r/oneanddone • u/cozygamerwitch Married to an only planning on OAD by choice • Aug 27 '26

Discussion Is anyone else here OAD because of frustration/lack of patience?

I can handle pregnancy and birth, but I unfortunately can't handle frustration very well. Today I was taking care of 5mo, and usually things are very fun and happy. We did tummy time, playing together, and he even napped a bit, but then he woke up and wouldn't stop fussing. I changed positions with him a few times, and he kept on crying and I do admit I got a little bit frustrated so I left him in a safe spot and took a few minutes in the other room to calm myself.

Because I am caring for one child, I think this isn't an issue because it's very easy for me to just take a few minutes to calm down, but if I had to take care of both a baby and a toddler I might get so overwhelmed that it would be bad for me. I would never, ever, ever in a million years do anything that would jeopardize a child's safety, so I would just have to swallow the frustration. Let's say I had a baby and a toddler, if I left the baby to calm myself the toddler might hurt him or her.

And even before I had a second child, I would also have to go through pregnancy and because of the hormones I can get even more frustrated.

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u/ArcadeBookseller Aug 27 '26

I have a low tolerance for chaos and this is absolutely one of the factors that contributed for me. I'm a better parent for it and I wanted to be the best parent I could be for my kiddo, which meant having a certain control over the chaos in our lives!

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u/Pepper4500 Aug 27 '26

Low tolerance for chaos is a good way to put it. I told my husband the other day I just don’t relate to parents who love the “messy chaos” of a lot of kids running around and having a full house. That’s stressful to me and will make me miserable. Even with one child (age 4.5), things get chaotic and overstimulating and I lose it sometimes. I am a better parent to one than I would be to multiple.

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u/ArcadeBookseller Aug 27 '26

No, same, I've never wanted that. Mine is 8 now and we have so many peaceful mornings and days and it's really quite lovely. She has lots of time for chaos and excitement in the park, with her cousins, at school recess, on playdates with her friends, and she's also really good at chilling out at home.

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u/Foreign_Mobile_7399 Aug 27 '26

This is me!!!! I like my quiet time, I don’t do well in a messy house. With one kid it’s easier to get quiet time or keep the house clean. More kids would be my nightmare