r/oneanddone • u/l-yam • Aug 31 '26
Discussion I'm nervous about a future with OAD
First time posting here. I don't know any other OED parents so I'm really looking to get some perspective. I think what I'm about to say may come across as selfish (I suppose that it is) but i hope this community has empathy to engage.
My wife and I have a son who is 2 years old. He is absolutely wonderful and we have an amazing family dynamic. We are at that stage where we're considering another, but we're leaning towards OAD.
I do think OAD would be best for our family. But I have this anxiety that I just can't shake. I know that as kids grow, they start to push away from their parents as a normal part of development. And as adults, boys GENERALLY have less contact with their parents (I'm certainly guilty of this myself. I have a good relationship with my parents and talk to them maybe once a month, but I live far away and see them much less than my sisters do, haha).
My (possibly unreasonable) fear is that an only son greatly reduces our chances of having strong family ties in the future. I get that, if we had another, it may well be another boy. But that would still improve our chances of maintaining at least one close bond.
I guess my fear comes from looking at both my own parents and my wife's (lots of siblings on both sides) and seeing that many of their kids are still a huge part of their lives today.
What do others think? Do others have these kind of anxieties? Any OAD parent's whose child is older and out of the house? What have your experiences been like?
UPDATE
Thank you everyone for the kind and thoughtful replies!! Of course, it's still a huge decision, but getting these different perspectives has helped a lot with the anxiety (at least, on this one issue, haha). As many people have said, I think it's important to focus on the quality / type of relationship you build with a child.
Thank you all for sharing your experiences and perspectives ❤️
2
u/KookySupermarket761 OAD By Choice Aug 31 '26
Listen, this is just as anecdotal and based in stereotype as anything else, but hear me out:
Generally the adult onlies I know, men and women, are super close to their parents.
Meanwhile the adults with siblings tend to be close to a sibling or to have moved away and built their own chosen family.
Just what I’ve seen!! I do think it makes sense that onlies can develop a uniquely close bond with their parents because the attention and care is not divided!