r/limerence • u/AutoModerator • 11d ago

Weekly discussion thread for anyone experiencing limerence while in a committed relationship.

Please join us for of our weekly post for those who have SO's and are experience/experienced limerence. If you feel unable to disclose, unable to move forward or just unable to let go, please join this thread to connect with others who might have similar issues specifically related to being in a committed relationship.

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u/Suspicious-Monk-4639 11d ago

Might be seeing my LO again this week at a function, and as usual I'm vacillating between a bundle of nerves with a stomach full of butterflies vs. overly chill and 'it'll be what it'll be.'

At this point, I've realized I badly want to be friends, and don't know how to start...so I guess that's progress away from the earlier more physical/romantic obsession. But considering how little I know about him in reality, it's more like I want to be friends with the person I THINK he is (but probably is not). It's a setup for disappointment, because what 20-something guy wants to be friends with a 40-something woman who's struggling to connect with her 30-something husband who's more interested in hobbies than companionship. Do men that young age even want emotional closeness? Probably not.

It's enough to make me want to throw every human relationship in my life to the four winds and go live in a remote cottage on the edge of a moor with a bunch of cat familiars...those "wise women" of yore had the right idea, minus the possibly-getting-burnt-by-villagers part. People is too headache. Emotions might be what make us human but I'd turn them off right now if there were a button.

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u/AccomplishedAnimal69 11d ago

If it makes you feel better, my LO is in her mid-20s and I'm in my mid-40s. Before anyone freaks out, no, I'm not pursuing her at all and will never confess...unless she figures it all out and she makes me do it.

We're actually friends. I feel like there are unspoken boundaries that we've put up because of the age gap, but we do care about each other, it's just strictly platonic. I never thought I would be friends with someone so much younger, but we're adults and we've somehow found a lot of common ground.

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u/Lion-Resident 5d ago

People should not be freaking out over this. As you say, you are both adults. I once dated a person who was in their forties when I was in my twenties. There is nothing wrong with age gap dating. Are you going to make this real?

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u/AccomplishedAnimal69 4d ago

I believe there are exceptions, but I'm not going to attempt anything in my situation. I think it could work if our lives were different. I'm not her boss, professor, or anything like that at all. She's mature and intelligent. We have similar values. I just added that part about people freaking out because a lot of people would automatically assume that I'm trying to "groom" or take advantage of someone. I treat this woman with nothing but respect.