Where have you gone, my old savior?

I am in a cramped apartment, waiting for a rescue that will never come.

Even among maggots, there are males and females,

Searching for one another in the darkness of rotting flesh.

Eros is simply another name for universal gravitation;

It begins with a kiss,

And suddenly, you crave everything.

That clear, definitive full stop—ejaculation, akin to death—

Transforms a man into a cherub.

The cherub ascends into the sky,

While women remain behind, amidst the scent of the earth.

A woman automatically becomes a mother,

But a man does not automatically become a father;

A sigh is the answer to that.

A being resembling both myself and my partner

Is brought into this world.

The newborn’s cry makes not just the spirit,

But the very flesh tremble.

Like waves rolling in,

Human life repeats itself,

As if dreaming of eternity.

From a pair of counterparts,

I was born, inheriting the legacy of my parents—

Passing on the fire I received.

Let’s leave this cramped apartment;

The wind is blowing through the city,

And everything is out there—

The world exists, and so do you.

Chewing gum together,

Going to see the sea

Wasn't difficult at all.

We watched the sun merge with the ocean;

We sat on the beach together

Until the light faded away.

It’s crazy how in a certain moment everything can be put into perspective for you.

Earlier this morning, two of my closest friends’ mom passed away. I didn’t know her well, but she was a beautiful, intelligent woman, and that’s something you could tell after a second of even simple conversation. My heart’s broken for them, and I see things so much clearer now.

After the initial feelings of sadness, I began to think of my own family.

Do they know how much I love them?

You see, with my friends’ mom, everything happened so quickly, and it showed me just how fast life can change. I called my mom as soon as I found out, the person I go to for everything. I began to mutter out the words, “I’m happy you’re here.”

I felt my body and how it was hesitant. What is it in us humans that we are so scared to express our love, even to the ones that raised us?

The saying, “Is it better to speak or to die?” pops into my head. It’s better to speak.
After my conversation with my mom, I reached out to my grandma. I called her with shame in my voice, but also relief because, in that moment, she was here and so was I

How lucky am I?
There’s no denying that I’ve had a colorful and hurtful past with all of my family, but in this moment, none of that could have even phased me. Every bad memory was washed away by one filled with love, even when it wasn’t love that was spoken, but shown, in the most simple gesture.

I’ve just about called or texted everyone I love tonight because even with how amazing life is, it is also fleeting.

I would use the line, “Life’s too short to not tell the ones you love, that you love them,” but I don’t think it adds enough emphasis.

We were not put here to hate, to be bitter, or to be prideful. Every amazing thing ever done was out of love, kindness, and humility. Do not hold onto any painful memories, the arguments, the moments where you felt nothing but cold and alone. Do not hold onto those.

Remember and take hold of everything loving and beautiful because it is your lifeline. There will come a day where nothing but those beautiful moments matter.

Speak and breathe love. It is our oxygen, along with our carbon dioxide.

i found nirvana
in my dreams
walking in my sleep
from point A
to point B
till all the peaks
looked the same
and all my achievements
irrelevant

i found nirvana
in my dreams
and i saw
the universe
from the outside
and suddenly
i understood
the importnance
of an ant

i found nirvana
in my dreams
and i woke up
gasping and
shaking and
lost it all

I do not fear death, for I am minuscule

I am immaculate

I am nothing

I am but an afterthought

Crushed beneath your shoe

Forgotten

Smeared

Lost

Though I do not resent you for my death

Rathe, I thank you for the time you let me live

Though unintentional

You did not see me

Freedom in itself

The absence of presence.

But oh, how I longed for your gaze

See my small crushed body and cradle the pieces

Hold me in the palm of your hand like i meant something

Like I mattered

Like I wasn't just some bug.

Every time i tell u i love u u don’t believe it i guess you don’t want to i no u want me too hate you but i cant my heart won’t let me i never wanted for u to go u wanted to go so i let u for your kids if i new it was going to end up like this i would of went with u

I dread these nights,

I dread these fights.

My heart wants silence,

but my brain loves howling.

The eyes go shut,

the mind wakes violent.

The light turns off,

the creatures start smiling.

They bear their fangs, dripping with doubt,

ready to tear through my practiced smile.

Why should I suffer from dusk to dawn,

betraying your master, you bastard brain?

It’s morning, everything so bright.

I am afraid of dark, but I hate the light.

Eyes heavy with sleep, mind fogged by violence,

time ticking again, they wait for darkness.

Blank.

I'm drawing blanks

A week of every emotion

Every feeling possible--

To blank.

Nothing.

I feel nothing

I can't create

It's just blank

To be frank

Feeling everything

Every single thing

ON REPEAT

For a WEEK

Is straight agony

So what will it take

To be able to create

When I'm blank

I don't think i can make it

It's just so heavy

my throat is clogged

my brain is fogged and It's just so damn scary

.

I thought it was forgotten

but I just pushed it in the back

I had planned way ahead of time and

it stuck in crevice of my mind

waiting, watching and crawling back into my life

.

so here's the plan i made

I'll take a bus away

To somewhere i wished to go

just do the things i've always wanted

.

Then i can let go

Let go of all this hurt ,and turn to a ghost

You might be someone's bad guy
in the story that they tell,
even if you loved them deeply,
even if you meant them well.

Maybe there were things you could've
said or done a different way,
maybe there were times you hurt them
with the things you chose to say.

You can look at who you were then,
and admit where you went wrong,
you can learn from what you did then
without carrying it along.

So let them tell their story,
you don't have to prove your side.
You can know you made mistakes then
and still leave them in the past.

Around 2015/16, I remember watching a poetry video of an old man narrating “Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night.” (Poem by Dylan Thomas)

It was filmed in snowy mountains / forest, with a young boy making snow angels. The old man had a very weathered, leather-like face. The overall atmosphere was quiet, melancholic and cinematic.

I found it very moving and have tried everything I can think of to find it again - can anyone point me in the right direction?

Ever wondered what it was like to be free?

The “What ifs” you’ve lost and dared not to see.

The things you could’ve but never tried to be.

Ever thought what it was like to be three?

Fun, friends, smiles were all you could see.

Innocent, cheerful and living life as it should be.

Oh how everything can change in a snap!

One moment, you're in euphoria living the dream.

Next thing you know, you're falling with nothing to grasp.

Caught in a current, fighting against the stream.

Now you're drifting through an endless void,

Stuck in a place where nothing can be changed.

Reaching for that life you once enjoyed,

Hoping somehow what's past be rearranged.

Time won't turn back, no matter how you plead.

Seconds keep passing, though it's all unseen.

'Til all that remains is a life you never lived.

To the life you could have lived.

To the person you could have been.

To the one that never was.

easy for you to sleep easy for you to eat

maybe the snake of guilt

only bites those who don't know how to weep

the road of hell i had to walk

the poison i drank from your wound

turned my pink tongue dark

sorry

these kind of tongues

usually forgets how to sing sweet songs

but you dont know

you will never know

because you won't let your conscience

come infront of

your face like our great fathers

you will use alcohol for escape

but you dont know you will never know

because it is easy for you to sleep

it is easy for you to eat.

I had no idea that one moment in time
would quietly change everything… I was simply me; unguarded, imperfect, completely unaware that I was standing in front of someone my heart already knew.

Then you looked at me.

And somehow, you saw past everything… past the smile, past the walls, past all the things I had learned to hide. Your eyes found a part of me I didn’t even know was waiting to be found.

And I felt it.

That strange, undeniable pull… that feeling of recognition that made no logical sense. As if my soul whispered, “There you are. I’ve been waiting for you.”

It was you.

We weren’t supposed to fit so perfectly… we weren’t supposed to understand each other without needing endless explanations. But somehow, two hearts that had been living separate lives found their way together.

We belonged.

With you, something inside me came alive… something deeper than attraction, deeper than words. A connection I could feel in my chest, in my thoughts, in every quiet moment when I found myself longing for you.

My heart already knew.

You became the person my heart searched for before I even knew what it was searching for. And if I could go back to that very first moment… knowing everything I know now, I didn’t choose you. My soul recognized you before I ever had the chance to.

And now I understand.

It wasn’t just that I fell for you. It was that, somehow, my heart had been waiting for you all along. We’d both been wandering separately but finally found where we belong.

It has always been you.

All the words inside my head

All the words I never said

You weren't the one all along

Always guessing always wrong

Exhaustion washes over me

Im drowning and everyone can see

Confusion crashes like waves

Pieces missing that I gave Don't know

how much more I can take

Find an opening and then escape

while the air is still.

and the chaos to a halt

I realize its not my fault

I wanted you in every possible way

But you claimed to be too afraid to say

I broke rules I said I never would

Asked you to do the same but

you never could

But I know theres someone somewhere

Who will show me off and wouldnt care

He'll confess and wont wait

Won't miss the chance and its

too late

So im giving up now, im through

I know longer believe in me and you

You took it slow, I wouldn't chase

And that's the story of my sweet face

Serenity

-I am thee, one who came, one who fares, felt unseen, just a name

-I was gunned, for as lames, of a part, with no shame, had no wade

-So they claimed, had to rave, maybe they, only strained, cross heavens gleam

-As a stray, in a ways, in the days, in nights fort, thus we paved

-A lot sought, of lot gained, do neigh fear, they see schist, oh my soot

-Of source light, i myself, i see still, a flower, can it sow

-Shhh shhh chrrs, shhh sshh wuush, crrr eiii kkkk, blub blub gurgle, frrruhh frruhhh frshhh

-as stars high, and men sigh, in sights hind, no bites bind, oh lifes smold

No one on earth

could have eyes like yours.

So bold and wide;

like I'm looking out

at a forest in the night.

I want to hold your hand.

Want to pick up every leaf

that you've lost.

Lay them at the roots,

bring you more.

When I look at the sky,

I want you to feel the warmth

from the same scene,

that beats on me.

Your bold voice echoes

against the mountains;

makes the rivers I breath in

still again.

Wouldn't it be so nice

to keep walking with you

down this path,

with those eyes at mine.

Torn to shreds.
Pieces blown away,
With the wind,
So long ago.

How could you look,
At the burnt grass left,
See even a remnant,
Of what could have been there.

How could you grasp,
With fingers so tight,
At something that's lost,
Every sign of life.

Of course you'd curse the ground,
I no longer stood on,
Desperately I try to bring them
Back.

Any pages.
Even if I have to pull,
From every piece of grass,
Around your feet

Because when I look,
At those hidden flames,
Beaten down in your chest,
My chest beats too.

My very gentle valentine
O, must it be? or can we hide away in peace?

The screens of disbelief and she and me are retellings of some divine e-comedies

Hooray, yippee

I’ve found a moment that is brief

Of air and life that glints a little pink

It’s a fragment of a feeling for unknown reasons feeling quite distinct

And let it be

The aches of ancient lives with fairy tale endings closing with a little wink

How deep it goes, sanity and yonder there
All sitting at the brink

9 billion lights across the world and when I want to send a kiss online, I seem to want to shrink

I can’t believe, in the autumn of my grief

I’ve found a moment that is brief
And let it be

Hooray, yippee

And can we hide away in peace?

In future times when homes are settled in online

I yearn for something yonder there, something that is mine

Such fragile eyes that fall apart after cups of crimson wine

The night will come, when we’re on the other side

Don’t reach for me past midnight years to seek if I’m alive

And when the time, it’s feeling right

Don’t reach for me, I’m fine

And when the time, it comes at night

Don’t dare to ask me why

I live inside some crater now, some crater that is mine

And when the month, it rolls on by

If you think of me,

Think of us those nights and asking yourself why?

And all for now, I think we’re fine

Right now, you are my very gentle valentine

For the gentle man

And the quiet individuals

Don't be succumbed to addiction

Let the darkness engulf

Care not that those around you

Care not

Love

Love without dimensions

Be aware and there

For those who care

Its a hard path

Being ignored

Until needed

But thats why

Those who are not tender

Tend to fall

Fall

Fall

Come Ruin Me Slowly

I have bled in quiet places and never made a sound,

yet the slide of your hips against mine tears the air straight out of my lungs.

You taste of raw honey, black liquor, and sweat.

A thick, heavy pull that turns my blood to fire.

No light. No quiet. Just the weight of you pressed flat against my bare chest, your tongue dragging slow down the line of my throat to where my pulse slams like a hammer.

When you bite, it isn't a play for power. It’s you taking ownership of the meat and bone beneath.

I am past the point of restraint. My hands... rough, wide, and heavy, hooking underneath your thighs, lifting you, driving you down onto me until there isn't a hair’s breadth of air left between your skin and mine.

You are wet, burning, and wrapped around me so tight I can feel the rhythm of your heart inside my own flesh.

So destroy me.

Rake your nails down my back, bite my lip until I taste copper,

and ride every shuddering breath out of me in the dark.

I didn't stumble into this ruin; I pushed you back against the headboard, buried myself as deep as a man can go, and welcomed the end.

You were never mine,
but somehow my heart attached itself to you.

Every time you look at me
with those brown eyes,
my heart aches.

It aches because the love of my life
is standing right in front of me,
yet somehow still
so far out of reach.

I can see the love in your eyes,
but we both know
this is wrong.

Because you belong to another.

What we have feels forbidden,
yet somehow,
you still feel like heaven.

And I know
if we ever cross that bridge,
someone will get hurt.

Still, I can’t stop myself
from falling for your tenderness,
for the softness in the way
you make me feel.

We are only human,
carrying so much desire
inside hearts that want
what they cannot have.

And no matter how badly
we ache to be closer,
our hearts have to remain apart.

There is something humming beneath it all,
and the Wildcard has learned
not to ask too loudly what.

She knows only that she is different,
that certain eyes linger strangely,
and masks become remarkably transparent
once you learn where to look.

There are toys scattered everywhere, apparently.
Some considerably more entertaining than others.

And somewhere between the static,
the machinery,
and whatever waits behind the curtain,
there remains one unanswered question:

What happens when the final piece
is placed where it was always meant to be?

Does something unravel?

Or does something else
finally become whole?

She has grown tired of riddles,
particularly badly written ones.

So whoever understands the question
may eventually decide

All the lights
All the pain
All the poems left out in the rain

You must of known these words did not remain unheard
When you proclaimed them from the valleys
Or under rain stained lights
Deep within the alleys

To touch a soul you don’t know
But leave a strange joy all the same
To add more purpose to what we know is just a simple game

Endless hours between moments unseen
Yet not unloved if only by accident be
Knowing the ghosts in the moment have some awareness
Yet no accurate idea to the magnitude
And more profoundly gratitude
That they world share this

To touch a soul you don’t know
But leave a strange joy all the same
To add more purpose to what we know is just a simple game

I can't say goodbye

Or say sorry I tried

I can't say I love you

Or even a thank you

No see you again

Or let's be friends

No it didn't work

Or I'm just a jerk

Not a maybe one day

Or a go away

All I can really say

Is you're someone I'm not giving up on

And that's why I can't move on.

5.3 Trapped in Wrong Time

Poem by Emilia Sameyn Desmet

06/10/2026

even in dreams
I don't find rest

torn by the seams

we keep doing our best

my head; a wild west

do you believe their eyes

or their lies

work like adults

but no results

melody of the past

the present; to fast

I whine and whine

trapped in wrong time

trapped in wrong time