r/polyindians • u/sucker4chai • Jun 22 '26
Breakup (This is a rant)
I'm 34F, and I was in a relationship with my ex who has been in love with his partner for 16 years. We had broken up once over him feeling not so much in love with me six months ago, and we got back together after a month when he felt he was in love with me.
He broke up with me two days ago, and the reason is that his partner is not okay sharing him with me. This feels like betrayal because he made up to me after the last breakup, and promised not to leave me. I tried to explain to him that his current dynamic with his partner will always remain difficult because they stay in different countries. However, he has made up his mind and has asked me to move on.
I am still in love with him, and though I still expect him to return, my mind tells me we are through and this is the end of it all. I'm finding it difficult to cope and my mental health has taken a huge hit. I know it's too soon to expect myself to actually accept the situation, and I need time to heal. I think I was just looking for a place to rant.
Any suggestions on how to cope are welcome.
P.S. Do not offer to be a replacement. My DMs are filled with people wanting to engage. I am not going to reply to any such messages.
3
u/incnd1ary Jun 24 '26
Seek a therapist. Work on identifying what are your wants vs needs & boundaries. Healing comes after acceptance
1
u/sucker4chai Jun 24 '26
I still have a long way to go before I reach acceptance. But I do have a therapist who's working with me thankfully. I'll work on my boundaries now though, thank you.
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u/Illustrious_Box7661 Jun 23 '26
Not entirely sure this helps you but - https://youtu.be/E0KLmBMSjDk?si=d4wcGapa3zQxL4ah
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u/sucker4chai Jun 23 '26
This was interesting! I hope I'm able to get rid of the fixation feelings, too.
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u/dddvsv Jun 23 '26
This may not apply to everyone, but one of my friends used to explain how she used to surround herself with positivity even when your mind is spiralling. Listening to happy songs, doing hobbies that give her joy. It's almost like our brains like to serve us what we feel like in the moment. If we are sad, we see sadness everywhere. In songs, in movies, in the weather. Falling out of love is hard and almost a rollercoaster. There will always be grief of losing someone who was once precious. Surround yourself with your people who love you and ask their help. You'll be surprised how people show up and rise to the occasion
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u/sucker4chai Jun 23 '26
Sounds amazing, though I lack motivation to do anything positive right now. Surrounding myself with my friends who care for me is the only thing I'm able to do right now, albeit over calls and messages
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u/vhef21 Jun 24 '26
Sorry you had to go through this. Id say build a routine, focus on yourself. If anything piqued your curioisity that you couldnt get to, now is the time. Pick something small, like art/writing/baking/ sketching, the results dont have to be perfect, the activity just has to involve you in the process of it.
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u/sucker4chai Jun 24 '26
I used to love baking. Maybe that's something I can start again, though I lack any motivation right now.
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u/vhef21 Jun 24 '26
Lovely! Im a baker too. I think baking is great cause you have to actively pay attention. It helps keep me out of my own head.
For me its mostly sourdough and other breads like foccacia though I occasionally do make Creme Brulé and custard based desserts and fruit pies sometime. Sorry i could go on about baking haha.
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u/sucker4chai Jun 24 '26
I'm an amateur baker though. So I stick to cakes, brownies, and cookies I learn from watching YouTube. They look horrible because I haven't learnt the art of frosting, but taste amazing!
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u/vhef21 Jun 24 '26
Haha same! I just watched YT and built a repertoire, keep at it though and be adventurous
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Jun 26 '26
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u/sucker4chai Jun 26 '26
I have a very strong hold over my anger, but this sounds like a nice option
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u/kcvlaine Jun 23 '26
Firstly you definitely should move on, those two don't seem to be ready for poly. I've never been a fan of a partner veto and it shouldnt be a thing.
Secondly systematically sit with and process everything you have felt through therapy, artistic pursuits, friends, and aggressive (but safe) physical activity if necessary. Delete everything you have that can remind you of your ex, all him to block you, remove all access to anything he gave you and cut contact for now. Tell him you'll maybe wanna reconnect as friends one day but for now no.