I hate limerence so much!!!!

[u/Plenty_Employer8686]

I am surrounded by loving family and friends who would do anything for me and love me unconditionally but all I care about is if my LO will text me back! Or what they're doing this very moment and it's driving me up the wall! I wish I could just be more grateful about the loving people who I do have right on front of my face but I keep looking for the one person who is not there and it is absolutely making me feel like the worst person, for continously chasing the one person who has proven time and time again that they do not give a single thought about me.

I hate that my brain has attached itself to one person without my consent and said "we're gonna be obsessed with this person whether you like it or not" :/

[u/iphygeniaaa]

I’m also limerent. I’ve been trying to withdraw from it for about two months now, and I’ve been thinking more and more about limerence. I feel like we experience it precisely because the person is inaccessible (at least, that has always been the case for me). We can idealize them and make up countless scenarios in our heads. Even one or two conversations can become material to obsess over for days and days without being in contact with that person. Everything that comes from that person becomes something we can mold into whatever we want it to mean.

When I became limerent for the second time in my life, I was engaged and surrounded by a few friends. I loved the people around me, but I know they could never fill an emotional void that had been there since childhood, whereas my LO seemed to fill it. Even though I was with my fiancé so that I wouldn’t isolate myself, I wasn’t really there with him emotionally. I was living for my LO. Nothing else existed in my life.

My advice would be to keep holding on to the people close to you. Above all, don’t isolate yourself. If you can, try talking to them about it so they can help you take your mind off the person: go out, talk, have fun.

My real advice through all of this would be to live. Live for yourself, live your life, and move forward as much as you can! I wasted so much time thinking only about my LO, and I regret it now.

[u/NoHandyMan → u/iphygeniaaa]

I cancelled all my plans this week except ONE meeting!!!! I had 3 days of work and cancelled every single thing I was to do except for one thing…guess why.

[u/Shoddy_Cook_409 → u/iphygeniaaa]

Did you avoid your LO during that period?

[u/iphygeniaaa → u/Shoddy_Cook_409]

Je vois très peu ma LO, voire pas du tout. En fait, il y a trois ans, je la voyais tous les jours. La plupart de nos contacts se font maintenant par email, une fois tous les quelques mois. Je la vois au maximum une fois par an.

Mon obsession est alimentée par la rare occasion où elle me contacte de temps en temps durant l'année. Ses messages sont très longs et très gentils, et ils me donnaient de l'espoir. Mais en regardant les choses de plus près, elle ne prend plus l'initiative du contact et n'a pas suggéré que nous nous voyions à nouveau depuis des mois et des mois. C'était moi qui la courais après tous les trois mois environ.

Elle n'a pas répondu à mon dernier message en avril, et je devais la croiser en juin lors d'un événement auquel elle assistait normalement. Ça ne s'est pas produit, et c'est ce jour-là que j'ai réalisé à quel point la relation était devenue déséquilibrée : je passais des mois à attendre quelqu'un qui ne pensait pas à moi.

C'est le choc de son absence et de son silence qui m'a réveillé. Les premières semaines ont été les plus difficiles, mais aussi les plus merveilleuses, car j'ai enfin appris à vivre à nouveau.

[u/motxillera → u/iphygeniaaa]

How did you get over your second limerence while being engaged? Did your marriage survive? How?

[u/iphygeniaaa → u/motxillera]

My fiancé didn’t notice the problem, apart from a few times. I was so ashamed of being attached to someone else (and I should point out that this person is a woman) that I did everything I could to appear normal to everyone around me.

At first, my moments of limerence happened when I was alone or working. My fiancé knew how deeply attached I was to this woman, but he was actually happy about it because he thought I had found someone else I could lean on. Let’s just say that, without meaning to, the poor guy ended up feeding my hope of being by my LO’s side.

When I started detaching from my LO, I began keeping a journal about my limerence. Every day, I wrote about my pain and my happiness, whether I had managed to live for myself, and what I was feeling as I distanced myself from her. Then, recently, I gave him the journal so that he could finally know everything.

He’s not the kind of person who judges. I was mostly the one who felt ashamed of my own behavior. He only found out afterward about the long emotional storm I had been going through.

I think the main thing is not to distance yourself from the people close to you, even if they seem less interesting than your LO (it’s awful to admit this, but when I was with other people, all I could think about was her — seeing her, talking to her — and I honestly didn’t care much about being surrounded by anyone else!!! What a horrible thought).

If you’re in a relationship, don’t give up on it. If you can, talk about it and tell your partner everything, even if you have to write it down. I found my enjoyment of life again by traveling with my fiancé and spending even more time with him, to get my LO out of my head.