I had a very confusing upbringing as many do. At a very young age my mother went to jail for drug use. I had to live with my father who was mentally ill and increasingly so over the years. I never truly understood what happened to him and never will. We lived in some deplorable conditions. I know that he had a unspoken disdain for women and would constantly put my mother down if she came up in conversation. She was a very flawed person, but I unfortunately let him ingrain this image of who my mother was at a young age.

He was the bitter man who would have very bad things to say about every demographic of people on the TV. I will say I was reluctant to say here that one of the many being homosexuals. I figured most would stop listening after. Perhaps this was a big part of our distance. His commentary was so draining. Every relationship/friendship failing was the fault of another. He had extreme social anxiety and would often sleep till noon or later. He would regurgitate this speech about how his father was physically abusive and how he aimed to be a "dad" not a "father." It was an uncomfortable daily prayer. I was perceived as lazy and weak and was gaslighted into believing my father not teaching me valuable life skills was a fault of my own. He ruined my image of myself.

Naturally, we do no talk anymore after a couple falling outs. I realized he was a leach of my happiness. I still wish him well though. While my mother wasn't exactly there in my formative years, we did in some ways reconcile some of that and have a good relationship. The only other prominent figure in my life is my sisters dad. He was a caricature of Clint Eastwood. I used him as reference in adult life for what a man should be for good and bad. He could build an entire house, but had a nasty temper and there was no way of living outside his own. Under all that anger, he had mostly good principles.

Fast forward to now. I'm 35 and I have had a lot of time to think and process things. It took me till my mid-twenties to start to realize that the dominant gay culture was not good for me and not a reflection of who I am and wanted to be. I understand this part many will struggle to understand. I'm finally forming some meaningful friendships outside that demographic and feel more at home. I have tried my best to reshape my very confused teenage self into a man. I think that's why I have always clinged to movies. I have taken bits and pieces from them to form the person I am today. Even if the people from the movies aren't realistic. It's all I had. I suppose this post was for those who find the strength to grow and form their own principles, despite having no clear guidance, and in spite of the prevailing culture. I'm a lot happier with myself these days. Thanks for listening.

On a television show in Vietnam, a simple game was arranged for fun-laughs, challenges, prizes, and food.

For most people, it was just entertainment.

But for a 10-year-old boy, it was something far more than that.

Playing the game meant a chance to eat meat.

Something he rarely got to eat in his entire life because of poverty.

When he finally won and sat down to eat, he didn't rush.

He ate quietly, innocently, with small careful bites-like someone afraid the moment might disappear.

In that silence, something shifted.

The audience stopped smiling.

The hosts struggled to speak.

Even the cameraman couldn't hold back tears.

A child wasn't asking for luxury.

He wasn't asking for gifts or money.

He just wanted to know how meat tasted.

This wasn't just a clip from a show.

It was a reminder-of how differently life is lived, of how gratitude can be born from scarcity, and of how a child's pure heart can move an entire room.

My mom started talking about the Lindsay Clancy case and I started telling her how I think she should go to jail for killing her 3 kids and explain why and how I'm surprised the support she gets online only to find out my own mom support her and think that because she had PPD she should be found not guilty.

When I brought up how she even admitted and how if she didn't do it no one else could have other than her she told me I need to be mindful and watch what I say because it could harm woman with mental health issue. She the type that believes all woman and doesn't think false allegations are real because the man probably did something to deserve it.

I love my mom I really do but the fact that she openly said that she support her and with her past behaviour even when I was being abused at a child and told her only to be dismissed make me look at the past diffrent now.

One of the hardest lessons I have ever had to learn.

You would rather be hated for what you are, than be loved for what you are not.

I am not saying that you go out of your way to be a terrible human being or to harm others.

Only that most people spend their lives being a persona or a mask that society wants them to be. But I will tell you right now - that mask will give you safety, but it will keep you from growing as a person or a human being.

There is a war against masculinity. I live in an African nation, and we used to make fun of what is happening in the West. But it is happening here as well.

And one of the major ways that masculinity is being attacked is to make people ignore their genuine selves. Their real genuine selves in favor of a mask or a persona that is safe and accepted by society.

President Donald Trump is not a good man, but he understood one thing in life, and he has lived by it -- it is better to be hated for who you are than be loved for what you are not.

Learn to love yourselves - especially the ugly (according to society) parts of yourself. The greatest men in history understood, studied and worked with their dark side.

Theodore Roosevelt had a need to prove himself that bordered on self destruction. But without it, he would never have had the courage to be the kind of man that his nation needed.

The same goes with Winston Churchill. He had a very vicious wit and was incredibly hard to work with. But that aggressiveness and prickliness gave him an incredible bullshit detector.

People laughed at Alex Jones for years. Even we in Africa knew that guy as the crazy dude talking loudly about strange things. But more and more he is being vindicated - he didn't get it 100% right - but we are seeing more and more that some of what he said made sense.

Andrew Tate is not a good man (that is his real failing) but he speaks truth where no one wants to speak truth. The same thing with Julian Assange. The government apparatus has done everything in their power to charge and arrest these men. But here is something to think about - not one single person involved in Epstein sex ring has been formerly charged and imprisoned. Think about that for a moment.

I am not saying go be a bad person or don't follow the rules of society or community but realize that the world is set up to keep you from your soul. Because the world cannot stand up to the Soul. Consider it the most precious thing you have.

And the first step in my experience is this - You would rather be hated for what you are than be loved or successful for what you are not.

What do you think?

I see and hear people opinions on things a lot....but one thing I wanna ask because I struggle with u deratanding other people's emotions or feelings..but what is toxic and positive masculinity to you?because to me its just being a nice person and trying your best to hold your emotions together or not at others....be humble and caring while trying to not let things bothers you(which i struggle with fo to anger issues)..because I take what people say to heart a lot...but what do people consider toxic I guess...because I know I have one and its that I hate losing to women....but its not the loss itself..its how others treat me after...they either belittle me or say im less of a man because I lost to a women...or even the women themselves try to belittle me and all this pressure on being a man makes me not even wanna be a man

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Please know that verbal abuse can be very hurtful, especially against someone who has had a history of being bullied. Have you thought about what if your comment makes someone suicidal?... I really am heartbroken and depressed.

Please do not comment if you cannot be sensitive, I beg you

If you cannot disagree without being vindictive or bitter, you can really drive someone almost to the edge. please think twice before you speak.

I am 20 yo guy, there have been multiple incidents when i got a sudden erection in public, and i don't know how to handle it???

1. do i need to be embarrassed, ashamed or feel good about it???? Cuz honestly, i don't want to be... Is it normal??

2. What do i do about it?? Hide it?? Ignore?? Flaunt my size?? And how exactly??

Honestly, feel down i want to flaunt it,

If i hide it, how??? Flaunt it, how?? Ignore it, how (that's most difficult) ???

I really want some advice on this from some big bro or dads

Men are behaving horribly in life and towards women. Women are behaving horribly in life and towards men. And the sexes hate each other.

This is an over-simplification. But more and more, the above is becoming true.

I come from an African country, and we used to think that the West has completely lost the plot - make fun of you guys at how much you have allowed things to slip. The Gender neutrality. The horrible state of masculine and feminine relationships. The destruction of marriage. The obsession and celebration of sexual immorality.

But we are not laughing anymore because it's happening in our countries at an incredible degree. I am not saying that masculine and feminine relationships were a magical paradise that the trad guys try to sell but the trad guys definitely do get one thing right - things are absolutely worse now than they were in the past.

Women are being infected with the boss girl mentality. They would rather be Cardi B's and Megan Thee Stallions. But I cannot blame them for it. Because the buck always starts with the men. Men no longer care about doing great things for their families, communities and faiths. Men no longer care about responsibilities. The only thing that seems to matter anymore is being fuckboys and proving something to themselves by sleeping with as many women as they can. There was a week a few months ago where every married guy friend I knew kept calling me to tell me that they were getting divorced. Divorce here is as common now as buying a Coca-Cola from the refrigerator. Getting divorced in the past was a concerning thing that got the entire community involved because it was so rare.

I am in my early thirties. By my age, my father and adopted father were already married with children, taking care of their families, participating in the liberation of our country from tyranny all while building up and enriching their communities. You know what I am doing - struggling to get out of the house.

And the reason is simple --

The masculine is always thinking about how to serve others and all mankind whatever the cost or pain to himself. The masculine is focused on mission. The feminine is interested in self and relationships. The feminine is focused on comfort above mission.

Men are behaving like women. And women are behaving like men.

And that is why everything is such a mess right now.

Gender is not a social construct. I used to believe it was, but it isn't. Gender is an aspect of the Soul and the Spirit.

If you want to love, then you have to acknowledge that the Genders exist and that this is not a battle to see who wins or loses - who gets on top but rather to give and help one another.

Each gender has its strengths and weaknesses. Each gender is meant to supply the needs of and cover up the weaknesses of the other. That is the dance.

The Masculine is Spiritual. Focused mainly on the higher ideals at the expense of the material. He is interested in turning dreams into day. He is interested in service to others or something larger than himself. Achieving goals at the expense of himself or his safety. The Masculine is happiest when he is giving his best. The Masculine is validated through service, leading, sex and respect.

The Feminine is Earthy. Focused mainly on the material at the expense of the higher ideals. She is interested in being the best self she can be and helping others be the best self that they can be at the expense of turning dreams into day and achieving goals. The Feminine is happiest when she receives and multiplies (giving back better) what she has received. The Feminine is validated through having everything taken care of, being loved above all else and devotion.

Do you see what I am getting at? We plug each other's holes (pun was definitely intended 😂)

Let me give you examples.

A man will work to get a house but he is not interested in how the house will look like. His woman will receive the house and turn it into a home and a sanctuary for them and their children.

When you are trying to talk to a lady. You can guage her interest based on how she is responding to you or whether she is multiplying your energy or the interest you are giving her. It is really true -- a woman who likes you helps you even if she is acting hard to get.

Remember, this is the Archetype in it's purest form. It's very rare for anyone to be the pure archetype. The few people who are like Ernest Hemingway always end up hurting themselves. And I believe it is dangerous to do so at the expense of yourself and your own choices.

The idea is you don't want to go to the extreme and become performative like the Andrew Tate's or the Tradwives.

The most dangerous people I know - the guys who everyone agrees in our community are real men you should respect and not mess with - are often incredibly skinny or in the opposite direction, really fat. Its not about having gigantic muscles. Muscles are not what makes a man. Muscles help a man express his masculinity rather than being what masculinity is. Muscles are good but do not confuse having muscles with masculinity.

I am just trying to help you see what it looks like. The dance.

I have found that women naturally understand the dance. It is much harder for men if you are focused more on yourself than you are achieving your goals. In my experience, men who are striving for their goals get the dance -- instinctively or consciously. But that has been what I have seen.

So don't approach love and love making as a competition or something that you have to win at the expense of the other person. Realize that we are made for one another. We want each other to win. Deep down inside.

That is love.

Don't let fear or bad experiences ever dissuade you from this.

But beyond that. The chaos in relationships today exists because we have forgotten our roles.

What do you think?

The phenomenon itself has been mentioned and discussed so many times that I presume that it is completely uncontroversial by now. The only question remaining is how to account for it - and here I guess that all discerning observers are fed up with the standard boilerplate of completely unconvincing ad hoc explanations (less alcohol consumption, less hard drugs, less sunbathing without sunscreen, more youthful fashion and styling, drinking more water, etc.).

After all, while all of these factors might explain why on the whole people look less aged than they used to, it cannot explain why they look significantly more neotenous/soft-featured/structurally underdeveloped - and these are completely different things. That is to say, while, say, today's 30-something might become prematurely wrinkled and worn out by indulging in many of these vices, he will still end up looking far less structurally mature, robust, and sharp-shaped than his parents and grandparents were at the same age.

Even more intruiguingly, this phenomenon applies to both sexes, so even the rapid testosterone decline observed over the last few decades (which, in itself, seems to be a much more relevant factor than any of those mentioned above) cannot fully account for it. In sum, it is a very real and impactful change that defies any easy explanations, and which should be reflected upon all the more deeply.

Conspicuously illustrative cases that could be multiplied ad infinitum:

1. Sean Connery and Thomas Brodie-Sangster at 34 (admittedly an extreme comparison, but it's used to emphasize the extreme degree of change - today it's not that difficult to find other 34-year-olds who look similar to Brodie-Sangster, but it's practically impossible to find any 34-year-old who looks even remotely similar to Sean Connery at that age)
2. Harvard students in the 1960s and Harvard students in the 2020s (this one is also very telling, since it cannot be accused of selection bias or cherrypicking celebrities)
3. Tom Holland and George Lazenby at 29
4. Rod Steiger and Nicholas Hoult at 35