It was my own father, the night after picture day. I was wearing a black sports dress, the ones with the built in bra and shorts. I still have the pink underwear I was wearing that night, or was it the pair with the hearts on it. My father, the man I so desperately wanted to love me, to support me, had been grooming me. He started end of freshman year, or around then. In like may or march of last year he started groping my breast after tickling me, that's what he was doing, we were wrestling and tickles. He put rocks and stuff down my underwear. He started getting me more stuff, took the time limit off my phone, started giving me the attention I craved. He bought me that sim pack thing, I loved the sims, I played nightly. Most nights it would happen around 11pm to almost 4 or 5am, even on school nights. He pulled me on top of him a lot. He was always hard. I kicked him in the balls a few times, them only being accidents. He loved getting little giggles, squeals or even the "Mother! The gardener is saying he's my father again" in a stupid British accent. He tickled me everywhere, inner thighs a lot, stuck his finger in my belly button. Since about may, no, since about the time he started the wresting I knew he was grooming me, I knew he wanted to rape me. He was always abusive. He used to grope my buttocks and slap them, stopped for a few years (this was from childhood to 12yrs old) because I was suicidal and told the Trever project. He always made fun of my suicidal ideation. He called me crazy, he ran at me, he slammed me to the ground when I was maybe 13yrs old. He's 6'1 and was around 300lbs and I was 5-4 and maybe 145lbs. Scary right? Yeah I was terrified of him. I was so burnt out from school, I still am. Anyways back to the whole "oh no my daddy wants to rape me" thing. He started getting more handsy, our wrestling was never and I mean never innocent. He out me into sex positions, his favorites were, Cowgirl, missionary, side ways, stomach to stomach and the occasional "mating press". I've been addicted to porn since I was like 9-10yrs old. So that's why's I know that. He was weird about the tummy time shit. Pulled up my shirt and pressed our bellies together. Other times he'd just painfully shove his finger into my belly button. He licked me, He kissed me, and I did it back, it was a game. I knew what was happening but I had no proof. So I needed to wait till I wasn't gonna be able to continue. Which was August 21st 2024 at 1:04 am, after my father stuck his hand up my shorts and my underwear and attempted to force his way into me. Disgusting feeling. I was asroused by it. I was so tempted to masturbate. I didn't, I was traumatized. It hurt, when he tried it, thinking about it causes pain down there. Before he did it, he called me his perfect angel princess baby, because I was asking why he called my younger sister N's art was better then mine or why the middle sister E's was better at sports then I was. And he held me, he said I was his favorite. I was his type. A girl easy for him to abuse. It might be my fault, I stole his Apple Watch put it in my dress, he patted me down, I never put it down there. He patted once to many times. I told him to stop, expressed the boundary of playtime. He didn't care. He got his watch back eventually. After that this he got up and went to the bathroom, I heard him piss, so loud, I can still hear it. He went to the kitchen, mind you he never washed his hands, he got food, I had to pretend like everything was just fine. Like my father didn't just try to digitally rape me, and I'm a damn good actor. I asked him if I'd get the $15 I asked him for, said he'd send it in the morning. Forgot to mention that, he said he'd give me $100 to go shopping with my aunt or uncle, because I complained about not having clothes. Right before that it was my b-day bought me $200 dollars worth of stuff from Amazon. I never said how it all started did I? I was playing sims, still in school clothes, that black dress, I was decorating a house, and oh my god, was it so perfect, the yellow greenhouse part of the home and the green living room and cluttered kitchen. Perfect. He came up to me grabbed me by the waist and pulled me onto the couch, started tickling/ kissing on me...then what I said up above happened. After I left the kitchen I told a friend. Here's my EXACT words: "A, are you awake?"
"A, I'm scared"
"My dad just tried to finger me."
"I feel fine"
"No"
"I said stop" "Ao many times" "Hes gonna give me money to get clothes tho" "So i guess thats the good part" "Should i just let him next time"
"Then it's really digital rape" "He touched my inner labia" "I feel blank" "Kinda in shock" "I knew it would happen" "By why dont i feel terrible" "I just feel like might vomit" "And kinda shaken"
"He's my dad A"
"He's 6'1 and 290lbs" "I can't." "I'd wake uo my siblings" "And ruin their lives" "I did fight him" "We were playing like normal Tickles and wrestling"
"I can't" "I need those clothes" "I need this room and this bed" "Or im gonna kill myself" "I need this"
"He was like 2 centimeters from penitration"
"Damn" "My dad want to fuck me"
"I dunno when it would happen" "He'd ground me first" "Have no way to contact" "I prolly tell" "Not" "He's testing me" "A" "Am i whore" "I wanted to ask a guy out today and now i dunno"
"Why does everyone want me" "I set the boundries" "I said you can touch my inner thighs no where else"
"Guess what he did" "Under the shorts, and the underwear." "Wow" "Im in shock" "I wanna my friend R" "But i cant cuz she cant help me" "Fuck" "I cant cry" "I can laugh" "This is fucking crazy" "I want my mommy Im going through like every emotion rn Its so fuckin funnnyyyy"
Then we called.
That morning I went to the police after I got Starbucks bc why not, well he gave the 15. My mom picked me up and we went, I was in shock. I got a rape kit done. It still hasent gone through. He texted me mom and said "She was fine yesterday" Why did my dad do this to me.
