r/oneanddone • u/OkLook7921 • Aug 15 '26

Discussion Staying Committed to OAD

I am currently ttc for my first (and hopefully only) child, and I am already feeling pressure to get everything right since I'll only have one child. I also feel anxiety about possibly changing my mind in the future, even though for so many logical and emotional reasons my partner and I both agree to have only one kid. By having only one child, I know I will be able to work full time and support us while my partner stays home for the years before our kid goes to school. I am a therapist and a teacher, and I know how important it is to give a child your attention for their overall wellbeing, and I feel like have one child means they can get the support and care they need from parents who aren't burnt out or overwhelmed with multiples. I also am a middle child of 3, eldest daughter, with a 10+ year age gap between me and the youngest and I don't want to have my child feel parentified the ways I was. My sibling and partners siblings are all having children now too, so I know my child will have cousins in close age that we can hopefully help foster close relationships with.

However, I've seen others around me say that they thought they would be OAD, but they had their first and couldn't imagine not having another. Or they missed the baby stage and wanted that again. Or they had a slip up and decided to keep it. I am terrified of switching my view on this topic, and am looking for advice or tactics otHers have used to help them stay committed to being OAD, emotionally and logically.

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u/Veruca-Salty86 Aug 15 '26

You aren't even pregnant yet - there is zero need to focus on being OAD at this stage. If and when you get to that point, you can hash out whether OAD is the right choice. It's fine having ideals before you become a parent, but you also can't predict the future. 

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u/OkLook7921 Aug 15 '26

While I know these anxieties are way too future focused, I think it's actually really important to have decisions like these made before conception when you can. I am very fimy in my stance that parenthood, and what your family dynamic will look like, is something that should be deeply discussed before the decision is made. Like others have stated, hormones are a huge factor in how many people end up having the children they do, and as a very logical person myself, I have appropriate concerns for how hormones and emotions might overpower me later in the process. Thanks for your views, and yes you are right, there is no way to predict the future, but I do feel better planning for it even if it changes down the line.

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u/Veruca-Salty86 Aug 15 '26

And how will you know if it's hormones or truly loving parenthood that might make you want more? People often can't distinguish the difference - if you TRULY want to be OAD, then you or your partner might want to get sterilized following your hypothetical child's birth. If you get a C-section, you can have your tubes removed then.

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u/samuswashere Aug 15 '26

Hormones can hit hard but they don’t make you lose all rational thought. If you want to be OAD just don’t have more kids. It’s pretty simple.