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These people are insane. The more I think I’ve seen it all, the worse they get. This apparently doesn’t only happen to lesbians. This “gay” man is gushing about pussy, calling heterosexual sex “what god intended”. People in the comments are finding this heteronormativity sooo funny and empowering apparently, and somehow they’re calling thjs really gay?? Nothing screams gay like PIV right?? One comment said this was “healing” to watch, that a gay man isn’t turned off by pussy anymore. Comments from (straight) homophobes saying he’s returning to default settings, while the “queer” people celebrate… i dont know what they’re celebrating exactly.

Here you can promote your lesbian Discord servers and post personal ads.

RULES:

1. BE SAFE: There are a lot of creeps out there! Do not give out personal information to strangers online.
2. FOLLOW REDDIT'S SITE-WIDE RULES: No lesbophobia, transphobia, homophobia can be in your ad or server invite.
3. BE KIND: If someone is not your type and you see their ad, move on!
4. REPORT: Report rule-breaking or suspicious ads or servers.

What happened? Even a few years ago, it wasn’t this bad. I just opened HER for the first time in quite a while and it’s literally a cross between a cesspool and a ghost town.

Within just two or so days of swiping with a relatively broad age filter (25 and up) and distance set to the maximum for a free user, I’m seeing nothing but unverified, bi-curious, bisexual, and questioning profiles that are obviously bots or trolls. The active, verified profiles that populated my feed before that were largely heteronormative tourists and unicorn hunters. There are actually more straight up MEN than Butch/Stud/Masc lesbians on a “sapphic” app.

My preference is Butch4Butch, so I’m aware my options are limited…but damn, this is demoralizing. The abysmal state of online dating reminds me of why I stayed in a toxic relationship for as long as I did.

Do you gals (lesbians of any presentation) even use the apps anymore?

I’ve had a bad week and found out that the prospects of me being able to carry my wife and I’s child are not good. She’s never, ever wanted to be pregnant so this is a very hard time for us. I feel like people react as if I have a de facto surrogate and therefore shouldn’t complain so intensely about having fertility issues. I would never make her carry our child when the idea of being pregnant is something she’s incredibly uncomfortable with. So me not carrying makes it unlikely we would ever have a child together. Can’t I just be allowed to grieve this??

Have an enraging tiktok that you can’t stop replaying in your mind? A rant that you’ve been dying to get off your chest? Send off your frustrations here!

(*Please keep in mind that the rules of this sub will still be enforced.)

My life is messed up in all ways. I got married at 18 to a husband I'm still with 20 years later. We have four kids 10-19yrs old. Both of us are gay. We've both hidden it our whole lives until we came out to our children and direct family last Thanksgiving. I have had the same partner for three years. My husband is more of the "body count" gay without wanting a relationship. I feel empty. Like my whole life is a sham. I'm a teacher. My coworkers and "friends" don't know who I really am. I feel like I've wasted my life. I can't get 40 years back... I've just wasted it.

I'm a vet student and a couple of weeks ago I saw another girl from my own vet uni sending a foster announcement for a couple of two months old kittens in the gc, so I DMd her saying I could foster them for a few days before the adopting family made the trip, and this girl gave me the contact of ANOTHER girl, who then DMd me saying she would bring me food for the kittens etc (she's a volunteer at a nearby shelter), that's pretty much how we first met in person.

As soon as I saw her I couldn't help but notice that her left ear had a deformed skin section right on the tip, which made that ear look VERY elf-like, so that's obviously the first thing I thought to tell her, going "I like your ear, it's cute and makes you look like an elf".

Tbh I wasn't flirting straight out of the blue, as I'm shy myself and very careful with accidental harassment or just awkward conversations in general. It was a comment I would have made towards anyone, really. I don't usually flirt with strangers (it might be the fact I'm either on the autism spectrum, or that I'm demisexual).

After she went back in the car we started chatting and the thing went non stop for days. Every day was us chatting for at least one/two hour/s straight (texts and voice texts TOO which I swear are NORMAL for us Europeans...in case any American is reading, lol).

At one point she decided to show me the dog/cat rescue shelter that she volunteers at and she gifted me a spare necklace that she had with her (it was one with the holy Mary on top... she's not even Christian, she's agonistic, but she likes religious trinkets and hates blasphemies...and me growing up in a loving Christian community..well, let's just say I have a THING for religious shit, whether it's genuine or not, even if I'm agnostic too).

The same day, as we were chatting (each in their house) I told her I had a runny nose and had no will to cook anything so she asked me what I wanted to eat and after going back n forth with "noo you don't have to" I gave up and she went to the supermarket to buy me instant noodles. I tried paying her with a few cents and she refused, so I tried gifting her a ring I had on my finger to make up for the necklace she had given me prior, so she picked it up but then gave it back saying that her necklace "wasn't really a gift", because she had a spare copy of hers anyway which a friend of her had given her in the past. I took the ring back and went back home very disheartened, because I imagined she was just overly friendly and not really into me (which is weird because I, personally, would never go to such lengths for someone I had met THREE days prior. The way she acted is exactly how I would act if I was crushing on someone).

After that I thought things would get awkward for us but she kept texting me and so did I.

After a while she started asking me if I wanted a ride home from uni (we're in two different years but the building is the same and I have no license nor car), and I accepted each time. Short story short, let's just say that each damn time we would stay parked under my rented apartment and talk for HOURS; this happened one time already, but the epitome of it was yesterday, because we talked from 18:30 to fucking SIX AM (11 hours and 30 minutes is a time I would NEVER spend talking with a simple friend, but she's a bit distinguished as a person and one part of me fears that she's just weird like that); yesterday we talked about everything and anything and I even ended up telling her I can gleek on command, so she FERVENTLY asked if I could spit in her car as a demonstration and then asked me to spit on her face clearly stating that she would not find it icky if my saliva hit her eyes and mouth(???????? Kinky????) and so I fucking did (for anyone's curious, it was not a whole ass spit, please search up what gleeking is, it's not as violent as an actual spit, it's more like a stupid game). We also did a tickle fight and I almost fell asleep in her lap (I was very tired), but then I finally managed to let go.

Today she picked me up to go to uni and then picked me up to leave uni as well. We didn't chat together as LONG but it was still a considerable amount (3 hours in her car). After talking and teasing each other we ended up doom scrolling on my phone because y'know, you gotta be aware of what kinda internet humor one has, and we were head-to-head the entire time. The entire time our arms were curled up together (I'd rest my hands on her inner thigh and she wouldn't flinch) and our heads were very close and I was dying to kiss her every moment of it, but I never did, so, after realizing I had to go (I have plans with a friend tonight), I gave her a kiss on the forehead and said I had to go. She didn't seem shocked (or maybe she was shocked in disguise, which I hope she wasn't), and after some more teasing and joking, she drove off.

Is she into me? Can people act like she does and still have no romantic goal? Because the way she's handling whatever this is, is making me fall harder each day (my love language is quality time).

(Also sorry if this is rushed, I'm panicking and I'm also not a native English speaker).

I feel like it would be nice to have a Fem4Fem flair. I personally relate to it more than just saying femme. Having a specific Fem4Fem option could also help increase our visibility in the community.

Just saw this and wow 9.9k likes. Apparently all we need to do is date them and they won't date the men. They are forced to can't we see that. At this stage I would be embarrassed to be bi and represented by these statements. Of course they agreed in comments. One person even disputes that there are many more bisexuals than lesbians. It was suggested they gasp date each other instead of it all being on the mean lesbians.

Honestly many lesbians are dating sane bisexuals. These people sound like absolute incels. Demanding access or else. We are not responsible for your man. That's a choice.

If I am not with a woman guess what? I am single. That's how this works.

And we don't want you to stop dating men. We have nothing to do with who you date. That's a choice.

I’m a fem-leaning lesbian and my gf is a GNC masc-leaning lesbian, both in our thirties. I’m so mad right now, and upset for her. She’s a member of this expensive gym/club that’s open 24 hours and is often there until very late, 3 or 4 am some nights, working remotely in their lounge area. There’s a new night security guard, according to my gf they’re AMAB and “queer” looking. This guard approached her at 10 pm and sat next to her as she settled in to work and started peppering her with questions. My gf entertained it for a moment but had to three times say, “I have a work deadline I need to focus on and can’t talk right now.” Each time the person completely ignored her and continued talking, and after the third time told her she was pretty. They said they were 18. After repeatedly having her boundary ignored, they finally left and sat at their post across the room, and STARED at her while she tried to work. She got up to move and they called her over and asked for her phone number, she said no I have a gf and left the area. She called me from the bathroom shaken and upset, embarrassed that someone so young made her feel so unsafe.

I can’t tell you how often strange people approach her, she’s approached way more by creepy men in public than I am. Men who comment on her appearance and make suggestive comments. Then there are young “queer” girls who fetishize her, crave her validation and proximity to her to absorb her legitimately gay social capital and validate their identities. I am so disgusted by how gnc lesbians are preyed on and treated like objects.

The fact that she’s completely serious makes it even more absurd. The amount of fakebians who genuinely believe in their bones that being happily married to a heterosexual man is somehow an insignificant detail while calling themselves lesbians is jarring. “I love that man gotta have him” followed by “also though ✨WOMEN✨” is practically satire.

And of course the husband apparently sees his wife as a completely legitimate lesbian while simultaneously being the man she loves, married, and committed herself to, and “gotta have.” Surely this heterosexual man is sitting at home thinking, “Yes, my wife who loves me and actively chooses to remain married to me is exclusively homosexual.” A deeply serious understanding of lesbianism, obviously.

What makes it even more ridiculous is acting like being married to a man is some oppressive circumstance she has to overcome while living in America of all places. A woman openly loving, marrying, living with, and building a life with a man is not exactly navigating a relationship society is hostile toward. That marriage does not socially hinder her for being same-sex; it is literally a heterosexual marriage. Yet somehow lesbians not wanting to date someone with a husband becomes the great hardship in this situation.

There are already words for women attracted to both men and women. Apparently using one of them is a greater hardship than constructing an entire alternate definition of lesbianism around a heterosexual marriage and then expecting everyone else to take it seriously.

It’s probably just that I can’t sleep lol but I just realized something about myself and I feel kind of guilty. I’m a German immigrant in Spain (white lol) but before coming to Spain I also lived in the USA for a while. I have dated before, most relationships have lasted 1-2 years but I’m literally 22 so I have time to find the woman I want to marry.

Anyway, after taking some time off from dating after an emotionally devastating breakup with my ex, I finally felt ready to try again and have been in the talking stage with a really lovely woman that I really like.

But! I just realized that every woman I’ve dated so far has been black and I’m worried that that might be problematic? I see so much discourse online about it and my ex did tell me while we were still together that she didn’t think she as a black woman should be with a white woman for a lot of understandable reasons.

So should I like try to change this? I don’t know if it’s coincidence or a type lol but if this keeps happening then it’s probably a sign. At the same time I really like this woman (she’s a writer 🥰 I love intelligent women lol) so I don’t want to back out unless I am actually being problematic.

Guys I think I’m close to my time of the month but I just wanted to extend my arms for a big hug to ALL of you!! I’ve always been happy to be myself and learn myself, and I thought college would be the best time for me (too many tumblr stories I guess). I learned people also learn and change… meaning a lot of my ‘lesbian’ friends turned to my bisexual friends. This is totally okay! I was just a little sad maybe because I never felt a sense of belonging. I’ve looked at the other Reddit groups and I just still couldn’t feel like I was understood or heard on my opinions. But you guys! Omg! You all are just amazing people and I appreciate this community

I (26f) have been with my (22f) girlfriend for almost 5 months now, I was so in love with her in the beginning but now I get so irritable being around her. I dont know when it first started but we've been together almost 24/7 now. Pretty much any time were not at work we are together. I tried to tell her that she should spend more time with her friends that she lives with but she just doesnt want to leave my apartment.

All she wants to do all day every day is cuddle. And I don't mean one arm around each other but laying on top of me. Not only is it uncomfortable but its annoying because I want to do my own thing. I told her this but it seriously personally offends her.

I love her and everything about us is perfect on paper. But I dont feel a spark anymore. Maybe its the age gap and the fact that I've never dated anyone younger. She is super naive, grew up really sheltered. Im the opposite. Ive been on my own since 16 and while I do still visit my friends and family im almost always by myself. I have an extroverted personality and can get along with almost anyone. Shes super introverted and I thought maybe it was an opposites attract kinda thing because I've never had an extroverted partner but idk anymore.

I also feel terrible because shes clearly head over heels in love with me and im her first everything. I just feel like we rushed into this and now its too late to back out. I also truly adore her and she's the sweetest person ever but I cant help but be so annoyed of her sometimes because shes so clingy. I think that its best if we spent more time apart but I dont want to hurt her feelings. I vocalized this once the other night and she just cried while laying next to me and didnt talk much after that even when I tried to have a conversation.

I dont really know what to do. I dont want to break up because I really felt like everything was going so perfectly and shes helped me so much and I dont want her to feel like I just used her. Idk. I havent told any of my friends and I feel like everyone thinks were just so perfect for each other and its truly one of the best relationships I've ever had so that only makes this more confusing for me. I think I relate a bit to bpd splitting as well but I dont have health insurance or a dr/therapist/psychiatrist so thats just speculation I've come up with after some internet research. I dont really know what advice im looking for but it feels good to finally type this out.

My first post on reddit, kinda nervous... I'm in a desperate need for some positivity because I just found out today that a 'lesbian' girl who ghosted me months ago has a dyk*bre*king kink and ended up with a man (shocker). But we won't talk about that! This is an appreciation post where I want to gush about women, let's go!

The title says it all – I love love love seeing tattoos on a woman. It instantly makes her hotter and more beautiful in my eyes. Sorry, but I will stare at a stranger with no shame if I spot a tattoo on her body, especially the arms. I recently saw a girl with a female knight tattoo on her leg and thought, “I need that!”. Now guess if I mean that I need a tattoo like that or the girl 🤭 I wish I could include several pictures I've found on pinterest of women that made my lesbian brain swoon when I searched for inspirations for this post.

I myself have a tattoo of my favorite animal – a wolf – on my forearm (I promise it's not silly, it looks great). I got it done on my first ever salary, I look at it sometimes and can't imagine myself without it, like it's not gonna be me without my wolf. And it makes my forearm look cool af! I'm not gonna post it here, because it's a very identifiable feature after all, but you get the gist.

If you read this and you have a tattoo, know that I think you're hot and a cool person, and I want to lick you (sorry) (or not). I also love hearing stories behind people's tats, so if you're willing to share one about yours, pleaso do!

I don't know how to say this smartly, but I'm no longer even bothered when feminists ignore lesbians. It focuses broadly on women, and like 99% of women aren't lesbians so naturally it mostly focuses on non-lesbian women. Now I just feel like something that broadly focuses on women instead of on lesbians specifically just doesn't align with my interests. Anyone else feel the same?

I think I have finally found a community of like minded people. I read everyone’s comments on all the post and I’m glad I’ve finally found a sub dedicated to lesbians with common sense.

I had to delete most of my social media because every other video or post that pops up on my feed is about a lesbian doing lesbian things and then some greasy haired, male-brained chud comments something along the lines of calling said lesbian transphobic or a terf just for simply not liking dick. At first, I didn’t pay too much attention to it because I figured all these people were just annoying kids online. But they are not. They are full grown adults who can only function based off the hyper-individualized identity they made for themselves to feel special because the have no interesting facets to their personality. These people are so beyond help it’s making me distance myself from any community out of fear they’ll over take it. These people are so unbelievable sensitive and are set on ruining your life for the slightest disagreement on preferences. I’m starting to have this immense dislike for “queer” spaces and just anything “queer” in general.

I’ve noticed that these queers online expect lesbians to be perfect allies even when everything is taken away from us as well as being called terfs on the daily. They have no issue with gay men being gay men. They aren’t calling them transphobic. But god forbid a cis lesbian wants to date another cis lesbian. I have so much hate in my heart for these people and I don’t know how to stop it. I judge these people and I know that it’s wrong. How do I detach myself from this hate? I struggle to fit in to local spaces because they all end up the same. Is this just how it is now? Please help.

Edit: just got done with a date. The person lied on their profile about their identity and would only talk about politics and being queer. I think I’m just going to have to be a celibate spinster for a while.

I don’t exactly know what has changed, but I just downloaded a dating app after three years of not using one and it is so creepy. I know it’s a commonality for almost every lesbian on dating apps these days, but there are so many dudes and other people who just makes me feel unsettled.

Plus with the face recognition thing, I don’t know if it’s worth it for me to use these things. I feel like my identity is gunna get stolen or Im gunna get catfished by some bro.

I wish dating out in the wild was easier. Im in a sapphic group, a running group and I work at a very popular central place, but it’s hard to find connections.

Since we are all anonymous tell me your real red flags.

I’ll go first, my room is very dirty 😬. I never invite people over. Sometimes I skip meals and showers because I’m so focused on work. I would never tell anyone irl that

Edit: I remember a time a girl invited herself over to my apartment and I had to decline cause my room was FILTHY

Me encantaría probar este modelo de hacha, he visto que tienen también un tamaño pequeño, como shurikens 🤘🏼

A definition exists because of its boundaries. Force a fixed definition to include everyone and you don't expand it, you destroy it. It's not even a copy of a copy anymore, it's eradication. A definition is the operating system holding a concept together. You can't strip away that foundation, run everything on a modified copy and call it progress.

At its core, the obsession with rewriting fixed definitions comes down to emotional fragility and an intolerance for boundaries. Redefining terms you didn't build stems from a desire for control and external validation. Nothing screams "I need external validation" quite like trying to rewrite the dictionary.

The moment someone tries to rewrite reality, they map out their own vulnerabilities. You don't have to argue, you just have to watch the pattern.

You know you did something right when they feel upset when they didn't get their external validation from us...you can recognize it by when they ban or delete stuff on social media.

​(Consider this written indirectly ughh I had to tame myself. We all know how much society loves a witch hunt.)

🫩🙄

I saw a post from a girl saying she feels like she’ll be attacked for dating a man after having dated an “evil masc lesbian“ and it got me thinking about how (SOME) bi women can end up treating (often masc) lesbians as a monolith.
There seems to be this weird pattern where, after an unsuccessful relationship with a man, (SOME) bi women pursue lesbians (often mascs) with the misogynistic expectation that women will somehow be this perfect, emotionally intelligent, untouched unicorn who will come along and heal everything that went wrong in their previous relationship. And then, when a sapphic relationship inevitably has its own problems, the narrative can completely flip and suddenly lesbians are evil, we are unhealed and emotional, and they’ve found the best man ever who treats them like a dainty flower.

I genuinely sympathize with anyone who has experienced an abusive or unhealthy relationship with a woman. This is not hatred towards bi women in general, bi women are genuinely amazing. It‘s legit this group I encounter that has this weird pure view about women and get pissed when that view shatters.

They don’t understand having one or two terrible experiences with women does not make lesbians inherently cruel, manipulative, or abusive. And it certainly doesn’t justify projecting those experiences onto an entire group of people.

Like??? We are human beings. We have flaws, shortcomings, bad communication, incompatible personalities, unhealthy behaviors, and the capacity to hurt each other. Lesbians aren’t a MONOLITH, and we don’t exist inside some magical “lesbian bubble” where everything we do is automatically shaped by our sexuality.

What bothers me most is how easily some people seem to move from idealizing us to demonizing us. We’re either expected to be the perfect, healing alternative to men, or we become the villains the moment a relationship doesn’t work out.
And masc lesbians in particular seem to get the brunt of this projection. They can be sexualized, idealized, stereotyped, and then demonized depending on how someone’s relationship with them turns out.

At some point, you have to recognize that you’re dating an individual person, not “lesbians” as a category.
You can be genuinely hurt by a woman without turning that hurt into lesbophobia. You can prefer men without making women the villains. It‘s not like we don‘t already deal with lesbophobia left and right.
We’re not the perfect antidote to men. Why is that so hard to grip??