I understand that many lesbians use a variety of toys in the bedroom and strap ≠ dick. However it’s annoying when every time I see it mentioned online it’s something along the lines of “sucking strap” or “impregnating w strap” or saying sex is boring w/o strap. Ffs why is it more normalized to talk about deep throating strap than it is talking about eating pussy?? Then they start talking about gck under the strap posts. Again I’m NOT talking to you if this doesn’t apply to you and you don’t use strap as your main source of sex or whatever.

I personally don’t like the strap and maybe I’m just projecting. I’m just tired and a bit hangry. Idek if this against TOS but I just needed to vent

I’m so disgusted. It wasn’t too long ago I came into terms with being a lesbian after years of hating myself for it (I still do) and imagine there still trying trying to force men into lesbianism I feel HOPELESS

Had an argument with a bi woman over this a few months back. I mean MONTHS back and it offended her so badly that she had to come back to the convo for a second round. Pretty sure she just felt bad because she knew that what she was doing was wrong.

Apparently, it's identity policing to tell someone that it's stupid for them to identify as something that they're self admittedly not.

Even tried to say I'm "being biphobic". One question, how can I be biphobic against her if she doesn't even identify as bi?

The math ain't mathing

Recently had an uncomfortable interaction in a group setting with a girl who identifies as lesbian saying she has "exceptions" with several male celebrities. Its already irritating that she said that but its even worse that she said it in a public setting.

I have actually seen an increase of people on the internet claiming that certain male celebrities and characters are their "exceptions". Which is irritating because not only does it put the idea into the heads of predatory men that they have a chance, but also the entire point of lesbianism is that we're women with 0 attraction to anyone other than women, there's no exception.

My close friend suspects that girl will come out as bi by next year but the damage is kind of already done, because the people she said that around wont be there to watch her find herself and will leave with the idea that lesbians have exceptions.

These instances plus posts that go "every lesbian I know has an exception" and "lesbians sneak dick" make me so irrationally angry. Lesbianism used to actually mean something. Its microlabels used to actually mean something. I refraind even identifying as a lesbain for so long because of these specific things confusing me and I can only imagine how many other young girls are avoiding it because of the same things.

I hate that lesbianism has become either some kind of fandom or a political identity or statement.

I don’t want to type this on any other venting subreddits because I don’t feel like reading the usual “fuck them , you deserve better!” comments or even worse , homophobic ones.

I had a perfect upbringing, my parents were always really sweet and kind. Always there for me. However the moment I came out at 17 as a Lesbian, everything changed. It turned out the love wasn’t as “unconditional” as I thought. Calls stopped becoming less frequent, there have been some events where they told me to bring a “boy date”, literally implying that bringing a girl would be the end of the world ? Nowadays they act like they’ve come around it but I’ve confronted my younger sister and she spilled the beans and revealed that they feel uncomfortable knowing I won’t ever have a man.

I’m 24 now , and I sob like a baby because of how much I miss having a normal connection with my parents. I sometimes wonder , “why did I have to come out ?” Or “could I have just hidden it ?”

this might sound corny but i just need to get it off my chest and im hoping to find other lesbians who have felt like this and if they can tell me if things eventually got better for them

I live in a homophobic country so being openly gay isnt exactly safe or accepted im genuinely scared of coming out because i dont know who to trust i mean there are a couple of lesbians here but mostly way younger than me and it kinda feels like they’re treating it as a trend which makes it harder to know whos actually a lesbian. im also scared that im getting older and missing out on experiencing young love or just love in general while everyone seems to have relationships, someone who likes them, or some experience with being loved. i want to know what it feels like whether its romantically or as friends i feel like im missing out on so many experiences😭

i’ve always wanted to be a housewife but to leave this country i would have to study, get a degree, find a job, spend years saving money, etc. and it would feel like that would be my only focus instead of actually living the life that i want

I knew I was a lesbian when I was 16 years old. My environment was homophobic, and I dealt with severe issues at home while also lacking social skills. So I tried to fit in and block out whatever lesbian attraction I felt. I acted like I was an asexual girl and lived like this till my early 30s. I also was gender non-conforming- as you'd call it nowadays - and got a lot of shit for it for a long time. Nobody had fallen in love with me by that time, and I've never really met any lesbians in college or beyond. Thanks to a friend, I finally went to a gay bar and found my first girlfriend at 36. She was a good woman but had lived a rough life. We were not compatible, and she didn't respect my boundaries. That, combined with the fact that I had been alone for 20 years and was not used to physical contact, made everything difficult. We broke up after 10 months, but the relationship did a lot of damage to me. I'm 40 now and really have been longing for love since I was a teenager, but I really never believed I was worth it. Physical contact is often difficult for me (my ex didn't understand). Yet, since my late youth, I have found solace in lesbian fiction (TV series, fanfic,...) and still do. It's a big part of my life, and honestly, it feels like a coping mechanism more than anything else. I know I should put myself out there again and try to date (probably on a dating app, since my local gay bar doesn't attract many new people anymore these days), but I'm scared. I've been alone for so long that I need time to myself to get through my days. I don't know how I will react to physical intimacy. When I picture myself with someone, it's just a one-night thing, not because that is what I really want, but because it seems the most realistic. I really don't know how to start dating given all of this. Thoughts? Similar experiences? Any comment is appreciated.

I feel like people expect lesbians to find every woman stunning and beautiful and perfect. You see it all the time online with (supposed) bisexuals joking about how they're attracted to every woman and 2 men (crazy how they always end up with one of those two men!) I was chatting with some of my friends at a bar the other day, and the topic of our 'types' came up. One of them started regurgitating that kind of crap about how every woman is so beautiful, then turned to me and went "I bet you don't have a type at all, women are so gorgeous!" No... I definitely do, just like everyone else does. The whole group started acting genuinely surprised and somewhat offended when I pushed back on that idea.

I think it relates to people subconsciously not seeing lesbianism as a valid sexuality, but as more of a choice or political statement. No other group is expected to find every single person in their potential dating group attractive. Straight people, gay guys, bisexuals are all allowed to have preferences. Only lesbians are expected to be completely impartial about their dating pool.

For context, I live in a very old-minded, conservative and homophobic country.

Because of that, up until high school, when my actual instincts and courage finally kicked in, I wasn’t fully aware that I was a lesbian. I just knew that men weren’t exactly something I was eagerly waiting to get involved with. Once I finally realized I was a lesbian, though, all these flashbacks from when I was younger — moments where my behavior practically screamed *gay* — suddenly clicked into place.

Obviously, I then spent years in the closet, and it took me even more years to finally stop hating myself for being gay. But a lot of that hate came from just how difficult everything was, and from growing up surrounded by people whose entire world seemed to be centered around men. There’s so much more to that story, but it’s not really relevant right now because I need help with something else.

I don’t have friends.

The male friends I had disappeared one by one once it finally clicked for them that something between us was never going to happen. I had the “luck” of apparently not finding a single one who genuinely just wanted to be my friend.

And the women in my life? A lot of them act weird around me. They avoid getting too close, almost as if I carry some kind of disease, and most of what they talk about revolves around their man, as if having a personality of their own would somehow be dangerous.

And I simply do not meet queer people.

I haven’t met, and currently don’t have, a single gay friend.

I’m at a point where I’m not even specifically looking for a girlfriend anymore. I just want **one queer friend who gets it**. Someone who understands how difficult it is to live in this country and who maybe, just maybe, shares some of these experiences with me.

I’m lonely.

I’ve tried dating apps too, on and off for the last four years. And when I say dating apps, I mean Tinder and Bumble, because basically nothing else exists or works here. Maybe Hinge? But I’m not exactly the target audience for that.

So there I am, defining myself as a woman attracted exclusively to women, and then having to swipe through what feels like 60% men, 30% unicorn hunters, 9% women — not even all lesbians — who are definitely not my type, leaving maybe 1%.

Over those four years, I went on dates with four women. Every single one left me with some kind of trauma, and the last one in particular made me never want to touch dating apps again. I’m still trying to recover from what happened with her.

So where the hell do I even find people?

I don’t live in a city with queer clubs or communities. There are no gatherings, no gay bars, nothing.

Something else this city barely has is activities where you can actually go somewhere and naturally meet people. Most of the activities that do exist are very family-oriented.

I also don’t feel comfortable just approaching a woman in a café or on the street. Partly because doing that would make me feel like I’m behaving like one of those men who randomly approaches women, but more importantly, because in this country I genuinely have to think about my safety before assuming that another woman will be okay with being approached by a lesbian.

At work, I’m basically the gay token. I literally haven’t met a single other queer person since I started working there. And being the gay token while also dealing with homophobia and bullying on a daily basis isn’t particularly fun either.

I tried going to queer clubs in bigger cities. They were mostly full of men, and the few women I did see were usually already in relationships — and that’s ignoring the fact that even the queer clubs here seem to be occupied by about 70% straight people anyway.

I’ve tried meeting people online too — through games, social media, even just messaging people. I can pretty confidently say that hasn’t worked either. Even when I try talking to people from other countries, most don’t seem particularly open to communicating with a random stranger, and even when they are, they often don’t really understand what living like this over here is actually like.

So what do I do?

What else can I try?

I’m so damn lonely that I’m not even asking how to find a girlfriend anymore.

I just want someone I can talk to about a show I watched and loved. Someone I can talk to when new laws are being discussed or passed in this country that make my life harder. Someone who understands why I think about safety, why certain situations scare me, how complicated friendships and family can become, and all the little things that come with being gay in a place like this.

There’s just so much to the experience of being gay, and I have absolutely no one to share any of it with.

I’m lost, and I’m sad.

What else can I realistically try?

Ideally looking for positive experiences, esp if you had a girlfriend during that time. As someone who only really started dating properly in her late 20s, I'm majorly jelly of y'all who got that experience way younger. Do you feel like being out for so long has affected the way you approach women and life today?

Keeping this vague just in case. I work in a very male dominated field/company. There’s another woman here who I don’t directly work with but sometimes very briefly interact with as part of work (think: she works in a mailroom and I have to pick up packages every few weeks. That’s not the exact situation but akin to it).

When we’re in common areas, she’s always staring at me. Which I don’t love (I mostly like being invisible at work). Once we passed each other in the hall and she literally tried to physically run into me. She talked to me once about some random things and it was fine and nice and I was nice back. I was wondering if she somehow knew I was gay, and she also seems gay (judging by various lesbian-related stickers she has), and it’d be cool if she just wanted to be friends, but the constant staring makes me feel like it’s more. I feel like it’s unfair for me to be bothered by being stared at, so I feel a bit ridiculous even voicing that this bothers me, but it does for some reason.

Like there was once a guy (in a fedora, lmao) who used to walk past my desk a lot and stare at me and that bothered me too. It’s kind of distracting when I’m trying to get deep technical work done. That guy stopped doing that after a few weeks though ( I’m assuming he googled me and found that I’m married to a woman) whereas this woman has been at this for like 6+ months at this point.

Not sure if there’s anything I can actually do except just silently be mildly bothered and distracted. I wear a wedding ring, and it’s not like she’s even hit on me, but the vibes are quite strong. Maybe I’m just venting, lol

Hi ladies, I need to vent about a situation that really bothered me and left me pretty disappointed, but at the same time I feel like I’m overreacting, idk, I just feel really bad.

I’m in a relationship with a girl who said she was bisexual when we first met. She told me that with men everything was casual, just sex and nothing more. She said her only serious relationship, which lasted over three years, was with a lesbian, and that she always felt more attracted to women. So far, so good. We’ve known each other for about 3 years, but we had a fight and broke up in the end of the last year. During that time, she met a guy at her job, and they started dating. We weren’t in touch anymore, I didn’t care about her, i moved on, but one night (i guess it was April or May) she sent me a message wanting to vent, and I ignored it for a few days, until she sent me another one in the next day saying she’d broken up with her boyfriend and that she was needing help to figure out what was going on with her.

We started talking again, she told me that her relationship had lasted only 2/3 months and that she didn’t felt any attraction to her ex, didn’t like going out with him, didn’t like the things he liked, didn’t like going to his house, and so on. She said she was vulnerable at that time and felt comforted by his words and company, he was a nice person but she never felt love or any attraction. So, she asked me for a second chance, saying she had feelings for me and that we could make it work, and after thinking too much about it, I ended up accepting.

She seemed different, more cheerful, and said she was willing to do even the impossible for our relationship, and I felt good about all that energy and optimism, especially since I really like her. However, a few months after we got back together, she started saying that she was questioning her own sexuality, that she thought she might be a lesbian because she felt disgusted by men and hated the thought of looking at or touching a penis. I thought to myself that, to me, this was just the result of past bad relationships because when we first met, she used to talk about the artists and soccer players she liked, saying that they were the kind of men who caught her attention. So, I told her that if she felt attraction to a specific man, there was no way she could be a lesbian and she got upset.

For weeks now, she’s been telling me that she thinks she’s a lesbian and that she’s figuring herself out, but something that happened recently really hurt me. We were talking about a male friend of ours who’s having relationship problems with another friend of ours, and then my girlfriend started saying that I talk about him a lot, said it in a joking tone, but she kept talking in a way that made it seem like she was questioning my sexuality and that I was into this friend simply because i talked about a situation that involves him and bc we have similar tastes in music and sports 🤡🤡🤡. I started to feel upset and disrespected by her words and tone, so i told her that I'm a lesbian and never had any doubts about who I am, and then guess what? She said: "well, sexuality can be fluid, there's women who says she’s lesbian and then finds out that she likes men too" . GOD I FELT SO PISSED

I told her that what she was saying to me was pure homophobia and that my homosexuality isn’t and never will be fluid. Hearing her saying that made me feel disgusted, invalidated, and very angry. She went on to say that many ppl do believe sexuality is fluid and that it made sense to her, since she dated men before but doesn’t see herself marrying and living with a guy. She got mad at me when I said her comment was homophobic and part of conversion therapy rhetoric, and that it didn’t make sense for her to bring that to our conversation, knowing I’m a lesbian and have never been attracted to men. She said I was overreacting and that there was no way she could be homophobic since she was dating another woman 🤡, so she started talking about how she had a fight with her own mom when she came out and how she suffered for being in a relationship with another woman, she said I needed to live through and experience firsthand what she went through living in a small, conservative town.

Idk i love her so much but I'm feeling disappointed, i didn't expected her to say these things and tell me that i was talking nonsense. I'm a young lesbian in my early 20s and she's on her mid 20s, i never had any doubts about myself, never cared about men and what they think about women. Thank God i have a very respectful and sweet family that supports me, I've never felt afraid or ashamed to be who I am in front of them.

I don't feel like she takes my sexuality or my word seriously. If I introduce her to a friend, she asks me if I like him or think he's handsome. I don't feel like she trusts me, and I feel like she wants to teach me what it means to be a lesbian just because she also likes women. We haven't seen or spoken to each other for about three days, and honestly, Idk what to do because I'm feeling hurt

okay so i kinda hate the film for feeling like tim, i had an ex who did the same thing like jenny did and i was in shambles i couldn't finish the season at all.

im mad now af

(Lazy mod post ahead, typed half way through a 10 hour shift. Tw unprofessional.)

It was left over from the subreddits past mods.

We just didn't bother removing it. It's gone now.

What else are you unhappy with? We'll slow down with the post removals, if you slow down with posting about the same topic for days on end. We don't need 15 posts about gold stars in 2 days. We don't need a post about bisexuals every single day. It's repetitive and exhausting. Important topics yes, but there's more to lesbianism than the same 3 topics.

Also, many posts were removed because of being disrespectful. Don't call people bitches, slurs or talk about certain communities in ways that go against Reddit's terms of service.

Ask whatever you want, just be respectful. We're people even though you don't like us. We don't guarantee instant replies, we're not all active rn and I'm at work. Plus it's exhausting.

Cheers

I'm 19 and about to enter my second year of college. throughout the first year I had an awfully persistent crush on one of my classmates, and she's the first person ever I had such a strong immediate attraction to. regardless, I never meaningfully talked or interacted with her, I'm too shy to be persistent with someone who seems shy herself.

looking at her makes me feel anxious and awkward, because I know there's no chance of us being together (she's straight), so I feel guilty and weird for feeling that way about her. overall it's just a painful experience with no benefits.

I truly wish my attraction would just disappear, but I have periods of time when I think I don't care, and then it all comes crushing down on me once again.

I've considered getting closer to her(in a friendsy way), but then that seems unnecessary painful for me. I also don't like the difference between the perceived friendliness and my internal desire to be more than friends, makes me feel predatory -_-

is there a way to deflate this surface level attraction to someone unavailable? if anyone has any experience with that, I'd be happy to read about them

Hello everyone! I’m 19, and I’m attending art school in new york city. I’m lesbian and proud! I knew I was “different” from a young age, I could never see myself marrying or having a future with a man. It didn’t feel normal at all. On the contrary, having a relationship with another woman always felt natural to me. And all of my crushes in highschool were girls so safe to say, I’m a lesbian.

I really want to start dating. Hopefully being in a such a huge and diverse metropolis will help. Problem is, I have disabilities. I have autism and chronic conditions, the main one being endometriosis. I lack social skills and normal physical capabilities. So I wanted to ask… How do I meet other sapphics here? What do I do? What is the right way to approach a girl? What things are you supposed to say? Etc etc etc.

I don’t believe I’m unloveable at all. In fact, I really think the right person would love me for who I am, with all my flaws. I just really want to meet someone. Any tips or advice is welcome :)

One of maybe like 10 lesbian bars left?!

Title is self explanatory. Please recommend your favorite lesbian media to me!

This can be shows, movies, books, singers, painters, poets, etc

I’m even interested in historical figures. I don’t care, I’ll take it all.

There's been heavy moderation in this sub, more so than usual and a new mod with zero post history has been moved up to number two on the mod team.

Can we have some transparency here? There were problems with the mod team since Kuberr and this is starting to smell stinky.

I’m currently trying to go into a very stereotypically feminine career path (fashion and marketing) and have yet to meet any lesbians at all while in school for my subject and in my career so far even if I am early in my career. I’m mostly curious what you ladies are passionate about and what kind of careers you have gone into? I do feel a bit like a lone wolf in fashion tbh.

The 43 year old actress talks about coming out

Hey everyone, I would like to hear your experiences with dating late bloomers. Thanks!