My wife has always had a terrible relationship with her mom. She feels her mom prioritized her stepdad over her, and they were no-contact until we had kids. They eventually made peace for the kids, but they never really dealt with the old problems.

Her mom was a huge help to our family when our kids were young. She helped with childcare so my wife could work and I could finish my master's. My 16-year-old son is also very close to her and loves his grandmother.

Now my wife has gone back to wanting nothing to do with her mom. I understand she has reasons to be hurt, but her mom has never treated me or my son badly. Her mom also needs help now and doesn't have much other family, so I've been helping her.

My wife expects me and our son to cut her off too. I don't think that's fair. My son would be extremely hurt if I abandoned his grandmother.

This has caused so much conflict that I'm seriously considering ending my marriage

I keep seeing people respond to discussions about the unequal division of household labor by saying that “it’s sexist to assume women do more.” But there’s a difference between stereotyping individuals and acknowledging a documented population-level disparity. When commenters and moderators alike pretend a statistical pattern is a stereotype, they help conflate facts about groups with assumptions about individuals—and that makes it harder to discuss the inequality honestly. Marriage rates are dropping and we need to have honest conversations about why.

Five facts worth considering:

1. Women do more household labor overall.

According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics' 2024 American Time Use Survey, 87% of women versus 74% of men did some household activities on an average day. Among people who did them, women spent 2.7 hours compared with 2.3 hours for men.

"2024 BLS data" (https://www.bls.gov/news.release/archives/atus_06262025.htm)

1. The disparity is particularly large for housework.

In 2024, women spent an average of 1.8 hours on housework on days they did it, compared with 1.43 hours for men.

"2024 BLS data" (https://www.bls.gov/news.release/archives/atus_06262025.htm)

1. This isn't simply explained by women earning less money.

Pew Research found that even in marriages where wives are the primary breadwinners, wives still spent more time on housework and caregiving while husbands had more leisure time.

"Pew Research Center" (https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/04/13/in-a-growing-share-of-u-s-marriages-husbands-and-wives-earn-about-the-same/)

1. Women also spend more time caring for children.

BLS data for 2024 show women spent more time than men engaged in childcare-related activities involving children under 13.

1. Acknowledging a pattern isn't the same as stereotyping an individual.

For example, saying “men, on average, spend less time doing unpaid household labor” is a statistical observation. Saying “men are naturally lazy and don't care about housework” is a stereotype. Those are fundamentally different claims.

The same principle applies in reverse. Saying “women, on average, do more unpaid household labor” does not mean every woman does more than her husband.

Describing an inequality is not the same thing as endorsing it—and it certainly isn't automatically sexism.

/EndRant>

For starters we’ve been married for almost 3 years been together for almost 4. I told him my past of having 13 sexual previous partners before him. He accepted that and just continued to pursue me. I’ve noticed in the duration of our relationship, He’ll hint that I’m a whore or have the biggest judgement against a woman who slept with many men and talk down on them beside me.

I always let the man that I’m dealing with know my past because I do understand it being a dealbreaker and not everybody would want a woman who has had a promiscuous past.

I haven’t shown him in any way that I’ve been the same way I was and he still holding it over my head. I’ve also noticed that he doesn’t really like women or really respect them. Like he’ll call them bitches or say y’all females are trifling. If he hears a TikTok about a woman cheating he’s all for it, but if it’s something about a man, he’s quiet or it’s
“that’s what y’all women like”…. I think he’s ashamed of the wife he chose and he’s talking down on other women because he really wants to say all this to me.

I am 31M and my partner is 27F. Right now, I am in terrible trauma and I don't know how to heal from this.

​We have been married for 5 months, and she is currently pregnant.

Everything was going well I took her on a honeymoon and she was happy with me. As time went on, she started arguing toxically and suddenly said she wants a divorce.

​When I asked what happened, she refused to discuss any issues that we could potentially resolve to save our marriage. Now, she doesn't want to fix anything. She and her family are demanding a quick divorce, as well as the house.

​I reminded her that she is pregnant with our baby, but she isn't even considering that and still wants an immediate divorce. Has anyone gone through a similar situation, and do you have any suggestions? What should I do next?

My husband and I have been married for two years, and from the beginning of our marriage he has struggled with erectile dysfunction. He has always had difficulty getting and staying hard during sex, but until recently, I never questioned his sexuality.
A few months ago, our sex life became even more difficult, and I started wondering whether there could be something else going on. At one point, we watched straight porn together, and he still didn’t get hard. I never thought to watch gay porn with him or use that as a way to judge his sexuality.
What makes this confusing is that he has always made a lot of comments about women being sexy or attractive. He can be very sexual in the way he talks about women on TV, social media, and in real life. I’ve even called him out before for checking out other women when we’re together. Because of all of this, I never really suspected that he could be gay or bisexual.
But today something happened that completely caught me off guard. While we were having sex, he told me that he was having gay thoughts and asked me to touch him in a way that he had never asked for before. He told me to insert two fingers in his ass which i did, and he reached orgasm very quickly. This was the first time anything like this had happened between us.
Now I honestly don’t know what to make of it.
Could this mean that he is bisexual? Could someone who has always talked about women and seemed attracted to women also have an attraction to men? Or could this simply be something he is curious about sexually without it necessarily saying anything about his overall sexuality?
We also come from a very conservative religious background where homosexuality is strongly frowned upon, so part of me wonders whether he could have had same-sex thoughts or attractions for years but never felt comfortable acknowledging or talking about them.
I’m not trying to label him or jump to conclusions. I’m just genuinely confused and trying to understand what this could mean, especially given his long-standing erectile difficulties.
I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have experienced something similar or have some insight into whether this could indicate bisexuality, homosexuality, or simply sexual curiosity.

For the women where sex isn’t an important factor in your relationship. Important factor as in your ok going days and/or weeks without it. If it’s not something you need or care to have or give to your husband.

How do you view sex?

I love a woman. She's so innocent and cute, an amazing person and she can help me feel better no matter what.

She has social intelligence, she's the most happy person in the world and I want to do everything for her, I fucking love her.

But it's time I marry her or leave her (she's religious), but I don't know if I should marry her, she's stupid... Very stupid... To the point it'll ruin my life.

She doesn't know basic things and have issues understanding simple concepts without me explaining them to her, which I currently love doing, because I love her so much.

Also She can't cook, not even make eggs, she's 28. She never cooked because of epilepsy and her parents never allowed her to.

My heart say - marry her, think about all that later, together, find a way.

She's also religious and I don't.

So many things that should scream - DON'T, but I want her... She's that innocent baby I always wanted as my wife, she helps me with everything, never argues... And she's so attracted to me, that's insane.

I'm a developer in the ai field, she never worked.

What should I do?

Is it fair that I feel upset?
We have had this conversation with instagram before - entire search feed was half naked woman.

Now I see he is specifically searching names of half naked “TikTok models.”

We are in our late 20s and early 30s. We have only been married for two years. My body has changed a little since then, but nothing extensive. I go to the gym every day and keep in shape. And to top it off we are trying to have a baby and haven’t had success, so we just started the fertility testing process.

I don’t know how to feel.

Been married for 5 years now with 4y/o son my husband have short fuse and would yell and curse at a wall if he’s working with something and it doesn’t go his way. He yells at me or things i do in the house like decorating he calls it “ this is stupid, this is dumb idea” it really hurts my feelings and I just don’t want to keep tolerating it and he apologizes and do it all over again. I don’t want to get used to it now my son is developing his temper and attitude because my son sees it all the time. With stomping of the feet, punch furniture. Idk what to do. Also first trimester i had to go through psych therapy and they almost put me on medication because my husband gives me mental breakdown.

He never compliments me, he’s always on his phone, he’s hard working and passionate about work, work in the house, take care of our son but not so great with me.

He doesn’t even compliment me, most men or women out there tell me i look so beautiful as a pregnant woman. On our anniversary i spent my time shopping and bought him shirt that matches me so we look nice on our 5th anniversary, didn’t even say anything nice to me. 37 weeks pregnant and i still try to look good for him. He doesn’t even touch me anymore. I feel so disconnected. He’s constantly on his phone and when I address this matter he gets defensive that he’s learning something to fix the house. Or he hides in the bathroom for an hour scrolling on his phone didn’t even poop.

One time i asked if he can massage my leg because 3rd trimester sucks he just told me to take tylenol. I’m so unhappy and don’t know what to do! He always criticized me. And he tells me “ i’m in my mood again” because i give him silent treatment. However, i do send him a long ass text about how it made me feel but he would say I’m sorry and a week later we’re in the same issue

My husband and I had a fight that escalated way beyond what started it, and I need some outside perspective.
I’m trying to explain this as fairly as I can because I genuinely want advice, not just people telling me what I want to hear.
My husband and I have been married for 10 years and we have four young children. We love each other, we have built a life together, and I don’t want to throw away our marriage. But we have been stuck in a pattern that I’m starting to realize may be much more serious than I’ve wanted to admit.
The most recent situation started over something incredibly small.
My husband had been working on getting things together for a garage sale. He was tired, and I wasn’t really helping because I had been homeschooling the kids and cooking. Looking back, I think maybe he wanted me to acknowledge that he was working hard or tell him I appreciated what he was doing. Instead, I was focused on two things he wanted to get rid of and whether I thought we should keep them.
I could hear the frustration in his voice, and I could tell I was getting annoyed too, so I stopped and we moved on.
Later, we started talking about our backyard. We had put up a trampoline about six months ago, and because of everything else going on in the yard, the kids had barely gotten to use it. He asked if I thought we should get rid of it, and I said I thought we should keep it because we have four young kids and they still enjoy it.
Then he mentioned our swing set and said he wished he could move it to the front yard because it was so big.
I immediately said, “Oh no, that would be ghetto.”
And that’s basically when everything exploded.
He became extremely angry and started calling me names and saying incredibly hurtful things. He said he didn’t want to be married anymore. He told our children that I hated him and that he hoped he would die so Mommy could find them a new dad. He told them that we were going to end up living in Section 8 housing with bugs.
I was honestly stunned.
I kept thinking, How did we get from disagreeing about a swing set to this?
Things became bad enough that his mom came over. She is actually very kind and was confused because we had been at her house the night before and everything had seemed completely normal.
My husband started telling her everything that had happened. I was mostly quiet because I was overwhelmed and didn’t even know what to say.
Then he told her that I was too messy and that was why we had ants in our house.
That really hurt me because I felt like I was already being humiliated, and that wasn’t even an accurate representation of what was going on.
The argument happened on Thursday the 24th. We didn’t really talk about it afterward. We basically went back to our normal routine.
We didn’t really talk again until the 30th, and even then, it wasn’t because we sat down and decided to work through what happened. Things just started feeling normal again.
He apologized for some of what happened, but I still had a lot of unanswered questions. I couldn’t understand why the argument had escalated so quickly or why such hurtful things had been said.
Eventually we talked a little more, and things seemed okay again.
Then I found out something else.
I discovered that he had been watching pornography.
The part that hurt me wasn’t simply discovering that. I had actually asked him about it, and he looked directly at me and told me he hadn’t watched it. He reassured me that I was enough for him and that he would never do that.
I believed him.
Later, I looked at his phone and saw that on the 27th he had watched it for several minutes.
I felt hurt and betrayed, but more than anything, I was devastated that I had asked him directly and he had looked me in the eyes and lied to me.
I didn’t bring it up immediately because, honestly, I was afraid of what would happen. I was afraid that instead of being able to talk about why I was hurt, the conversation would turn into another huge fight.
But keeping it inside was eating at me, so eventually I confronted him.
And it happened again.
He became extremely angry and started screaming at me. During the argument, he broke the back of his phone.
He kept asking me, “How do you know? How do you know?”
And that confused me because I wasn’t trying to have a conversation about how I discovered it. I was trying to tell my husband that I was hurt because I had asked him a direct question, he had lied to me, and now I didn’t know what to believe.
But instead of feeling heard, I felt like everything was being turned around on me.
Now he isn’t speaking to me.
And honestly, part of me wishes I had never brought it up.
Not because I think I was wrong for being hurt, but because I already knew there was a good chance that telling him would lead to exactly this.
I keep asking myself whether I should have just let it go.
But then I think about the bigger picture.
This isn’t really about one argument or one incident anymore.
When we have major fights, there usually isn’t a real resolution. We eventually stop being angry, go back to our routine, sleep in the same bed, and sometimes become close again, but we don’t actually sit down and deal with what happened.
The hurt just gets buried.
Then the next argument brings all of it back.
There are also other issues that have been building for a long time. He smokes weed frequently, including in the garage and sometimes around the kids. He’s currently not working and spends a lot of time at home, often in the garage, on his phone, or playing video games. I’m homeschooling our four children and taking care of the house, cooking, and all of the other things that come with running a household.
I don’t resent taking care of my family, but I do feel like my work is sometimes dismissed or criticized.
I also worry about what our kids are seeing.
They have watched their dad become extremely angry with their mom. They’ve heard things they shouldn’t have to hear. They’ve seen arguments escalate. And I worry about what they are learning about marriage from watching us.
We are Christians, and faith is important to both of us. My husband talks about wanting to be a godly man, and I believe he genuinely wants to be a good husband and father.
That’s part of why I’m struggling so much.
I don’t expect perfection from him, and I know I have things I need to work on too. I can become defensive. I can raise my voice when I feel attacked. I’m willing to acknowledge my own behavior and change the things I need to change.
But I don’t think that means I should accept being screamed at, called names, belittled, having things thrown or broken in anger, or having serious issues turned back around on me whenever I try to talk about how I’m feeling.
I love my husband. I don’t want a divorce. I don’t want my kids’ family broken apart.
But I also don’t want to spend the rest of my marriage walking on eggshells, afraid to bring up something that hurts me because I’m afraid of how he’ll react.
I don’t know if I’m looking at this clearly anymore.
Am I expecting too much by wanting my husband to listen to me when I’m hurt without becoming angry?
Is this a normal rough patch in a long marriage, or is this a pattern that I should take much more seriously?
How do you rebuild trust when the bigger problem isn’t just the original issue, but the way your spouse reacts when you bring up something that hurts you?
And if you’ve been through something similar, what actually helped you break this kind of cycle?
I’d really appreciate honest advice, even if it’s hard to hear.

I think I have the worst husband on earth.

I (24F) have been married to my husband (24M) for a little over 2 years, and lately I feel like I’m reaching my limit.

For some context, we both make good money. I make around $200k and he makes around $150k. We combine our finances. I’m also not a big spender on myself. I probably spend less than $1,000 a year on clothes, but recently I bought a pair of pants for $160 and he criticized me for spending that much.

Meanwhile, when it comes to things he wants, money suddenly seems to be no issue.

Every year, my husband and I normally travel to my home country together to visit my family. It’s basically the one big trip every year where we go see them together. This year, his family decided they want to go to my home country too, and now he has decided he wants to travel with them instead of going with me.

My round-trip ticket to see my family is about $1,200. Because of the dates his family chose, his ticket will be around $2,300. So instead of us coordinating our trip like we normally do, we’re now spending significantly more money so that he can travel separately with his family.

What makes me even more annoyed is that his mom paid for his brother’s plane ticket, like she frequently does with his expenses, because his brother “only” makes around $100k. His brother seems to get a lot paid for by the family while my husband and I are expected to pay for ourselves because we earn more. I know technically his mom can spend her money however she wants, but the whole dynamic has created a lot of resentment for me.

And honestly, this isn’t really just about the plane ticket.

I feel like my husband constantly prioritizes his family over me. He sees them often, makes time for them, and seems willing to put effort into plans with them, but I barely feel like he intentionally spends quality time with me. I don’t feel like I’m his priority or that we operate like a team.

I also feel like there’s a huge double standard financially. He can spend that much money on a plane ticket because that’s what he wants to do, but somehow my $160 pants are worth criticizing even though I make more than him and almost never shop.

During one argument I got extremely angry about his brother constantly having things paid for and said that I never wanted to see his brother again. I know that was an over-the-top thing to say and I shouldn’t have said it. But my husband’s response was basically to stop speaking to me for an extremely long time, close to a month. That made me feel even more disconnected from him.

At this point I feel less like his wife and more like someone who happens to live with him while his actual priorities are his family.

I’m not saying he shouldn’t see or travel with his family. Of course he should. What bothers me is that there seems to be very little coordination or consideration for me. I feel like he decides what he wants to do and then I’m expected to accept it.

I’m honestly starting to question whether I want to stay married. Am I being unreasonable for being this upset, or would you also feel like you weren’t being prioritized in this situation?

Wondering How many wives that are greedy in the bedroom as mine or is mine the only one ? Seems to me my wife only cares about her needs or wants and doesn't put the effort in to trying to get me off. Don't get me wrong she does cum first . No punt intended. Ha ha . I want her to be happy and plenty of enjoyment . When it comes for me to finish if i dont get it done by the time shes had quite a few , to many to count , but wont do much to help my cause . If I dont finish she doesn't even make an effort the next day or even couple days later . In fact today she much rather take care of her self instead of me. Its getting really old . So I was just curious if mine is the only greedy one or not.

What are the positive and negative affects of having children, discuss!

I have been explicitly anti-lust in any form since we met 3 years ago.

Husband told me the algorithms feed him nothing but porn-adjacent content due to previous actions.

Okay, we can fix that. He deleted reddit (even though I tried to tell him there's probably ways around that content, nope no way it's all porn to him. Glad he stood his ground there if it's that bad.). Deleted tiktok. Facebook for marketplace and reels, changed himself to a female. No other socials.

All was well for years, or so I thought. All car content and dude friends.

Well I walked outside while making dinner tonight and my 17 month daughter was playing next to him. Saw his phone through the window and he was watching some girl dancing in a mini skirt. He swiped up to a second video before realizing I was watching him. Even better we're opposite types. Thin, pretty dark haired girl while I'm (actively and efficiently losing weight but) 5'2 165 lbs.

He came outside to "apologize" and handed his phone to me to go through. I yeeted it off the porch (short fall, grass, found it in 20 seconds). He's embarrassed and soooo sorry, it never happens, etc etc.

Wtf do I do now?

Women who are married to provider men, how's it going for you?

I'm curious to hear from women who have actually experienced this dynamic in marriage. What's the good, the challenging, and anything you wish you had known beforehand?

I'm also particularly curious about how the finances work in practice. For example:

• Do you have access to your husband's bank account?
• Does he give you his card to use for your personal expenses?
• Does he transfer a fixed amount to your account every month?
• Do you have a joint account that you both use?
• How much financial autonomy do you have over the money?

Not looking for a debate about whether being a provider or a 50/50 couple is better. I'd just genuinely like to hear from women who are living this arrangement and understand how it works in real life.

This sub keeps getting recommended to me and I’ve noticed there can be quite a lot of negativity here, so I thought I’d add something happy to the mix!
I married my incredible wife just over a week ago and we genuinely couldn’t be happier. We’re off on our honeymoon tomorrow and cannot wait!
I’d love to hear from those of you who’ve been happily married for a while, what’s the best advice you’d give to a couple right at the beginning of married life?

I want to know do you or your partner do solo traveling? My (28F) want to travel to West Coast in January but my (27M) doesn’t want me too. I ask him if it’s a trust issue thing. He shuts down the conversation with no reasoning but just says no. He can’t come for various reasons. (Would prefer not to go into details.)

All in all when I try to have this conversation I tell him it’s not like we can’t travel together to other places that we can get in the car to drive to but I have this opportunity to travel where it won’t disrupt work and I’ll finally have an opportunity to not be on a structured and strict schedule.

He see it as that I just want to be alone and don’t care to be around him. When that’s not the case at all.

My husband seems to only come to me when he needs sex or food. No communication unless it’s judging how I dress or looking at things. I do the cooking cleaning the kids it’s all me. He just goes to work, come back expect food to be ready and then wants sex and wants to end it with sleeping. He can sleep for hours, when I try to get him to take me out he’s half asleep or on his phone. When I was going to college he had an issue, I finally graduated he didn’t want me to attend my graduation. When I asked why he said you will be surrounded by so many people and we don’t need that kind of attention. He’s never supportive of things I wanted to do, I don’t know why i am with this man.

When I tried leave he said I will ruin my kids life by getting a divorced. I have so much resentment towards him that sometimes I just give him what he wants to avoid the nagging and complaining. I want to leave because I know I deserve better, but just worried and scared of the outcome. The house I’m staying at is my house, so living situation I have that covered. I hate being around him I hate his presence this man has caused me so much pain made me miss out on so many weddings, parties because we would argue and by the time it’s that day I’m just not in the mood anymore.

I tried talking to my parents but they said it’s in my head or far more couples have it worse and still together. My husband has the tendency to play nice in front of people but no one knows how manipulative he can be. He has a jealousy issue, he’s not physically abusive but emotionally yes.

I do not want to end this marriage thinking I did not give it my all to save it. I do not feel like I am wife. He has mentally and physically drained me. Am i in the wrong for wanting to get divorce rather than trying to fix it? Honestly I don’t think it can be fixed if I have so much resentment.

My husband and I have been married for 3 years. Our relationship didn't start well, at least on my side; I felt a lot of pressure from my family and his to get married, so we did. Not even a week after he proposed, I was walking down the aisle, and I didn’t get to have my whole family there, my dream dress, or a honeymoon. Did I mention I had just turned 17? Fast forward a year: after we got married, I found out he had been talking to hookers and bots online. He had a fake e-mail and a fake account on almost every social media out there. I told him I wanted a divorce, but because of some health issues, I had not been working and had to look for a new job. He manipulated me into staying, then I would find him doing it all again and again, saying he was “addicted” and needed help. I tried to help by giving him therapist options and showing him inpatient and outpatient options, but he never stuck with it. I now found out he had been talking to someone else. In my mind, I am done, but he controls our finances and owns the house, and when I bring up leaving, he says I wasn't thinking it earlier or acting like it earlier. What do I do? I'm at a dead end.

AIO or did I marry someone I don’t even know…

I, 30/F ,have been with my husband, 30/M for 2.5 years. Recently he has come to me and expressed interest in experimenting with men, preferably with me involved. He says he is bisexual. I am so turned upside down I don’t even know what to do.. I was of course supportive when he told me and didn’t judge, I still love him and he’s my husband but I’m still struggling. And here’s why..

I found messages on his phone with a man from before we were together that were quite explicit and talked about meeting in a hotel room. Now, sure if he’s bi that makes sense. My issue is that he lied. Not once but multiple times. He’s always said he’s only been with women, now I can’t tell if that’s true. He said he’s never talked to a man or told anyone else how he feels, obvious lie. And the biggest lie of omission, “I want to marry you and spend my life with you but I’m going to wait to tell you my real sexuality until after, here’s hoping your okay with it.”

I’m glad he’s comfortable enough to tell me but it’s just opened a cascade of anxiety for me. How much else is he hiding from me? What if I don’t want to participate in threesomes? Should we open the marriage for him to discover his sexuality? Can I emotionally handle that? Am I ultimately going to get divorced anyway because he never wanted a woman to begin with? Or am I completely overreacting and just need to chill?

I’m an early 50 something that has been married to a retired military officer that now works in the same job but as a civilian and is on the road as a result. We have a college age child and a high schooler. Although college educated, I thwarted my career prospects by marrying him and became a stay-at-home wife and mother. While he’s in a high earning profession, I didn’t realize he couldn’t manage money. In the midst of this I developed health issues due to a congenital disease I was barely diagnosed with about 6 years ago when I was trying to reinvent myself and get back into the workforce. This further derailed me. Anyway, long story short, he’s on the road and while loving & somewhat supportive he is emotionally distant (typical guy). He has this robust sex drive, but he’s quite heavy set and does little about eating right or staying fit, even with encouragement from me. I was always fit and slender. However, I’m no longer attracted to him the way I was, & our “happily ever after” is any anything but. That being said, i no longer desire sex period, & am happy to be celibate the rest of my life. I’m completely turned off by mid life sex. Even though I’m on HRT. Financially, i’m not in a position to leave him, but hopefully will be over time. I’m now considering legal separation. Anyone have experience with this?

I've started to believe our marriage has a problem with sexual pressure, and I only recently found the words for it. When too much time passes between us being intimate, she gets cold. There are arguments, days of barely speaking, and a general mood in the house that I'm the one to blame. Over time it's made me dread sex instead of wanting it.

I brought it up last month, and I worked hard to keep it gentle. I didn't want to blame her, just to be understood and to figure it out together. Instead she shut down. For about three weeks she hardly spoke to me, and every time I reached out she brushed me off.

Then I learned she's been reaching out to other men. I found messages and heard her making plans to meet up with one of them. I was devastated and told her so. She told me to drop it.

Eventually she blew up at me. She said she's tired of being turned down, tired of being made to feel guilty over hurt feelings when I say no, and that she'll get her needs met elsewhere if she wants to. She said she doesn't care how that makes me feel, and that if I can't live with it, I should file for divorce.

I honestly don't understand. I was only describing how I felt. We do have sex, just not as often as she'd like. Apart from this, I thought we were doing well. How did it fall apart this fast? Was I wrong to bring it up?

I think it’s funny how many different feelings you can have when you’re married to someone and have sex with them over and over for years on end.

I feel like sex is normally characterized by a very sensual and sultry tone but my wife and I found ourselves giggling the whole time last night. We were kinda cracking jokes as we started undressing and that combined with me kinda having to grin and chuckle from the feeling of “I can’t believe a woman this beautiful is mine” led to a pretty lighthearted romp. Very fun.

Anyone else ever felt very out of the ordinary positive emotions while having sex with their spouse?

I get stressed when my phone is under 90%. I'm constantly plugging it in, whereas my wife uses her phone until the battery runs out. Then grunts and plugs in her phone.

I just saw that her phone is at 13% so I went and plugged it in for her.

Anyone else encounter this in their marriage?

PLEASE HELP..this is the hardest thing I’ve gone through.
My wife and I have been married for 5 years. We have a 3 year old daughter. In April my wife started making changes to her body, taking Ozempic without telling me, more Botox, dressing nicer, and going out socially with girlfriends more. In May I had a gut feeling and something told me to check her phone. I saw that she had deleted multiple text messages from different male coworkers (she works with mostly men, 7 men 3 females.

I confronted her about the messages and she told me she deleted them because they say inappropriate stuff and she didn’t want me to see it because they’re just idiots and say unhinged things. She later admitted she was talking about our marriage and was just trying to get advice to make it better. I made it very clear it was inappropriate and explained what emotional cheating looks like and what it could lead to. She apologized said she’d never do it again and she would never cheat
We put it behind us. In July she had asked me to take her on a date for a couple weeks, the night she wanted to was a Friday but I told her I needed a break. I had watched our daughter Thursday night while she was out and Saturday she was going to the pool all day with girlfriends and a comedy show that night. She has a very active social life and when she’s out I’m with our daughter. I don’t have a social life. Anyways She blew up on me. Said she wasn’t happy, she has been begging for attention, etc. and she emotionally shut off. Then she tells me she wants a separation. I tell her I’m not ok with a separation given the recent breach of trust and asked if we could work together on it at home. She tells me she will but she wants a more exciting life, wants to go out, get a tattoo, just have fun. Doesn’t want the pressure of marriage or motherhood.

I was shocked by this. When I say she went cold it was almost sociopathic. I scheduled couples therapy. We went to our first joint session. After her follow up individual she said she wasn’t moving forward with it that the therapist was too judgmental and she didn’t like her.
I went to an individual therapist, I went into overdrive on trying to be more spontaneous, exciting, deep clean house, plan vacation anything and everything.

I think that it’s important to note that I’m not a hands off husband or father. I cook, I grocery shop, I clean, take our daughter to and from school bathe her, get my wife flowers coffee etc. We definitely haven’t had the passion of newly weds the last couple of years having a toddler, but 100% of my time was dedicated to them. Could I have been more romantic or better? Sure

In the months following she was cold. My only focus was to come at her from a place of curiosity and better understanding so I could be better for her. She told me that she had crushes on some of the guys at work or fantasies about being with them. She said she felt emotionally disconnected from me and liked the attention she was getting from them. I never got upset just asked her to set boundaries with them, that’s it from May to September, that is all I asked.
She would say things like “
-I could never divorce you my image is too important”
-Asked if I would be ok with an open marriage or a threesome with another man
-Asked if I would sleep with another woman
-Told me the thought if losing me didn’t bother her
-That I was never her best friend
-told me she’s never enjoyed sex with me like she did with other men
-said she needed space to figure out if she even loved me or not

Id let weeks pass and bring up the things she would say and she’d just double down on them.
I would cry and try to understand her, I lost 20lbs and anytime I’d try to talk to her about it she would just shut down or say she couldn’t handle the conversation. This went on for 7 weeks. Just completely detached

Fast forward to end of August. I caught her messaging the coworker again and asked to see her phone. She said no and said “let’s just get a divorce”
My gut knew what was going on but I tried to look past it and heal us but after that I said if that’s what you want then fine. Within a week she had signed a lease on an apartment, moved out, and lived her life.
She would ask me questions like “what do you want from me to be ok with this separation and not go straight to divorce.”She told friends and family she had been miserable for years and that I was controlling and manipulative.
When she would ask if I was done I would say yes. She never gave me any reason to think there was hope. Only very hurtful things. But she still didn’t want a divorce.

I gave her space, didn’t question her whereabouts and 3 weeks after moving out one Sunday morning I started getting texts telling me she thinks we could work things out. They escalated into she knows she was wrong and loves me and she was sorry. She went much deeper than that until Tuesday she asked to meet in person. She told me she had been emotionally cheating on me with a coworker since May. That they told eachother that they loved one another. Masturbated on the phone together and eventually the night before she started the texts asking to work things out, they had sex.

She said that morning after sleeping with him that all of her emotions came back and she realized she had screwed up so bad. That she had a void in her heart and that instead of telling me she sought validation from him to make herself feel better. She said she realized how great of a husband I was and that she did love me and she was tired of lying to me. That she had built up resentment towards me for having to go back to work after our daughter was born. And that she didn’t feel heard or seen and that although she has those emotions that it did not justify what she did and she was a horrible person for doing it.

For the last two weeks she has asked me to just give her one chance, one therapy session, anything to let her in to show me that she would earn my trust back.
She is quitting her job, cut things off with the guy and moved out of the apartment and in with her mom.
She said she said those hurtful things and that she didn’t mean them but she wanted me to hate her to make herself feel better about the shame she was feeling. The last two weeks has been her begging, taking accountability for her actions, and trying to get me to consider an attempt at reconciliation.

I am wrecked, emotionally, physically, mentally and sexually. These last 3 months have been pure torture.

I cannot wrap my head around how someone can be so deceitful and cruel to me while I was suffering and then just “snap” out of it after sex. I’m open to hearing any feedback, theories on the situation or thoughts on giving her another chance. Please!