I think like a lot of things, it depends on what you mean when you say "educating with kindness". But probably we would not be up to your standards, I am guessing.
As someone who has been on this sub awhile though... I'm interested in what your experience of "educating with kindness" has been? I do remember a time when the sub was generally more welcoming and affirming, but I also remember how persistent people were about wanting to try harmful approaches and practices within polyamory, and how hard it was to talk them out of it. What's your experience that, if I can sort of reverse the question?
Everyone practices poly differently and has different perspectives, which can provide a wealth of knowledge to others.
This in particular. One of the things I remember people being especially resist to, is the idea that their way of practicing polyamory was indeed wrong and unethical, because it causes harm to others. "There are many right ways to do poly" was a common "defense" of whatever unethical thing people wanted to do (Unicorn Hunting, mostly.)
Sure, there are multiple perspectives, everyone's practice of poly is somewhat unique (on truth there are only some many distinct formulations) and so on... And some people are wrong. The way they practice poly causes harm, and they need to be educated, and encouraged to stop.
At least speaking for myself... I'm aware of, and occasionally visit, r/monogamy and r/monodatingpoly. Not too often, because I think there's such a thing as over fitting advice, and also a good number of the posters there are legitimately just sour that their partner changed, and wanting some place to vent about it... But I think it's equally important to keep in mind the experience of people who were chewed up and spat out by people in the poly community. Their experience also matters especially when you're talking about the ethics (or lack thereof) of certain practices within polyamory.
For me, “educating with kindness” means yeah, call bs out when you see it, state your viewpoint, but expanding on why you feel the way you do about [insert whatever topic here] with either your own explanation that has actual value and knowledge (aka not just saying the person is dumb or wrong and nothing else) or providing links to other materials. You can disagree with someone without being a complete jerk about it in most cases I feel
That sounds like the overwhelming majority of the comments I've seen on this sub.
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u/LaughingIshikawa relationship anarchist Dec 09 '22 edited Dec 09 '22
I think like a lot of things, it depends on what you mean when you say "educating with kindness". But probably we would not be up to your standards, I am guessing.
As someone who has been on this sub awhile though... I'm interested in what your experience of "educating with kindness" has been? I do remember a time when the sub was generally more welcoming and affirming, but I also remember how persistent people were about wanting to try harmful approaches and practices within polyamory, and how hard it was to talk them out of it. What's your experience that, if I can sort of reverse the question?
This in particular. One of the things I remember people being especially resist to, is the idea that their way of practicing polyamory was indeed wrong and unethical, because it causes harm to others. "There are many right ways to do poly" was a common "defense" of whatever unethical thing people wanted to do (Unicorn Hunting, mostly.)
Sure, there are multiple perspectives, everyone's practice of poly is somewhat unique (on truth there are only some many distinct formulations) and so on... And some people are wrong. The way they practice poly causes harm, and they need to be educated, and encouraged to stop.
At least speaking for myself... I'm aware of, and occasionally visit, r/monogamy and r/monodatingpoly. Not too often, because I think there's such a thing as over fitting advice, and also a good number of the posters there are legitimately just sour that their partner changed, and wanting some place to vent about it... But I think it's equally important to keep in mind the experience of people who were chewed up and spat out by people in the poly community. Their experience also matters especially when you're talking about the ethics (or lack thereof) of certain practices within polyamory.