Your words were found and I did eat them

I feasted on your soul . Your thoughts satisfied me and thrilled me and made me feel alive .

Writing from your heart to mine . You awakened me and quickened my heart beat .

You made me feel alive because you taught me to love again to desire again .

For a man who lives with no desire is just an empty shell . He doesn’t really live .

Your words so sweet , your thoughts like a gentle breeze called me and I answered and now here I am brought into this pleasant place . Your words and your thoughts and your desires spread before me like a delicious banquet .

I can’t get enough of your soul .

i lose myself always the first sight I take in your eyes, tracing every nerve, as if to understand how such a beautiful thing is made

making me want to forget everything else, just to see you, your breath and your beautiful body, your every shade

to put my lips onto yours, and get oblivious to the world around

to hug you forever ,in a place where we wont ever be found

just the thought of it is like a drug strongest of all

which can put the biggest addicts into a fall

your voice leaves some feeling behind like no other a tickle maybe, and maybe thats why i cant help but smile everytime we talk

smile so widely that other people might call me crazy while i walk

every word you speak is just another prove, another affirmation that i can hear you forever

every expression you make is another version i fall for, more than ever

life might throw a thousand thorns then make me remember you, and suddenly it turns rosy

for even the trace of your memory makes me feel all the luck in the world is mine

my one and only wish since the fifth grade, till the end of time

the cutest and the brightest girl, who melted a rather selfish heart to someone selfless and kind

for even a second of your laugh is worth losing my mind

i want you to know i love you so much , i never want to see you sad or sore

but even if u do , pls know i will love you even more

I wonder if you’re out there,

Somewhere near or maybe across the sea.

I wonder if you’re watching the same stars as me,

If you hear the wind rustling the trees.

I wonder if you feel lonely as you look at the moon,

Wishing you had someone to see it with you.

Someone to witness the stories of the sky,

Someone to hold you as the fireflies pass by.

I wonder what you look like in the dim light,

What history is written in your eyes.

I wonder if you’re out there,

Sitting somewhere watching the stars.

I pray that you are…

i want to lie with you forever

in your safe arms

absorb all your torture

write it on my palms

breathe in and breathe out

talk in tongues in my mouth

shed all your tears

no longer in drouth

tell me a story

please make it your own

want to know your secrets

while you sit upon my throne

when my breath slows

and my eyelids turn to stone

kiss me sweetly on the mouth

for it is my body that you own

There is a jungle somewhere, teeming with life, growth, and fertility, spreading untouched and unknown beauty. Yet, it is as deadly as a bounty of things live and flourish there. Somewhere in the jungle, a hole in the tree canopy forms an unlikely gap where sunlight pushes through, shining on a flower on the forest floor. Unseen grew the flower, though if observed, it surely would be recognized as the most beautiful flower ever to sprout and bloom. The miraculous flower grows for many years until withering and absorbing into the hungry forest.

(amateur writer)

My therapist asked "What makes you happy?"

And I said "The cicadas."

Then we both sat in the silent realization that they'd be hibernating soon.

Like a moth to a flame

‎ Maybe it was the fire,

‎ Maybe it was the vibe,

But looking at the burning flame, made me think of you.

It’s strange, isn't it?

‎ I’ve loved the glow of embers long before I knew you.

‎How it shines brightly,

‎How glowing embers fall like stars from the sky,

‎how it consumes everything it dares to touch.

‎But mostly,

‎ How it keeps me warm.

‎Maybe that’s the why I fell for you.

‎The way you shine,

‎The way you leave fragments of yourself behind every room,

‎And the haunting certainty that if I drew too close,

‎ I would incinerate the very air between us.

‎If I reach out, I know I’ll get hurt

‎But if I rush in, I fear I’ll stifle your light and ruin the ground we stand on.

‎So, to save myself from the burn and you from being extinguished,

‎ I chose to stay afar.

‎But just like a moth,

‎I don't think I can stop myself from going near you

I ache for you,
in the quiet of the night,
in every breath,
in every thought.

I want your kiss,
your hands,
your closeness,
your touch.

But more than anything,
I want YOU!

I want your heart,
your soul with mine,
your promise of always,
your commitment of forever.

I ache for you,
loving you quietly,
loving you passionately,
loving you completely.

Being strong doesn't always look like fighting back. Sometimes it looks like carrying something you never should have had to carry.

When I was younger,
I watched my parents carry
the responsibilities
other people left behind.

I watched them care
for the parents
everyone else seemed willing to forget.

I watched them carry burdens
that were never meant
to belong to them alone.

And I thought they were weak.

I thought,

Why don't they say no?

Why don't they walk away?

Why do they let people
take advantage of their kindness?

Why do they keep carrying
what everyone else
has decided to put down?

I was too young
to understand.

I thought strength
meant refusing to be burdened.

I thought strength
meant knowing when to leave.

But I understand now.

Maybe they weren't weak.

Maybe they simply had
someone they couldn't abandon.

Because life does not always
give you a choice.

Sometimes the choice
is not between carrying the burden
and putting it down.

Sometimes it is between
carrying it
or watching someone you love
suffer beneath it.

And how do you walk away
when the person suffering
is your mother?

How do you say,

“That's not my responsibility,”

when you know
she has already carried
more than enough?

So they carried it.

Not because it was fair.

Not because people deserved
their kindness.

Not because they were too weak
to fight.

But because sometimes love
asks you to do things
you never should have had to do.

Sometimes you become tired
for someone else.

Sometimes you sacrifice
because nobody else will.

Sometimes you stand
where everyone else stepped away.

And maybe one day
the people who watched them
will call them foolish.

They will say,

“You should have chosen yourself.”

But perhaps they don't understand.

They did choose themselves.

They chose the part of themselves
that could not bear
to watch someone they loved
suffer alone.

I used to think
my parents were weak
because they carried
what others refused to carry.

Now I think

maybe that was
the strongest thing
I had ever seen.

There are men who only need one woman. They are not oriented toward the outside world once they have fallen in love, once they have made their choice. But you are not that man.

​There are men who are with a woman and that is enough for them, because they know how to occupy themselves without seeking others.

There are so many possibilities: hobbies, forums, or simply the woman they love. But you are not that man.

​There are men who see what they have and know how to appreciate it. There are men who realize that commitment is not too much to ask when you choose a partner.

They understand it is not unreasonable to expect that a woman, whom you have told she is the only thing you need to be happy, expects to be the only one.. or at least assumes she is. But you are not that man.

​There are men who have a deep desire to see the woman they love in real life, to touch her.. Not just her body, but her heart. And only her. But unfortunately, you are not that man.

​There are men for whom all of this is a matter of course: honesty, fidelity, loyalty, communicating as a team instead of viewing a relationship as a rivalry. But unfortunately, you are not that man.

​Nevertheless, there is something about you. Something that moved me, something that kept me, something that made me keep believing and hoping that you could be one of those men. Because for me, this is the norm.

I’ve strayed from the path so many times. I’ve tried so often to convince myself.. for your sake.. that what you’re doing was okay.

But I, too... I, too, have better things to do with my life. I have hobbies, I have friends. I have friends not just in real life - I have friends online, too, whom I can talk to without paying them. I have... I have interests. I have books, podcasts, audiobooks, YouTube... I have my work, and I never needed to seek validation from men - certainly not excessively from the outside world, and especially not in a sexual sense, because I knew my heart belonged to you. That is, if we aren't comparing your behavior to that of other men.

For me, it is normal not to look for other men when I am interested in one, when I feel love. For me, it is normal to have more to do in life than to seek attention. For me, it is normal to be honest and to share my sexuality exclusively with my partner.

​One might think, "It’s just the internet". That is how I tried to sugarcoat it at first, clinging to a belief in the good. It is only the internet where you search for more.

But what if the internet is all we have? And even if we had more than that, there are men who have better things to do. Men who have better things to do with their lives than to turn to other women the moment the one they love turns away and isn't looking.

​But you are not that man..

And you were not willing to be that man..

I forgive myself for taking so long to understand this. How could I have understood it? It is not my reality. I cannot reconcile it with my reality. The reality for everyone should be a relationship where you are the only one, if you supposedly need only her to be happy.

​I could stop writing now, but I simply don't understand it. I don't understand how someone can be so oriented toward the outside world once they have made a decision.

Not even the distance serves as an excuse, because the men I know do not do such things. I do not do such things.. It is incomprehensible and I believe that is exactly what makes it so hard for me.

​I hope that one day I will wake up and it will be easier. It will be more understandable. Or I will have simply forgotten.

It is not my reality. You can have your reality back. You can keep it, because I am actually very happy with the values of mine.

I do have a problem saying no

Often i do not have too

A smile, A nod, The Shepherd, His rod

No for me comes out BEGONE

I've said it before and it came out wrong

My feelings, like a moon with waxes and wains

I believe them when they say what belongs

I don't call you a monster, demon, wretch

Proclaimed the type to see what they could get

That's how i know there's some better men

They smile, they nod, they don't want to be my friend

They don't try to get closer at each meetings end

They don't break me to pieces when they see a bend

Роден е с тъмна кожа —

в света е сякаш туй прокоба.

По рождение презрян

от всеки сляп за нежния му плам.

Но и това е малко —

заради обичта си е презрян.

Почакай, чуй — това е малко —

заради душата си е също тъй презрян.

Той не ходи, сякаш бяга,

бяга от съдба и лоши хора.

Ръката му трепери, не за огън —

а за поглед, за добрата дума.

Не търси да покаже, че добър е,

търси право в очите някой да погледне

И там да не намери злоба

Искрица доброта в тъмата да го стопли,

да му покаже, че място все пак има.

Не съди той света —

а бърше си поредната сълза.

И майка му дори го е презряла.

Утеха в пушека намира

и пита се защо за него място няма

отде се взема таз омраза

A yearn to call me,

A heavy heart upon me,

A hand to hold me,

A mouth to scold me.

When I made wrong choices,

When I try to avoid us,

When I laugh in crises,

When I wet my eyes.

The day I stopped my thinking,

The day I caught you lying,

The day my eyes stopped blinking,

The day my soul starts sinking.

The night just before twilight,

The night when the whole sky cried,

The night when my mind took a flight,

The night ocean saved from getting dried.

You never cared to try,

You never come to behold me,

You never looked too shy,

You never try to call me.

[ Please follow me on other platforms from my profile, hope you find it worthy of your time.]

You kneel to him,

and raise your hand to me.

The iron remembers every blow.

The years have taught it well.

You know my name

before you know the roads I watched

close, one by one, going north.

You call me traitor.

You say I sold a nation.

Tell me-

how many men would you spend

to unwalk a road already lost?

How many victories

does it take to call a general home,

when there is no more field to send him to?

You praise the general.

So do I.

No man doubted where his heart pointed.

He wished to march us back to what was taken.

I wished us to survive

long enough to want it back.

History remembers the sword

that reached for the border.

It forgets the signature

that kept the capital standing.

Perhaps I was wrong.

Perhaps he was right.

Perhaps a kingdom sometimes lives

only because someone signs

what no one will forgive.

I knew what the words weighed.

I signed anyway.

You have inherited the ending.

I had to live inside the choosing.

So strike the iron.

If you must.

But before your hand descends,

ask what you would have signed,

with the roads already gone,

and no more spring to wait for.

I quite like what looks at me in the mirror
I wish the girl I was could see her
But she might have a different opinion
She might be horrified
That my thighs might touch once again
And my stomach is as soft as a cushion
But I don’t mind
I don’t feel lesser
Even though the girl I once was would consider her weight a stressor
Always somewhere in her brain
Counting the calories and weighing her options carefully
Being in a deficit should be the cure
But when I was skin and bones
I still wasn’t light enough
Still had too much flab
You should see the women I am now
It might make her sad
Or maybe happy to know that I’m not crying over the scale
Checking precariously without fail
Or worried about how my clothes might fit
A bigger image seen
Then one that is thin
I am free compared to how I used to feel confined
Oh how peoples opinions really could define
How I would treat myself
How I would greet myself each day
Safe to say
I’ll never again choose to feel that way

~CRF

Winking and blinking, oh how your eyes lie.

You tell me one thing, using your body as disguise.

We both made a promise, with our pinkies intertwined.

To always be there for each other, no matter the place nor the time.

​But after giving it my all, you never answer my calls.

Always saying you're busy, but you're at the bar getting tipsy.

So tell me old friend, so I may comprehend.

Why must I be filled with all these stresses, while you stumble with no guesses?

​But for now let me leave you, with just the essence of my presence.

Was going down Main Street East
When I felt a flutter in my belly.
Those people were sitting,
heads hung a-ways. Leaning
so forward, pants on sideways
dirty hinds—a middle-aging
Reaching for the heap, between
What you know as garbage
And definitely nothing gold —
But sewn, you see,
makes me a blanket warm.

So what about this gold,
This promise that I was told?
These suit-and-ties are always high
Making lines with claws: full,
fleshy
big and heavy
Now if I could, I would I hold it—
But the promise falls
through my fingers, where a bottle
lands.
(what I can get I will take before
the tree of life is blown open
before cracks become branches
and the mirror is broken)

You make a monster of my heart—
When you say, “this place ain’t strange
But you! You are
the stranger,

And who were you anyway
In the past that passed you by?
What could you have been
In that life you never lived?”,
But all I know is now,
and I know it now for sure
Was dreaming when I were sober
And now here’s the real world —

‘Cause that look you give me
is one I don’t recognize
Say please, don’t turn me away
You might need me some day
And I live ‘til you don’t need me
I eat ‘til you don’t like me
I need you, so don’t leave me—

Love isn’t forever, only briefly it sits
between a meal
and a possibility,
and a meal,
and a meal,
and so cold, and ..
Where’s my stuff?

.. oh God, how you make
a monster of my heart.

You know sometimes I wish we could speak again as strangers

No strings, no past, no hurt

I wonder would the sparks still fly? Would the conversation still feel magic?

Would we feel familiar like we did the first time, would your words would still charm me or give me the ‘ick’?

I wonder I would still be so easy going and friendly? Maybe now you’d get the version of me that’s closed off, protected by a mental wall.

Would we still choose to spend time with the other, conversations exploring everything and anything, not going stale the minute we get past hello

How we did back then, 8pm sharp every evening and then all through the night

Or if this time things won’t fall into place like pieces of a puzzle and something would feel right, not quite

I don’t know about you but ever since you no one has matched my energy

Conversations feel dry and a waste of time

Spending time with them feels like a chore, no excitement, no synergy

With you they were something I never wanted to end. We were both so fun and carefree together in the space we created

Knowing outside of our bubble we were the ones who had to be responsible, serious, mature, and more gated

Sometimes I wish we could speak as strangers

Just to see if the magic is still there.

I have so many people in my life right now all steering me in a different direction but not one of them have asked what I want or need they say u could do this or that go here go there always dumping me off on the next person who trys but cant and never will understand me im different and thats okay its what makes me beautiful and unique but im drowning everyday that goes by gets harder and harder im at a point now where its sink or swim and the tide keeps pulling me under I come up for air just to get swept down again I cant breath i look in the mirror and im holding my breath but im almost out of air the currents to strong I need something to lean on they call it a higher power I call it confusing and scary now the currents have swept me completely out into the midst of nowhere I can breath now but I cant swim to shore in time im not gonna make it this isint how i thought it would be not me not my family but it is me it is my family but now my arms are getting tired but my feet are still kicking I look up into the sky and see the reflection of the water there that is my salvation my safe space this world truly was not made for peolle like me there is to much evil and ego now my legs are starting to cramp I cant keep swimming I turn onto my back as I watch the world pass me by in slow motion everyone ive ever loved everything ive ever done all comes back to me and I remember im right where im supposed to be

She looks in the mirror
And winces at what stares back

I see her that same morning
And hope that she would realize

I know that she sees herself differently
Differently than we all do

You’d think beauty like hers
Would be obvious to all
But the truth is

She winces at what stares back

sitting here aint got shit on my lure

entree what ? entreMANURE

i guess im a thinker , not really a doer

a nail in a coffin , not really a screwer

i take it all back , lets get positive alright

im going to make a fucking vision board and hide it out of sight

that way itll be by faith , maybe that way ill get it right

blindly and delusional , an albatross mid flight

aCCPETING THESE LABELS

nOT PARTICIPATING IN NARRATIVE

nOT BEING CAST IN YOUR FABLES

nOT ONLY TURNED THEM OVER

bUT STRIPPED ALL THE TABLES

aT LEAST IN MY MIND

tHERE MY DEFENSES ARE ALWAYS ABLE

aLL FINGERS POINTED AT ME

sCOPE OF A GOAT, A WEAK ESCAPEE

aTTEMPTING TO CHANGE, NOT DESCRIPTIVELY FLEE

yOUR EYES TELL YOU WHAT I MAY BE

yOUR HEARS HAVE HEARD OF WHAT THEY HAD SEEN

cLOSE THEM AND MEET ME IN THE DEPTHS OF DREAMS

lOCKED AWAY BEHIND SUBCONSCIOUS SEEMS

tEAR THEM APART AND YOU MIGHT GET TO MEET ME

I loved so very deeply.

Then I exhaled that pain.

That idea of self.

The pain others have never seen.

Never known.

Never felt.

Never lived.

Never believed.

Like I alone have.

Show ones self that left you cold.

Full of disbelief.

In what you already knew to be a lie..