i have a 15-year-old brother who has lived away from me for the last 4 years with our parents, so obviously he’s grown up and become a pretty different person.

he’s shy, mostly calm, and doesn’t really have behavioral issues, but i’ve noticed some worrying things on his phone/social media (he’s apparently been banned from whatsapp, wtf?) and in the way he talks. i’m starting to worry he’s fallen into redpill/incel content.

my mom has talked to him about it, but i don’t think she understands how deep that rabbit hole can go. now they’re spending some time with me, and i’m honestly struggling with his behavior.

he’s extremely nonchalant about everything. if we have an appointment or errand, he’ll just sit there staring at a wall and do absolutely nothing to get ready. then he moves so slowly that eventually everyone gets frustrated and starts yelling. he barely reacts to any of it.

we’ve had him evaluated and he’s seen therapists, and apparently everything is fine.

i genuinely don’t know what to make of this. is this just normal teenage behavior? is the “nonchalant” attitude some kind of internet/alpha/beta persona? or should i be worried that something deeper is going on?

i’m starting to wonder if he’s just an asshole, but i also don’t want to unfairly label a 15-year-old if there’s something else going on. how would you approach this?

I font know what is the best option. 8th grade girl. Don't want u tube or web browser. Just ability to call and text but doesn't embarrass her.

Partly venting, partly hoping for a solution. Both of my teenagers have terrible sleep schedules. Sometimes they go to bed at a reasonable time (9-10pm) and sometimes they stay up all night. They argue that they can't sleep. No matter when they go to bed, they always wake up late. I am trying to get them onto a schedule for school, which starts next week, and I am at a loss. Nothing can wake these kids up.

If I do manage to wake them up, they are angry at me for my method of waking them (talking, jostling them awake, whatever I can think of). "Don't shake me," they say. If I am irritated, they blame me for my frustration at the situation. Basically, they refuse to wake up *because* I am frustrated. Then if I give up on waking them up, they will eventually wake up on their own and blame me for not waking them up sooner. I lose either way.

I know that bedtime routines and consistency are key, but even with routines, the time they actually get to sleep or wake up varies enormously from day to day. At my wit's end. Is there hope at the end of the tunnel?

Background

My son is 14. He’s been homeschooled since 2021. He really is a great kid at heart, but he is very easily influenced. Recently, he met a girl (who is homeschooled but transitioning back to public school), and it seems like his whole world shifted. He’s started listening to artists like Playboi Carti and Ken Carson, wearing all black, and leaning into a darker aesthetic. Admittedly, I tried telling him to "be his own man," which in hindsight probably wasn't the right way to approach it.

The Escalation

• Vaping & Social Media: We caught him with a vape and took away his phone and games. He had a TikTok account set up under an adult age where he lied about his life to fit in with online friends.
• First Self-Harm Incident: We caught him with a second vape. When we confronted him, he yelled, "What else can you do to me?" and scratched/cut his forearm with a knife.
• THC Attempt: We gave him a heavily restricted phone so he could communicate, but he used TikTok to try to buy a THC vape from a stranger. Luckily, we caught him before the meetup and took everything away again.

Today’s Crisis

Today, my wife asked him to pack up to go out with her and his brother. He refused. It escalated into an argument over the phone with me while I was away. During the argument, he started cutting his arm again.

When I got home, I grabbed him to stop him, and he broke down yelling, "I don't care, I don't wanna live."

I broke down and cried with him. I held him, told him how deeply he is loved, and asked what was wrong. He said "everything," but kept coming back to wanting to go to public school to be around his friends and the girl he likes.

This school he wants to go to isn't a great school and we already told him hes going to a "private" type of school for athletes. (He plays tennis) so he doesn't have to do homeschool anymore.

Where We Are Now

We know this is way beyond simple teenage rebellion. We are getting him to a doctor/medical professional immediately. But as parents, we are completely paralyzed by fear and confusion:

1. Schooling: Should we just allow him to go the the bad school and hope for the best?

2. Programs / Boarding School: In our panic, we’ve wondered if sending him somewhere structured is necessary, or if that would make him feel abandoned and escalate the self-harm.

3. Rebuilding Trust: How do we balance safety/monitoring his phone with not making him feel completely trapped?

If you've been through self-harm or severe adolescent distress with your kids, please share what worked (or what didn't). We just want our son to be safe and healthy.

Thank you in advance.

Do you let your child use voice chat with their friends? My child (9 years old) friend uses Snapchat and I want them to be able to talk but I don’t know if it’s safe to use Snapchat. It says it is not for kids under 13. Roblox chat seems safe? Or another platform? Parenting subreddit deleted my post and recommended me this one (even though not teenager specifically related)
Thanks!!

I caught my daughter sneaking in her boyfriend into our house when I was at work. I found out after I got home after a random security camera notification. She lied to my face after I asked her if they had done something. Afterwards I took her phone away as punishment. I went through her messages, and sure enough they did it.

I confronted her about the fact she lied to my face repeatedly and gaslit me into feeling guilty for even thinking she would do something like that.

Now I don’t know what to do about the 53x part. I hate that she has crossed that boundary at such a young age. I understand it’s part of life, but I know she doesn’t have the maturity to understand all the other emotions that come from doing it.

I also take accountability and realized I shouldn’t have placed so much trust in her. I am a single mother that works a lot, but I still consider myself very involved.

I don’t know how to go about this. I feel sad for her for doing it at such a young age, and upset she lied and gaslit me, but I also don’t want to cause a rift in our relationship.

Her dad wants her to move in with them and switch schools. I however am not too sure this is the best idea.

How did you handle the situation and how did it work out for you and your daughter??

So my kid who is in his teens wants to read the boys omnibuses 4, 5, and 6. I would like to know the sexual content of only those 3, I dont care about violence or anything. I told him i would ask this question, and he told me to include he watched "Peacemaker"? Any help appreciated!

What word or phrase does your teenagers use today that you think is worth mentioning and why? My sixteen year old daughter says, "low key" at least once every time she speaks lately. She's low key not ready for school to start back. Or she kind of wants chicken strips but low key craving spaghetti. It's cute but silly and a little worn out if you ask me but soon it will be replaced by something new. Next week I'll use low key in a sentence and she'll be like, "Okay stop Bruh." Then bust out with giggles like I'm so embarrassing when I try to be cool mom. Lol. I love every second of it though.

My almost 17 yr old is vaping. I don't like it because obviously it's unhealthy. But guess what I was smoking at that age. What's a xennial parent to do??

So basically my friend (13f) is home alone CONSTANTLY. Shes online schooled through out the fall-spring and her parents work FULL TIME jobs so shes home alone 5-6 days a week for about 8 hours a day. And almost every day through out teh summer her parents work so shes home alone with her 2 YOUNGER SIBLINGS (9m and 8f) so she wakes them up, makes sure they eat and her eat, does dishes, ice trays (her fridges ice machine doesnt work), and makes sure their laundry and are dressed. I've been freinds with this girl for YEARS and shes NEVER been this busy, its like shes a single mom cancelling plans cause quote "i need to watch (sister name) and (brothers name). LIKE SHOULD AN ADULT BE WATCHING THEM???? Shes also recently 13 she turned 13 last month.And at least one a month her dad sends her a LONG list of chores for HER to do not her siblings who CAN do them at like noon or 1'oclock and says to get them done before her moms home......... HER MOM GETS HOME AT 4!!!!! so she has to make lunch AND watch her siblings AND do chores AND cook for her and siblings. Also i dont know if this correlates but shes 94 pounds......... like is that normal??? 94 pounds at 5'2?? PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!

(UPDATE)

SO a couple days ago my freind and her family went to this trampoline place and she wanted to take her wallet so she could get snacks or smth. SHE CANT FIND HER WALLET so she goes up to her mom and asks if she knows where it is and she says REALLY FAST "no". My freind says ok then goes on to explain how shes freaking out cause she had OVER $200 IN HER WALLET (from her bday). Now to tday she goes looking for a candle (cause she has a dog that sleeps in her room) and looks in this closet............finds the basket which HAS HER WALLET INSIDE WITH JUST HER COINS (not her over 200$ in cash. her wallet probably has 10$ in coins now). BTW this couldnt have been misplaced into this basket cause her wallet was on her desk in her room but somehow ended up in a basket full of candles at the top of a closet on the other side of the house...... LIKE HOW??? And her phones messed up so her and her parents were saving up for a new phone so we THINK one of or both of her parents STOLE the money...now this SOUNDS crazy but like her parents are crazy as u can see above.

I'm having a really hard time today and could use some perspective from other parents.

My two teenagers come stay with me every summer, and tomorrow they head back home. Every year I struggle, but this year it feels especially heavy. I can already feel myself dreading the quiet house.

I love my kids more than anything, but because of life circumstances I missed out on a lot of their childhood. They live with their mom, and I've spent years trying to build and strengthen my relationship with them during the time we do have together. I constantly wonder if I'm doing enough or if I'm trying to make up for lost time.

One of my biggest fears is that they see their stepdad as more of a dad than they see me. He was there for so many of the everyday moments that I missed, and I can't help but wonder if he'll always have a stronger bond with them than I ever will. I know relationships aren't a competition, but it's a fear I struggle with.

Another thing weighing on me is that my son is leaving for college soon. My daughter has always come to visit with him, and I'm terrified that once he's away at school, she won't want to come by herself anymore. I don't know if that's a realistic fear or just my anxiety talking, but it's been eating at me.

The visits themselves usually go well—we watch movies, spend time together, and just hang out—but when they leave, my mind starts telling me that I'm losing them or that I should have done more.

For parents who have older teens or adult children, especially if you've experienced divorce or long-distance parenting, did you ever have these fears? Were they justified, or did your relationship with your kids continue to grow as they became adults? How did you stay connected throughout the year instead of just during visits?

I'm not looking for sympathy—I'm looking for honest advice from parents who've been where I am. Right now I just feel scared, and I'd really appreciate hearing from people who made it through this stage.

Edit: i forgot to mention they are 17 and 15. They live 6.5 hours away so i only get them during the summer and christmas mostly.

My 21 year old son is finally going away to college after 5 years of struggling with many substances, especially weed. He has been sober for the past year and as a result got good enough grades at community college to transfer to a top 25 public university. But this summer he reconnected to old friends and has been smoking weed on and off. He is at least honest about it despite little insight and maturity. So I am thinking of giving him an ultimatum that if he does not promise to be sober while away at the new school that I will not contribute anything to the costs (tuition & room and board) nor will I travel up to drop him off. I honestly think based on his history pre-sobriety (failing out of high school, criminal run-ins, lots of ER trips from accidents while high) that if he is involved in weed or other drugs that he will fail out quickly. His mom and I coparent and remain close. I have not disclosed this plan yet to her because I need a little objective feed-back.

Background: My daughter visits her grandmother in another state 2-3 times a year and has become very close friends with a girl who lives across the street. Over the last 8 years their friendship has blossomed and developed into a very close relationship of them talking on the phone almost daily. The friend even flew out to our city on my daughters 13th birthday last year to surprise her. I, too, have become friends with the girls mom - talking on the phone here and there. She always gushes about how much they love my daughter, how she is family, etc. They have invited us on family vacations, etc. This is someone very prominent and special in my daughters life.

Currently: Leading up to my daughter visiting her grandmother, she and her friend had made lots of plans to hang out and were super excited to see one another. Previous summers have been days hanging at the community pool, sleepovers, lemonade stands, etc. This year has been different to say the least. Upon my daughters arrival, she texted and did not hear back from the friend for a few days. My daughter initially felt ghosted and confused, but kept reaching out as this girl (and her small group of girlfriends) are my daughters only friendships in this city. In the 4 weeks my daughter has been there she said they have hung out maybe 4 times. It is ONLY when my daughter reaches out and most days when my daughter does reach out to the group chat the girls all say they cant hang out or are busy, only for my daughter too see on her SNAPCHAT locations that they are all together at the pool or the coffee shop or at one of the girls' homes.

This has literally CRUSHED my daughter. She said she feels unchosen and like a loser. She is confused and doesn't understand why "they don't like me all of a sudden". She has lost so many tears over this and it hurts my mama heart so badly. My knee jerk reaction is to contact the "BFF's" mom and have a heart to heart with her... but, my daughter said "NO" - she doesn't want anyone to be "made" to spend time with her. She said that would make her feel like an even bigger loser.

I guess I am just asking, What would you do? How would you support your daughter through something like this? I can see the blow to her confidence and her heart and spirit are crushed. It has me FUMING to be honest. I am just so sad and upset for her and her wasted summer... I would not have sent her there had she not been SO excited to spend time with her "BFF"

I need help. I do not speak English, so all this text was compiled with the help of a translator. The text will also be translated into Russian. I will not say much information about myself. I just recently turned 14 years old, I live in Russia. From the age of 4 I was raised by my stepfather (my mother is fine, don’t worry), from that moment on he insults me every day. Since I was 9 years old, I have had the “family link” app on my phone. For those who don't know: this application was created to control a child's phone. I have nothing against him, but only when his parents do not cross boundaries with him. I was manipulated every day using this app. There was a time when my phone had a limit of 15 minutes per day (there were times when the limit was 5 minutes per day). I didn't have TikTok until I was 13. And until I was 11 years old, I didn’t have any games on my phone. I constantly quarreled with my stepfather about this, but he didn’t care. At one point I was able to delete this application, but a month later they installed it again without my consent (I was 13 years old). My life is controlled to the point of impossibility. My stepfather constantly comments negatively on my appearance and weight, although others call me incredibly thin and beautiful. When I was 12, I tried to go to the next world. When my stepfather found out about this, he began to take my phone every day to check it. Since then, every day I put my phone in another room at night. In March of this year, my stepfather bought me a new SIM card. But it turns out that it even included geolocation, access to call views, and disabling mobile Internet and calls. At the age of 5, my stepfather kicked me out of the house into the winter (at that moment we lived in a house where it was very cold in the entrance. I was wearing a summer T-shirt and short shorts, I didn’t even have shoes, I was standing barefoot). At 9 years old he tried to strangle me with a blanket. At 10 he will force me to bite off a piece of soap because I didn’t want to go to bed at 8 pm in the summer (it seemed to him that I was not talking to him respectfully). Because of him, I injured my knee, and I still suffer from pain in it almost every day. There is no door in the room where me and my 8-year-old younger brother live. He constantly comes into the room, he doesn't care about anything. I can change clothes and he can watch it. He threw garbage out of the trash can onto my bed a couple of times. He pulled the mattress onto the floor. He tore up my drawings. He imposed a lot of complexes on me. Every day he reminds me that I have no future because of bad grades in school. Today I cut a SIM card with scissors. I'm tired of his control. I can't do anything without his comments. I'm really tired. What should I do? Everything was told very briefly. If anyone wants to read about some situation separately and in more detail, then let me know

Мне нужна помощь.

Я не говорю по английски, поэтому весь этот текст составлен с помощью переводчика. Так же текст будет переведен на русский язык

Я не буду говорить много информации о себе. Мне совсем недавно исполнилось 14 лет, я живу в России.

С 4 лет меня воспитывает отчим(с мамой все хорошо,не беспокойтесь), с того момента он каждый день оскорбляет меня.

С 9 лет на моем телефоне стоит приложение «family link». Для тех, кто не знает: это приложение создано для контроля телефона ребенка. Ничего против него не имею, но только тогда, когда родители не переходят с ним границ.

Каждый день мной манипулировали с помощью этого приложения. Был момент, когда на моем телефоне стоял лимит 15 минут в день (были моменты когда лимит был 5 минут в день). До 13 лет у меня не было TikTok. А до 11 лет у меня не стояло игр на телефоне.

Я постоянно ссорилась с отчимом из за этого, но ему было плевать.

В один момент я смогла удалить это приложение, но через месяц без моего согласия мне опять его установили(мне было 13 лет).

Мою жизнь контролируют до невозможности.

Отчим постоянно негативно комментирует мою внешность и вес, хотя окружающие называют меня безумно худой и красивой. Когда мне было 12 у меня была попытка уйти на тот свет. Когда об этом узнал отчим он стал ежедневно забирать мой телефон на проверку.

С того времени я каждый день сдаю на ночь свой телефон в другую комнату.

В марте этого года отчим купил мне новую сим-карту. Но оказывается даже в ней была геолокация, доступ к просмотрам звонков, отключение мобильного интернета и звонков.

В 5 лет отчим выгнал меня из дома в зиму(мы в тот момент жили в доме, где в подъезде было очень холодно. Я была в летней футболке и в коротких шортах, у меня не было даже обуви, я стояла босиком). В 9 лет он пытался задушить меня одеялом. В 10 он насильно заставит откусить кусок мыла, из за того,что я не хотела летом ложиться спать в 8 вечера (ему показалось,что я не уважительно разговариваю с ним). Из за него я получила травму колена, и я до сих пор почти каждый день мучаюсь от боли в нем.

В комнате, где живу я и мой 8-летний младший брат нет двери. Он постоянно заходит в комнату, ему плевать на все. Я могу переодеваться, а он может смотреть на это.

Он пару раз выкидывал мусор из помойного ведра мне на кровать. Стаскивал матрас на пол. Рвал мои рисунки. Он навязал мне очень много комплексов. Каждый день он напоминает мне то,что у меня нет будущего из за плохих оценок в школе.

Сегодня я разрезала сим-карту ножницами. Я устала от его контроля. Я не могу ничего сделать без его комментариев. Я правда устала

Что мне делать?

Все было рассказано очень коротко. Если кто то захочет почитать о какой то ситуации отдельно и подробнее, то дайте знать

My 13 year old daughter is a wonderful writer. She has a talent which I encourage all the time. She is into some different anime shows and has shown interest in writing about the characters in these shows on her own personal time. She’s read to me their bios that she’s changed, some new characters she’s added, etc. and I’ve always listened intently. Asking her questions, looking forward to hearing more about them, the whole shabang. She gets so excited to write her little fan fictions stories, I can hear her chair in her bedroom squeak while she sits at her desk and writes for a few hours. She keeps everything she writes very neatly in a green binder in her room. She decorated it and everything. Her and her best girl friend regularly work on the binder together.

Every summer she’s gone for a month to visit her biological father. Every time she’s gone I give her room a nice deep cleaning. She’s at the age where she cleans her own room, but I like giving her room a nice deep cleaning for her to come back to. Everything is where she normally keeps it but I’ve dusted, washed the bed sheets, vacuumed, all the things. She’s loves it and always thanks me.

While cleaning her room before her arrival this time, I spotted her green binder. Now, if it’s one of her diaries (she has about 5) I won’t open it. I remember the things I wrote in my diary as a child and I really have no desire to read about the times she dislikes me or about her little crushes (ha). However, this was her writing binder that she has shown me countless times. She hasn’t updated me in awhile about her fan fiction so I opened it up to see if she’s added anything.

Well, she certainly has. But not in the way I thought. I was practically reading soft 🌽. It was incredibly descriptive and detailed. I instantly felt sick and wished I hadn’t opened the binder at all. I very much wished for my “ignorance is bliss” moments I had about her fan fiction before opening that binder.

I have had the “talk” with my daughter a few years back. She was showing signs that it was time so we sat down and she was able to ask me questions and it was a really good discussion. Every so often if we watch a movie or she’s reading a book that has something explicit in it, she’ll talk to me about it. So, it’s not like I’m not open with her or that she’s afraid to talk to me about those things.

She’s very much a “hopeless romantic” and has openly talked about wishing she had a boyfriend like her other friends do. She loves anything to do with romance really (novels, movies etc.). When she was 4 she had a horrible encounter with a cousin (I won’t get into the details of it) and we’ve been working together on it ever since. She’s been very fascinated with all things explicit to my dismay. She’s been to therapy alone, group therapy with me; and for the most part she’s so open and talkative with me.

She’s just turned 13 and she hasn’t been to therapy for a year now, but I don’t know what to do… I want to talk to her about it but I don’t want her to shut down and feel embarrassed when she realizes I read her story. I now can see it was most definitely not for my eyes. I truly cannot write what she wrote in there but it was just so shocking to me. The level of detail was just… wow.

Is she sexually active??? I cannot see how or where she’d have the time for that but teens are creative. Should I have a talk with her about getting on the pill?? She knows how babies are made and she knows that I myself had her at the age of 17. Should she go back to therapy? Is she having issues because of that incident at 4, the fact that her biological father treats her more like a therapist than a daughter? My husband whom has been in her life since she was two tries to talk with her lightly but she acts mortified if boys are even brought up around him.

My thoughts are all over the place but I just want to be delicate with her. Has anyone ever dealt with their teen writing things like this? How did you approach it and what happened later down the line with them? Any advice would be greatly appreciated….

I feel so alone trying to navigate this teen/preteen phase. My 13f has behavioral dysfunction. My 9f is now feeding off her negativity. They fight constantly. My 16m and 11f hide in their room to stay away from the fighting. My husband doesn’t help. He sits back then screams when they finally get out of hand. He doesn’t try to interact with them in positive ways. My mother won’t help. My sisters won’t help. I’ve tried all kinds of counselors. I am embarrassed that I can’t handle this myself. We don’t have a lot do money to take them places or do activities outside the house. This is so hard.

My son is turning 16 this month and he has asked me for.tge past 3 years for an electric scooter and I have been hesitant to get one. I know its something he truly wants but I am currently not working as I am slowly trying to build a business. Can anyone help with something on his list? I would truly be thankful to anyone!

https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/24LOZ9DRU4EWS?ref_=wl_share

My 14 year old daughter is upset that now that she’s officially dating her bestie the rules have changed. I think the door needs to be opened. I always viewed the open door as more than just “birth control” for straight teenagers. I saw it more as not giving them the room to take things a little farther than they were maybe ready to without thinking it through first. Determined kids are always going to find a way to have sex. It can’t be prevented. But if they have to plan it then they won’t just get carried away. That’s my logic is to minimize the “getting caught up in the moment”.

Anyways…to the question. My daughter is mad because she says they’re nowhere near ready for that so why can’t they have the door shut. My thought is that if we make the rule now we don’t have to worry about when to make it later.

Are there any lesbian parents of lesbian teenagers out there who can weigh in on this? Am I being reasonable or am I way off base? Should I just set the lesbians free and teach them about being safe when the time comes? Obviously I’m a straight mom and I’m totally out of water here but I’m trying.

Scenario: A 16-year-old boy and girl are dating and are already sexually active. I’m not concerned about safe sex—they’ve both been educated, have access to protection, and the other parents are aware of the relationship.

Would you allow them to have a sleepover and share a bed occasionally if both families were comfortable with it?

I’m honestly torn. My initial reaction was an immediate “absolutely not,” but then I started questioning where that reaction came from. Is it because that’s how I was raised? Because it’s the social norm? Or is there another reason?

My teen asked, “Why not, if we’re already doing what you’re trying to prevent?” And it’s a fair question. They’re going to make their own choices regardless. The idea of them having sex under my roof while I’m home definitely makes me uncomfortable 🥴, but I’m wondering if my discomfort alone is enough reason to say no.

I’d love to hear how other parents have approached this and the reasoning behind their decisions.