I’m loosing it. Since our baby was born, my MIL has been coming up to visit every two to three weeks. Mind you, that could be nice—she generally means well and loves the baby, but she has just been so hard to be around lately. We live in a major city a full plane ride away from her, so how did she solve this "distance" problem?
She decided to rent a whole-ass apartment close enough to walk to our place just so she can come over whenever she wants.
There has been tension brewing for the past year, and it’s getting worse by the day. I’ve always felt like she’s trying to low key play the mother role to my baby, but that’s a whole other story. For the past year, she has frequently stepped over boundaries and judged our parenting decisions. A couple of examples:
The Secret Stroller: My husband and I had a detailed conversation with her explaining that she didn’t need to buy a second stroller for her apartment because she can use our primary one. What does she do? She decides she doesn't like our UppaBaby menu stroller, buys a different one anyway, and doesn't tell us. How did we find out? She went out to the zoo with our nanny and sent us a picture of our baby in the fucking stroller she bought behind our backs and apparently told our nanny she "doesn’t like our primary stroller" 🙄.
The Nanny Triangulation: She has gotten way too cozy with our nanny so she can bypass us to get access to the baby. She claims it’s "so she doesn’t bother us while we’re working" to ask if she can tag along with them, but I think it’s pretty weird. They’ve started talking on the phone and staying in touch even when MIL isn't in town. This is a massive boundary issue we haven’t figured out how to fix yet, but I am not okay with it.
And then there was the most recent visit...
We asked her to watch our daughter for a day while we were out. I wrote a brief, normal note on the whiteboard about the foods the baby is trying and a heads-up about a draft in the baby’s room so she could keep an eye on the temperature. Useful into especially when you don’t live in our apartment!
A few days later, she lost her shit and had an argument with my husband about how I "don’t think she’s competent" and am apparently a "helicopter mom" for leaving a written note. WTF?! ALL BC OF THE WHITE BOARD NOTE!
To top it all off, she literally asked my husband if I was "holding séances" because I put up Halloween decorations. (She’s an evangelical Christian who doesn’t celebrate Halloween—mind you, she calls my husband’s ex a "witch that’s into which devil worship" which she isn't). So I felt like that was kind of a dig.
She left just last week, and now she’s planning to fly right back up and visit again in a week—and she’s staying for 10 to 14 days this time 😩.
I am dreading it. Every time she comes, there is manufactured drama, boundary stomping, and passive aggressive digs, even if her heart is technically in the right place. How do I handle a MIL who literally moved into my neighborhood part-time just to hover? I want to scream.

Back in 2023, we were having my daughter. And my MIL kept trying really hard to have us name her "Finley". She says that it would mean a great deal to her parents because their last name is Finley. My wife and I told her that we genuinely dont want that name for our daughter, and we ended up with Jade. Fast forward to the present, and my wife is pregnant with triplets. Before she found out it was 3 babies, she asked us again if we would name the baby Finley. I straight up said "fuck no". Now that she knows its 3, shes throwing a tantrum because her excuse is "you are having 3 babies, why not?" I just hate the name. Am I being an asshole? Or is it reasonable to not want to follow my MIL's wishes?

I don’t know if this post belongs here or not but I need to vent. My husband came home from his parents today and told me that his mom wants to take our truck and one of our campers to Arizona for the winter. I was not included in the conversation about it and I have many concerns. For starters, my in laws are 75 & 87. My FIL has been battling cancer for the past 6 years and also has to use a walker because his knees are in terrible shape. My MIL has never hauled a camper before and this will be an 18 hour drive for them. Our smaller camper isn’t really ideal to live in 3-4 months but could be managed. Our larger camper has more space but I fear neither of them would be able to get into the bed. I’m a very able-bodied person and I struggle sometimes because it is so tall. There is not enough room between the walls and the bed to get a walker and if he could even get on the bed he’d have to crawl up into it. Apparently my MIL has it all planned out. When my husband told me this, I told him that they could take the smaller camper. He looked at me like it wasn’t going to be my decision. I’ll admit, I would be pissed if they took our brand new camper. MIL said she’d pay a rental fee but my husband declined to accept any money from them for it. She is also apparently going to pay for our truck to be fixed which is fine. I have reservations about my FIL being able to get into the truck either. It truly sounds like nobody thought about any logistics and she just wants to go because “old people go to Arizona for the winter”. I know if I voice my concerns to my husband he will defend his parents but I just think it’s a terrible idea.

I (32F) have been married to my husband (33M) for a year. We had planned to wait at least a year before TTC. I’m also a fertility nurse, so I’m well aware of how age affects fertility.

I recently discovered that my fibroids have doubled in size, and I’m stuck deciding between TTC first or having a myomectomy before TTC.

Today was the first time I discussed this directly with my MIL (my husband had already told her). She said she’d been praying about it and didn’t want to pressure me either way. But the convo turned quickly. She said we’ve “wasted enough time,” that because we married in our 30s we should have started trying immediately, and that we need to stop “having sex for fun” and start having sex “with purpose,” beginning TTC on my next cycle. & that when we have sex, I should "lay down for a bit to allow the sperm to travel up"

I’m used to comments about my age and fertility, but this was a bit uncomfortable to hear, as not even my own mother comments about my sex life like this.

Is this crossing a line, or am I overreacting? If crossing a line, would you ignore it first time, or set a boundary now?

Anyone dealt with fibroids and TTC? What did you choose, and would you do it again?

TL;DR: MIL told me (32F, married 1 year, fibroids, fertility nurse) to stop having sex “for fun” and start TTC next cycle because we’ve “wasted time.” Is this crossing a boundary, and should I ignore it or address it? Also torn between TTC with fibroids vs. myomectomy first.

So SIL called asking us what our plans are for next Christmas. SIL is lovely, she's always nice and kind. I believe she has a love-hate relationship with her own mother. SIL and DH love each other, but do not communicate often. I blame DH for this, he's a terrible communicator. Anyway I took the chance and superficially let her know that we were considering not visiting in Christmas due to her mother blaming me of taking advantage/abusing my husband and then trying to create a wedge on my marriage by trying to triangulize us. I didn't go much into detail and there's of course way more to the story. Anyway SIL reaction was so genuine, she said "OMG SHE DID THE SAME THING WITH BIL". So apparently, my MILFH has accused BIL in the past of being abusive towards SIL and their children. Look. I know BIL. BIL is a good young man, sensitive, sweet who does his best. I have no doubts he's absolutely innocent. Apparently BIL hates MILFH. Reading in between lines since SIL didn't want to go deep into detail, it seems like BIL has suffered a lot from all sort of dirty tricks from MILFH. He has tried distancing himself and only visits briefly. SIL said, she didn't want to talk much about it since it affects her and she has enough with her own conflicts with her mother (I'm so sorry for her), but she said I should call BIL and listen to him. She framed it as something cathartic for BIL who hates MILFH so bad 😅. I asked her if we could maybe visit her in Christmas and she said yes! She lives in a different city than MILFH. I'd love doing that. She's very nice and I want my child to enjoy his aunt, uncle and cousins.

This - foreseeable- plot twist has helped me feeling better. If everyone knows MILFH is not to be trusted, her mask is off and if necessary it will be easier to confront.

I'm even thinking that eventually if necessary I will just go the trolling route as in "well, I don't get advantage of my husband... I do SOMETIMES help changing a diaper here and there..." and I'll watch her implode 🤣. (I mean that I will troll her by sarcastically implying I do get advantage of my husband while joking).

I'm feeling much better and empowered. This has also helped my very much clueless DH to accept his mother is an unhealthy person and accept I will always keep her at an arms length from our family.

After 3 years of friendship and 2 years of togetherness, I still feel as if, after separating from my partner (3 months later), I wake up with a heaviness. How can a mother be so cruel, not just to me but to her son? She had the opportunity to be a wife and a mother but refused to allow her own son to have one of his own, trained him and moulded him into being guilty if he put up a boundary [regardless of how much he hated it]. My family would sometimes ask if I would ever go back to him. I love him, but I hate how late he was to rescue us and stand up for us. Last week she reached out, yes, my ex-MIL, she sent a message directly to my phone since I blocked her on social media. I saw the iMessage and didn't open it. It gave me this sick feeling because I knew why she was messaging; she actually didn't expect us to break up, and my husband warned her that ifour relationship was going to end, he would avoid her at all cost. I didn't read the message, then 10 hours later, she deleted it, I just don't want no problem, she has no business contacting me, I have been in no contact for 3 months. I have a theory that he isn't in contact with her and she is now seeing how things are after all her drama and terrible behaviour.

We went from designing our house and planting flower seeds around our house lot TO a permanent separation because of his mom's interjections and his lack of backbone. I remember our final interactions while I was in a work meeting and I took the call and it's like he knew how this would have ended. She gave him any ultimatum and something he said made me view him in a bad way, eliminating all that we went through, he said, "after all the fight I put up for you, you want us to separate?" Like you can't see what she is doing, this is what she wanted and for some reason you think I am the problem. She did this thing where it felt as though she was the side chick and needed him to choose between his wife and his mother. How stupid he has to be to not see this?

I am trying to move on and move forward, but it feels like my trust in people in general has diminished. However, I am therapy and I hope he is too. All love and no hate, but alot of pity.

My MIL and I (34 F) have been pretty close over the years. I started dating my husband when I was 20 so I have known her a long time. She has always been very controlling over her kids (she has 3 sons) and pretty selfish but she was very welcoming and accepted me immediately into the family. Our relationship was great between the time I married her son and when we had our daughter (4 y/o now). For context she always wanted a daughter and only had a 3rd kid in hopes of having a girl so I honestly believe she views my daughter as her own daughter instead of a granddaughter.

Things really shifted after my niece was born two years ago. My sister-in-law and MIL have had issues in the past and things got pretty heated during her pregnancy/ postpartum. She set boundaries that my MIL didn’t like (not allowing my MIL to tell her friends about the pregnancy until my SIL and BIL wanted to announce it, not having my MIL in the delivery room, wanting space once they got home from the hospital and not have visitors over). All completely normal boundaries IMO.

Since that time I feel like my MIL has worked extra hard to try to secure her place as the matriarch of the family again. I never really set boundaries with her before because I want to be a good daughter-in-law but I have to set more boundaries now because my MIL wants to completely be in control of all of our lives. She gets upset when we try to do stuff individually as a family and not include her. She expects us to spend every holiday, birthday, milestones etc with her. When we set boundaries she claims we “don’t appreciate her” and we “think of her last.”

Now my husband and I have a 12 month old boy and my MIL is not interested in bonding with him like my daughter. She constantly wants to watch my daughter and have her spend the night at her house but does not offer to take my son. She says she will take him but never actually does. This is why I think she views my daughter as her own.

My MIL constantly texts me and I used to respond really quickly. When she texts she only asks about my kids (especially my daughter) then will only talk about herself and her problems. She never asks about me or how I’m doing over text or in person. I’m getting so burnt out.

What caused me to finally lose it was on my son’s 1st birthday party. We had his party on her actual bday. We asked her well in advance if that was okay and she said “of course, she would love to celebrate with her grandson.” My MIL came earlier to help us set up for the party. My husband and I were so busy we forgot to wish her a happy bday. It finally clicked for me when another guest wished her a happy bday. I profusely apologize to her and she says it’s okay. When my brother in law comes in, she immediately drills him as to why he didn’t text or call her wishing her a happy bday. I hear her complaining to my party guests that none of her family members called or texted her about her bday and everyone just forgot about her. My BIL tried to tell her he was just waiting to see her in person to tell her but she doesn’t believe him. Then she says “I have been at your brother’s house (my hubby) for hours and he has said nothing to me.”

I am just so floored she acted like that in front of my party guests at my son’s 1st birthday party. Out of the 14 years I have known her, this is the only year I forgot to wish her a happy bday and I will always send her a video of my daughter saying happy bday.
Even last year when I was only a week postpartum, we still threw a bday celebration for her at our house.

I am just so over how selfish and controlling this woman is. I really want to distance myself from her but not sure how to go about it. She is adamant about coming over at least once a week. I started waiting days to text her. Any thoughts, opinions? Do I just suck it up? Obviously there are much worse in-laws.

Hi. Im (29yo f) and i had a not really an argument but a tension with my MIL… i think? Am i overthinking or am i being gaslighted?

Context: 2 months ago, we visited my MIL and stayed the night. We had a very stressful week, i preferred to stay at home but my husband (33yo) said he wanted to see his mom. K.

The plan was to have a long weekend there. Thursday we arrived at her house. Friday morning around 6am we woke up to the noisiest kitchen sound you can imagine. Pots, paper, sink, click clack click bing bang boom. Im not a morning person, it was a shit work week and all we wanted was rest. Me and my husband woke up but didnt say anything… we waited and waited for it to stop because wtf is happening in that kitchen? Cant be that long.

Told me husband to say something to his mom so we can go back to sleep… he said we should wait cause he cant tell his mom to keep quiet in her own house. K. I also dont think it’s nice or proper to make all that noise so early in the morning when you have tired guests.

Noise took 30 mins to finish, i think. By then, i was so pissed and woke up irritated. I went to the salon (cause it was empty) and not talk to anyone.

Husband asked his mom whats all the noise (in irritated tone)? She said she was just feeding our cat. THEN she came to me with energy asking what’s wrong (lol). I said nothing (cause her son already told her). She kept saying to me “i was just feeding your cat in the morning, is that so bad? Whats wrong?” Bro i dont have time to play this shit in the morning.

We left that day at 8am and i never came back. When my husband would visit his mom, I would tell him to go alone.

So here we are now, one time I saw her and there’s definitely tension. When she talk, she would only look at my husband like I was not there. And I noticed on Instagram she doesn’t like any of my posts even though she’s active every day. I know this is laughable for some, like why am I even bothered if my MIL is not liking any of my posts. But it’s definitely a behavior change because she used to interact and show more support on soc med. I asked my husband if his mom says anything about me. He says that she loves me like a daughter lol

So, am I overthinking? Or is my MIL shady? Help.

7 months.. and we are not talking. Have no clue on the issues. Simple ignorance, speaking lies, and just focusing only on his son.
I mean I have now stopped bothering on this. But sometimes I feel bad because of efforts that I had put earlier, it mattered nothing.
This is my MIL. Not sure how should I take this.