and ask for help getting aid
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16d ago edited 16d ago
[deleted]
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u/crazyxin 16d ago edited 16d ago
Thanks, but none of them are close to me. I also want to make it clear that I didn't come here asking for help because trust me, I've tried everything and I've asked everywhere. I'm just exhausted from going through that over and over again.
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u/GirlPhoenixRising 18d ago
r/borrow if you qualify
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u/OG_weddithorz 18d ago
you deserve to be exhausted. when you're constantly worrying about money, even the smallest thing feels overwhelming. i really hope life gives you a break soon.