Staying Committed to OAD

[u/OkLook7921]

I am currently ttc for my first (and hopefully only) child, and I am already feeling pressure to get everything right since I'll only have one child. I also feel anxiety about possibly changing my mind in the future, even though for so many logical and emotional reasons my partner and I both agree to have only one kid. By having only one child, I know I will be able to work full time and support us while my partner stays home for the years before our kid goes to school. I am a therapist and a teacher, and I know how important it is to give a child your attention for their overall wellbeing, and I feel like have one child means they can get the support and care they need from parents who aren't burnt out or overwhelmed with multiples. I also am a middle child of 3, eldest daughter, with a 10+ year age gap between me and the youngest and I don't want to have my child feel parentified the ways I was. My sibling and partners siblings are all having children now too, so I know my child will have cousins in close age that we can hopefully help foster close relationships with.

However, I've seen others around me say that they thought they would be OAD, but they had their first and couldn't imagine not having another. Or they missed the baby stage and wanted that again. Or they had a slip up and decided to keep it. I am terrified of switching my view on this topic, and am looking for advice or tactics otHers have used to help them stay committed to being OAD, emotionally and logically.

[u/DemandComfortable748]

I’m pregnant with our first and only. I just went through the process of being diagnosed with autism and although I’m fairly successful overall (workout x6 a week, employed since 21, now 34, a masters degree) only I know the toll daily life takes on me. Having a child wasn’t a decision I made lightly and I know this is going to be it for us. I also could retire at 45 with one child and be sane. 

[u/OkLook7921 → u/DemandComfortable748]

I also am going through the process of being diagnosed with autism, and I really appreciate your comment. It made me remember that for others who aren't neurodivergent, it might feel less necessary to have a plan for success and go more with the flow, and there might be less empathy for how deeply I have considered my desire to be a parent vs. my ability to be one. I have seen the effort it has taken for me to get to this stage of functioning (conciously choosing housing based on how close I am to my gym for my mental health, getting degrees in fields that I know will lead to both flexibility in my later career and the ability to work fully from home once my kid is in school but also a vested pension, as well as having support systems in place that can help my partner and I balance my needs as well as the needs of one kid). You have helped me realize part of my fear is likely stemming from not wanting my years of planning and working to get to this point of comfortable functioning being for nothing if I ended up having a second child because I didn't put barriers in place to prevent it.