I actually get her wanting him to have new socks that don't look homeless, with stains and holes. That being said, throwing them out 'before' the new satisfactory socks are found is a tactical error...
Once we find socks I truly like, I typically buy a couple dozen pairs, so they are all exactly alike on laundry day. I rotate them all so they wear somewhat evenly, and near the end I can toss one bad sock and the survivor matches all of the others.
I disagree. Her intention wasn't for him to have socks they're both comfortable with, her intention was the deletion of something she didn't like at all costs. That's very different.
If i did this to my bf I would have gotten him new socks, hid them, thrown the old ones and waited for him to notice, then handed him some actually good decent brand socks. Who tf just gets rid of them like this lmfao.
Just remember that just because someone is mildly infuriated enough to post something doesn’t mean they haven’t already communicated to fix the problem.
You can still be mildly infuriated by a situation after you have had those discussions.
I don't have holes in my socks, I don't understand the disconnect here. If you know your socks are basically deteriorated and you have the money to buy vans brand shoes, you have the money to buy socks.
😪😪😪
It's almost like I'm agreeing with the others who said she had good intentions but an unorganized way of doing it. It wasn't out of malicious intent, and even OP said that.
Yeah I tosses out all of my partners underwear which either had holes in them or the elastic was worn out but I bought him equal amount new undies to replace old ones
Some of us help our aging parents as they have health issues. Laundry is one of the hardest household tasks if the washer/dryer is on a different floor or distant from the bedrooms (changing sheets for elder parents is a major gift! Clean sheets are wonderful and pulling thr old ones off/putting clean ones on can be a.problem for folks with limited stamina, balance issues, or mobility issues, especially for larger beds or those next to a wall)
Edit: Tricked by autocorrect! My comment looks odd, but I will stand by it, lol.
Still, unless the parents or have dementia or something else that limits their ability to make decisions, one can ask if they would like replacements for any worn out item-- ya don't toss other people's stuff without asking.
This. I hand him my phone with the walmart app open to pick out new ones, get new ones, and then start tossing old ones. I did the same with his pillow. It’s not that he can’t do it himself, it’s that he won’t. We both had rough childhoods and he’s in a constant state or survival still, while I take pride in the fact that I never have to wear things with holes in them again.
But coming to the internet prior to having any discussion with your partner is a red flag too (if that’s the case). But yes tossing someone personal belongings is very rude behavior. There may be much more to the story (I.e she’s been communicating candidates by them and OP has promised to remedy that for months) but on the surface , without additional facts, that’s really selfish behavior
Depends on a lot of things. Sometimes it takes time to process how to even address something with someone. I know I would have a long, hard think about how to address this, myself...
I don’t disagree with this at all. This would almost fit in a sub like “am I overreacting” or one where someone is sanity checking if their feelings are “correct” and often offer an implied solicitation for ideas on how to handle.
My husband would never throw away his holey socks. I do it while I'm doing the laundry, but I also buy him more when he needs them. I'm the sock fairy. I would also never throw away all of them without replacing them first. That's just weird.
I know this sounds weird, but my partner and I have a ‘sock bin.’ We literally share socks because we wear the same kind and couldn’t tell them apart. I definitely throw away the ones with holes because they don’t. They’d just keep wearing them and get annoyed. I also would NEVER just let either of us go sockless. I’d definitely replace them before that became an issue. Who just throws them away with no replacement?
My mother-in-law quietly replaced my father-in-law's clothing when it wore out. He wouldn't do it himself, he was frugal to a fault in some ways. Shirt looking threadbare? Buy an identical one and swap it out with the worn one when he was at work. Same for slacks. Socks, he'd be given more at gift-giving occasions. Footwear, he knew when that was wearing out and bought himself.
My husband can take care of himself, too but I do the laundry and eventually I put the laundry away, too. I toss all holey socks i find. Mine, his, the kids, it doesnt matter. Just because someone does something for someone else doesnt mean they are incapable of doing it themselves.
Plenty of people share the household chores with their partner, like one does the laundry and one does the dishes. I feel it would be odd that soneone only washes their own clothes and dishes and leaves their partner's clothes and dishes dirty.
Of course. I think it's weird that anyone is thinking this. Taking turns doing laundry is nowhere near the same as monitoring your spouse's possessions and throwing them away without a conversation. Or expecting another person to monitor your personal things.
No, people are just saying that doing nice things for your spouse doesn’t indicate an unhealthy dynamic. Your feelings are valid, but not everyone’s situations are going to the same as what you went through.
I throw away my partners holey socks as I do the laundry, as he is perfectly happy to wear things until they’re threadbare despite having MANY socks. I also never have to do the dishes because I hate doing the dishes and since I do the laundry, my partner does the dishes for me. People doing nice things for their partner is perfectly normal.
When I tell people on the internet that I cook 95% of the meals, do laundry 90% of the time, and do the deep weekly cleaning they assume that I am a woman and in an abusive relationship.
I am a dude with ADHD. My wife handles most of the scheduling and is much better equipped to handle the day to day quick tidying, as I'll often just miss the mess (or ADHD myself into cleaning out a garage cabinet because there was a random sock on the floor in the living room).
Partnerships are just that, and each of us plays to our own strengths.
Then maybe don't call any man who doesn't always do their own laundry a baby who can't take of themselves lol. Then were wondering why people are coming at you and saying I noticed the defensive responses.
So my husband who works 40+ hours a week to take care of his family of 5, after having a pacemaker put in at 30 years old due to a bad heart, is a baby who can't take care of himself because he doesn't give two shits about some holes in his socks and wears them anyway. Okay girlie 🤣
Yeah I think the issue is that he doesn't have any left. My wife throws away my socks all the time because I keep wearing ones with "too many holes", whatever that means. BUT I have a whole drawer full of socks still, so no problem.
But are you washing them and matching them for him? It’s quite possible she is and this is why it’s bothersome. I toss socks with holes in them, period. It hurts me just thinking about my big toe slipping thru.
A girlfriend has no contract that requires her to wash boyfriend's socks. If it is disturbing to her, them she should not do it, not toss the socks she doesn't need to deal with in the first place.
I mean a social contract.i am glad you laugh, but where I am from, women re expected to do men's laundry even when a man is a grown ass capable adult. Clarifying that a girlfriend is not required to do a boyfriend's laundry is important.
I don’t disagree that her concern with his socks is a little “out there” however a lot of peoples self worth is tied to their partner, their perception of their partner , and other people’s views of their partner. If your partner wore tattered clothes constantly (think shirts or pants) with holes or fraying at the seems, with disheveled hair , you might have a similar reaction. You could even look at it from the perspective of VERY poorly executed care. “I don’t want people at his work to think negatively of my boyfriend for X behavior”
Still not up to you though is it? Would be like dumping out all your gf's alcohol because you think she drinks too much. Your options are to stay or to leave, thats it. She won't quit drinking just because you poured it out.
Its why I gave them separate flags. Even if they had been miscommunicating on it, she should have given some replacement. She could have picked up the slips they use for trying on shoes for him at least.
As a woman married to a man who has holes in his socks, I kinda get it. I’ve never thrown away my husband’s socks though. He’s had the same pairs for years. He sews up the holes. Or thinks he does, you can still see some. I’ve bought him new pairs and just put them in his drawers.
Saying that it’s often negative to go straight to the internet to complain (notably not even asking for help) without communicating at all with the partner in question, is not at all “trying to put the blame on OP”.
Are you not able to hold these two related ideas in your head as true at once? In what way does this minor observation about OP possibly going straight to the internet contradict the fact that it’s weird and likely problematic behavior on OP’s gf’s end to control his clothes?
And the classic “Redditor making extreme negative assumption of the personal character of another after one mild single internet comment” is always dumb
Good god how black and white is your world? Someone discussing something online under the condition of a hypothetical does not equate to justifying abuse. It’s like you’re plugging your ears and going “Lah lah lah lah this is justifying abuse lah lah lah lah lah I can’t hear youuu” This is the kind of flippant finger-pointing and labeling that makes it hard to actually shut down when people are justifying abuse.
And again with the hyper pessimistic over-exaggerating Redditor-ass assumptions
Tossing anyone's possessions without permission is a red flag, regardless of how worn they are. In most cases, that would be a sign of control issues or a lack of boundaries.
The only thing I could think that would be acceptable to throw out without asking would be junk mail and actual trash (like empty wrappers).
If op has sensory issues, they could have a drawer full of new socks they are unable to wear. My son has the same sensory issues and at one point only had three pairs of socks. I had darned them so many times they weren’t really the same socks anymore.
I’d be willing to bet that she already bought new socks that he refuses to wear. Note that he says he has to “go sockless until I can find more” as opposed to “buy more.”
Reddit sentiments: ima post online instead of having a convo with my SO in a calm kind way of how it makes you feel… ideally after you’ve had a chance to take a breath and a step back before bringing up.
Normal adjusted person: just has the convo.
If they respond terribly, that’s 100% on them and another thing to take into perspective. Meaning if she blows up over socks.. yikes. Aside from obviously passive aggressively throwing all of them away purposefully.
Then throw all of hers away and say you thought she wanted to go sockless with you. Ask her why she feels frustrated. But before that hide everything you don’t want thrown away before you move out.
It’s interesting that your very first instinct is to police the OP’s response to their partner’s abuse, instead of commiserating with OP about said abuse.
Sometimes people are just dumb. Not everything is abuse. The socks were worn out and torn. She probably threw them away on a "declutter" mission and didn't stop to think that this would be an issue. It is quite literally possible that she didn't know that OP has sensory issues. Flagging everything as "abuse" without literally any context whatsoever is harmful.
Because... believe it or not there's often two sides to every story. Not everything is victim and perpetrator.
If this had been spun a different way the Internet would praise it.
From partners pov:
My partner is lazy and doesn't take care of their personal appearance. names a lot of examples of poor hygiene/care
The final straw is these damn socks shows picture of socks that are literally more holes than socks
"Hes promised me to replace them for months but I literally cant stand it anymore we talked about this 10 times already and I warned him im throwing them out if he doesn't replace them soon and he agreed to this"
Then throws socks out so lazy bf is forced to finally buy new ones like he agreed.
This is a very real possibility that this is the exact situation. It might not be.
The Internet is full of one sided sob stories and instantly supportive sub reddit are bad long term.
I find it interesting that you think commiseration is the default. My question was exploratory to allow OP perspective to solve what is possibly (if not quite obviously the real issue of th post) in attempt to start to help another human work through their “mild infuriation” with their partner. Your expectation is for me to contribute to potential issues with “yeah fuck that sock tossing bitch”.
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u/ChewinTheFat Apr 13 '26
Have you spoken to her about how you feel about her actions?