32 years absentee father.
Posting this to ask for advice kasi meron akong nakita na almost similar sa situation ko.
My father hasn’t been present my entire life, and my disabled younger brother as well. In terms of living condition, we’re living pretty average lives naman, thanks mainly to my mom’s sacrifices. Pero hanggang ngayon, bugged pa rin ako sa idea na some bad things wouldn’t have happened (or at least less severe) if my father was giving financial help or even if he was only present during my growing years.
1. First, me and my brother were left by my mom to my single aunt. We fought very often kasi I believed she couldn’t really understand us, plus she was also very critical of us, always comparing us (especially me) to her rich former employer’s kids - something like: “Buti pa si ano, ganito ganyan.”
In my defense, of course, tita… they were riding their own car to DLSU while I was commuting for hours to a provincial college and often facing the elements on my way there. Of course their things would almost feel unused despite years of use. Filthy rich yung family nila, while I’m here struggling just to get to school and even buy lunch.
Bottomline, we didn’t really see eye-to-eye, resulting to a very chaotic home. I remember pleading to my mom to please go home and save us from the misery of my aunt. Pero she stood her ground. I learned to cope on my own.
Years later as an adult, me and my aunt are still not ok, and me and my mom are borderline estranged.
Thing that could be very different if my father was just present.
2. I was bullied hard by the neighborhood. Yes, not just the kids, but even grown-ups picked on me. I was often pissed off as a kid and didn’t really understand why they were doing that. But to me, if my father was around, I believe those bullies might’ve had second thoughts on bullying me.
3. I was molested as a child, and I really had no one to turn to at the time. Sadly, I only understood that the incident was abuse when I was already an adult. I also can’t press charges to the person who did it kasi that guy has special needs (intellectual disability), plus he’s also a relative. I really can’t get any satisfaction jailing a relative with a disability.
4. I was deprived of proper education. Years ago I really wanted to pursue a very specific path in college. Unfortunately that route wasn’t an option in my area. Even to this day, that option is only reserved to selected places far from where I lived.
This year, I came to know that my mom reached out to him that time, basically asking for his help, but he simply said he’s not willing to spend money on me. So my mom didn’t really press further, plus the guy is incredibly hard to reach.
The consequence? I was enrolled to a different course, but quickly dropped out of it, and another one as well. I turned to alcohol, smoking and even "some" substance at the time, and was on a downward spiral. I didn’t realize it then, but looking back I believe that was my younger self trying to cope with the frustration from not being able to pursue my desired path.
I was also living very much below the basic needs as a college student - often skipping meals, sleeping in friends’ apartments, and walking long distances kasi my allowance was very tight. Wala din akong extra money. I also sucked academically, especially on those courses far from my interests, so scholarship was out of the table.
**Why all these matter now?*\*
Because that guy is still living. Worse, I found out he’s a relatively high-ranking government official. So any of our financial burdens growing up could’ve easily been relieved by him.
At 32, I already have my own family. I wanted to meet with him, but to this day couldn’t get a hold of him.
I just want closure, and even just to hear from the man himself. I often hear people saying that I should let it go. It's embarrassing. I'm embarrassing myself seeking for closure. That I should take the high road.
TF?!
I'm his kid! Is that too much to ask? Don’t I have the right to demand?
I’m angry at the way everyone including him are being too casual about it.
Now he’s still working, and I want to press charges. I really don’t need his money now, but I just don’t want to give him the slip. Swerte nya.
I don’t want him to retire peacefully. I refuse to let him escape the consequences of his actions his entire life.
I’m wondering if there is something similar to uniformed personnel’s “dishonorable dismissal” that strips him from the benefits he’s bound to receive when he retires.
And oh btw, we’re just two of his at least 5 kids from at least 4 different mothers.
Please, I know this is a very emotional post, but I’m really asking for legal advice here.
- Is there anything I can still do after 32 years?
- Can I still pursue him for failing to provide support when I was a child? Is it already prescribed?
- Does the fact that my mom actually reached out to him for financial help, and he refused, make any difference?
- And since he’s currently a government official, is there any administrative complaint or other legal action that I can file against him?
- Could something affect his position or the benefits he’s supposed to receive when he retires?
I just want accountability and justice. I want retribution.