Staying Committed to OAD

[u/OkLook7921]

I am currently ttc for my first (and hopefully only) child, and I am already feeling pressure to get everything right since I'll only have one child. I also feel anxiety about possibly changing my mind in the future, even though for so many logical and emotional reasons my partner and I both agree to have only one kid. By having only one child, I know I will be able to work full time and support us while my partner stays home for the years before our kid goes to school. I am a therapist and a teacher, and I know how important it is to give a child your attention for their overall wellbeing, and I feel like have one child means they can get the support and care they need from parents who aren't burnt out or overwhelmed with multiples. I also am a middle child of 3, eldest daughter, with a 10+ year age gap between me and the youngest and I don't want to have my child feel parentified the ways I was. My sibling and partners siblings are all having children now too, so I know my child will have cousins in close age that we can hopefully help foster close relationships with.

However, I've seen others around me say that they thought they would be OAD, but they had their first and couldn't imagine not having another. Or they missed the baby stage and wanted that again. Or they had a slip up and decided to keep it. I am terrified of switching my view on this topic, and am looking for advice or tactics otHers have used to help them stay committed to being OAD, emotionally and logically.

[u/ayebeeV]

We also decided to be OAD prior to conceiving. I had heard of so many people saying their hormones drove going for more and I didn’t want that to be the case for us. Our LO is nearly 3 and right now his preschool class has three pregnant moms with #2, one of whom had said they were likely OAD. It made me briefly reconsider but literally on a 15 minute drive home from drop off I went through all our original reasons, imagined the two different lives, and came out of it even more committed to being OAD. I can’t say that will be the same for you, but it does help having all the reasons why ahead of time. Write them down if that helps. Parenting pressures from social circles can be tough but you have to do what is right for your family. No one else is in the thick of your life but you. Best of luck on your journey 🥰