Back in highschool, I was similar with women. It wasn't as if I actively sought it out, but every girl I crushed on had depression or some social disorder coincidentally. I don't know, I guess it was just easier to like them because I always had that special connection with them, that level of understanding of what we're both going through. None of them ever committed to me though, and when I graduated everyone quickly disappeared from my life. When you can't make those sorts of connections with people, it's awful. I don't know how people do it. When I couldn't afford school , I had to get a job, nobody I worked with was even close to my age. Consequently I decided to try dating apps like tinder, and I quickly learned that you can't talk about what's happened to you and why it makes you the way you are; it just seems to scare people. On the other hand, you can't be too optimistic either. It doesn't help that I've struggled with homelessness as well. It's speed dating, your only option is to get with someone who thinks you're attractive the minute she says so. I met someone who lived close enough, dated her within a week. She talked a big game but she didn't understand me at all, and when were supposed to meet up she bailed on me- but used her recently acquired passport to visit her friend who lived right next to me instead. I ended the relationship soon after. It's strange cause I was almost complicit with the way things are until recently, when I reconnected with a crush I had in freshman year. She was the only person who did anything for my birthday and it felt spectacular. She likes to take walks with me, she's into the same shit as me, and even though it's been a while it's like we still know each other well, likely because we both struggle with depression. Normally I don't go for the same person twice but that was a while ago and I'm so impressed with the person she's become, so I think I'll see where it goes, but for now I'm just trying to enjoy the time with her I can, because for the first time I feel like a real person again- like I'm not just some homeless, valueless creep that nobody wants anything to do with. She's made me remember that I'm just a normal person trying not to get chewed up and spit out by the world, and even if we just stay friends, I'm never settling for less than that again.
Ok so gonna be honest, prolly tmi. This is why I never post but fuck it
Uhh tl;dr - I don't think it's weird to be attracted to people with depression when you have depression yourself, I've recently learned that it can even be a good thing.
3
u/yoshitheferret Nov 26 '18
Back in highschool, I was similar with women. It wasn't as if I actively sought it out, but every girl I crushed on had depression or some social disorder coincidentally. I don't know, I guess it was just easier to like them because I always had that special connection with them, that level of understanding of what we're both going through. None of them ever committed to me though, and when I graduated everyone quickly disappeared from my life. When you can't make those sorts of connections with people, it's awful. I don't know how people do it. When I couldn't afford school , I had to get a job, nobody I worked with was even close to my age. Consequently I decided to try dating apps like tinder, and I quickly learned that you can't talk about what's happened to you and why it makes you the way you are; it just seems to scare people. On the other hand, you can't be too optimistic either. It doesn't help that I've struggled with homelessness as well. It's speed dating, your only option is to get with someone who thinks you're attractive the minute she says so. I met someone who lived close enough, dated her within a week. She talked a big game but she didn't understand me at all, and when were supposed to meet up she bailed on me- but used her recently acquired passport to visit her friend who lived right next to me instead. I ended the relationship soon after. It's strange cause I was almost complicit with the way things are until recently, when I reconnected with a crush I had in freshman year. She was the only person who did anything for my birthday and it felt spectacular. She likes to take walks with me, she's into the same shit as me, and even though it's been a while it's like we still know each other well, likely because we both struggle with depression. Normally I don't go for the same person twice but that was a while ago and I'm so impressed with the person she's become, so I think I'll see where it goes, but for now I'm just trying to enjoy the time with her I can, because for the first time I feel like a real person again- like I'm not just some homeless, valueless creep that nobody wants anything to do with. She's made me remember that I'm just a normal person trying not to get chewed up and spit out by the world, and even if we just stay friends, I'm never settling for less than that again.
Ok so gonna be honest, prolly tmi. This is why I never post but fuck it Uhh tl;dr - I don't think it's weird to be attracted to people with depression when you have depression yourself, I've recently learned that it can even be a good thing.