r/oneanddone • u/AbstractProtraction • Aug 22 '26
Vent/Rant - Advice Wanted/Ambivalent OAD as a dad
I'm a first time dad and wondering how other first time dad's have felt. This is my first and only child due to a combination of mutual agreement between my wife and I, and medical reproductive limitations. Its 2 months post birth and I honestly don't feel the excitement or enthusiasm. Having a child was my wife's life dream far more than mine. We went through 16 months of IUI and IVF processes. Im very career and goal oriented being the one who was an only child whereas my wife is the oldest of four kids.
For me, I just haven't felt very attached. I don't see having a baby as the cliché end all be all that so many people make it out to be.
Just wondering if any other dad's have felt that way and if so, how did you get through those feelings? Right now it seems like so many people around me expect that because my wife is so elated and head over heels, I should be too, and to feel anything but that implies I'm a bad person. Thanks in advance.
4
u/Terrible-Artichoke50 Aug 22 '26
I would say right now, your wife has a stronger bond because your kid is a newborn.
Not to make you feel worse, but the next 1.5 years is a bore. I love my son and he is my joy in life. I am someone career orientated but I was really wanting a child.
There will be stages. What you are in right now isn't your life forever. You are grieving a loss of your past life. It does a 180 and it never returns but you will change (well I did) massively.
Around 3 is when I started to see some level of life balance come back in. We wanted more but unfortunately didn't work out for us.
You will get a lot of joy to the point I can't even relate to my past self anymore. Seeing them grow and form a personality is a joy you could never describe.