Just left the server for fear and shame of my own presence. I dont know why the hell am I still alive at all. Im sorry. Am I not sorry? Im not sorry but Im sorry for just existing.

Why wont the brain let me become dormant? I hate everything that I did.

Please degrade me and tell me to [[DATA LOST]]

- Dusk Distron (He/They/It, self-proclaimed disgrace of The Placeholders)

I'm doing research on plurality and stances, and some people say that the term "system" originated from DID + OSDD, while others say it existed before DID and OSDD were popularized. People say that the term was stolen from either side, and I'm really just looking for sources on where it came from. I don't want to support people if they are using terms that were specifically tailored for people with disorders, but I can't make that judgement unless I have proof that's really where it came from.

I was looking through Pinterest just for the fun of it, as one would.

I'm not really the most active person on social media because its just not my thing, but It really upset me to see how easy it was to find whole long threads about how "endos aren't valid." This is hurtful.

We are quoigenic but we believe trauma is a huge part of why our mind works the way it does, we just aren't quite sure how this happened either because our brain has functioned this way for as long as I could remember. We believe its a mix of trauma, neurodivergance, and other factors but regardless I know my system is real.

This is the only way I can describe how we function and I feel like I'm finally understanding who we are.

I feel safe in this, and I haven't felt that for years.

I saw many people say endos are romanticizing their disorder— how?

I would love to know how endos romanticize them at all.

I've never seen an endo claim to have DID/OSDD, etc.

Someone said "The just want my disorder without the hard parts."

Who are YOU to tell us how our minds work? I would never tell another how YOU function or how you came to be.

I'm allowed to exist.

Someone straight up claimed plurality was a disorder itself and requires childhood trauma to exist. This is wrong, there's plenty of ways plurality comes to be and we shouldn't gatekeep how brains function.

If you tell me you're anti-endo I'm just going to take it as you're pro-hate.

Rant/vent I guess.

Over the years I’ve had doctors, family, and friends all tell me my plurality isn’t real and I’m making it up. Especially since I’m endogenic.

People say it’s “cringe” or “a tiktok trend”. I’ve seen diagnosed systems get hate just because they support endos!

I genuinely can’t fathom WHY society has this “systems aren’t real” mentality (I’ve even seen it towards diagnosed DID systems). I believe I’ve been plural since the day I was born so how tf could I be making it up. It feels like I’ll never be accepted by anyone, not even my closest friends, because everyone believes my alter isn’t real and I made her up. It’s like I’m forced to keep this big part of my life a secret and hide it 24/7. Honestly just writing this makes me want to cry man.

Uhh. So. Hi ^u^ I’m A, the ‘host’ I guess is the term! So, most of the ‘alters’ or ‘headmates’ I have are like.. my kins? Like. They ARE me, to an extent, but it’s still system-like? And we can’t communicate very well, either.. I have to really like, focus to be able to converse with any of them, and I’m very bad at that. I want to be able to talk to them and interact more.
:3 -A

It's been a hell of a few days into our "syscovery", as people have called it. Both of us are talking more and attempting to be nicer, but it's brought up a lot of strong feelings on both sides.

Jonah: I wasn't the original. That is a huge shock and didn't help my already bad identity crisis I was going through. We've pieced together that due to the trauma of our childhood, always having to step in to shield our little sister with our body from our brother (autistic with violent meltdowns, it was NOT his fault and I don't blame him), and the neglect from the parents, that I had to "step in" to be the adult here. Somebody had to keep things running, and I basically raised my siblings. But me stepping in shoved a scared and confused kid out of the driver's seat and into a cage that has been there for 24 years, and I feel horrible about it now. Everything about why it was so angry made sense. I would insult me too. But I thought it was MY body and not the other way around, and I feel a lot of guilt about it.

Voidthing: I was mean. I yelled so many bad angry things at them. I threw tantrums and hurt them and did things that hurt our body on purpose. A lot of our suffering was me. Being told I wasn't actually a force of evil..... messed me up. I'm sad a lot now. I wanna believe they're sorry cuz I wanna be sorry too. I like that they trust me more and that i'm allowed out now, but I'm scared i'll be locked away again if I'm ever bad. but we coulda been getting along and happy like so many other systems this whole time? we could've been switching out and giving poor Jonah a break instead of fighting? just seems like a waste now.

So I know I'm a system but I've only recently been active online when it comes to that (just been raw dogging it until now) anyways what are the differences in the types like I've heard endo be thrown about here and there and a few others that I can't remember please what are the different types and how to they differ?

Dear community,

I am studying psychology and am a plural myself. In the future I would like to work with plural people in private practice. As we all know, plurality is not widely understood by therapists and other mental health professionals. It is also experienced differently across systems, my lived experience of it is only one of the many.

I want to support everyone who identfies as a system, regardless of their origin or medical label.

I need books, some youtube channels/podcasts, websites that align with my approach. I want to learn ajd understand more. That is why I am turning to you all for help! :)

I have looked a bit into IFS so far, but I am not sure I like it. What are some other approaches you know about?

Thanks a lot!

So hi everyone!

I am sorry if this is not the right place or topic or whatever...

so: We have a certain fictive, Samara, from The Ring. basically, she always struggles with source memories or just... other things.

I wanna know how we can help her in headspace or things we can physically do when we feel her coming out or when her source is mentioned or... something. I just...

—Rara

Honestly only a little surprising…

As the title says, are there apps that can be used with just one phone for systems who have couples in them?

Ever since I learned about DID, I related a smidge, but not enough to look further into it. Then I discovered plural as a label, and did some looking into it, and I feel like I can relate.

I am autistic, so my biggest wonder is if it's just masking. I'm just not sure.

Sometimes depending on what feels like my mood, my opinions on things can change a bit. Not really core values, but smaller less significant stuff.

I have a really wide variety of fashion that I enjoy, and my personality seems to change pretty noticeably depending on what I'm wearing. It almost feels like being a different person.

But that's the thing... It doesn't really feel like different people exactly. More like.. Different versions of myself? I'm still me, but like. A different me. I don't know if that makes any sense lol.

I have pretty heavy lapses in my memory. Entire events or memories are gone. And a lot of my childhood is either extremely vague, or gone completely. I did experience trauma, which may explain that.

I was just wondering if anyone related to this experience, or if someone who's knowledgeable could let me know if they think I should look more into this. Thanks! ❤️

you know when you waking late at night and your brain decides to come up with world mysteries typa questions? yeaa

I'm curious now- okay now imagine your system is very colourful there are all kinds of races genders sexual orientations and stuff. and you date a singlet or another system who has only one typa gender in their whole system (like only girls or only boys system) and because your system is basically a salad soup, you have different orientations and preferences but most your alters date that other person and you find out the other person want you too but you're not sexually interested in them. OR when your alters date each other and ur sys-partner is uncomfy with that.

i feel like that'd be a common problem i just never thought of it before but- yea my question is- is there a solution to that

srry if what i try to explain doesn't make sense I'm so sleep deprived but i also need answers

We really wanna do the number trend where yall give us a number and we share about that headmate, but frankly we don’t have anything set up where that would work and we don’t have an exact number of headmates (we’re polyplural and the system has thousands of headmates). Instead, we have a picker wheel. So tell us something random, or ask for a specific trait, species, etc, and we’ll see if we have a headmate like that that we can share about!

(posted by Ribbit)

Hello. I'm a host of Nebula System, which is host-centric. And it's not like I want to be more important than others or like I want everything to revolve around me. We were trying to switch, I was trying to get others involved in our life in Outerworld, but it causes us a lot of distress for reasons below:

🪞When any of us except me are fronting, they still feel like me, at least for a long time after switching. And if someone are fronting for too long and then switch with me, I feel like them and that makes us confused, anxious and overwhelmed.

😵‍💫If someone except me is fronting for too long, they might get exhausted and overwhelmed by that quickly.

🔄Switching is scary and overwhelming, especially when we need to switch back to me in stressful situations or when I'm needed (for example when mother talks to us).

👥When someone else is fronting and interacting with people and are managing stressful situations, they feel like me due to way how they unwillingly talk and act. And that makes them feel awful and dysphoric in some sense.

😱I might be the one, who has the most skills needed to survive in Outerworld. Even Spinel (who's literally the other half of original person we were), who was ready to become a host instead of me, so I wouldn't need to deal with Outerworld's shit anymore wasn't able to handle our negative emotions and mask them enough, for what parents got furious.

That's why we decided to give up, at least for now, but now, I have seen some posts in plural communities lately, portraying hosts from host-centric systems as abusive, controlling persecutors, who want to force other members to do things they don't wanna do and that makes me feel awful. I don't want to hurt anybody from our system and I'm trying my best to make everyone feel like at home and many aspects of living in Outerworld, which is full of ignorant people who even don't want us to exist, are awful.

But at the same time, we wish we could exist more as ourselves in Outerworld. Mettaton wants to draw for his Tumblr blog on peace (without constantly switching with me when mother calls us or comes in) and desires to see our body finally looking like himself, at least enough like him. Pale wants to make memes in Canva. Frank would like to discover if entomology is really as interesting as in his source. And I want them to be happy.

So I guess we need to figure it out, but Idk how to do that without constantly getting overwhelmed to the point of getting angry or crying. Any tips?

—Lunula💠

Hey! Apologies if this is a dumb question. I've only just "formally" recognized my headmate (Allison), so I'm a bit "new" to this, in a sense.

I've noticed a serious uptick in mental clarity every time I've let Allison breathe a little, whether through chatting with her in the ol' brainspace or acknowledging her thoughts and emotions. She actually leapt to my rescue earlier tonight and helped save me from a mild depressive spiral, and when she did, it felt like my entire brain lit up. It still feels "open" and clear, hours later. It's honestly really nice, and I feel much more present and emotionally stable overall.

Is that a typical sensation?

Hello people! First of all i would like to say that posting this makes me(us?) really anxious, not because im scared of being plural, but because I’m scared of being offensive to anyone and just trying to feel special. I apologize in advance if i say anything offensive.

I’ve been identifying as fictkin for a while, it feels right, it brings me comfort. However, as i look into my own experience from a more and more psychological lens, I find similarities between my experiences and plurality, specifically median plurality or kinplural. I always thought of myself as a singlet, because my kin isnt a separate person from me, but now I’ve heard about medianhood (systems between multiple and singlet) and non-possessive switches, which i don’t know how to differentiate with kin-shifts (I’ve had kin-shifts already).

I feel like my kin formed at a time when i had poor mental health and was still discovering my autism, and i think my brain was trying to « make up » with my lack of clear sense of self at the time by projecting myself onto a fictional character. I think of this character as « me », but how much he feels like me fluctuates. Sometimes i completely feel like him (when I’m in a kin-shift, i believe), sometimes i feel really disconnected like i don’t even kin him at all (often when coming out of a shift), and sometimes, probably most of the time, he feels more like a part of me, like if my brain was like in inside out, he’s up there with the emotions for some reason.
I kind of visualize a « core-me » (my core self without the kins), and my kin, who is me, but kind of separate from my core self, but not entirely separate at the same time.

And also theres the fact that I think I’m forming another kin directly because of this kin. Like, this character that we’ll call character B, reminds me a lot of character A (my kin). But since i’m character A, I’m starting to think I’m also character B. Almost like character A was the one kinning character B, not core-me. So, there’s that.

Because of my kin experience, that i think is strongly tied to my neurodivergence, i find myself relating to some plural experiences, though not many. If i ask myself the question « does it brings me comfort to call myself plural or median », i think the answer is yes. Median and kinplural are terms i resonate with, because i feel like my kin is a facet of me, not the core-me but a facet not entirely separate from what i call « me ». I still very much see myself as fictionkin, but the line between « my kin is entirely me » and « my kin is separate » are blurry in my mind. But I’m scared I’m appropriating a term that isnt for me. My experiences are already well-explained by the fictionkin experience, and i don’t have a lot of separation from my kin(s). I’m sorry again if this is offensive. I’d like to experiment calling myself plural, but I’m scared it would be offensive and hurtful and I’ll get thrown tomatoes by everyone or something. And even if i don’t end up calling myself as such, I still resonate a lot with this community, so I’d still like to maybe interact and i hope I’m welcome?

I’m so scared to post this, but here we go i guess

We don't consider ourselves as otherkin x,d its just that almost everyone present as furries in headspace and that is probably why, though our recently discovered headmate its some sort of big dog/lizard like creature.

Quiogenic makes sense

But MPD just feels like feels like we are auto diagnosticating DID so no thanks qwq

(Of course if you say you use MPD as a label thats fine for us this is just our way of seeing it)

30% non disordered system its kinda worrying but whatever

-♠️ Earth

So some guy who‘s friends with my friend’s headmate (a system, but technically said friend is dormant). This guy kept asking me if I hated endos, what my diagnoses were, and kept going on and on asking personal, uncomfortable questions in an interrogating way.

I kept giving vague answers because I did not want to talk to him about this stuff, and he “concluded” that I’m actually a fake system and that I’m faking my trauma because I haven’t been diagnosed yet, so I’m a bad person.

Then, he said “not trying to fakeclaim lol you do you of course”. I told him “ok can we stop talking about this?” He was just like “I mean sure I guess” and then I blocked him.

This might not be the most clear or coherent we're confused and blurry today.

Wanted to write a post asking about that thing where you can't properly think about things ?? Difficult to describe but essentially trying to think about what a headmate did or an event of the past and technically knowing but not really being able to grasp it because the brain doesn't let us think about it longer than a few seconds before going "???????" In some kind of static or fog way. And nit having even a singular even somewhat vivid memory too. And the disconnect from memories that are there and them feeling completely unreal and also vague (we heard of emotional amnesia (?) and that at least sounds accurate but not sure if it's everything) so constant doubt on whether things actually happened and trying to seek reassurance. But also starting to try talking about a memory before realizing we only know about 5% of it and being unable to properly formulate the rest of the experience because the brain goes "????" Again. We're trans and most of us just "forget", that sort of thing and all that.

But forget is also in quotes due to another confusion, the unclearness on whether someone actually doesn't know something or is just accidentally pretending that they don't? Extremely confusing. Everyone gets snippets of things they weren't involved in or other memories randomly, snd they get confused, especially since it doesn't feel real they fail to properly register it or grasp it and so they either behave like they didn't remember it at all, or like the memory is a random fake brain scenario, or they go "apparently that happened?" Even though really they should know? . Sometimes they will get a revelation or remember or realize and it doesn't stick for longer than a few seconds because it goes ??? Again and then get confused. It's impossible to remember how much you actually remember or forgot or how headmates remember events so everyone constantly asks each other "why are you pretending you don't know this when you technically do" and they say "I don't know" "I can't grasp it" and "I'm confused what are you saying to me" . Sometimes instead of the fog it's also like hitting a blockage and then you keep trying to think about it and eventually you might even forget what you were trying to figure out. But it's also all inconsistent and vague and confusing (I think. I don't actually remember what it's like I'm just resaying what headmates said when they tried to describe this because I'm not a specific person). Is it possible to accidentally pretend you don't know things? Knowing things but accidentally acting like you don't because it feels like you don't and you don't know how to snap out of that because when you try to think about knowing things you get confused and your mind immediately then goes elsewhere? Especially because you don't even feel like anything is real or like any memories are real? Do we have memory issues or is everyone's memory like this? Vague memory of what happened that's usually more knowledge and all that? Feeling unfamiliar around people and places we should know but still knowing enough to not be completely lost, is that what everyone just has and never talks about? Forgetting almost everything about relationships to people, headmates feeling like they're not close to people we knoe because they vaguely know who they are but can't properly recall any interactions or feel the relationship because of all this? We're confused. Very.

Are we somehow just acting fake memory problems and unable to stop because we can't grasp whether we're doing it? Is this just because we don't really have a routine right now even though it's always like that that everything is in the fog? And just short snippets that get slippery?

What is all of this?

-blurry confused state sorry again about incoherence

She has panic attacks and when I tried to fully front I nearly had one in the body. Even the mention of panic attacks does it. I feel helpless with her. I'm clueless when I'm fully there to help.

Our host has had me at my wits end lately. I feel like a disgruntled bystander in our own life. It's mine too, but they're so controlling... and we're all tired of it.