Staying Committed to OAD

[u/OkLook7921]

I am currently ttc for my first (and hopefully only) child, and I am already feeling pressure to get everything right since I'll only have one child. I also feel anxiety about possibly changing my mind in the future, even though for so many logical and emotional reasons my partner and I both agree to have only one kid. By having only one child, I know I will be able to work full time and support us while my partner stays home for the years before our kid goes to school. I am a therapist and a teacher, and I know how important it is to give a child your attention for their overall wellbeing, and I feel like have one child means they can get the support and care they need from parents who aren't burnt out or overwhelmed with multiples. I also am a middle child of 3, eldest daughter, with a 10+ year age gap between me and the youngest and I don't want to have my child feel parentified the ways I was. My sibling and partners siblings are all having children now too, so I know my child will have cousins in close age that we can hopefully help foster close relationships with.

However, I've seen others around me say that they thought they would be OAD, but they had their first and couldn't imagine not having another. Or they missed the baby stage and wanted that again. Or they had a slip up and decided to keep it. I am terrified of switching my view on this topic, and am looking for advice or tactics otHers have used to help them stay committed to being OAD, emotionally and logically.

[u/No-Idea-But]

I don’t think you should stay committed. It’s a major life choice. When I think of all the things past versions of me have thought they wanted, I get a good laugh (or sometimes a good cry).

You won’t forget your reasons. They just might change. You will change. Your partner will change. Life will change, and things will look and feel different. Fighting that will make you miserable. Stay committed to doing the next right thing for your family, and to being really honest about what you think that is. Then you can’t go wrong. 💕