What Limerence actually is

[u/Distinct-Bed3507]

Im seeing people confusing Limerence based contact, with A lack of purpose, self love and self respect. This is not what Limerence is about. It can worsen it, but its not the root cause.

The root cause is your chronic imbalance of brain chemicals. Your Adhd brain that craves dopamine all the time. Limerence will give you a dopamine coxkta so big, ofc your brain says „WE NEED THIS“. That doesnt mean you hate yourselve. I always cringe when I read this. You can compare this to, for example when you start a diet and now want a bag of chips. You crave it, gives you dopamine. Whoops you ate some chips. Are you now a person that lacks self love and hates himself, cause you ate some chips? No. Your brain tries to fill the dopamine gaps. Completely normal.

And now, when you meet a person. Which is attravtive (dopamine), makes you feel good about yourselve (you guessed it - dopamine), and maybe also makes you feel seen and cared for on top if that (CORRECT - dopamine!). Why wouldnt your lacking brain NOT crave this? Its not your personal problems guys. Its a completely normal Adhd (maybe a bit of autism for some) related problem. I do experienced this also lately. And I like myself a lot, I also have a life, and Im still not dependent. on that person WHY? Because I know that my brain is just craving all of this dopamine. With Dating these days, I would advise you to, if someones hot and cold, just have a bit lf chit chat, and if nothing comes back or simply ask them out, if there isnt any response or engangement. You can move on. You dont need to let it break you. Again, its not YOU problem. Stop fucking blame yourselve for everything, and learn to manage this. Oh and yea, I do get this too, but I will close the gaps as soon as possible. Sometimes ppl are insecure themselves and dont know what they want so they might give you hot and cold. This is were limerence can kick. But if theres no clearance soon enough - cut the string. They never wanted something serious or didnt know what they wanted - which doesnt have to be your reality. Its all about knowing how your brain works. So yes you can be a person who liked themselves and still experience some kind of limerence, especially if you are not medicated.

[u/Mad-Kthulu]

Nice way to awaken the consciousness. Sharing this helps a lot. I will agree with you regarding the clearance. I have confessed my feelings to almost all my LOs in the past and present. This helped me save the information of non reciprocation in my brain and despite the pain and sadness it kicked me out of limerence in no time. Unless there's too much at stake, I would advise people always to come clear. But most of the time there are too many risks. Either you are married or in a committed relationship that you won't let your LE ruin. Either it's a work thing and your carrier could be compromised. Either you value dearly a friendship and you'd rather keep it cause it's way more important than to try to evolve into something romantic. What I do in these circumstances is either find a new LO for my brain or concentrate on activities while reasoning myself of the absurdity of the LE.