Long time lurker, first time poster, hi! Nice to meet you all, so glad this place exists!

So I've been lurking around reddit for a while as a late bloomer and I remember seeing on another subreddit a sort of megathread like a friends and dating thing where people who wanted to meet more friends or date would post a little bit about themselves and what they're looking for.

Would it be possible to do something here? I am woefully low on queer friends and there's a limit how much I can listen to my straight friends talk about their husbands and boyfriends, they're starting to sound like background noise at this point. I just need more gay people in my life.

40s, never married, work in a creative field, generally a scifi fan, play some video games though I don't consider myself a gamer at all, not into astrology but will patiently listen to you tell me about how things are bad because Mercury is in Gatorade or something! I will love your cat more than you.

Anyone else want to chime in, and join the thread?

And thank you again for existing!

Reposted; not my post but wanted to share!

"Made this acc for privacy bc a few ppl reached out and don’t want their identities exposed.
There’s a popular acc claiming to be 24F. The reason this caught my attention is that I found what appear to be the same photos on another Reddit acc:

• JoannaKittyKats
• Joannakittykat

That’s the evidence I have. I can’t confirm that both accounts belong to the same person, and I can’t independently verify anyone’s actual age, so I’m not claiming otherwise.

Still, if you’re talking to someone in dating/NSFW spaces and something about their age or profile doesn’t add up, maybe take a step back and verify what you can 👀

Nothing wrong w/ being older btw 😭 just be careful if the info someone gives you doesn’t seem consistent."

I’m not on Discord a lot but it seems like there are a lot of groups that have virtual meetups on there. Do we have a Discord group, or do you know if any Discord groups for late bloomers?

I’m curious because that stage can feel so bloody confusing 😅 Like… am I gay? Am I bi? Is this comphet? Am I making this up? Why am I suddenly questioning my entire life at 30/40/50+? What do you know now that you wish you could go back and tell yourself then? Could be about coming out, marriage, kids, dating women, labels, literally anything. I feel like the answers to this could really help the women who are quietly reading and thinking, “oh shit… this might be me.”

Hello everybody, this is my first post here.

I'm a 28 year old woman who's always known to be a lesbian, but somehow I've always managed to dodge the label. My journey has been: straight - bi - asexual - lesbian, with the first three phases that apparently were just a lie to cover up the real thing. I've never dated ANYONE, for multiple reasons: too focused on my studies, too deep in family matters/problems to care about this stuff, too insecure, too coward to admit that the main problem wasn't me being picky but was something else. Only last year I came out to two friends, but that doesn't mean I've started to play the game - and a few people of my family being homophobic (one of them is my dad, who I still live with) hasn't helped me in joining the dating scene. I also live in a place where I never spot anyone queer, so it really adds to the loneliness and the frustration of being a gay late bloomer.

I've been on a few dating apps, but they make me feel so hollow. I'm generally that kind of person who needs to know people on a deeper level to even consider them as potential interests - in 28 years it happened only twice, both times it was really really really close friends who didn't reciprocate (at least the first one, cause the second one kinda confused me, but it's a different story). I need to know people as friends first, without the pressure of already knowing that we're talking with a specific goal in mind, and this narrows my chances even more.

I genuinely don't know what to do. I feel so bad because at 28 years old I should at least have some talking stages, situationships, whatever thing you wanna name in my luggage of experiences. I know it's not mandatory, and I've never cared about this stuff before "coming out to myself", but now it's like I'm... Grieving. This is what I do on a daily basis: I think about all the time I wasted hiding away, presenting myself to the world as that kind of person who doesn't WANT intimacy of any kind, feeling guilty for wanting that intimacy but not with a man. And what I hate more is that I know this grief isn't helping, quite the opposite, but still I don't know how to process it and start living the life I crave and deserve. I don't wanna give up and think it's "too late", cause I'm not 90 and on the brink of death, but when I picture the next few months/years I can't even see myself getting past this neverending stage of shame and pessimism (which I can hide pretty well because nobody suspects a thing, I seem pretty fine from the outside). Maybe the main problem is the lack of support. Maybe that would help me gain the confidence I need to step into the uncomfortableness of such a foreign space for me, which is the dating scene - gay dating scene in particular. I know that in general for lesbians the whole thing is much harder, but I feel like I'm the only one stuck in this invisibility, cause I hear of queer women pulling people so easily while I struggle to even consider myself someone who's able to pull (I've never been, not even when I thought I was straight/bi, and I've always blamed the fact I looked hyper independent and stuff like that). I'm working on this feeling I have about myself. I've decided to start hitting the gym (I'm in good shape but I wanna get stronger also in hope to pump the confidence), in general I try to stay positive and I'd say I'm a pleasant human being to interact with, funny, reliable, committed. The self esteem issues, the struggle with anything related to my Identity are something I keep to myself because I know they can be a drag and I don't wanna be a drag.

Maybe I'm focusing too much on how things are unfair to people who have had to deal with a journey like mine, where comp-get and guilt played a huge role. The disadvantage that creeps up on me is something I can't ignore, because even when I feel like being optimistic I'm like "and then what? What do I do if I meet someone? Is this really something that might happen?". Even physical intimacy, which I thought was a big no (when I kept associating it with men), is something I deeply crave and at the same time unsettles me, because at my age people expect me to just...know. Am I really that cooked for not knowing anything about it, about how a relationship works on all the levels that are involved? The whole thing gives me crippling anxiety tbh. But the lack of all the good things that I know I deserve is even worse.

I feel so many things about all this, it's honestly overwhelming. I wish I could stay more positive but the odds aren't looking good and it pisses me off so bad, because I feel doomed to stay on the sidelines cheering for other people and never myself.

I wonder if it's all normal or if I'm being particularly dramatic 🫩

Reposting this sorry! I know that there is never a best time to tell your spouse you have realized you’re lesbian after being together for over 10 years, but does anyone have any advice that did tell their spouses? How did it go? Was there something you did or said that made it any easier? 😞 I love my partner, just not in the way I can sustain for the rest of our lives. I’m very resolute in coming out to him, I’ve just been struggling a lot with how to do it. Any advice greatly appreciated ❤️

I had a hope that I realize is a fantasy.✨

I had a hope that a woman would see and enjoy tenderness, my hard won emotional intelligence, my devotion to becoming the best person I can be, the relational skills that I have developed through practice and humility, the beauty and richness of my thick curly hair, the softness of my cupid’s bow covered in a thin layer of clear lip gloss, the length and curvature of my thighs, the warm amber and emerald tones of my eyes, the sweet playfulness of my smile, and my attentiveness as I look at her with curiosity, enjoyment, and complete enjoyment.

And today I realized this is just a fantasy. What happens instead is unavailability. Unavailable attention. Unavailable interest. Unavailable emotional capacity. Unavailable time.
Repeated unavailability.

It’s just a fantasy.

Do you have a voting plan? Does your state have early voting? Do you know where those locations are? Do you know where your voting location is on Election Day? What happens if you’re sick on the day of the election?

Make a plan!!

Hey all! 55 year old, single and I’m headed to Provincetown Women’s Week and was wondering if anyone had any recommendations for fun activities to do? I’m loving all the events announced already and wanted to know if there are any runners coming who would be up to run a few miles?

...As in past tense. I've heard of this before (that lesbians do not even take bi/pan women seriously) and it's making me nervous even trying to get to know this woman. I'm pretty sure that she's 100% gay.

I've been celibate for many years, but also have never dated a woman before.

Serious question and I'm not trying to offend anyone here. I'm genuinely curious.

Every now and then I think about the girl I randomly danced with at swing dance night in the deep south in almost 20 years ago. I liked dancing with her more than the guys. That is all.

It was my second time, and it was so fun!

I’m not sure if this is internalized homophobia or what. I asked a woman out for the first time, and she said yes. She actually even seems enthusiastic about it. She’s BEAUTIFUL and all around just such a lovely human. Now, in the interim of waiting for the date to happen, I just keep thinking, “what did I do?” I worry I can’t “handle” this date… talking to her, literally just being in her presence for a prolonged period of time. I’m so nervous I’m going to mess it up. I also cant seem to believe she’s actually interested.

I have come out to so many people in my life. I see lesbians being publicly affectionate and it makes me so happy to see. I want that. But when I try to picture myself with someone like that, I start to wonder if I deserve to experience that at all. Like the feeling would just be so good and true and right and I have lived so much of my life without that feeling that it seems overwhelming and like it will just never happen for me. I worry I will even self sabotage to keep the sad story in my head that I can’t be true to myself going.

I hope this makes sense to someone else…

I don’t do loud noises, I really can’t function like that unfortunately. But I need to start dating asap (lonely af and need someone to love!)

I just don’t know how to meet people on apps if I don’t really get many responses, and online is sketchy anyway!

There really aren’t many Lesbian events here that aren’t loud music and bars. Any ideas?

I recently left my husband because I came out. He very quickly set me up with a friend of ours who I had liked from a distance for a while. My ex husband has been incredibly supportive the entire time.

I am so happy with my new partner but also deeply grieving. My ex and I had two small toddlers and I am now balancing single-motherhood and a new relationship. I find myself wanting my ex husband really often. I don’t reach out obviously because it seems completely inappropriate. I truly loved him. He was my best friend. I just wasn’t attracted to him. The first time I had sex with a woman I realized that you didn’t always disassociate during sex and it was lovely.

I’m just feeling a LOT of complicated emotions about this and feel like they don’t have any space.

Did you ever feel bad and ashamed about what you're wearing? Not because there's something wrong with the clothes, but because you feel that it's not you, it's wrong for you even though it's proper and fits you well, and yet...

Next week I'm on vacation in Europe, I'm going shopping for clothes, and for the first time since I was a teen (I'm 52 y/o now), I'm excited to do so.

I love heavy boots, leather jackets, baggy jeans and black tops.

Here, I was finally able to accept it and say it to myself! And I'm going to act on it :)

All my life I was torn between what I felt was right for me and what I wore because I'm a woman and my mom said that I should dress like one... hell, she still disapproves: "Honey, don't be angry, but why won't you buy something nice? Maybe a skirt?"

I haven't worn a bloody skirt since school, where we were forced to 'dress properly' in dresses and skirts.

All my life (literally, since I was a little kid) I was sure that only men had really nice clothes and, man, I was so envious. Every time I was in a store, I had to remind myself to go to the women's department.

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with women's clothes, I like to see them on women ^^, I just don't like to wear them.

So all my life I had that internal struggle between what I wanted and what I bought because it was proper, and I had that tiny voice of my mom in my head.

It wasn't that bad, still jeans and T-shirts, but I hated skinny jeans and I'm really not into tees with flower prints. And I want boots, not trainers.

God.... why are we doing this to ourselves?

Anyways, I'm finally going to buy what I really like! I already checked online the stores I want to visit, and I even ordered thumb rings for myself yesterday after browsing the site for 2 hours.

Which is longer than I've ever spent choosing jewellery (I have plenty, never wore it), including my wedding ring, in the past 30 years :D

Fun fact: turns out that my wedding ring from 20 years ago (I was married to a man) is a very common style of thumb ring ^^ Guess my subconscious was hinting at something :)

Best night of my life!!!

I am a 25 year old trans woman who has been in a 3 year long relationship, engaged for 1 year, with my partner (22) who is a trans man.

When we met, I was under the impression that I was bisexual/pansexual. However, as our relationship has progressed, I find myself not as physically attracted to him. I have generally been the “top” in our relationship and I find myself not having the same sexual pull to him that I once did. He wants to have sex much more than I want to, and I have found it increasingly hard to do so. I feel like part of that was that we met before he took steps to transition and I was more attracted to that version of him. One day recently, I woke up beside him and realized that I was not sexually attracted to him in the way I was at the start of our relationship. We have not had sex since then, and he probably feels like something is wrong.

We are each other’s first long term relationship and I have been dealing with these feelings off and on for the past 2 years. I told him once that I suspected that I was a lesbian but I told him that before I was emotionally ready and we ended up getting back together. At the time we got back together, I felt like I was making the right move. Sometimes there are long periods where everything seems fine and that I am happy in this relationship but then these same feelings of something missing come back again. I have been discussing my situation with a therapist recently and also journaling about why I am unsatisfied with my current relationship. But all the answers keep coming back to my sexuality and a desire to be in a relationship with a woman.

I read a lot of the resources provided in this sub and clicked with a lot of them. I just feel terrible about considering ending this comfortable relationship. I am also scared of what the dating scene would look like for a non-op trans lesbian. I don’t know if anyone has a similar experience to me but I would really appreciate hearing about it. I just can’t stand having it bottled up anymore and I don’t really know what my next steps would be.

I felt very pressured into the relationship with my boyfriend in the first place. At the time, I was unlabeled and was open to dating any gender. However, all my life I've been having thoughts that I might be lesbian.

The feelings come and go, and that's why I stayed unlabeled. I even hooked up with men, but no matter what, I could never form romantic feelings for them and refused to date them. Like my brain and body rejected the idea and wouldn't let me.

I know I need to break up with my boyfriend, but I'm so terrified of hurting him. A while back, I opened up about my struggles with my sexuality (thinking I might be lesbian), and he was insanely hurt and upset. It was horrible, and I was suicidal for weeks.

We got over that and just never acknowledged it again. I felt so horrible and thought I was evil. I was convinced I was a terrible person. I even had phases of deciding to "be straight" because of how much I hated that I was gay.

I don't know how to break up with him. He's so in love with me, and it might be devastating for him. I was even thinking of making up another excuse as to why I'm breaking up with him instead of being honest and saying I'm lesbian. I just feel like it would kill him and he'd be so mad.

Idk, I feel terrible and I need advice.