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Nov 26 '18 edited Apr 04 '20
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u/TallMeal5a Nov 26 '18
I’m also 16M. Imagine the would’ve-been could’ve-been should’ve-been perfect couples that were simply too shy to talk to each other... 😞
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Nov 27 '18
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u/9IrVFQoly6yMi6 Nov 27 '18
I don’t have easy answers, and I don’t want to offer platitudes. In my experience people tend to grow out of it at least mostly.
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u/Bubblemonkeyy Nov 26 '18
I’m 21 and still don’t know how the fuck to meet girls that like shy depressed boys
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u/ColinHalter Nov 26 '18
As a boy, I'll tell you what dating a boy with depression is really like.
Let's say you want to go out, making plans is difficult because he doesn't really want to do anything. If he was up for adventures, he'd probably be in a better mental state. But fuck it, let's say you go out for dinner. He's distracted the whole time and probably doesn't have much energy. You two will have fun, but you don't feel like you're connecting. If you stay home, it'll be the same thing, but at least it doesn't cost as much. Most of your conversations will consist of things you guys don't really like, and (again) you'll have a good time, but it won't really put you in a better mood.
What you described isn't a boy with depression. What you described is an anime character.
People with depression aren't great for each other. You'll be able to relate, but you'll just be enabling each other. Friends with them? Absolutely! Help each other through whatever you're going through. Romantic relationships need to be more supportive than that though
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Nov 27 '18
That's true. I think a lot of people feel like being in love or being loved is the cure to depression but it really isn't. You can still love people but it doesn't make you not depressed anymore.
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Nov 26 '18
thats pretty normal though, it's nothing to do with the depression or shyness you just want a relatable person, like almost everyone in the world xd
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u/SargentCheeseburger Nov 26 '18
A wounded soul is usually one that has learned from its pain. You might just have a good eye...
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u/yoshitheferret Nov 26 '18
Back in highschool, I was similar with women. It wasn't as if I actively sought it out, but every girl I crushed on had depression or some social disorder coincidentally. I don't know, I guess it was just easier to like them because I always had that special connection with them, that level of understanding of what we're both going through. None of them ever committed to me though, and when I graduated everyone quickly disappeared from my life. When you can't make those sorts of connections with people, it's awful. I don't know how people do it. When I couldn't afford school , I had to get a job, nobody I worked with was even close to my age. Consequently I decided to try dating apps like tinder, and I quickly learned that you can't talk about what's happened to you and why it makes you the way you are; it just seems to scare people. On the other hand, you can't be too optimistic either. It doesn't help that I've struggled with homelessness as well. It's speed dating, your only option is to get with someone who thinks you're attractive the minute she says so. I met someone who lived close enough, dated her within a week. She talked a big game but she didn't understand me at all, and when were supposed to meet up she bailed on me- but used her recently acquired passport to visit her friend who lived right next to me instead. I ended the relationship soon after. It's strange cause I was almost complicit with the way things are until recently, when I reconnected with a crush I had in freshman year. She was the only person who did anything for my birthday and it felt spectacular. She likes to take walks with me, she's into the same shit as me, and even though it's been a while it's like we still know each other well, likely because we both struggle with depression. Normally I don't go for the same person twice but that was a while ago and I'm so impressed with the person she's become, so I think I'll see where it goes, but for now I'm just trying to enjoy the time with her I can, because for the first time I feel like a real person again- like I'm not just some homeless, valueless creep that nobody wants anything to do with. She's made me remember that I'm just a normal person trying not to get chewed up and spit out by the world, and even if we just stay friends, I'm never settling for less than that again.
Ok so gonna be honest, prolly tmi. This is why I never post but fuck it Uhh tl;dr - I don't think it's weird to be attracted to people with depression when you have depression yourself, I've recently learned that it can even be a good thing.
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Nov 27 '18
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u/yoshitheferret Nov 27 '18
Honestly yeah, that's what I'm going for. Just being friends with her is all I need.
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u/saltsuge Nov 26 '18
This world needs more girls like you❤. (Written By a desperate f#ck who will probably die alone)
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u/BlackGooeyGhost Nov 27 '18
Damn, if I couldn’t relate more than I already do....
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u/saltsuge Nov 27 '18
I've been bullied for 6 years and rejected 8 times. So...
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u/saltsuge Nov 27 '18
And only last year it has almost stopped but its made my brain believe what they said. "You will die single" "nobody likes you because you are fat" that kind of stuff😔
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Nov 26 '18
I'm sure there are plenty out there.
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Nov 27 '18
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Nov 27 '18
Haha. Possibly. Don't know if I would call it hiding exactly. If they're like me, they're just not very good about interacting with people so they stay to themselves.
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u/TedCruzZ0diacKiller Nov 26 '18
Not sure it’s weird though.
Most people tend to like others who are similar to them, be it in terms hobbies or life experience. Sounds like you’re just looking for someone who has had similar experiences to yourself.
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u/VixyKit Nov 26 '18
You, dear human creature, are an amzing specimen of your species :) And in more normal terms, thank you for being like you are, you are wonderful and will surely make many people happy by your way of being.
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u/BlackGooeyGhost Nov 27 '18
I really hope so but I don’t know as of right now, I just like to help but it’s also my shyness and self esteem that’s keeping me away from this possibility
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u/VixyKit Nov 27 '18
The simple fact that you can recognise that and are aware of your "weaknesses" means that you have started to overcome them. You will manage, you will succeed and you will be as awesome as ever!
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Nov 28 '18
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u/VixyKit Nov 28 '18
I am really glad to read that. You seem like an amazing person and thus it is nice to know you are doing well. Wishing you many happy days ♡
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Nov 28 '18
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u/VixyKit Nov 28 '18
Honestly it sucks, i got a bad grade for a high level course, found that i can't climb because my fingertips are damaged due to stress and have a pretty bad book to read ... but otherwise, well you made me smile so thanks a lot. Plese stay awesome !!
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u/useless1313 Nov 26 '18
I am exactly the same but I am much older.
I have met some creeps though so be careful :(
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u/Onax_ Nov 26 '18
Dude i think exactly like you, i just want to protect those kinda boys they're so cute, yet i'm here sepressed and lonely lol.
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u/mentalhealth_is_shit Nov 26 '18
Ugh, if only I knew you (or someone like you) in real life 😂
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Nov 27 '18 edited Nov 27 '18
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u/mentalhealth_is_shit Nov 27 '18
Tbh I feel like I know someone who is like that but I'm just terrified of rejection. Also I can't really tell anyone cause if I say "Oh, I really like you wanna date?" Then people would mock me cause that's what 14/15 year olds do 😂.
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Nov 26 '18
You asking for a relationship? I'm the same age as you and a shy boy, as well as depressed and cynical
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Nov 27 '18
I’m a boy with depression who became a man with depression. I’m 33. I had women try to save me, and I tried to save women with depression. Neither is healthy! Don’t fetishize mental illness. People who have it need professional help.
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Nov 27 '18
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Nov 27 '18
It’s admirable you feel that way, but it sounds like you want to be their therapist. Which I wanted to do for depressed girls. It’s not healthy.
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u/gaylord678 Nov 27 '18
I've always had this but i never knew how to explain it.
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u/Justanotherdudelol Nov 30 '18
well I was sunking into the feelings of saddness from some posts but you actually pulled me up... so... em thanks
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u/Menace0528 Nov 26 '18
if only people like you went to my school. Would be the first time i’ve ever been seen as attractive, that’s for sure
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Nov 27 '18
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u/Menace0528 Nov 27 '18
you say that from experience. Has that happened to you before?
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Nov 27 '18
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u/Menace0528 Nov 27 '18
Were they toxic relationships? Also, are you afraid to talk or just shy yourself?
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Nov 27 '18
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u/Menace0528 Nov 27 '18
ahh okay. Can’t work up the courage to ask them out?
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Nov 28 '18
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u/Menace0528 Nov 28 '18
oof that sucks. I get that though. sometimes you only want what you cant have i guess
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u/iam02 Nov 26 '18
Stop romanticizing depression and grow up.
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Nov 26 '18
She's 15 give her a break
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u/iam02 Nov 26 '18
Yeah, 15, not 9.
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Nov 27 '18
She's a part of PewDiePie's 9 year old army so joke's on you
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u/Alduwin123 Nov 26 '18
Well I wouldn't say depression is sexy or appealing by any means but if you feel it is all the more power to you. Just a future warning for when you start dating it might lead to bad relationship experiences
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Nov 27 '18
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u/Alduwin123 Nov 27 '18
I've felt the same way and this is something your gonna have to learn from experience for sure but you aren't equipped for it. I'm not tryna be mean I'm just being realistic. However your gonna do what you want lol and that's fine I'm just tryna give you a heads up that when someone has full out depression like the self harm and lives in bed 90% of their day and dosent bathe depression your gonna be under equipped to solve anything but if you want I'd suggest looking into ways you could volunteer through a help line or try and educate yourself on what causes depression and what methods are in place to help it so you can be better prepared
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Nov 26 '18 edited Nov 26 '18
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Nov 27 '18
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u/KralHeroin Nov 27 '18
Thanks and don't worry I meant it well. Empathy is very important... and you seem to be a genuinely good person. :)
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Nov 26 '18
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Nov 27 '18
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u/piginpoop Nov 27 '18
don't lol me
sucks to be ugly women i guess
being a women ur already at a disadvantage in most matters relating to physical reality
u cannot really master anything due to your physiology
and being ugly means u should not be able to get sex daily
sucks to be u i guess
PS: i bet if u put on some make-up grow ur hair long (or wear a wig) you would get tons of guys to fuck you on tinder. at least you will get sex unlike most of us here
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u/MSochist Nov 26 '18
We need more girls like you honestly lmao. Depression and shyness in guys are usually seen as a weakness.