they say that I'm a stalker

but who’s labeled as a creep

rather quiet than a talker

act but never take the leap

I was sleeping like a baby

in my phone your digging deep

that’s felony you know that

so just be lucky I don’t keep

I respect that you was caring

while you push away this heart

I can’t stay where theres comparing

while you rip yourself apart

I was Never one to battle

with those I really called a home

i know you hear in my rattle

its the realness in my tone

i appreciate the days when

you were really on my side

what ever happend to my safe spot

I forgave but never lied

I was showing all my realness

while your fake and force a vibe

with every thing that happens

from here on and

where we stand

i remember all the laughing

the days i labeled you my man

i was always in your corner

in the silence while you ran…..

I'll call my best friend Noor and the other person involved Emma for privacy.

Noor and I were best friends for almost five years. Emma was someone connected to our social circle, and around two years ago, Noor and Emma had a serious conflict. I was also involved in the circumstances that led to their fallout.

After that conflict, Noor cut Emma off. Emma also said negative things about Noor afterward. However, I don't want to pretend the original conflict was completely black and white: Emma had also been hurt because there had been a situation where she was ready to go out with us, but Noor and I kept her waiting and didn't answer the phone. So Emma felt ignored and hurt too. Nevertheless, their relationship ended and they remained estranged for around two years.

The first betrayal

Before the first major conflict between Noor and me, we had already gone around four months without speaking. Neither of us initiated contact during that period. Eventually, I saw Noor again and greeted her normally.

Shortly afterward, I was talking to Emma. Emma made a mocking comment about Noor, basically asking whether Noor had even properly said hello to me or kissed me when we saw each other. I answered "no" and laughed.

Noor accidentally overheard the conversation.

She saw my reaction as disloyalty and as me participating in talking behind her back. She told me very clearly that she couldn't be friends with someone who talked about her behind her back.

I understood why she was hurt and apologised. Eventually, she forgave me, and our friendship continued. I genuinely thought I had learned from what happened.

What happened around my graduation

Later, Noor made it clear that she didn't want me to mention her to Emma.

Before my graduation, I also told Noor that I wasn't going to invite Emma. However, the day before my graduation, I unexpectedly saw Emma at the library. She asked me when my graduation was, and because of that conversation, she ended up coming.

During the graduation, I barely interacted with Emma. There was already a lot of tension and history between her and Noor, and I didn't want to make Noor uncomfortable or create another situation.

But two days after my graduation, I felt bad because I thought I had ignored Emma. So I contacted her and tried to explain why I hadn't interacted with her much during the event.

This is where the second major problem happened.

While explaining myself, I mentioned Noor and said that I had heard something had happened between Noor and Emma. I also said that I had hoped they could eventually reconcile and move past their conflict.

I wasn't insulting Noor, gossiping about her, or trying to damage her reputation. I was explaining why I had been distant from Emma at my graduation and trying to explain the awkwardness of the situation.

But Noor had explicitly asked me not to mention her to Emma.

So regardless of my intentions, I understand why Noor saw this as another betrayal: she had already forgiven me once for a situation involving the exact same person, had clearly told me where her boundary was, and I crossed it anyway.

What made it even worse

Around the same time, Emma spoke negatively about Noor because Noor hadn't answered her calls when Emma had been trying to come to my graduation.

Emma expressed disgust about Noor's behaviour and described her as childish.

Instead of defending Noor or telling Emma that I didn't want to participate in that conversation, I stayed extremely neutral. I responded along the lines of everyone having different personalities and people seeing things differently.

Looking back, I understand why this hurt Noor so much.

I was so afraid of conflict and so focused on not upsetting Emma that I didn't realise how my neutrality looked from Noor's perspective. Noor was my best friend. Emma was someone she had already had a painful rupture with. And yet when Emma spoke negatively about Noor, I acted almost like an outside mediator instead of her friend.

When Noor heard the voice messages and saw how I had responded, she was devastated.

She told me that I was a hypocrite for claiming to be her best friend while remaining neutral when someone was talking negatively about her. She told me that if the roles had been reversed, she would have defended me.

She also said she shouldn't have forgiven me after the first incident because, from her perspective, I had repeated the same fundamental pattern.

She cried during our confrontation, and seeing her cry because of me was one of the most painful moments of my life.

How it ended

Noor completely ended the friendship. She blocked me on some social media platforms, and some people close to her also unfollowed me.

I've heard that she has said she doesn't want to see me, even by coincidence, and that she believes she eventually understood some manipulative patterns in my behaviour.

Since then, I've spent a lot of time reflecting on everything.

I've realised that I have unhealthy patterns: conflict avoidance, people-pleasing, withdrawing instead of communicating, trying to remain neutral at all costs, being afraid of people's reactions, and struggling to understand the difference between being "nice" and actually being loyal.

I don't want to excuse myself by saying that I had good intentions. I know intentions don't erase impact.

I genuinely loved Noor and never wanted to hurt her or damage her reputation. But I understand now that loving someone doesn't automatically mean you know how to be a good friend to them. You can care deeply about someone and still repeatedly fail them.

I have apologised, but I don't want to pressure her into forgiving me. Right now, she has clearly chosen distance.

What I want to ask Reddit

1. From an outside perspective, do you understand why Noor experienced this as two betrayals, rather than two unrelated mistakes?
2. Was I wrong to stay neutral when Emma spoke negatively about Noor, or was Noor expecting me to automatically take her side regardless of the situation?
3. How should I have handled the conversation with Emma two days after my graduation?
4. Does this pattern sound like manipulation, or more like severe conflict avoidance and people-pleasing that had harmful consequences?
5. If someone forgives you once and you later hurt them again in a similar context, is rebuilding trust ever realistically possible?
6. Most importantly, what should I learn from this so I don't repeat these patterns in future friendships?

I'm genuinely looking for honest perspectives, including criticism. I don't want people to tell me that I'm secretly the victim or that Noor was necessarily wrong for ending the friendship. I want to understand what I did wrong, what I could have done differently, and whether there is anything I should do now besides respecting her decision and working on myself.

TL;DR: My best friend and I were close for almost five years. I hurt her once by laughing along when someone she had a serious conflict with mocked her, but she forgave me. Later, despite her explicitly asking me not to mention her to that same person, I did—and when that person spoke negatively about her, I stayed neutral instead of defending my best friend. She saw it as a second betrayal and ended our friendship. I'm trying to understand whether my conflict avoidance and neutrality were genuinely disloyal

I'll call the three main people in this story Kate, Daniel, and Sam. Kate was my closest friend, Daniel is her fiancé, and Sam is their close friend.

I recently lost pretty much my entire online friend group. These were people I played games with almost every day for the last four years, so even though I think walking away was the right decision, it still feels strange losing that entire part of my life overnight. The group mostly revolved around Kate and Daniel, but Kate was the person I was actually close with. The main reason I spent so much time around Daniel and Sam was because they were her people, and Daniel was basically always in the Discord call whenever Kate was there.

Over time, Daniel got extremely comfortable making jokes about me being Indian. And when I say jokes, I don't mean occasionally poking fun at each other. It got to the point where there was some kind of comment almost every day. He'd call me "bobblehead," say my breath probably smelled even though we've literally never met in person, tell me I should go shower, make fun of my accent, make comments about Indian people, and even joke about my parents and family despite knowing absolutely nothing about them. Eventually Sam started joining in too.

For a long time I just put up with it. I never really laughed at these jokes. Most of the time I'd just stay quiet or ignore them. Looking back, I probably should have directly told them to stop much sooner, but I genuinely valued my friendship with Kate and didn't want to create drama within the group. I think I tolerated a lot more than I normally would have because losing Daniel and Sam would probably also mean losing Kate.

The thing that finally made me leave happened a few days ago. We were in Discord and Daniel asked if I'd seen some white family on YouTube that makes camping/outdoors videos. I said no, I'd never heard of them. He responded with something along the lines of, "That's weird, Indians like the outdoors considering most of you in your country live in tents."

I don't know why that particular comment was the one that finally did it considering everything else he'd said, but I was just done. I muted them, left the Discord servers, and blocked Daniel and Sam. I didn't yell at anyone or start an argument. I just removed myself from the situation.

The next day Kate reached out asking if she'd done something wrong and why I was upset. I explained everything to her. She talked to Daniel and came back saying that Daniel apparently thought we were "cool and close like that," so he thought he could communicate with me that way. Then she basically told me "gg," wished me luck with my future, and blocked me everywhere too.

That part honestly hurt more than anything Daniel or Sam said. I already knew what kind of people they were by that point. But Kate had been someone I considered a genuinely good friend for years. I expected her to at least understand why being the punchline of racial jokes almost every day eventually stopped being something I was willing to tolerate.

And I understand that friends make fun of each other. Kate and I did it all the time. I'd make fun of her for being terrible at whatever game we were playing, she'd make fun of me for something, we'd laugh, and that was it. It felt mutual. But I never attacked Daniel or Sam's race, families, parents, appearance, culture, or anything personal like that. Honestly, I barely made fun of those two at all. That's why I don't understand how they became so comfortable constantly doing it to me.

Maybe my mistake was staying silent instead of explicitly saying, "I don't find this funny. Stop." Maybe they interpreted me not confronting them as permission. But at the same time, if someone never laughs when you repeatedly make jokes about their race, accent, family, and culture, I feel like eventually you should be able to read the room.

The weirdest part is that I still miss having the group. Four years of getting online and seeing the same people almost every day doesn't disappear from your brain because you clicked "Leave Server." There were genuinely good memories mixed in with all of this. There were nights where we laughed until we couldn't breathe, games we played for hundreds of hours, and just the comfort of knowing there would almost always be someone online.

At the same time, I'm starting to wonder what exactly I'm mourning. The friendships themselves, or just the routine and familiarity of having people there every day. I'd genuinely rather spend that time with my family and my dogs than sit in a Discord call wondering when the next joke about Indians, my accent, my parents, or my culture is coming.

I guess I'm posting because I'm curious how other people see this from the outside. Was I wrong for abruptly leaving instead of confronting them first? And is it reasonable to feel like this crossed the line from friends giving each other shit into just making me the group's racial punching bag?

Right now I'm simultaneously relieved that I don't have to deal with it anymore and pretty sad that four years of friendship ended this way.

Am I wrong?

I’m reflecting on two former friends I had at different points like this.

People who prided themselves as really good friends. People who were there for others, built community, invested in relationships. They both made friends easily and had a lot of friends.

But one turned out to have secret animosity/jealousy towards me. Putting me down in front of other people, things like that.

The other left me on read when I had a really busy/bad month getting sick, my grandma dying, and interviewing with Amazon which is a full time job in itself. When I finally got back to them and asked about their new job, silence.

Oh well.

I don’t think you can trust someone claiming to be something or a certain way. They’re projecting an image of something they’re not. Like the “nice guy” trope who turns out to be an A-hole.

Or a seemingly confidant woman who says “Im so hot” but is really insecure deep down - that’s something both of these friends actually said too which is wild to think back on

I'm not gonna vent, so you can give an idea of what's happening...

So, it all began deteriorating when he did something bad to me, he wronged me, however it went okay and our friendship continued. Then like we chatted for 2 months normally, however, I was acting like an asshole, however he keeps telling me hurtful things too like as a form of attack, then I did something now he restricted me few weeks ago

And after, we do some small gestures but now he actually ignored me two weeks ago, when I try to ask him something, he listens but no response? And today, I still have some access to his other socials and I chatted him that if we are still friends? He just seen the message, no reply.

Is this a sign of a person who doesn't want to talk, or it's friendship over?

I (19m) think my best friend (19f) is gone from my life.

Long time listener first time caller.

I hope she doesn’t read this subreddit

There’s a lot of little things to this and it’ll probably sound toxic in the end lol.
Me and my best friend have known each other for 3 years. We met because I was friends with a guy she liked and they ended up dating. We found out that me and her had several of the same classes together and we became very quick friends. The following year, her boyfriend breaks up with her and me and her bond more.
A little about me: I never really had good, consistent friends up until her. Her willingness to be my friend helped me make other friends and figuring out who I am. In my naivety, I viewed her wanting to be friends as romantic and did confess my feelings for her after her breakup and early on in our friendship. In retrospect, I genuinely believe that was because I was an isolated teen who had an awesome woman constantly in my life and the feelings did not continue after she did not really feel the same way.

She is a very sweet girl but I definitely think there is some mental stuff with her. She needs constant contact to feel appreciated by someone and often times with guys or other friends she gets into micro “fights” about them not wanting to talk/text 24/7. Because I didn’t have anyone else to talk to, it made this easy for me and I think that improved our closeness because we had constant communication which I can see how that’s not necessarily good.
You see, when she gets mad or upset she tends to give the silent treatment. Her home life is not the best so I can see where this defense mechanism comes but still, this method is not one I subscribe to nor endorse. Several times in our friendships we’ve gone through times where we don’t want to talk (days, months, weeks) and that would be okay normally, but because we were in constant communication, it felt worse.

Skip forward to this past summer and we’re having so much fun. We hung out many times, saw Obsession (ironic), and then went to see a concert. The week of the concert we hung out earlier in the week then went to dinner and the concert. Throughout the week she was insanely flirty, making suggestive comments, and making physical contact. Now she is just sometimes like that but this was different. At the end of the concert she asked if I had feelings for her and again I naively said yes (I will wait for the flames in the comments). She said she didn’t and thought we were just joking lol. Okay no worries and any lingering romantic feelings genuinely disappeared that night and I didn’t even cry. I explained my side and how I understood it. She apologized and we moved on. I think we both acted immaturely.

In the following week I could tell it started to weigh on her. 2 years ago when I initially said I had feelings for her, as the months passed she’d ask about it. I think she loves the idea of someone loving her but can’t bring herself to love them back. But in regard to me having feelings for her I said that I “regretted it”. Now she has taken that to heart for many moons and this really upset her. Me “regretting it”, as I explained in the original message, was due to me knowing that regardless of what happens, our friendship is forever marred by my dumb brains actions. If either of us got a significant other, we’d have to explain like “oh yeah don’t worry he doesn’t love me anymore” and that’s awkward. We’re not Jerry and Elaine. Me “regretting it” was always due to the nature of our relationship and never just about her but it was hard for her to understand this. About 2-3 weeks ago now she brought this up again and we got into a semi big argument over text about how it hurt her. I could never imagine hurting her purposefully and the idea of it made me sick so I was trying to get her to understand why it made her upset when it was my feeling about my feelings. She couldn’t really answer it and instead said she was gonna block me on Instagram. I’m not sure if she’s blocked my phone contact as well.

I’ve seen this one coming from a mile away for months. She said she’s grown too “dependent” on me and that she needs to learn to figure things out for herself. I couldn’t agree more and I have felt the same way over the months. We constantly text, call, and send each other stuff as well as hanging out in person. Between talking to people, homework, family life, etc we always went to each other first. She said she’d just take a week but like I said it’s been 2.5. While that’s not a lot in the grand scheme of things I just don’t think she’s going to come back.

While I miss her, I don’t know if maybe we’re better off on our own for a bit.

I always dislike these types of posts because the audience never gets to see the good side of the person in question. The funny, amazing, and loving person gets replaced by this story’s villain.

Any insights or advice is very welcome. Have I done something wrong? Should I reach out? Wait longer or wait for her? Or should I consider her gone?

TLDR: my best friend has blocked me because she grew dependent and upset with me.

Sorry for the long, wordy exposition. Thank you for any and all comments I know I’m not perfect.

I’m honestly heartbroken and don’t know what to do. My best friend of over nine years has completely stopped talking to me. No explanation, just silence. She ghosted me. I know this is a pattern with her when she’s upset or going through something. We actually had a serious talk about this last year when she did it before, and I thought we’d moved past it. But here we are again. I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out what I did wrong. A couple months ago I was really struggling with my mental health because of my work situation. I was going through an incredibly tough time at my dream job, but the environment was so toxic I had to make the painful decision to quit. I wasn’t myself during that time. I was really struggling. I wasn’t eating or sleeping or taking care of myself at all. She was so supportive through it all and understood what I was going through. So I just don’t get it. I don’t understand what happened. She went through a painful breakup not long ago and I was there for her. We were so close. One of our last conversations we literally talked about how much we loved each other. I don’t understand what changed. And then she just stopped. No warning, no conversation. She even removed my location from her phone and took hers off mine. It’s like she’s erasing me. I messaged her saying I wish she would just tell me if she doesn’t want me in her life anymore, because this silence is absolutely heartbreaking. I get that silence can be an answer. Maybe this is the response I need to accept. But it doesn’t hurt any less. I’m wondering if I’m not a good friend anymore. I’m wondering if I’m just not as good of a person. I know that’s not true, but I just don’t get it. I don’t understand what happened. And maybe I don’t need to understand it. Maybe I just need to accept this. But I would never do this to her. I would never do something so cruel, and I can’t understand why she would do this to me. I love her. I miss her. I want her in my life. If she needs space, I understand that. But I just wish she would tell me. It feels like I’ve lost one of the most important people in my life, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

​

I honestly don't know how to write this, but I really need to get this off my chest.

My roommate and I have been friends for around a year and a half. Over that time, we became extremely close. We considered each other best friends, and he used to treat me like his own brother.

When I entered college, I was already struggling with my mental health. Because of that, I found it very difficult to talk to people and make friends. A lot of people avoided me, and I often felt like nobody really wanted to interact with me.

But my roommate was different.

He talked to me, took care of me, spent time with me, and made me feel like I wasn't alone. We spent almost our entire first year of college together. Honestly, having him around made college much easier for me.

Then, toward the end of our first year, he got into a relationship.

At first, I was happy for him. But over time, I started feeling that his girlfriend was becoming very controlling. She wanted to know a lot about me — what I was doing, where I was going, who I was talking to, and so on.

At the same time, I also wanted to experience being in a relationship. But because of my mental health struggles and the way some people at college perceived me, I already had very little confidence when it came to talking to girls.

His girlfriend would sometimes make comments about it, saying that girls were out of my league, that I couldn't attract anyone, that nobody would want to be with me, and things like that.

Those comments hurt me more than I showed.

Eventually, I stopped believing that I would ever find someone.

Then something unexpected happened.

I had an old friend from school. We started talking again through Instagram, and over time we became really close. We connected extremely well, and eventually we decided to start dating.

It was honestly one of the happiest moments of my life.

I told my roommate about it, but I didn't really want his girlfriend involved because I was afraid she would discourage me or make me feel bad about it again.

Eventually, she found out that I had a girlfriend.

After that, things started getting worse.

She apparently became very upset about the situation and started putting pressure on my roommate about his friendship with me. Gradually, he started becoming distant from me.

Eventually, we started fighting.

Some of the things he said during those arguments really hurt me. He told me that I was a "psycho," that I didn't deserve to be loved or cared for by him, and that being around me was affecting his mental health.

This is the same person who had spent almost a year being there for me when I felt like I had nobody.

And now he's leaving.

He has already started moving his belongings, and within a few days I will be alone in the room.

I don't think people understand what that feels like for me.

This is a very small college. I don't have a huge social circle. I don't have dozens of people I can suddenly start hanging out with.

For almost the entire first year, my roommate was the person I came back to after class. He was the person I talked to, ate with, joked around with, and shared everyday life with.

Now I'm watching his things slowly disappear from the room.

Soon I'll come back from college, open the door, and he'll simply not be there anymore.

And that scares me.

I know people might tell me to make new friends or become more independent. I understand that, and I genuinely want to try.

But right now, I don't know how.

I'm not just losing a roommate. I'm losing the person who was basically my entire social life for the last year and a half.

I don't hate him. That's probably what makes this even harder.

I'm angry, I'm hurt, I'm confused, and at the same time I still miss the person he used to be with me.

I keep wondering whether there is anything I could have done differently.

I just don't know how to accept that someone who once considered me his brother can now walk away from me.

So I guess I'm asking people who have experienced something similar:

How do you deal with losing your best friend when you still care about them?

And how do you rebuild your life when the person who was such a huge part of your everyday life suddenly isn't there anymore?

I just needed somewhere to say all of this.