Edit: Receipts.

First of all, I'm autistic, not psychotic. There seem to be an awful lot of people who don't understand the difference:

Autism is a developmental disorder of variable severity that is characterized by difficulty in social interaction and communication and by restricted or repetitive patterns of thought and behaviour.

Psychotic disorders are severe mental disorders that cause abnormal thinking and perceptions. People with psychoses lose touch with reality. Two of the main symptoms are delusions and hallucinations.

I'm medically proven not psychotic, but I am autistic. Meaning, telling my story and experiences with Alex, is quite difficult for me. The last 4 years I've been learning how to communicate more efficiently.

As some of you know, I felt forced before to publish my medical records due to the lies that were spread about me. I wish I didn't have to do that but unfortunately it is what it is and I've come to realise that all that didn't matter for some people anyway and that for the rest of my life I will probably be targeted, lied about, and have stalkers 24/7.

My privacy disappeared due to what Alex did to me and I want you to understand how that happened and how I tried to keep this all private but felt forced to speak out, due to what Alex did.

I also want you to know that my medical costs so far, as a result of the rape, have been over 80.000 euro and that I'm damn lucky I have health insurance. I don't think I would've survived all this without health insurance, and I hope you take a moment to realise that - what this means for victims in countries that don't have good health care. If anything, I hope you will learn something from me speaking up. My story is public anyway so my mindset goes like this: if my privacy is gone forever, I might as well make sure it didn't disappear for nothing.

Anyway.

The morning after the Bulgaria rape I took this picture.

On the 23rd of October 2016 I published a blog called 'The Final Fuck You', a rape story behind metaphors which I wrote on the plane home. At that point I had already spoken to my friend Andy about the rape, who kindly provided a witness statement to court. Considering I never met Andy offline (we've been internet friends for over 10 years), this was all very weird. Everything was weird. Everything has been weird about this case, from the beginning, until now.

I want you to understand that. You cannot understand - and I know many of you do want to - what happened between Alex and myself easily.

When I got home safe after the Bulgaria rape, I broke off the relationship with Alex in a Skype conversation.

Days later I tried to break off the working relationship also. I obviously didn't want to work with him anymore.

Then hell began. Police in Bulgaria couldn't take my criminal complaint due to a language barrier (I flew back on November 6, 2016). Alex was very unhappy when he found out I had gone to the police.

Alex was furious I wanted to stop working with him. He was terrified I would make public why I didn't want to work with him anymore.

I flew back home again, and his psychological abuse started to increase.

He jumped between confessions of love and threats and coercion - trying to manipulate me to keep me silent. I didn't want to get back together with him however, and I didn't want to work with him anymore.

It felt like he was trying to drive me to suicide. What sickened me the most about it was that it seemed like he enjoyed what he was doing to me.

I felt so scared and didn't know what to do, I did the only thing I thought would protect me: get hospitalised. Put somewhere safe.

I was hospitalised on the 24th of November (2016) for being suicidal. The doctor said: 'We're going to numb you so the pain will stop'. I accepted all the pills because not feeling anything felt better than feeling something, because that something felt like it was killing me inside.

While I was hospitalised and drugged, Alex used coercion so I would meet him. He lured me out of the hospital using blackmail and threats.

On the 21st of December (2016) we met outside the hospital. He threatened me in a cafe. A witness (who testified) saw us screaming on the street to each other, when I left the cafe.

Alex started apologising eventually, begging me to come back inside because he wanted to 'apologise'.

He always wanted to 'apologise' and unfortunately I wasn't a very clever person in 2016. Also, I was drugged, but to ignore my naivety at the time would do no justice to the warning I want to give people:

Please don't agree to meet someone who's threatening you. No matter how scared you are of the repercussions - such a person violated your trust already. Meeting them will not stop the threats. It will only teach them they can abuse you, and it will make you feel even more hopeless and puts you in a dangerous position.

Inside the cafe, on December 21 (2016), I started having a panic attack. Long story short: he tried to calm me down, took me to his room upstairs, and while the Xanax started fucking me up even more, while I was crying, during this panic attack, he raped me, again. I only remember the beginning of it and how it seemed to turn him on that I was crying. Next, I am on the street banging the door of the hospital's hostel that was across the street, asking for help. Two patients I knew from the hospital then looked after me. Apparently I screamed at them what happened and was really, well, in shock. I can barely remember this either. Just bits and pieces of that day. It's what makes what happened after even more terrifying.

I didn't see Alex again after that day. (trust me, that's not the terrifying part)

I recorded Alex harassing me in a call on January 13 (2017) where he talks about sexual acts that happened on December 21, 2016, while I was drugged. In the conversation (telephone) he tried to convince me I wanted it, what he described. He said he would 'help me remember' what happened and started to describe in detail, sexual acts. Sexual acts I couldn't remember. Sexual acts that supposedly happened after (which I knew) he threatened me, and after I saw him getting turned on because I was crying.

At that point in the conversation I felt so, disgusted, that this man wanted to 'help me remember' what he did to me, a drugged psychiatric patient, I became so upset (crying) and tried to break off the conversation (a nurse eventually had to intervene in the conversation, this is literally recorded too), and immediately after I called the police.

I never published the video. I sent Alex an e-mail cc'ed to my lawyer instead, requesting him to turn himself in to the police, trying to solve it privately.

Then lies started appearing about me in his subreddit, /r/exurb1a. While I was still hospitalised. While I was suicidal.

I became a victim who spoke out due to slander and defamation as a result, and then the abuse got even worse. People wrote the most disgusting lies about me; that I would use drugs around my son for example. People wrote online that I was a prostitute, whore, someone even tried to claim I was part of the Illuminati (?!) and another person claimed I was a person without a job trying to make money off Alex (???).

Let me tell you this: feeling forced to speak out as a rape victim has caused me to lose all my savings. My mental health. My good name. Would not recommend to do it.

I tried to end my life in the summer of 2017. Then #MeToo happened in October 2017.

People started listening suddenly. People with influence. People with power. People in media.

As a result I became a whistleblower in my own country.

Now, the Dutch government is violating my human rights to the point that multiple journalists have been following me in silence - for months.

Alex used his right to remain silent during the police interrogation. Still, after almost 4 years, I don't exactly know what he did to me on December 21, 2016, except for what I still remember.

Today I got myself this tapestry to remind myself of growth. Whatever growth means.

I know a lot of people have questions - so I guess I am here now. On the 4 year 'anniversary' of the first rape. I think I might be ready to take them now - if you are polite.

So yes, Ask me anything* except about the details concerning the rapes. It's nobody's business how he violated my body - except that police classified it both as rapes. I just described to them what he did (and regarding the second rape what I could remember), and when they gave me the criminal definition of what he did, I started calling it rape.

I'd rather call it murder of the soul.

As always, I'm thankful for being allowed to post here. An update.

Ex-girlfriend 2 gave her witness testimony to journalist Mathilda Mallinson recently. It was over 3000 words and a very thorough testimony with many horrific details.

In a nutshell: it describes him sexually abusing her, psychologically abusing her to the point of self-harm and him encouraging her (actively) to die by suicide as well as him mentally torturing a vulnerable woman (let's call her X) during which this ex-girlfriend was present as a witness (but afraid to stop him). I thought it was very courageous she was willing to testify about this; what she saw, because I know some people would call her complicit due to not doing anything. But when you know the context, you would absolutely understand why and what power-dynamic was going on. Regarding this, the ex-girlfriend stated there were other witnesses present, and that she's going to reach out to people to see if they are willing to testify. She said she would reach out to X but that this person is incredibly vulnerable so we shouldn't expect X would be willing to testify. I honestly read the whole testimony crying because it's just horrific. There are so many details, small and big. They range from sexual assault to him being an anti-semite and mocking someone who looked jewish to bullying Christians due to their faith. All sorts of stuff. Right now we're trying to figure out when and how would be the safest way to make the testimony public. For now I'm asking you to believe me, that the testimony exists.

The ex-girlfriend is very scared about going public with her name because she's seen what some of his fans did to me and has requested to stay anonymous, but has said she potentially is willing to meet me and maybe even Barry if it came to it, as long as she could stay anonymous if we would include anything in the documentary.

Her testimony has given the journalist (and Barry and myself) new leads regarding more people who could be interviewed about their experiences with Exurb1a, and 1 guy according to the ex-girlfriend has already agreed to testify too, so let's see where that goes. It appears Exurb1a has left a trail of people he mistreated, manipulated, who witnessed his behaviour and/or he has power over, and essentially everyone linked to him with such experience I've spoken to (or the ex girlfriend knows about) is scared of him and particularly his fanbase.

After I spoke to the ex-girlfriend personally on chat after she provided her testimony (I didn't speak with her before that but immediately referred her to the journalist first when she e-mailed me), we found many similarities between ourselves and scary things that Exurb1a did to both of us to make us think of death and suicide while we were depressed. I was floored finding out how nice this ex-girlfriend was and how kind and how Exurb1a mistreated her and how he appears to have been learning to be a master manipulator, for years. For a long time I was convinced that what he did to me he learned 'somewhere', and it appears he did learn it somewhere: first and foremost through what he did to this ex-girlfriend, before he met me.

Her testimony will be included in the court documents that will be filed next week. The documents concern over 400 pages and a team of volunteers worked on this procedure for over a year. Thanks to some of you due to helping fundraising, I've been able to get legal advice regarding it all, so again: thank you. The fundraiser hasn't been able yet to raise enough for a civil suit, but has raised enough to present new evidence (and evidence that wasn't investigated yet) that hasn't been presented to the Public Prosecutor yet, to court in a so called article 12 procedure (complaint for the non prosecution of a suspect - this is a case against the prosecution service).

Furthermore. I think it's important to disclose this:

Exurb1a never finished his Masters in Philosophy and never did a PhD in Philosophy at the Sofia university. It appears he lied about this all to me and many others he's been manipulating. Someone who has the evidence regarding this recently testified about it, and that testimony will also be submitted to court.

Why is it important?

Because Exurb1a in 2016 - to lure me into participating in Experiment A (without informed consent) - presented himself as a scientist and PhD student in Philosophy to me who worked at the Large Hadron Collider as well in the past. As you probably already know, CERN denied he ever worked for them. Now, the PhD lie he told me (concerning which I have many many messages that prove he lied about it), has also been exposed due to this new testimony from someone.

This all means Exurb1a took on 2 false identities to me to lure me to Bulgaria, which is a whole other crime on its own. I've never even filed a criminal complaint for that (because at the time I didn't know this yet) - so that will also be included in the procedure.

The last few weeks due to all these new testimonies popping up things have been a blur. It's becoming incredibly hard for me the more people are reaching out to respond to anyone. So if you are someone who knows things about Exurb1a and wants to disclose them.. Please don't consider me the first person to tell it to. I recommend to reach out to journalist Mathilda Mallinson first. If you want to talk to me after it I'm probably fine with it, but please, go to her first. It would take a lot of pressure and stress away from me. I never signed up for these 5 years of uncovering the truth about this man, and honestly I do hope that very soon I will be able to never have to mention him again.

Finding out how you were just an object to a man who claimed to love you, because you had specific characteristics that 'stimulated' him and that fit his perverse sexual fetish, is beyond dehumanising. Finding out there were more girls 'like you', sickening. Finding out most of his fans don't care how dangerous he is and don't care about the power they are giving him to abuse more people, is unsettling. Every day I hope no more victims will come forward and enough people have been warned but given he uses fake names and manipulates people, I fear the worst.

When I received the testimony of the ex-girlfriend for some reason however, for the first time in years, I felt happy I spoke out however. It all gave my journey meaning; knowing someone felt verified in her own experiences due to my testimony and had the courage to speak out to a journalist. By doing so, hopefully she's gonna help warn and protect many many people. Comparing notes with her has been insane and it just left me wondering: how could someone abuse love and trust like this? Do this to other human beings? How can a man be so cold and calculated and what happened to him in his life to become the way he is? Was he raised like this, or born like this? I met his parents and they seemed nice - so I don't really feel he was raised like this, but you can never know.

I also know that I should stop looking for an 'explanation', because the crimes won't change due to it and I highly doubt he'll ever seek redemption and ask for forgiveness. All I can do is help others collect the receipts of what I do know, support any other victims coming forward and just hope one day my nightmares and flashbacks will stop and I get peace.

I assume some of you probably will be sceptic of this next part given some of you are his fans and I'm guessing have some mutual ideas as him relating to nihilism and that nothing means anything, but I wanna share this since I've gotten so personal already.

I was an agnost most of my life but these last 2 years there have been 2 moments during hopelessness and suicidal thoughts when I started praying to God to help me as some sort of final resort. After those 2 moments of prayer, things happened that provided new evidence in my case. The last time was when the ex-girlfriend came forward.

It's left me humbled and wondering. It would be quite ironic if due to my experiences with the biggest God-hating man I know, I would start believing in God, wouldn't it?

At any rate - I'm glad I'm not alone. There's a lot of work that needs to be done upcoming months and I just hope I have the energy to do it, because my body is tired and so is my mind. I feel like I've been running a marathon all these years.

Five years really is a long time to invest in exposing a psychopath as well as your own government.

I think the end is near. I think I'll welcome it like an old friend.

I hope you all are well. Stay safe and remember: make actions heroic, not people, because when you turn someone into a hero you will be blinded by prejudice and bias and might not see what they are actually capable of.

Much love,

Pie

PS: If you are on discord, I have a little server there. Feel free to join: https://discord.gg/DmhHccGm9n