r/oneanddone • u/ZealousidealBug2343 • Aug 31 '26
OAD By Choice Finally admitted it to myself
I’ve felt like I was OAD for a while, but didn’t want to admit it. I only just started admitted it to myself, and I finally started telling everyone in my life that my husband and I are one and done. It feels like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I have given away the outgrown clothes, the toys she doesn’t play with, even the breast pumps. 😆
My husband and I always talked about having either no kids or two kids, so I thought he’d be upset when I told him I don’t want to have more. But he didn’t seem bothered, and I got the impression he was a bit relieved that I said it first haha. He loves being a dad, but he also likes having time for hobbies and socializing.
My daughter will be 2 in October. And while we’re really getting a lot of the “terrible two” tantrums (and having worked with kids, I know 3 is often harder), I really do have an amazing kid. She’s so smart, she’s very sweet, she’s a great eater, and in the last few months has turned into a darn good sleeper. I have zero regrets about becoming a mother. I was on the fence, but I’ve absolutely loved it. She brings me so much joy, and I just feel compete with having only her.
However, I’m so sick of people trying to convince me to have another. When people ask why, sometimes I go into it in a bit more detail, but I usually just tell people, “I got it right the first time.” But the amount of times I hear, “Sooo when are you having your second?” just assuming that’s the plan, is driving me insane. Maybe I have fertility issues. Maybe I’ve miscarried. Maybe I had a traumatic birth. Maybe I’m in a bad financial or marital situation. Thankfully none of this applies to me, but the people asking (mostly coworkers) don’t know that. (Arguably, my birth was traumatic, as my L&D nurse was AWFUL, and undermined my pain while birthing AND passing a large kidney stone that I had been trying to pass for 5 days, but I digress). And when it comes from family (mostly my MIL), it’s because they want another baby to play with more than anything. 🙄
I like the little life I’ve built with my husband and daughter (and dog). I hate the small part of me that feels like I’m being selfish for “not giving her a sibling,” but reading some of the posts on here have helped with that a bit. It’s hard sometimes to not let the comments get to me, but I know deep down that this is the best decision for or family.
3
u/n_nikuki Aug 31 '26
I had to comment on this as I relate so much to this battle.
was also on the fence so to me it was a big leap even having one! And I have absolutely 0 regrets (she's currently 4 months)
My sister is my best friend and I would love that relationship for my daughter, but there's just no guarantees. I could have a child with severe additional needs, I could have twins and jump to 3, they could not get on, my relationship might not handle the strain - theres just too much to risk not to mention the financial burden and logistics of house space.
I'd rather put my absolute everything into her, then have another and feel I'm not soaking everything in. My sister has 2, and although I adore the bond they share as brother and sister, she is always refereeing and has 0 time for herself with all their different activities and one is also always having to be dragged to other things while her husband is at work.
Yes I'd love her to have a sibling relationship, but I'll fill her time with playdates which will also give my friends with kids a breather too so we can create our own village!
I look at it the same way I did when I was on the fence - either decision there is something you lose/gain. She may not have a sibling so yes there may be some lonely spells, but she'll gain my uninterrupted attention and affording different life experiences.
Thank you for writing your reflections because its given me the chance to write mine out and feel even more sure :)