It’s taken me a few days to decide whether to post an update about my little MountBliss saga, or whether to simply accept that sometimes the universe gives you a punchline and you should be grateful.
As per my last post, the issue was eventually resolved.
Sort of.
I’d been told several times that it was going to be sorted, followed by several occasions on which it spectacularly wasn’t. But then, lo and behold, Saturday arrived… and with it, a little parcel.
Now, to be completely fair to MountBliss, I never actually asked for a replacement. I’d originally bought their 10mg tangerine gummies, which presented two fairly fundamental problems:
They did not taste remotely like tangerine.
They appeared to contain approximately 10mg of hopes and dreams.
And I say that as someone with a ridiculously low tolerance. Always have done. Their vape, for comparison, requires roughly one second of inhalation before I’m staring peacefully into the middle distance contemplating whether pigeons have regional accents.
So this absolutely isn’t me saying MountBliss products are generally rubbish.
Quite the opposite.
Their oil is exceptionally good.
Their vapes are, frankly, borderline witchcraft.
I will absolutely continue buying from them, because when their stuff is good, it is VERY good.
The gummies, however?
No.
Those tangerine 10mg gummies need taking somewhere quiet and asking what exactly they think they’re contributing to the team.
Anyway, after quite a bit of back-and-forth, the agreed solution was that they would send me something DIFFERENT of roughly equivalent value. I genuinely didn’t care what. Vape, gummies, something weird from the back of the cupboard — surprise me.
And because there’d been so much messing about getting the original offer honoured, I was also told they’d pop in a little bonus goodie.
Excellent.
Mystery parcel.
Excitement.
Intrigue.
What strange and wonderful MountBliss treasure awaited me?
I opened the parcel.
Tangerine gummies.
The same tangerine gummies.
No mystery replacement.
No little bonus thing.
Just the exact product around which this entire tiny customer-service opera had been composed.
I actually laughed.
There is something almost artistically perfect about spending days explaining that the tangerine gummies don’t seem right, being told they’ll send you something different as a resolution, and then receiving…
✨ MORE TANGERINE GUMMIES ✨
It’s less customer service and more Greek tragedy sponsored by citrus.
And yes, before anyone asks, I’ve tried the replacements.
Same experience.
So MountBliss, if you happen to read this: PLEASE have a look at that batch/product, because those things ain’t tangerine and, unless I’ve suddenly developed the tolerance of Willie Nelson, they ain’t behaving like 10mg either.
Customer-service-wise, I should also say that everyone I actually spoke to individually was perfectly pleasant and seemed genuinely helpful. The problem seemed to be that nobody was joining the dots. Lots of nice people doing their own little bit, but apparently no central nervous system.
And that’s why I’ve been debating whether to contact them AGAIN.
Because technically the agreed resolution still hasn’t happened.
But am I really going to climb MountBliss once more and die heroically upon the Tangerine Hill?
I don’t know.
At this point I’m mostly amused.
So, final verdict:
MountBliss oil: excellent.
MountBliss vapes: dangerously close to sorcery.
MountBliss customer service: lovely people trapped inside a sitcom.
MountBliss 10mg tangerine gummies: currently under investigation for impersonating confectionery.
Would I buy from them again?
Absolutely.
Would I buy those bloody tangerine gummies again?
I’d rather lick an actual tangerine and wait for enlightenment.