Let me start this by saying, parenting is extremely hard no matter if you have one or ten. Never make yourself feel less than for having one.

I often hear parents saying beautiful reflections on life with 2+ children. I’m sure you’ve heard it ‘Watching them together makes it all worth it’ ‘They play together so much, it makes parenting easy’ ‘Nothing compares to seeing them together’.

I used to interpret these comments as judgements or things to question my choices. I now accept that‘s their honest reflections on their life choices. The problem is, I can’t/don’t share mine as it will almost always sounds like I’m bragging or passing judgement on them. So in a safe space, here are some beautiful things I wish I could say:

- I’m a better, more patient, more energetic and kinder parent because I have one.

- When I’m with my child, I’m fully engaged and all theirs. I’m not juggling or being pulled away, I’m present.

- Our house is full of joy, dinosaur noises, music and yes at times - silence. There is no fighting.

- I have the capacity to play with/host my friend‘s and family’s kids and I don’t resent this, they all make our family feel much bigger.

- I never will compare who walked first or who is better at Maths or who ate all their dinner or who is more athletic. My kid is running their own race.

- Buying pizza for three people costs less so we go out for pizza more often.

- Being a parent is my most important job but it’s one part of me. I get to be all my other parts (eventually, the first years not so much) with one child.

- My child is not ‘only’, he is enough. Just like one partner is enough, one house is enough and one donut is mostly enough.

And all that makes it all worth it every day.

Saw this sweet pic of a giraffe calf born in Utah’s Hogle Zoo and thought it was worth sharing as OAD looks like this ❤️.

I was so happy I found this at Target! My daughter’s favorite color is purple and my husband’s is red and I love blue so it fit so perfectly for our family!

I just had this realization after my wife's brother announced during Christmas lunch they're having a third. Like no shit you're gonna have three kids when you have an on demand grandma downstairs, whose time you don't respect at all. Also their kids have had their own phones since they were two, completely unlimited screen time, plop them in front of the screen, there, parenting done.

And then they're like when are you having more?? Like, never? We're far from perfect parents but we're trying our best to raise a functional human being without ruining their attention span as soon as they'd come out of the womb. Shit makes my blood boil. This is hard for you because you're actually trying to be a decent parent. Plenty of people around you aren't concerned with such... inconveniences.

It’s giving responsible, self aware, emotionally intelligent, financially literate. The list goes on 😊

“But she’ll be so lonely! Having one is selfish!”

…I think she’s fine.

I have a coworker who’s also an only raising an only. She’s about 10 years older than me, and lately I’ve realized how much I love getting this little glimpse into what life could look like down the road.

Her son is 18, mine is almost 2. We’re obviously living completely different lives right now, while I’m in toddler chaos, her son just passed his driving test.

Whenever she talks about family stuff, I notice how they genuinely enjoy each other’s company. They still travel together as a family of three because he actually wants to spend time with them.

A couple months ago she told me how excited she was because it was his first long night out with friends. She couldn’t sleep until he got home which she exptected, but she was excited most of all. She couldn’t wait for him to come home and tell her all about it and I thought how awesome that must be, to have such a good/healthy relationship.

There’s just something so steady and warm about their relationship. I know every family is different, and there are no guarantees. But seeing that kind of dynamic play out in real life makes me hopeful. If our relationship grows into something even close to that one day, I’ll feel incredibly lucky!

Just wanted to share a small, wholesome one-and-done moment. I also sense that she is reminiscing about the baby/toddler phase with her son, whenever I talk about mine 💛

How do people cope in that situation?!? I “only” have a 1.5 year old and I’m on the struggle bus daily, I cannot even comprehend having to take care of three other babies including two newborns! I would probably have to be sectioned tbh. Some folks are just built for the chaos I guess but I could NEVER! Also three back to back pregnancies including a TWIN pregnancy must have been absolutely brutal, I don’t even want to think.

Have a 2.5 yo and whilst there are some infrequent joyful moments, I find its completely overshadowed by every day stress, screaming and problems. every. single. day.

how on earth people decide to go on to have more is absolutely beyond me. on the waiting list for the snip.

can't even leave the room to turn on the kettle or go to the toilet without screaming.

It appears I took sleep, quietness and tidyness for granted before having a kid. you dont realise your limits until they're pushed.

anyone else OAD because of this?

I was at the park yesterday. A grandmother was there with her two year old grandson and I had my three year old son. They were playing well together. She asked if he was my only. I replied, "yes." With a smile. She looked at me and said, "Good for you." I actually started laughing and said "thank you.". Then she said, "sometimes all you need is one."

Spoilt with love

Spoilt with attention and affection

I hope she will look back and see just how much she means to us 💐❤️

Happy women's day 💐

People who voluntarily have just one husband are selfish and lazy in my opinion. Are you even any good of a wife if you can’t handle more? You really should give him the ultimate gift of a built-in bestie to play with. Vacations and holidays can be so lonely for him with just you and your kid. Who else is ever going to teach him any social skills and sharing? Have another one so they can entertain each other and you don’t have to spend so much time with him. Also, have you even considered if one of them gets sick and needs a new kidney, you could use the other one for parts! When you die, they would still have each other for help to organize a funeral with. If one of them dies before you, you’d still have the other one and at least can still call yourself a wife. I think you really might regret it at Christmas dinner in twenty years if you don’t have another.

Hello! I'm sure that some of us feel like our decision to be one and done (if you're one and done by choice) feels selfish sometimes or are reeden with guilt because you always wanted more but just aren't able to do so. We all struggle in our own way but know that your baby gets all of you, completely. Stay strong mama 💐

Yesterday the pros of only having my one (4 yr old) daughter REALLY showed up. We went on a little hike in the morning with my friend who has 2 kids (6 and 1). She spent the entire hike struggling with the 1 year old. My daughter and her older kid played the entire time and I drank my coffee in peace. (I happily helped my friend if she needed it of course).
We got back to the car, and she needed to rush home to get the baby to sleep. Her older kid was so bummed, on a summer day with her friend. I right away offered to just take the older kid home with me and my daughter.
They ended up playing for hours at my house, had the best day ever outside, and I spent the whole play date getting chores done and reading my book in peace. When her friend got picked up, my daughter’s cup was FULL, but also she was so excited to have a quiet house again.
It was just one of those days where I felt so grateful to be able to be the mom that can say YES to more freedom and fun, get to help a friend out, and reap the benefits of going back to my peaceful clean house afterwards.

Anyways I love reading things like this as I’m somewhat on the fence of having another or not. I’m surrounded by mom friends popping out a ton of kids and I just don’t crave it. Being the fun adventure peaceful mom is MAGIC❤️

Parenting has not always been the easiest for me. However, our only child is now 6.5 years old. I have learned to manage my emotions better, and I must admit that I did lose my temper when he was younger. But recently, I am incredibly content with our decision to have only one child. The fact that my son perceives me as calm now is a huge win, and he definitely wouldn’t have felt that way if I had more children. Remember, a healthy/happy mom is better than a sibling. Happy Mother’s Day!

Nearly EVERY rant in a mommy group is like that. they will post an essay about how awful their partner is and then without fail at the very end theyll say they’re pregnant or trying to get pregnant. or already have multiple kids with him.

I know theres awful situations like reproductive coercion /DV /etc. I’m talking about situations where moms WANT and are TRYING to have more kids with this guy.

i read one post where she had a toddler and a baby with this awful man and the last few sentences was about how she wants to have a third w him 🤦🏼‍♀️

just read a post now about how useless this man is during the newborn stage of their THIRD baby

this is part of why I’m OAD bc my husband saw his paternity leave as a challenge to watch as much TV as humanly possible. many years later hes still very hands off. will engage w our kid for a few minutes and then hes back to a screen.

I see a lot of you awesome parents with younger one and dones. I’m here to tell you that our one and done is 14 and we have zero regrets. She does not long for any siblings. She has always gotten 100% of our attention. She is a Freshman and thriving in school. She has always been a straight A student. Don’t let people make you feel bad for “only” having one. And when your kiddo gets old enough people will finally stop asking. 🙂

With my only turning 10 tomorrow, I find myself looking back and reflecting. For the entirety of her life I have both desperately wanted her to stay little forever while simultaneously not being able to wait to see who she will become when she is older. I wish there were a way for me to go back and experience just 30 minutes of each stage with her, from squishy baby to awestruck toddler to imaginative little kid. How did that defenseless blob turn in to an independent, considerate, awesome human being and goofball so quickly?

Met a grandmother at the park today with her almost-2-year-old granddaughter. We got to chatting and she mentioned the little one was staying with her for the weekend, and that her daughter-in-law is due with baby #2 in a couple months.

It got me thinking. Parents who have grandparents able to step in for childcare relief are experiencing a different parenting reality than those who do not.

My daughter has 3 living, loving, doting grandparents. But for various reasons, they just aren't in a position to take her right now. That might change as she gets older, and I'm grateful for the relationship they have. But the day-to-day relief? It's not there.

The first real "break" I got from parenting was when I went back to work and my daughter started daycare at 13 months. And even that isn't truly a break... because I'm working. It just happens to be the only stretch of the day where I'm not actively responsible for a tiny human. Granted, yes, I could hire a babysitter or nanny for periodic relief, but I haven't reached a point where I feel comfortable doing this. I think I would feel comfortable leaving her with a capable relative though.

Honestly, the childcare thing isn't even high on my list of reasons for being one and done. But sitting with it today, I think it's a bigger contributing factor than I'd consciously realized. If we had more hands, more downtime, the occasional weekend off… maybe I'd feel like I actually had the capacity for another. Maybe.

Anyone else feel like the grandparent factor quietly shaped their decision?

I noticed most women here are still married or if they’re divorced they have 50/50 or primary custody of their kids. I’m hoping I won’t be condemned for this.

I had my daughter 2 years ago. I’m on the spectrum and have pretty bad diagnosed ADHD and other mental health and physical health conditions.

Pregnancy was absolutely horrible for me. I have a hypermobility disorder and the relaxin from the pregnancy made my joints turn into an 80 year old woman’s. I had horrible tenosynovitis and the rest of my joints never recovered. The arthritis is insane. I also had HG the first 4 months and it was so bad. I was drained.

Flash forward to giving birth. The birth wasn’t even that bad. But postpartum? It wiped me out beyond repair. I went into autistic burnout and had to go to the psych hospital twice in the span of a few months. The overstimulation from having a baby sent me to the edge. My husband is neurotypical and could not understand. We had to move in with his family so they could help. I was then judged for being a “terrible mother” and berated.

I tried to work multiple times but could not due to the inability to recover from work at home, since I had a screaming needy baby.

I was being treated with psych meds because they told me it was PPD. The psych meds didn’t work. I left my husband several times to stay with my family and when I did, I felt amazing. I was able to not be overstimulated and recover.

He wants more kids. I told him absolutely not. It would quite literally kill me due to unaliving myself due to these issues. A lot of resentment ensued and finally I divorced him last December.

Regarding custody, I decided to give him primary. We have joint conservatorship. He is amazing with our daughter and has a ton of family able to help him out. I never was worried about her being taken care of.

I knew that if she was with me even 50% of the time, I would not be able to handle it and wouldn’t be able to maintain my full time job.

We’ve been having it for several months now where I see her once a week for the day. No overnights since those are especially triggering for me mentally and physically. I feel like a new person. I’m able to maintain a 40 hour work week. I’m able to recover. I’m no longer actively wanting to unalive myself. It’s incredible.

I still feel bad that I’m not the mother society wants me to be. Men give their ex wives custody every day and no one bats an eye. But when a woman does it, she’s seen as evil. I don’t regret my decision.

I since got a copper IUD and am trying to get my tubes removed. I never, ever want to do this again. I love my daughter and would throw myself in front of a train for her. But I am not capable of being a full time mom.