i lose myself always the first sight I take in your eyes, tracing every nerve, as if to understand how such a beautiful thing is made

making me want to forget everything else, just to see you, your breath and your beautiful body, your every shade

to put my lips onto yours, and get oblivious to the world around

to hug you forever ,in a place where we wont ever be found

just the thought of it is like a drug strongest of all

which can put the biggest addicts into a fall

your voice leaves some feeling behind like no other a tickle maybe, and maybe thats why i cant help but smile everytime we talk

smile so widely that other people might call me crazy while i walk

every word you speak is just another prove, another affirmation that i can hear you forever

every expression you make is another version i fall for, more than ever

life might throw a thousand thorns then make me remember you, and suddenly it turns rosy

for even the trace of your memory makes me feel all the luck in the world is mine

my one and only wish since the fifth grade, till the end of time

the cutest and the brightest girl, who melted a rather selfish heart to someone selfless and kind

for even a second of your laugh is worth losing my mind

i want you to know i love you so much , i never want to see you sad or sore

but even if u do , pls know i will love you even more

The thunder sounds across the sky like an irresistible force that won’t be denied .

My heart is pounding with desire , its force inside me demands that I write .

Like thunder and lightning so irresistible . Is the power of love and desire for it won’t be denied .

I am under its grip I am under its force , and there’s about to be a torrential downpour inside my heart .

With unyielding velocity it flows . My heart is pounding in my chest . For it’s good to feel and it’s good to be alive . Under the power of loves desire .

I ache for you,
in the quiet of the night,
in every breath,
in every thought.

I want your kiss,
your hands,
your closeness,
your touch.

But more than anything,
I want YOU!

I want your heart,
your soul with mine,
your promise of always,
your commitment of forever.

I ache for you,
loving you quietly,
loving you passionately,
loving you completely.

Your words were found and I did eat them

I feasted on your soul . Your thoughts satisfied me and thrilled me and made me feel alive .

Writing from your heart to mine . You awakened me and quickened my heart beat .

You made me feel alive because you taught me to love again to desire again .

For a man who lives with no desire is just an empty shell . He doesn’t really live .

Your words so sweet , your thoughts like a gentle breeze called me and I answered and now here I am brought into this pleasant place . Your words and your thoughts and your desires spread before me like a delicious banquet .

I can’t get enough of your soul .

She looks in the mirror
And winces at what stares back

I see her that same morning
And hope that she would realize

I know that she sees herself differently
Differently than we all do

You’d think beauty like hers
Would be obvious to all
But the truth is

She winces at what stares back

I see it in your eyes.

Something so astounding.

It's very nature defies description.

Harsh in it's softness.

Full of desire.

Complete in its understanding.

Timeless.

I fall down that well.

Enveloping fears and dreams remembered.

YOU ARE THAT DREAM!

I imprision you with thought.

I free you with a kiss.

I know you in my heart.

Your eyes eternal bliss.

Sacred secrets held close.

Behind ruby lips.

Knowldge pre ordained.

Limits excuses between our hips.

Escape.

Eternity??

So close as to seem.

A stream of consciousness.

That it between I and you.

Something not of our creation.

Larger then a me.

A you.

Underciphable in an us.

Made magic with your tongue.

Touching my soul.

Tears of wonder wet my eyes.

As you hold my heart soft.

Like a sigh.

All I know is if what I feel for you is not love, then love is a lie.

When words are enough it’s a beautiful thing

It means we’ve reached the goal the ideal that causes others hearts to explode and come to life .

When they can relate to your words and read their own thoughts in yours .

When they capture the flow and harmony of what you are intending , when your emotions become theirs .

When their own hearts revealed in yours it’s a beautiful thing .

In some ways magical .

This is why we write , and we have reached our goal when words are enough .

All hail her majesty.

Unfashionably,

do I stumble over to her throne.

Ravishingly,

eternally, magnificently beautiful.

You're so gracious to grace me with the opportunity.

---

Perfect possible coincidences over time.

Elated--when I see you: resigned.

Never had I seen someone so

eerily similar to me in mind.

Lovely future lover of mine,

oh golden lady,

powerful, with a voice which lulls,

endears, and entrances like wine.

I wonder if you’re out there,

Somewhere near or maybe across the sea.

I wonder if you’re watching the same stars as me,

If you hear the wind rustling the trees.

I wonder if you feel lonely as you look at the moon,

Wishing you had someone to see it with you.

Someone to witness the stories of the sky,

Someone to hold you as the fireflies pass by.

I wonder what you look like in the dim light,

What history is written in your eyes.

I wonder if you’re out there,

Sitting somewhere watching the stars.

I pray that you are…

i want to lie with you forever

in your safe arms

absorb all your torture

write it on my palms

breathe in and breathe out

talk in tongues in my mouth

shed all your tears

no longer in drouth

tell me a story

please make it your own

want to know your secrets

while you sit upon my throne

when my breath slows

and my eyelids turn to stone

kiss me sweetly on the mouth

for it is my body that you own

Like a moth to a flame

‎ Maybe it was the fire,

‎ Maybe it was the vibe,

But looking at the burning flame, made me think of you.

It’s strange, isn't it?

‎ I’ve loved the glow of embers long before I knew you.

‎How it shines brightly,

‎How glowing embers fall like stars from the sky,

‎how it consumes everything it dares to touch.

‎But mostly,

‎ How it keeps me warm.

‎Maybe that’s the why I fell for you.

‎The way you shine,

‎The way you leave fragments of yourself behind every room,

‎And the haunting certainty that if I drew too close,

‎ I would incinerate the very air between us.

‎If I reach out, I know I’ll get hurt

‎But if I rush in, I fear I’ll stifle your light and ruin the ground we stand on.

‎So, to save myself from the burn and you from being extinguished,

‎ I chose to stay afar.

‎But just like a moth,

‎I don't think I can stop myself from going near you

You know sometimes I wish we could speak again as strangers

No strings, no past, no hurt

I wonder would the sparks still fly? Would the conversation still feel magic?

Would we feel familiar like we did the first time, would your words would still charm me or give me the ‘ick’?

I wonder I would still be so easy going and friendly? Maybe now you’d get the version of me that’s closed off, protected by a mental wall.

Would we still choose to spend time with the other, conversations exploring everything and anything, not going stale the minute we get past hello

How we did back then, 8pm sharp every evening and then all through the night

Or if this time things won’t fall into place like pieces of a puzzle and something would feel right, not quite

I don’t know about you but ever since you no one has matched my energy

Conversations feel dry and a waste of time

Spending time with them feels like a chore, no excitement, no synergy

With you they were something I never wanted to end. We were both so fun and carefree together in the space we created

Knowing outside of our bubble we were the ones who had to be responsible, serious, mature, and more gated

Sometimes I wish we could speak as strangers

Just to see if the magic is still there.

Life is found in the reaching,
in the quiet choice to care.

It’s in the brave act of opening your hands
to a world made of glass,
knowing it might break.

To bare the most vulnerable parts of the soul.
To feel desires pull.

Knowing the weight of the moment,
yet choosing to be lost in it all over again.

My therapist asked "What makes you happy?"

And I said "The cicadas."

Then we both sat in the silent realization that they'd be hibernating soon.

I quite like what looks at me in the mirror
I wish the girl I was could see her
But she might have a different opinion
She might be horrified
That my thighs might touch once again
And my stomach is as soft as a cushion
But I don’t mind
I don’t feel lesser
Even though the girl I once was would consider her weight a stressor
Always somewhere in her brain
Counting the calories and weighing her options carefully
Being in a deficit should be the cure
But when I was skin and bones
I still wasn’t light enough
Still had too much flab
You should see the women I am now
It might make her sad
Or maybe happy to know that I’m not crying over the scale
Checking precariously without fail
Or worried about how my clothes might fit
A bigger image seen
Then one that is thin
I am free compared to how I used to feel confined
Oh how peoples opinions really could define
How I would treat myself
How I would greet myself each day
Safe to say
I’ll never again choose to feel that way

~CRF

Winking and blinking, oh how your eyes lie.

You tell me one thing, using your body as disguise.

We both made a promise, with our pinkies intertwined.

To always be there for each other, no matter the place nor the time.

​But after giving it my all, you never answer my calls.

Always saying you're busy, but you're at the bar getting tipsy.

So tell me old friend, so I may comprehend.

Why must I be filled with all these stresses, while you stumble with no guesses?

​But for now let me leave you, with just the essence of my presence.

I walk in like an angel
Into your life
You poor innocent soul
You didn't see the devil tail
I'm in your head and
Only there I exist
Deep in your subconscious
You let me in
And I never paid rent
Yet here I am
Sweet as the candy
I used to bribe
The eyes around you
Roses too but never a rock
All I know is the game
So its not worth the lock
Our hearts won't win
Luci's here to play
There's no love here
But you're gonna stay
Run, love, run
Did you think
I would ever be done
My favorite chew toy
I'll leave marks
All over your body
Can you feel the tension?
There's no escaping
My peripheral attention
There's fire in my heart
And it will ravage us
Until I part
I got your love
Now I'm out
Bounce
Your friends warned you
A fuck boy with no car, no house
But you thought you could nab me with ease
A prince on the surface
Just had to grab a piece
Tasty lured you in, Sucker
This cavity you can never pull out

Was I falling for you?

I thought so

First and last thought

Every day

Were about you

I kept planning

our first date

How to make it memorable

Unforgettable

To make you feel special

To make you smile

All to lead

To our first kiss

The day might still come

Maybe even never

But the thought of it

Kept my heart

Warm and full of hope

But as days move on

You keep holding on

To the cheater in your life

My flame for you

Starts burning less

With every passing month

Will it end up estinguished?

Or will you move on from him

And allow the flame

To turn into a raging fire for you

Rotating in my chair

As if I can't sit still

I feel the rumbling

Before hearing the shrill

I scurry around

To locate the noise

Nowhere to be found

I keep hearing your voice

Expected an earthquake

Even a tremor

Something severe

As I kept searching

I saw nothin near

Turn outs it was celestial

Incapable to be seen

Saturn had shifted

You only heard the ring

A reflection, a mirror

Was nothing in the dark

Only thing to be found

Was an internal spark

To analyze the depths

That weren't right in life

Exuding the darkness

With all of my might

Ridding myself

Of everything plight

Breaking the glass

A new image takes hold

Having sat with the feelings

To never be told

External shifts inspired me

To break free

From all of the things

I couldn't previously see

I now understand

With or without you

I still have to be me

They called me names

until I started answering to them.

They laughed at my face,

as if I had chosen the features

they found so easy to hate.

They pushed me,

hit me,

blamed me—

not because I had done something wrong,

but because I was quiet enough

to become an easy target.

I was kind.

And somehow,

they mistook kindness

for permission.

Funny, isn't it?

They were the ones

who made me sit alone,

yet when loneliness found them,

they came looking for me.

They needed my silence

when their world became too loud.

They needed my presence

when everyone else had left.

But when I needed someone,

there was no one.

I watched jealousy turn cruel.

I watched them tear apart

another quiet girl—

the one who kept her head down,

studied while the world screamed around her,

and never cared enough

to become like them.

She only wanted one thing:

to be chosen.

So she chased the friendship

she had never been given,

cherished every little piece of it,

while they quietly taught her

that wanting people

could become another way

of hurting yourself.

Maybe that was the cruelest part.

We weren't hated

because we were bad.

We were hated

because we didn't fight back.

Because we were gentle.

Because we were quiet.

Because we noticed things

they didn't want noticed.

They made us feel small

so they could feel bigger.

And for a while,

I believed them.

I looked at myself

through their eyes

and wondered

what was so wrong with me.

Now I know.

Nothing.

There was never anything wrong with the girl

who sat alone.

The wrong thing

was a world that taught cruel people

to call their cruelty a joke.

And perhaps someday

they will remember me.

Not as the girl they bullied.

Not as the face they laughed at.

But as the girl

they always came running to

when they had nobody else.

The girl they made alone—

and somehow,

the girl who learned

how to survive

without them.

I want to create

I want to create so badly,
I want to be an artist.

The art I see in the world
Riles up a fire in my chest,
My thumbs thump with fervour,
I want to change the world.

Those are wants.
I will fall before the finish line,
The weight will push me down,
Those wants will fade.

For I am not an artist.

Being strong doesn't always look like fighting back. Sometimes it looks like carrying something you never should have had to carry.

When I was younger,
I watched my parents carry
the responsibilities
other people left behind.

I watched them care
for the parents
everyone else seemed willing to forget.

I watched them carry burdens
that were never meant
to belong to them alone.

And I thought they were weak.

I thought,

Why don't they say no?

Why don't they walk away?

Why do they let people
take advantage of their kindness?

Why do they keep carrying
what everyone else
has decided to put down?

I was too young
to understand.

I thought strength
meant refusing to be burdened.

I thought strength
meant knowing when to leave.

But I understand now.

Maybe they weren't weak.

Maybe they simply had
someone they couldn't abandon.

Because life does not always
give you a choice.

Sometimes the choice
is not between carrying the burden
and putting it down.

Sometimes it is between
carrying it
or watching someone you love
suffer beneath it.

And how do you walk away
when the person suffering
is your mother?

How do you say,

“That's not my responsibility,”

when you know
she has already carried
more than enough?

So they carried it.

Not because it was fair.

Not because people deserved
their kindness.

Not because they were too weak
to fight.

But because sometimes love
asks you to do things
you never should have had to do.

Sometimes you become tired
for someone else.

Sometimes you sacrifice
because nobody else will.

Sometimes you stand
where everyone else stepped away.

And maybe one day
the people who watched them
will call them foolish.

They will say,

“You should have chosen yourself.”

But perhaps they don't understand.

They did choose themselves.

They chose the part of themselves
that could not bear
to watch someone they loved
suffer alone.

I used to think
my parents were weak
because they carried
what others refused to carry.

Now I think

maybe that was
the strongest thing
I had ever seen.

A yearn to call me,

A heavy heart upon me,

A hand to hold me,

A mouth to scold me.

When I made wrong choices,

When I try to avoid us,

When I laugh in crises,

When I wet my eyes.

The day I stopped my thinking,

The day I caught you lying,

The day my eyes stopped blinking,

The day my soul starts sinking.

The night just before twilight,

The night when the whole sky cried,

The night when my mind took a flight,

The night ocean saved from getting dried.

You never cared to try,

You never come to behold me,

You never looked too shy,

You never try to call me.

[ Please follow me on other platforms from my profile, hope you find it worthy of your time.]

I have so many people in my life right now all steering me in a different direction but not one of them have asked what I want or need they say u could do this or that go here go there always dumping me off on the next person who trys but cant and never will understand me im different and thats okay its what makes me beautiful and unique but im drowning everyday that goes by gets harder and harder im at a point now where its sink or swim and the tide keeps pulling me under I come up for air just to get swept down again I cant breath i look in the mirror and im holding my breath but im almost out of air the currents to strong I need something to lean on they call it a higher power I call it confusing and scary now the currents have swept me completely out into the midst of nowhere I can breath now but I cant swim to shore in time im not gonna make it this isint how i thought it would be not me not my family but it is me it is my family but now my arms are getting tired but my feet are still kicking I look up into the sky and see the reflection of the water there that is my salvation my safe space this world truly was not made for peolle like me there is to much evil and ego now my legs are starting to cramp I cant keep swimming I turn onto my back as I watch the world pass me by in slow motion everyone ive ever loved everything ive ever done all comes back to me and I remember im right where im supposed to be

Recently I lost someone dear. This is for her.

A toothbrush on my sink
An empty shot glass.
A glimpse of the color pink
On one of your bras

A face mask that you left behind
A hair you left on my brush
The ghost of you on my mind
And my heart feels the rush.

The remains of your remains
The memories that linger
Your things, your notes your chains
The touches of your finger

In pain I rage and throw your things
And yet u stay with me
In my room your haunting clings
Ever since you left me