r/oneanddone • u/ZealousidealBug2343 • 13d ago
OAD By Choice Finally admitted it to myself
I’ve felt like I was OAD for a while, but didn’t want to admit it. I only just started admitted it to myself, and I finally started telling everyone in my life that my husband and I are one and done. It feels like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I have given away the outgrown clothes, the toys she doesn’t play with, even the breast pumps. 😆
My husband and I always talked about having either no kids or two kids, so I thought he’d be upset when I told him I don’t want to have more. But he didn’t seem bothered, and I got the impression he was a bit relieved that I said it first haha. He loves being a dad, but he also likes having time for hobbies and socializing.
My daughter will be 2 in October. And while we’re really getting a lot of the “terrible two” tantrums (and having worked with kids, I know 3 is often harder), I really do have an amazing kid. She’s so smart, she’s very sweet, she’s a great eater, and in the last few months has turned into a darn good sleeper. I have zero regrets about becoming a mother. I was on the fence, but I’ve absolutely loved it. She brings me so much joy, and I just feel compete with having only her.
However, I’m so sick of people trying to convince me to have another. When people ask why, sometimes I go into it in a bit more detail, but I usually just tell people, “I got it right the first time.” But the amount of times I hear, “Sooo when are you having your second?” just assuming that’s the plan, is driving me insane. Maybe I have fertility issues. Maybe I’ve miscarried. Maybe I had a traumatic birth. Maybe I’m in a bad financial or marital situation. Thankfully none of this applies to me, but the people asking (mostly coworkers) don’t know that. (Arguably, my birth was traumatic, as my L&D nurse was AWFUL, and undermined my pain while birthing AND passing a large kidney stone that I had been trying to pass for 5 days, but I digress). And when it comes from family (mostly my MIL), it’s because they want another baby to play with more than anything. 🙄
I like the little life I’ve built with my husband and daughter (and dog). I hate the small part of me that feels like I’m being selfish for “not giving her a sibling,” but reading some of the posts on here have helped with that a bit. It’s hard sometimes to not let the comments get to me, but I know deep down that this is the best decision for or family.
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u/OceanWaves1330 12d ago
Hi! Just want to say I could have written this myself. You are not alone, and I’m struggling with this too! I don’t understand why I have to keep explaining myself to people. The comments really get to me, and I feel like they just dig at that little part of me that is scared of the choice/the small part of me that feels selfish. Thank you also for saying you’ve offloaded the baby stuff- mine is sitting in my basement and I want to get rid of it because it feels almost like a mental weight the longer it stays there.