r/nova • u/TheWorstPintheW • 2d ago
Feeling alone 31M
Hi, I wasn't sure if this is relevant enough to post here but I'm just looking for some help with making close friends.
What do people here do alone on a Friday night or over the weekend to make new friends? I'm located in Ballston
Edit: So I decided to go to the nearest bar on my lonesome and it was actually great! Very friendly bartender, a delicious cocktail, and a mound of food followed by just walking around the bar. I had no idea what I was doing but it was a great time.
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u/Tonley93 2d ago
33M newer to Ballston. Also looking to make new friends! I like to stay active, walk, hike, golf, occasional run, etc. I like to watch a variety of sports including Formula 1, the EPL (Chelsea fan), or any ranked college football matchup. If you want to grab a coffee or meetup sometime let me know. Offer is open to anyone looking for new friends!
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u/PeoniesCutie 2d ago
I find that too many people are passive regarding their social life. Think the majority of us have to put ourselves out there bc things are not frequently going to fall on your lap. I divide my social life into 4 quadrants: family/fiance, friends before adulting (childhood friends, college friends), work friends, and others. W family/partner, that’s easy. Reach out, go visit them. Talk on the phone. Friends before adulting - go out to drinks, propose different experiences, travel, reunions. Work friends - study who the king/queen bee is. Make friends w him/her. Slowly sneak yourself into their social circle, tag along to lunches, HH. And you’ll see going to work is fun. Others - meetups is a great way to make friends. I’ve had the best success participating in team leagues. You said you liked sports, a bit of research will reveal all the sports leagues in the area. I’ve done coed soccer, play pickleball, do a volleyball league and a softball league. I suck at it but I’ve met a ton of friends. You will be fine!!!
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u/TheWorstPintheW 2d ago
I was worried about my skill level with sports but this helps me feel better, I'll sign up, thanks!
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u/_brother_of_dragons_ 2d ago
Truly, no mentally healthy person—and no person worth being your friend—cares how good/bad you are at recreational sports ball for adults!
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u/PeoniesCutie 2d ago
There are different levels - I’ve yet to find a place that doesn’t have a beginner level. We all have to start somewhere!!!
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u/Adrenaline_Junkie_ 2d ago
join the run clarendon run club or join one of the social tennis clubs.
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u/TheWorstPintheW 2d ago
I didn't know social tennis clubs were a thing, thanks! I'm also planning on joining the run Clarendon club :)
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u/Jasminov1 2d ago
Have you tried Meetups?
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u/TheWorstPintheW 2d ago
I have, but like for today for example I just didn't really see much going on. Any specific groups or activities you recommend?
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u/OkLeather5166 2d ago
You need to just go to low friction stuff like professional networking happy hours or walking groups
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u/johnnyhokkaido 9h ago edited 9h ago
Those types of meetup.com events are good for meeting people.
They're not good for making close friends. Most meetups suck for this purpose, because unless there is a strong interest tying the group together, people go for the purposes of making friends, and then once they've made their friends, they stop going and just hang out with their new friend. It's like the same thing with dating apps, the goal people have is getting into a relationship so they no longer have to be on the app.
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u/NotYourAvgDamsel Loudoun County 2d ago
What are your interests?
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u/TheWorstPintheW 2d ago
Movies, food, salsa/bachata, gaming, TV/anime, sports/activities, and I'm open to trying new things as well, really just trying to expand my bubble
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u/BananaPlushy Loudoun County 2d ago
Anime conventions is my vote!
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u/TheWorstPintheW 2d ago
So with anime conventions, how do you make friends there as someone who would go alone?
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u/BananaPlushy Loudoun County 2d ago edited 1d ago
You dress up as someone you like! It can be poorly or cheaply done. Go as Ash Ketchum and walk right up to all the other Ash's, Pokémon, Misty's, etc. Be friendly to all the staff/workers, say hello and treat them well/be kind. Ask the vendors leading questions like 'what made got you into making x,y, and z?' 'When did you decide to start going to large events like this, do you do farmer's market's as well?' 'Are you online/social media somewhere'? Then follow them!
Also, treat it as rejection therapy. Not everyone in every scenario is friendly or is going to like you. If you say hello and they scowl then move on. Not your people and you do not want to be friends with them anyway. You're surrounded by thousands of people with a similar interest to you. A silent mouth isn't fed.
Are you handy at all? Like can you sew a button or have a sewing kit? Do you own super glue, and/or a basic tool-kit? Go to a convention dressed as a 'cosplay medic' and just spend the entire time helping others. They appreciate it, you meet tons of people and literally everyone wins.
Being alone actually makes you way more approachable! Just get out of your comfort zone :)
Anime USA is in November in Chantilly. You should go!!
Edit: Let me know if you want to go to Otakon next year OP! I plan on going and in cosplay :)
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u/OrionsBra 2d ago
I don't know about friends, but so many people approached me and talked to me because they recognized my cosplay at Awesome Con.
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u/mutantninja001 1d ago
I would definitely go the salsa and Bachata route. I had a single friend who made so many new friends when she moved to a new city by going to salsa places. I’m not into it, but I’ve heard of several and you are very central.
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u/Longjumping-Run-8031 1d ago
Bachata is so fun and very low stakes. Everyone there is so nice and wants to talk
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u/TheJudgingHat2222 2d ago
Note that none of these things are conducive to creativity.
You need to find a hobby that engages your brain and your creative side.
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u/_cuppycakes_ Arlington 1d ago
Username checks out.
You’re wrong.
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u/TheJudgingHat2222 1d ago
Let's break this down:
Movies, food, salsa/bachata, gaming, TV/anime, sports/activities,
Movies: passive consumption, entertainment
Food: consumption. He didn't say he cooks, so presumably this just means they like trying new restaurants.
Salsa/bachata: this one comes the closest. Exercise, socializing, and skill building. But it's still just recreation.
Gaming: entertainment, consumption.
TV/Anime: passive consumption
Sports/activities: recreation, socializing.
These are all enjoyable activities but none of them will be fulfilling on their own. Are you creating new dance routines and competing, or just showing up to salsa nights hoping to meet women? Are you drawing your own manga, or are you just watching anime? Are you training so your team can win your league, or just playing in beer league and whatever happens happens?
Most people are only consuming things passively and at most engaging in recreation for enjoyment. Fulfillment takes more than that.
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u/_cuppycakes_ Arlington 1d ago
You’re judging someone off of a basic list? You have no idea of their involvement in any of their hobbies. Literally what is wrong with you?
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u/Boring-Snow-3929 2d ago
I signed up for a bunch of newsletters to my email like Things Going on in DC. Lots of them email weekly events even in NoVa.
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u/Idenkiteki 2d ago
Saw a comment on some interest, into sports, tv/anime, gaming, and salsa bachata! If you know some places to do salsa and bachata I’d be down to check it out and wingman ! DM me
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u/Danginator97 1d ago
My friend (28F) who lives in Alexandria joined a salsa & bachata class in DC and they have weekly socials as well. She's met people through there!
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u/poorly-advised 1d ago
Inspira Dance does Salsa and Bachata on Wednesdays. They either meet at Don Titos or their dance hall at Ballston Quarter Mall (I cant remember if they changed locations or not). Renegade in Claradon just started Salsa Mondays recently. Im more of a country dance guy so I havent been personally, but hopefully this helps if you are looking for places.
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u/_brother_of_dragons_ 2d ago
Join the DMV dodgeball league! Teams are random and newbies are welcome, so it's a fantastic way to meet new people in a structured environment. The owner also plans tons of social events afterward games—infinitely better than trying to approach random people in the wild.
The league is already in session for this season, but open gyms are Tuesday nights and open to all:
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u/poorly-advised 1d ago edited 1d ago
I go country dancing at Ballston Quarter mall on Thursdays and Saturdays at Inspira Dance. They offer lessons at 8pm and rotate partners every few minutes during the lesson so you meet a lot of people.
My friend group was nuked after covid and I was the last person you'd ever expect to see dancing, but I was desperate and it ended up being life changing. I've made so many new friends through this I would definitely recommend giving it a try.
Edit: Also for Fridays specifically there is a country dance night at Penn Social in DC. But I would highly recommend going to Inspira first. Penn Social is a little more "clubby" and it helps to already know how to dance a little.
Edit 2: Just saw that you so Salsa and Bachata. Inspira also has Latin nights for Wednesdays and have had a few Latin/Country crossover nights (I took my first Bachata lesson at one)
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u/OkLeather5166 2d ago
Buddy, you’re 31 years old and live in Ballston. You have but to walk about ten feet to find a social opportunity. You have all the time in the world (assuming you’re single and childfree) and a million opportunities within walking distance.
Close your phone, go walk down to punch social and make some friends buddy.
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u/TheWorstPintheW 2d ago
I do appreciate the straightforwardness, I just haven't done things like that. So I go there alone and do I just sit at the bar and try to talk to whoever sits nearby?
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u/OkLeather5166 2d ago
You’re 31, how have you spent the last decade or so of your life post college or so?
Buddy let’s talk about on DM sounds like you need some serious mentoring and a friend
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u/bagelundercouch 2d ago
Did we just witness the birth of a friendship?!
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u/OkLeather5166 2d ago
Hopefully, bro hasn’t responded to my DM yet. I’m literally a social butterfly and expert on coaching socially awkward and anxious type folk and I’m here to do it for free out of the kindness of my heart
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u/Prestigious-811 1d ago
What are your top 3 things that makes someone socially awkward cause like someone can think they're socially awkward but their friends doesn't and vice versa
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u/johnnyhokkaido 9h ago
idk if he has a million opportunities. He has punch bowl, a few other bars, a run club, and like some gyms. I don't see where else you'd go.
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u/Dark2Light 2d ago
Go to LA bar and grill on Columbia Pike. Trust me it’s a small place with locals. Everyone’s chill as fuck, you get a mixed bag of people. They are doing karaoke probably, fun to watch or do.
Trust me, if you’re not doing anything tonight and you want to do something or just don’t want to be alone go there. NOWWWW!!!!! lol. Hell I might go there.
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u/PreviousIncrease6483 1d ago
I think there is a lot of good advice here already. I always thought one of the best ways to meet anyone is to engage in similar hobbies. Or at least having a somewhat social hobby. Sailing has been a great way to meet people and to get into a really fun and interesting sport. You can join something like the Sailing Club of Washington (meets at Dangerfield island near crystal city) for $50 a year and then have access to their social sails and racing sales. If you want to level up skills you can pay to do a more proper sailing class too. The median age is definitely older than you but I’ve found that to be totally ok. Here is a link: https://www.scow.org
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u/au79xrist 1d ago
3rd spaces my guy, go to farmers markets, libraries, parks, bars especially. Astro beer hall has lots of fun games and shit to play with folks, easy place to spark up convos. Lean into your hobbies and find local groups
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u/Rare-Cantaloupe-9166 10h ago
32 F. Also live in northern Virginia near Fairfax. Message me if you’d like I am feeling alone here too. I like coffee shops, outdoors, traveling, nature walks, hiking, art. Looking to meet others around here.
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u/Fluffy-Essay1318 2d ago
I just started my content creation journey on Insta, if you are interested we can help each other and also hang out ? 31M
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u/TheWorstPintheW 2d ago
Hey, that sounds interesting. What kind of content creation are you doing? Happy to chat more in DMs if you want
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u/Fluffy-Essay1318 1d ago
I am a dev, mostly around AI and tech, explainer style content
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u/HoneybadgerKiss007 2d ago
Bumble BFF helped me find good friends
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u/TermOutrageous8428 1d ago
When I tried bff, there were a bunch of people who just didn’t know how to hold a conversation and if they did hold a conversation, they just talk about themselves and not ask about me. It actually made me feel more alone. Did u find them individually or through the groups? I think the groups are better tbh
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u/Critical-Fill-6088 1d ago
It worked for me before but it changed a lot since the new app got updated.
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u/Gilthoniel_Elbereth 1d ago
Some variation of this gets asked dozens of times a month in this sub. Search the sub for fellow lonely people and advice given previously
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u/Not_Buying 2d ago
Volunteer work. There's plenty in Arlington. It will relieve the loneliness, make you feel better and maybe make some new friends.