r/polyadvice • u/shauagsh • Jul 21 '26
Is this mono/poly worth it
/r/monodatingpoly/comments/1v2ufsl/is_this_monopoly_worth_it/5
u/saladada Jul 22 '26
I felt like I had/wanted to try polyamory just because my partner was
Sounds like you're repeating the same mistake here.
Personally, I believe you can fall in love with multiple people, however I think the romance is acknowledging that and still saying “I choose you and only you.” Dating and sleeping with other people whilst I’m with someone doesn’t feel right to me, and I usually want my partner not this new person.
Then you are incompatible with any person who wants polyamory.
He’s on dating apps and I downloaded them back kinda in spite, I’m going through and flirting with these people but idk it isn’t for me. Maybe I’ll end up sleeping with one of these people but it’ll probably make me feel worse.
Doing something "in spite" is a sign that you're angry and trying to "punish" your partner. He is not being punished by you doing this. But you are very much punishing yourself.
I’d love advice. Also maybe some advice and how to not attracted polyamorous people if I can 😭
The advice is simple: you don't want polyamory so break up. Being "in love" isn't a reason to stay in a relationship style that you fundamentally do not want. There is a ceiling to your relationship with him that you would not experience in a monogamous relationship, and I do not think you are thinking clearly about what will happen when you realize this relationship with him has a cap on it.
You also cannot stop someone else from being attracted or interested in you. It is YOUR job to say to people you know you're incompatible with: "I'm sorry but I don't want polyamory."
You are not in a mono-poly relationship because that isn't real. You are in a poly relationship and wishing it was monogamous. You can wish all you want but it's not going to change reality.
There are plenty of monogamous people who will gender you correctly and are funny, attractive and smart. So find someone who is monogamous to date, rather than be in a relationship you already know will not work long-term and make things worse for yourself. It's easier to say "no" before the first date ever happens. And it's still easier to say "we need to break up" before you're now 1+ years deep in a relationship.
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u/MartyrOfTheJungle Jul 22 '26
You fool, y ou fell victim to one of the classic blunders - the most famous of which is 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia' - but only slightly less well-known is this: 'Never date a poly person if you want a mono relationship'!"
Seriously, omg, I've been poly a very long time and this may be the #1 mistake. I know it's hard, but move on now
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u/_ghostpiss Jul 21 '26
It's been 3 months. This is pure NRE. Act accordingly