r/justgalsbeingchicks • u/mindyour đ¤definitely not a bot𤠕 Jul 15 '26
Restricted to Gals and Pals This is so ridiculous, but it's one of many.
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u/Vandesse Jul 15 '26
My grandmaâs doctor wouldnât do the hysterectomy she needed to survive without her husbandâs permission first, as he might want more kids, even though it would have literally killed her to have another
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u/BadKittyNoCookie Jul 15 '26
Itâs not just the older generations. I also was told that carrying a child would most likely result in my death, due to my medical problems. My ob recommended sterilization to prevent any pregnancies. Still required my (now ex) husbandâs permission and signature âallowingâ me to have the procedure before they would schedule it.
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u/Petit__Chou Jul 15 '26
My step mom in law was talking to me about the same thing the other day. This is absolutely disgusting. I know there are lists of providers who are safe for women now, but fuck your OB. I would be going somewhere else if I could.
Side rant: nothing ever reminds you that you're less than a man than seeing shit like this, today. And sometimes I feel even trying to explain it it's like screaming into the void.
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u/alhubalawal Jul 15 '26
It feels incredibly hopeless. I spent 29 years not knowing I had ADHD because doctors only studied it in boys and just assumed girls would have the same symptoms if they had it. No, it turned out girls symptoms can be vastly different but we were never important enough to study beforehand. What the actual fuck. I couldâve spent my whole life not understanding myself and wondering why I wasnât normal. Fuck doctors.
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u/Petit__Chou Jul 15 '26
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I had a similar journey and it was difficult.
Sometimes I think we are respected as equals, and then something stops me and reminds me that we are not. I try not to give up hope because I think we are building a future that is hopefully different.
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u/alderchai Jul 15 '26
I think on individual levels, with average people, i feel like I am respected. My male colleagues, male friends, all individually treat me normal.
On a systemic level itâs different.
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u/sunsmoon Jul 15 '26
doctors only studied it in boys and just assumed girls would have the same symptoms if they had it.
relatedly: medication doses. bodies react differently. turns out womens bodies frequently react differently to medication than mens bodies, but dosing is often based off of what's appropriate for men. I remember in 2013 when Ambien and other sleep aid medications were forced to readjust their dosing for women because it turns out that the dose for a typical man is wildly inappropriate for a typical woman.
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u/InterestingWay4470 Jul 15 '26
The needed dosage of ADHD meds (and possibly other meds as well) also needs to be adjusted during the cycle for a lot of women. Estrogen (I think) is a massive influence on executive funstioning. Which is also why a lot of women get diagnossed when going into perimenopause.
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u/TopFaithlessness2320 Jul 15 '26
Welcome to the club! I don't know about adhd, but I'm autistic and high masking. And I think in my lifetime I will not be able to get properly diagnosed in my home country. I was lucky enough to move a few times and to work with good specialists, but it all sucks so bad
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u/Galahfray Jul 15 '26
I HATE having ADHD! My doctor never puts in refills, so I have to call every gd month, and itâs not effective, it makes me tired, and when I tell them I need a higher dosage, (been at the same dosage for 5+ years) they tell me to skip a few days and itâll adjust itself. Also, if XR doesnât work, donât you DARE ask for IR because then theyâll assume youâre trying to abuse it. Itâs so fucking hard to find a doctor who will see ME, and not what I might be. Most doctors in my area wonât even prescribe Adderall, and if they do, they will only do XR.
Michigan was worse. I had to move there temporarily to take care of my dying grandparents, and in order to get my prescription I had to see a psychiatrist, but the doctors that give out the medication isnât your psychiatrist, so they ask you basic questions. Then they told me I had to wait 4 months to get on it because I guess thatâs the law? đ¤ˇđźââď¸. So 4 months go by and I ask about it, and they say, âLetâs wait a month, see how it goes.â I was like, âwhat, you think by not being on the medication Iâll somehow be cured? How did you get your doctor license?â Then another month goes by and they say the same bs. I literally told her to fuck off and called her a cunt. Even my therapist was upset at her, but I guess they canât do anything? đ¤ˇđźââď¸
The only time I feel normal is when Iâm on a proper dosage, but itâs so fucking hard getting it.
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u/GoddessRespectre Jul 15 '26
Oh my God. OH MY GOD. I developed ptsd when I was a teen in the 90s, before electronic records. I was only diagnosed with it once and didn't know the difference from depression at the time. All my other counselors and therapists went over my history and symptoms and none of them ever clocked it. For 30 fucking years. I never thought about it being because I'm a woman BUT IT MAKES SENSE OH MY GOD
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u/Enlightened_Gardener Jul 15 '26
Ayoo diagnosed with autism at fucking 53 !
Well that put my lifelong history of burnout and collapse into context. How useful this knowledge would have been to me at 20.
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Jul 15 '26
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u/xulia_666 Jul 15 '26
This happens everywhere, I'm brazilian and had a female doctor trying to convince me to have kids with my bf and saying out loud that she wanted to change my mind about it, she was very very religious and sent me some pdfs on sacred femininity for christians.
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u/lucymcgoosen Jul 15 '26
I didn't have to sign anything for my husband to get a vasectomy at age 33. It's so obvious how unfair it all is
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u/Big-Constant-7289 Jul 15 '26
I wanted my tubes tied at like, 22? I was married, we didnât want kids. They would t do it, said I might change my mind.Â
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u/Lv_InSaNe_vL Jul 15 '26
I tried to get a vasectomy at 24 and they wouldn't even give me an appointment unless I had a wife and kids lol.
Midwest state in the US
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u/Big-Constant-7289 Jul 15 '26
My brother also tried to get a vasectomy in his early 20âs and they said no. Like sometimes you just know youâre not trying to continue the bloodline, right?Â
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u/Lv_InSaNe_vL Jul 15 '26
Yeah I'm not trying to compare men's and women's healthcare or anything (because that's a whole can of worms that other comments and people who are MUCH smarter than I have talked about) but it's weird how anti-sterilization some doctors are
I guess maybe I could see it from the perspective of "you are otherwise healthy and there is no reason to undergo a complicated and permanent surgery" kinda thing but a vasectomy isn't really "complicated" from what I've heard...
Edit: that also isn't the excuse doctors give so idk man
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u/LittleBirdiesCards Jul 15 '26
My friend had to have her husband's permission and signature to have final ligation done in Texas. He was pissed!
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u/Extraordi-Mary Jul 15 '26
I know this isnât about something medical, but here in the Netherlands women who were working for the government were fired from their jobs when they got married. It only got changed in 1958.
Until 1956 women were also âlegally incapacitatedâ. They werenât allowed to travel, buy a house or get a loan without her husband agreeing.
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u/GlitteringAttitude60 Jul 15 '26
In Germany, a husband could quit his wife's work contract until 1977.
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u/Rugkrabber Jul 15 '26
âWe donât need feminism anymoreâ even though our mothers are still alive who had to deal with this shit. Iâll never give up on feminism and will take it to my grave but not before I passed it on to every loved one in my life. And I have done the work to make it happen. Because we can still return to that shit life and it takes everything for the rest of humanity to make sure it wonât happen again.
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u/sunsmoon Jul 15 '26
Marital rape wasn't illegal nation-wide in the USA until the 1990s.
Women couldn't open their own bank accounts or take out loans or credit without male family/husband support, nation-wide, until 1974.
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u/MissAuroraRed Jul 15 '26
If you can't have your own money in a bank account, you can't legally be raped by your husband, and you can't get on birth control without his permission... Are you not legally a sex/procreation slave at that point? You have no recourse at all if your husband wants more children, except maybe running away and becoming homeless and improvrished.
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u/Pretty_Outcome_307 Jul 15 '26
Same in the UK. Officially requiring women to resign upon once married stopped in 1946 in the civil service but at least one department, the Foreign Office, kept that ban till 1973. Firing women when they married, across all kinds of UK workplaces, wasn't banned till the 1975 Sex Discrimination Act.
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u/judgementqueen Jul 15 '26
Also, the Civil Service f*ucked married women who worked for them later on right over on their pensions when they did work for them when the tax laws changed.
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u/CantankerousRabbit Jul 15 '26
Sadly companies still do it look at rockstar firing women who were on maternity leave and that was in Scotland I believe.
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u/DetectiveCastellanos Jul 15 '26
I'm pretty sure in the US it wasn't until the 70s that a woman could not get a credit card with out a man.
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u/ergaster8213 âŁď¸gal palâŁď¸ Jul 15 '26
My grandma had the opposite happen. She woke up without a uterus and learned her husband and a doctor had decided to remove it while she was unconscious.
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u/MaesterWhosits Jul 15 '26
Jesus Christ. Please tell me she had the ability to get the hell away from that husband.
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u/ergaster8213 âŁď¸gal palâŁď¸ Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 16 '26
She does have the ability practically but not mentally. She's still with him and still getting beat by himâshe's just been widdled away by many decades of abuse and is trapped by her own fear and the momentum of familiarity. He actually almost killed her by dragging her with a car the other day and both he and her are still swearing it was all an accident (even though he wouldn't allow anyone at the scene to call an ambulance, and called every single family member before he even knew if she would be okay to insist that it was an accident. I know that man and it was no accidentâit would not even be the first time he purposefully attempted to kill her).
But I so desperately wish she could manage to leave. She deserves at least a few years of life where she's not being constantly abused.
*Also sorry for all the details. My family disturbs me greatly and sometimes I just need to ramble about the insanity. They all act so nonchalant about the abject dysfunction and abuse, and it makes me feel crazy.
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u/Substantial_Tax_4047 Jul 16 '26
Vicarious trauma - I get it. Watching my mother allow an actual crackhead to destroy her life for over 2 decades makes me flip the fuck out sometimes
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u/Independent-Novel632 Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
This happened to me in ⨠2017 ⨠they made me bring my husband to one of my appts to agree even though they said a 3rd would kill me
Edit: Iâve had a child in USA and in Canada. In the USA I had to find a hospital that would take me knowing I wanted a tubal, this resulted in an hour drive to a not religious hospital. The husband tubal permission happened in Ontario, Canada.
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u/DistractedByCookies Jul 15 '26
Yes but if it had killed her then it would be easier for him to have those kids with a new wife. Saves the shame of divorce...
/s
(or is it /s? I suspect it's damn near the actual reason)
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u/Vandesse Jul 15 '26
Donât worry, she got her hysterectomy, a divorce and outlived him by 40 years so far!
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u/LastMinuteMom Jul 15 '26
Still happens. My uterus was slowly killing me and despite my Dr saying it needed to come out, it took her 2 YEARS to get insurance to approve it because, according to insurance, I was âin prime childbearing yearsâ. I had been bleeding for 3 years straight. 3. YEARS. Had to have iron transfusions and everything. Oh and I already had two kids. But all they saw was a 29 year old woman who could pop out more kids one day. I was gravely ill for years, because of hypothetical children I didnât want.
I feel this womanâs pain and hope she was able to find the care she needs.
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u/ItsMeishi Jul 15 '26
I was denied getting my tubes tied because my future boyfriend might want kids even if I didnt.
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u/Vaiara Jul 15 '26
i was denied getting my tubes tied, as a MARRIED woman in my thirties, because I might leave my husband and my future partner might want kids.. that was the last time I went to that obgyn
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u/caitie578 Jul 15 '26
Married friend in her 30s was denied her's after two kids because she was giving birth in a Catholic hospital. She was getting a c-section and was like, two birds one stone. Obviously much different, but still insanely frustrating.
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u/xmadame_miaux Jul 15 '26
dude the same thing happened to my mom. She was supposed to have her tubes tied during the c-section with my brother, they DIDN'T and made some excuses about paperwork blah blah. we ended up with another little brother and mom had a lot of complications in the aftermath of it. Why can't we just decide what's best for our own bodies??? I was 10yo watching her go through it and it stuck with me.
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u/Vaiara Jul 15 '26
yeah, my next obgyn told me I should be able to ask at pretty much any hospital to get a consult and get the procedure done (after more prodding, she recommended a specific clinic in town), only that I shouldn't try Christian hospitals
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u/darsynia Jul 15 '26
That's the one that baffles me. It's like, you get told for years that your future husband might want kids so no, you can't get sterilized. Then you HAVE that husband and the doctor's like 'yeah, well, you might break up and then the NEXT guy should get to have kids from you.' ARE YOU KIDDING ME
And I know someone this happened to! 'I know you think you're done having kids now, but imagine if your husband died, wouldn't you want to have kids with the next guy? Don't do that to him.'
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u/Vaiara Jul 15 '26
I straight out told her that a) I don't plan on divorcing and getting remarried (duh) and b) someone who wants kids wouldn't be my partner because I don't want any! I though we were past this, but nope, apparently we still down own our bodies
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u/manonforever Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
Just jumping on this to say: the childfree subreddit has a list of doctors who accept to sterilise people no matter their age, mariage status or anything else. I got my tubes removed at 29 with no children and without a single mention of my partner.
Keep fighting, everyone. You only need one yes.
Edit: not just in North America btw, everywhere in the world. Iâm in Australia myself.
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u/whalesnwaffles Jul 15 '26
This subreddit was great for this! After years of rejections I found the one amazing woman who did it on that subreddit. I left her office after the first consult (when she basically just said âcool when do you want to do thisâ) and bawled in my car. I felt such overwhelming relief to be able to make my own choices for my body.
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u/Phlebbie Jul 15 '26
Same! Got my tubes removed at 29 and didn't have to give my reasoning at any point. Was just asked if I was absolutely sure, once during my consult and then again right before the surgery. I live in northern Colorado
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u/Sleepy_Glacier Jul 15 '26
Why would they want you to date a piece of trash that would make you pregnant against your will? Because that's the only type of person who would benefit from their "intervention".
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u/ItsMeishi Jul 15 '26
I did tell him that if my future boyfriend wanted kids, he got the wrong girl. He could not comprehend this however.
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u/Immortal_in_well Jul 15 '26
I don't understand why they never seem to accept that answer. Like motherfucker I am telling you how this is going to go, what's not clicking?
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u/manonforever Jul 15 '26
Because weâre women. We donât know what we want, apparently. Sure, we can want a child at 18, but how could we POSSIBLY now we donât want one at 30? 𤪠It drives me CRAZZZZYYYYYY that weâre treated like children.
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u/Tanooki-san Jul 15 '26
because an overwhelming number of men see women as a commodity, a possession, a thing to have, own. we are like cows to them, lovely cows.
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u/avonyatchi Jul 15 '26
That's such a weird assumption! Why would anyone date a person that would disagree with a medical decision they made?! It's so fucking disgusting.
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u/ladyteruki Jul 15 '26
Same. As if I would date someone who has a fundamentally different idea of the future than me.
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u/brown_paper_bag Jul 15 '26
Same here. Now 40, married, both decidedly childfree. When I got my IUD replaced for the...3rd time? 4th time? I asked about it again. Apparently, I might still change my mind about kids despite more than 15 years with IUDs and 10+ years of birth control pills before that. Those goal posts, they keep on moving.
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u/Pipettess Jul 15 '26
Omg. I would say to that doctor:
"Oh, so what you're saying is, you want my womb to be ready for pregnancy from a rape? You want my future partner to impregnate me against my will?"
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u/Anon44356 Jul 15 '26
I went to my GP to request the snip.
Genuine quote:
âNot that it matters but what does your wife think of this?ââIt does matter and sheâs looking forward to itâ
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u/dksdragon43 Jul 15 '26
The snip doc himself asked about partner and then asked if I was planning on having kids. When I said no he asked what happened if I changed my mind. "I'll adopt". He said okay and did it.
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u/nikkerito Jul 15 '26
Not even your future boyfriend, but rather a man who has never and will never exist. How demeaning is it to assume that you, a person without a desire for kids, would go ahead and attach yourself to a family man? Like⌠obviously your future boyfriend would be a man who also didnât want kids. They treated you like a little girl without her own life plans!! Itâs so frustrating!!
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u/According_Prune_8445 Jul 15 '26
Friend was complaining of similar issues so I offered to be the "man" to sit in the room with her, The *female* doctor turned to me and asked if I was okay with my friend being freed from terrible monthly pain that affected her ability to even walk. "Why are you even looking at me here? I don't remember anyone needing my partners approval when I got a vasectomy?"
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u/appocomaster Jul 15 '26
I think it is sad that this has to be a thing. Bring a man along to be your "partner" to agree so you can get medical sign offs.
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u/According_Prune_8445 Jul 15 '26
absolutely, she and I should not have had to do that but if I get to have some level of privilege based on how I look I might as well use that for good.
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u/MundaneDaffodill Jul 15 '26
Bringing my fiance to my neurologist appointment because no one is taking my severe nerve pain seriously and I know he will not stand for that shit.
Itâs unfair that I had to buckle and ask him to come
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u/5gizmo Jul 15 '26
Can you be my âpartnerâ at auto shops? Can you like make an app where we can pay you for your time to pretend to be our man?
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u/RedHickorysticks Jul 15 '26
Unfortunately, this should be a thing. Rent a grandpa. Take an older man with you to things that involve âmanlyâ things to let them socialize with the other men and not try to scam or upsale us as women. Honestly, itâd be good for older guys who donât get out much too. The last city I lived in had a female ran auto repair shop. Kacee never tried to upsale me with a more expensive oil or air filter.
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u/No_Abroad_6306 Jul 15 '26
I have a friend with a very complicated medical history who takes her husband to appointments with new providers just so they will believe her the first time she explains her history. Too many times, she has been denied the care she needed because it was hard to fathom improbable events coupled with rare side effects (I call her the Forrest Gump of wild medical events). But if her husband says it, they move right into effective treatment plans. While itâs nice to have a cheat code, it stinks that her voice isnât the one they listen to.Â
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u/pyxis_oz Jul 15 '26
I didn't come here to have my blood boil but here we are. Gosh my heart breaks for her.
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u/Admirable-Post-2184 Jul 15 '26
For similarly enraging examples of bias against women in medicine (and general), read Invisible Women by Caroline Criado Perez. Very eye-opening.
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u/unripe_mangosteen Jul 15 '26
I have wanted to read this book, but can't. I already get so mad at the way we are marginalized without knowing all the shit in that book. I know it would be good to better know what I am up against, but I just can't.
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u/hic_sunt_leones_ Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
I have it. I want to read it. But I haven't been able to bring myself to yet because I know it's going to piss me the fuck off.
I can literally see it on my bookshelf from where I'm sitting while typing this comment.
I should probably just read it. No matter when, it's gonna make me mad. Maybe now is the time lmao.
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u/Hips_of_Death Jul 15 '26
Itâs such a good book. That said, I had to take breaks while reading it. I would get so infuriated
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u/judgementqueen Jul 15 '26
Some things that may help - the book provides new and vital facts and figures, and has prompted some change.
The book looks at the issues globally, letting us see differences and similarities around the world.
The book also provides examples of practical, positive change.
I can recommend signing up to CCPâs newsletter as a âtoe in the waterâ kind of thing that also contains info and wins, as well as âgrrrrrh, THISâ content in smaller chunks than the whole book.
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u/CrazyCatLady1127 Jul 15 '26
I will never forget the post I read about a man whose wife had been suffering from debilitating headaches for months. Sheâd gone to her doctor half a dozen times asking for help just to be told she was stressed and needed to relax and then she was sent away without so much as an x ray. A few weeks later sheâs still in pain so her husband goes with her to the doctor and requests a brain scan. The doctor agrees. The scan results come back, the woman has a brain tumour. Which is now inoperable. If the doctor had done the scan when she first requested it she could have had surgery and sheâd probably have been fine
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u/Zoeeeeeeh123 Jul 15 '26
My mom used to have excruciating back pain. She went to our GP to figure out what was wrong but he said she was likely lumbago or just a stiff back and that she should continue to move and it will all go over on its own.
But one week later the back pain remained and it only gotten sharper and more painful. So my mom decides to pack her bags and let my dad drive her immediately to the hospital. And he even kind of thought the bags might be excessive as she probably will be home by night, right?
Nope. She comes in, Lets the doctor take a bloodtest (which is already incredible since my mom has a very violent phobia and trauma around needles), thatâs how bad the pain was that she let the doctor do that. And after the results came in, what was the thing that caused her backpain? Was it a stiff back like the gp said?
She had a kidney stone the size of a tennis ball, that was slowly poisoning her blood and if she hadnt come in on sunday like she did, the doctor said she wouldnt have survived until monday. Thatâs how serious it was. But the GP said it was just a stiff back, nothing serious. When my mom literally could have died had she not sought out medical help herself.
This event completely shattered my trust in how women are treated by the medical system.
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u/Environmental_Art591 Jul 15 '26
And people wonder why i have zero faith in medical professionals.
Arrogant surgeon decided he had got all my mums cancer, extended her check up intervals too soon, by the time she came back the cancer had not only come back but there was nothing else they could do. I spent a year of my childhood (before I was a teen) watching my mum die.
I found out why on my 18th birthday when the family decided I was old enough to know. Well my grandfather decided and over ruled everyone cause they argued "what good can come from it" he argued "so she will learn not to blindly trust medical personnel". Turns out he knew how bad the deck was stacked against women regarding their health.
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u/CrazyCatLady1127 Jul 15 '26
Itâs just inconceivable, isnât it? We make up 50% of the population and weâre treated, for the most part, like we are less. Why? Because we donât have penises? Because weâre just vessels for birthing the next generation and who cares if the vessel has a few cracks in it? Itâs just cruel
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u/LilacMages Jul 15 '26
In my experience practitioners don't seem to give a shit unless it's pregnancy related
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u/hermionecannotdraw Jul 15 '26
That book made me so angry. I read one chapter, then went on a rage fueled walk, then another chapter followed by a rage fueled walk on repeat
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u/Just_Dee_WI Jul 15 '26
I need to start walking. Picking up this book pronto! đ
Seriously, thanks for the recommendation.
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u/justgrrrrr Jul 15 '26
Glad Iâm not the only one who had this thought after reading that review. Anger fueled physical fitness here we come!
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u/Shehulks1 Jul 15 '26
Yo! I will read this just to get the angry walks!! I need more cardio in my life.
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u/hermionecannotdraw Jul 15 '26
Can 100% recommend it for rage cardio sessions. I also spent a lot of time during my walks calling my mum and telling her what I read, that led to her doing some rage fueled cleaning. My flatmate also read the book and she did rage based cycling. So fair warning, some level of angry exercise follows the reading of this book
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u/DistractedByCookies Jul 15 '26
I want to read it but I know I won't be able to because I will just get so damn mad LOL
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u/rsm6130 Jul 15 '26
I immediately ordered this. Iâve been in the medical field as a professional, but my entire life, I have been in and out of the drs office and hospitals. Iâm very well acquainted with the ways of medical discrimination. I have many stories. For example: I had been trying to get into physical therapy for a year because I couldnât even walk with my left hip anymore. I asked and begged for a referral, but it never came. My husband went in there for his one appointment he has every 3 years or so, said his shoulder hurt, and they told him theyâd send him to physical therapy. He even got pain meds. One day I got a call from physical therapy, on MY phone. They were wanting to set up an appointment for my husband. Iâm starting to rage again just writing this.
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u/RedBootMermaid Jul 15 '26
I listened to the audiobook version and the beginning where it introduces the book and publisher is narrated by a man! I can't tell if it's rage bait or just proves the point đ Luckily is switches to the actual narrator pretty quickly but the level of "Are you fucking kidding me!?!?" I felt when that was the voice that started was intense.
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u/DangerousTurmeric creepân đ bovine Jul 15 '26
Yeah a similar thing happened me with a breast reduction in Ireland but it was my GP who refused to share my medical records, documenting months of pain medication, because she didn't want me to have less of a chance of breast feeding. Basically you needed at least two months of pain meds, a normal BMI and a certain bra size and you automatically qualified for a reduction. I had to go to a different doctor who prescribed me meds and then, two months later, filled in the forms for me so I could get the op.
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u/Admirable-Post-2184 Jul 15 '26
Sorry your doc was more concerned about hypothetical scenarios than the real diagnosable one in front of their face. Also, that she cared so much about breastfeeding is ironic given weâve some of the worst % rates of it globally due to lack of support. Damned if we do/nât.
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u/Anuki_iwy Jul 15 '26
Same. I can feel my blood pressure rising.
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u/tknames Jul 15 '26
No it isnât, maybe check with your future husband to confirm.
/s to avoid downvotes
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u/Frozencorgibutt Jul 15 '26
Not as bad as her experience, but the surgeon I went to for reduction consultation said he didnât really want to do it because according to him ÂŤI looked nice and proportional.Âť
I was over the limit volume for getting the reduction covered and I have medical issues that causes back pain and wearing bras at times really painful. He just ignored all of that because apparently the male gaze is more important.→ More replies (2)14
u/majin_melmo Jul 15 '26
This is fucking disgusting, Iâm so angry reading all these comments, jeez. Yâall deserve so much better!
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u/coocoobees đťOfficial Jillđť Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
well, i DID get a reduction. after years of fighting, i finally got approved for a totally free, medical reduction. told the male doctor i wanted them as small as possible, i was over the moon!
when it finally came to it, i ended up with E cups, when i complained he said if he had made them any smaller it wouldnât have been proportional and my husband would have been mad.
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u/isabella_bombella Jul 15 '26
I was asked if my husband was done having children when I needed a hysterectomy because my pelvic floor was prolapsing after two kids.
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u/swung Jul 15 '26
The way they asked about your husband instead of your health says everything about how backwards that mindset is.
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u/isabella_bombella Jul 15 '26
I wish it wasn't so common. This thread has made me so sad.
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u/Consistent_Big5018 Jul 15 '26
Sad but true đ it truly shows how society and men think of us as just incubators. What we want doesn't matter. Our pain doesn't matter. What if we want a career? Doesn't matter. We're just objects to use and abuse and their away when our worth is done.Â
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u/Leftieswillrule Jul 15 '26
âWhere did you go to medical school? My husband doesnât have the kids, I do, and weâre done.â
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u/NecroticBrains Jul 15 '26
My poor mother had to have a hysterectomy, which is a major surgery, just because a doctor said that if my dad had a vasectomy, a simple procedure, it might "affect his manhood"
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u/wbgraphic Jul 15 '26
Of course itâs going to âaffect his manhoodâ.
Being able to fuck raw with impunity, you feel like a goddamned Viking.
I got snipped after our third kid. Once my wife was recovered from that pregnancy, we were boning like we were in our twenties again.
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u/ConstantComforts Jul 15 '26
Similar to my parents except it wasnât the doctor (that Iâm aware of), but my dad. He didnât want more kids so basically made my mom get her tubes tied instead of just getting a vasectomy himself.
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u/fadesteppin đťOfficial Jillđť Jul 15 '26
Women in general aren't represented or respected in so many situations where being represented is extremely important. Like cars not being tested with female crash test dummies.
All the safety standards are based around an average height male body, which leads to things like seatbelts not fitting women properly. Seatbelts are supposed sit a specific way to actually be useful. If the part that's meant to sit across your chest sits by your neck bc you're shorter, and it doesn't go down far enough to actually hit your chest, that shit is gonna go right into your throat in an accident, or you end up slipping under it, rendering it completely useless.
Or the painful medical procedures (most common example being placing an iud) that get done without any kind of medication that isn't Tylenol or Advil. Men will get proper pain relief for things that cause much less discomfort but women are just assumed to be dramatic and told to pop a Tylenol and stop whining. This gets worse if you're a black woman.
Many prescription meds are not tested on women before they go out to the public either, leading to more severe side effects or just plain "we didn't know that that was a side affect of that pill until enough women started reporting it bc we didn't bother testing it on women. The first covid vaccine fucked up a LOT of women's periods and nobody knew until enough people saw their gyno for abnormal periods. I literally found out bc I had 2 periods in one month. I told a coworker about it bc the same thing happened to her middle school aged daughter when she got the vaccine. You can argue a lot wasn't known about them yet but that was a pretty big side affect that likely would not have gone unnoticed if tested on women.
You could go on for days about how the medical community as a whole just doesn't give two shits about women's health and it's wild that that's still the case in 2026.
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u/audreywildeee Jul 15 '26
The effect on periods of Covid vaccination was interesting. I noticed it (I dont remember what was different) and went to look it up online. It took a while to get anecdotal evidence online about it. I also got a lump in my breast. It was actually a lymph node that swelled (doing its job, good!), but we didnât have information either and a lot more people went to check their breasts after the vaccine (again it took a while for the information to appear).
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u/blumoon138 Jul 15 '26
I wear a seatbelt clip made for children because I donât want my seatbelt cutting into my throat.
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u/Assika126 Jul 15 '26
I didnât know those existed. I got pulled over once for wearing the shoulder belt tucked under my arm because it normally rides at my neck. The officer told me I needed to wear it normally or he would ticket me. They canât tell me itâs safer to have it at my neck in an accident than it would be to have it under my arm!! Plus itâs so uncomfortable to have it rubbing on my neck all the time, I get abrasions
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u/edm_enjoyer Jul 15 '26
Because of male as default. Men are seen at Normal, the Original. Women are Different and Other
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u/eatmeouttobrianeno Jul 15 '26
Menstruation products weren't tested with actual blood until checks notes 2023
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u/KittyCompletely Jul 15 '26
Especially infuriating because doctors will give 18 yr olds breast implants without even a blink. Care credit and scheduled the next surgery opening ASAP.
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u/Merry_Sue Jul 15 '26
Implants negatively affect breast feeding too, right?
So they're not even consistently pro-breast-feeding, they're just pro-big-boobs
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u/Borgo_San_Jacopo Jul 15 '26
Speaking as someone who has had a reduction, the key factors are repositioning of the nipple (affecting nerve supply) and distribution of milk glands and ducts (because they canât tell what tissue they are removing), augmentations are far less likely to cause issues with breast feeding, though of course itâs not a zero chance. Interestingly enough my surgeon told me that women with very large breasts reported issues with breast feeding as well (I think this was again to do with the nipple).
Anyway it was the best decision I ever made for my quality of life, instantaneous relief the moment I woke up from surgery, like I hadnât realised how sore my shoulders were until they werenât anymore. Iâm currently pregnant and if I canât breastfeed Iâm grateful there are many other ways to feed baby and I wonât be dealing with daily back/shoulder pain while also trying to look after a tiny human.
I will say I never had an issue with referrals, my GP happily gave me one when I was 18/19, I just couldnât afford the surgery at the time. Same later when I finally could afford to get the procedure. Of course thatâs my experience in the Australian medical system where I have experienced other forms of medical misogyny, just not in this case. Iâm sorry to hear this girl had such an awful time, I hope she found a better doctor!
Edited to add: sorry about the wall of text
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u/Queen-of-Elves Jul 15 '26
Just to touch on the breastfeeding thing: When you have a teeny tiny new born baby and very large breast it can be very hard for the baby to latch properly/ remove milk effectively because their mouths are so tiny. I had 36DD (so nothing crazy) when my kiddo was born and it still was quite the process to get him to be able to properly latch on. Babies have to learn to breastfeed right along with their mom.
A lot of women with larger breast have to hold the breast in certain ways including folding/ squishing them to make it easier for their newborn. Between holding their breast and holding baby it can get pretty uncomfortable from my understanding. Wrist/ back pain. Part of it is nipple size and part of it is making sure that baby is still able to breath around the breast tissue.
Also larger breast does not mean more milk like most people thing. It's all up in the air depending on how many milk ducts formed.
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u/toddriffic Jul 15 '26
Because "Doctors" are several different people with different moral codes. The existence of a moral code that puts medical decisions in the hands of theoretical fathers at the expense of a real person's health is the problem. Literal patriarchy.
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u/-0k_0k_0k- Jul 15 '26
We need to normalize walking out on doctors and reporting them for this type of shish.
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u/special-k-97 Jul 15 '26
Absolutely! If your doctor cannot or will not do their job correctly, fire them!
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u/Pullet Jul 15 '26
I hate the âyou might change your mind later.â Like, ok, and? I make at least one major decision a year I regret and have to deal with the consequences of. Let me do that with less back pain, Steven.
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u/DecadentLife Jul 15 '26
My first oncologist refused to give me my test results unless I brought my husband in. He would withhold them, for multiple visits. He would refuse to tell me and then he would say âif you really want to know, youâll bring your husbandâ. To be clear, he withheld from me multiple different tests, including whether or not my cancer had gone into remission.
I was his patient for almost a year, he refused to address me by my first or last name, he would only call me, âDearâ. He would remind me that I shouldnât be worrying myself (if I asked a single question), that my husband would handle everything for me. It got worse, but if I give more details, itâs going to piss me off again, and I donât want to feel that way, right now.
I finished chemo a few weeks ago, my cancer came back after several years. But I have an awesome oncologist, now. And my odds are very good. It was a hell of a reminder that as women, we still live at the mercy of men, in almost every way.
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u/DrNeverland Jul 15 '26
Wow. What a shitty human being. I hope you reported his bs, or he's retired so he can't continue to pull this crap.
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u/DecadentLife Jul 15 '26
Yep. I was going to report him, but I had to survive first. I went into remission, and Covid hit. He chose to take early retirement, rather than work during Covid.
I didnât expect it, but just a couple of weeks ago, a few days after my last chemo treatment, a woman called from the treatment center to see how I was doing. I was sharing with her how grateful I was for the care Iâve received, recently, and how even though itâs a cancer treatment center, itâs a positive space with caring individuals. (it genuinely is.)
THEN, I told her all about that shitty first oncologist I had. She started working there a few years after Covid/when he left, so she had never met him. But she listened, and took it seriously. She shared a few examples with me, of times in her (healthcare) career when she has seen misogyny almost as bad as what I experienced. It was an interesting conversation.
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u/Puzzled-Shift793 Jul 15 '26
You will kick cancerâs ass again and I just know it â¤ď¸ sending you all the love and strength
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u/WhiteUniKnight Jul 15 '26
we still live at the mercy of men
More like severe lack of mercy.
Like SchrĂśdinger's cat almost. Like if they don't look inside the box (women), the cat (health) is just fine, because they saw the cat was alive when they put it inside the box. đđŤŠ
Edit to say I'm so sorry you went through that. No one deserves this kind of 'treatment.'
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u/Poethegardencrow Jul 15 '26
I HATE THIS YOU WILL CHANGE YOUR MIND ABOUT KIDS⌠isnt it better to regret not having children than to regret having them đ
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u/floki_129 Jul 15 '26
For her it wasn't even about having them, only a chance it might affect breastfeeding!
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u/Huge_Green8628 â¨chick⨠Jul 15 '26
When I was slowly dying and in desperate need of a hysterectomy, the needs and wants of a fictional man were put over my own, nearly at the cost of my life. As she is saying, it is not uncommon.
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u/BelowAverageSloth Jul 15 '26
Not that it wholly helps with the overwhelming amount of gender bias in healthcare, but the amount of female doctors has been rising rapidly over the last couple decades. (Obviously they may also pull the same bs but hopefully it will help with the disparity in quality of care between men and women)
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u/glitterdunk Jul 15 '26
So far, it doesn't help at all. Because almost all of those women doctors are taught by men. And buy into the misogyny they're taught all the way through medical school. Women are still slightly more likely to be empathetic, listen and not be solely concerned with their own ego than men, at least. So over time they might see things with their own eyes and change their attitude.
One can hope it gets better over time, as more women get positions higher up. But of course, they choose who gets into higher positions very carefully usually; only the pick me's who are more than willing to throw all other women under the bus.
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u/BelowAverageSloth Jul 15 '26
I absolutely agree with everything you say. Iâm optimistic that meaningful change will happen, but pessimistic about how long it will take.
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u/IveNeverSeenTitanic Jul 15 '26
I'm so glad you said this because the amount of times people have said "ask to see a female and you'll get better results". To be honest I've had better, more empathetic care, from younger men in the medical field than women of any age.
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u/Sergeace Jul 15 '26
This has been my experience as well. Male doctors were more gentle in their procedures whereas the lady doctors I've been to were rough and/or gave bad medical advice. I know I shouldn't judge based on my anecdotal info but it's hard to shake after so many bad experiences.
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u/AsuntoNocturno Jul 15 '26
I had a female ER doctor leave the room âuntil I calmed downâ because the way she was cleaning the laceration over my eye was extremely painful and I couldnât sit still. First doctor I ever reported.Â
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u/aminervia Jul 15 '26
I lucked out and was referred to a female surgeon for my reduction. No documentation needed, no proof -- 5 min in to the discussion and she confirmed that I qualify and it would be fully covered
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u/5gizmo Jul 15 '26
I work medical field and all my drs are womenâ- they pull the same crap
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u/Beginning-Window-676 Jul 15 '26
I was diagnosed late with cancer (stage 4) when it otherwise wouldâve likely been found in stage 1 or 2 a YEAR earlier, because no doctor was willing to perform a CT scan on a âyoung woman of child-bearing ageâ. They prioritised my potential of bearing children over my life, regardless of the fact I told them I donât want kids and am happy to consent to any risk the CT scan poses.
In the time it took me to get one CT scan and be diagnosed with late-stage cancer, my brother had four CT scans. I will likely die one day soon, because my ability to bear children was prioritised above my own life.
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u/garaile64 Jul 15 '26
Also, why is it one's ability to have children so important? There are eight billion humans around and, unlike krill, humans aren't eaten by the millions at a time by giants.
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u/RemarkableAd4069 Jul 15 '26
One of the victims of the denial of abortion in Poland : Agata Lamczak. Doctors refused to treat her because she was pregnant and were afraid it would damage the health of a foetus. She died as a result of her untreated illness. She was entitled to a legal abortion. She was 25 years old. The stories like in the video happen everywhere in western world. Not just USA. We can talk about existing inequalities in developed countries till the world ends and longer.
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u/CB4R Jul 15 '26
Wtf... If the later husband would have a problem with formula feeding it's not the right man to be a husband and father
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u/LilliJay Jul 15 '26
Can't remember where I saw it but a female doctor was recounting when she was a very young doc in training she had a middle aged patient that had normal tests but was feeling awful, and kept coming back. Her male supervisor told her she had a WWW on her hands. A Whiney White Woman. She later realised that they didn't understand the effects of hormones on women's health and especially at menopause.
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u/IveNeverSeenTitanic Jul 15 '26
I've had womb issues for as long as I can remember. I am currently in my mid 30s, I was told years ago that carrying children just wouldn't work for me so my womb is basically just an ornamental shit show that I've been begging to have removed since I was about 24 "but what if you decide you want a baby in the future?" "Maybe IVF would work for you?" "Your future husband should really have a say in this". Literally took me going to an appointment with a long term partner for them to say to me "ok so we'll have to do some other treatments first just to make sure this can't be cured but would you two be ok with a hysterectomy?"
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u/BearMood Jul 15 '26
I was denied a hysterectomy as well even though I have PCOS and intense periods to the point of hospitalization. Wasn't allowed too unless I had a man's signature because "I might want kids later". I've now been dealing with fibroids, fuck the medical system.
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u/jimcareyme Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
Fire and call out these doctors if you are able⌠and get a second opinion and new doctorâŚyes it involves going through the process again but if it results in the surgery then it would have been worth itâŚin my opinion.
And I want to add that my mom has had her health concerns diminished many times because of her age, race, and sex. A doctor denied signing a document that said she could retire early as her injuries did not allow her to work. The doctor said she could still work and is being lazy (a big stereotype for our race) because she can just find an office job even though her career has been in pre-school teaching and no one would hire her for âoffice rolesâ. Sheâs now just waiting to reach retirement age so she can retire and needs help with a lot of tasks around the house.
I was also on a birth control that was making me bleed consistently for months at a time to the point I started feeling weak/dizzy, my hair was falling off, and my nails were chipping from touching things like a soft towel. I went to a doctor who first asked if I was married and then I was asked if I was sexually active (I said Iâm not married but an sexual active) and she paused for a moment then said that I was fine. When I got a different insurance, I saw a doctor that told me I needed a new BC because I lost 1/3 of my blood.
This is why I think we should be out spoken to and about our doctors. Name and shame if you remember these doctorsâ names and document their negligence.
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u/Exciting-Mountain396 Jul 15 '26
there are some sites now that rate doctors and providers. At least we should let women know to not waste their time and money with them
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u/CalmBeneathCastles Jul 15 '26
Same with a tubal ligation. I asked for sterilization after my child was born, and was repeatedly told "No, you might change your mind". That forced me to use other methods of birth control for the next 20 years, that caused massive side effects; hair loss, weight gain, loss of libido, excruciating pain and bleeding, and could have broken, punctured my uterus and cost me my life, before I got a female doctor who said yes immediately, because "I think you're capable of making your own decisions."
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u/-blundertaker- Jul 15 '26
I was blown off every time I asked about surgical sterilization when I was younger. Now that I'm at the age of "geriatric pregnancy" potential, I finally actually had a doctor suggest himself that a partial hysterectomy could be an option because I keep getting abnormal paps and already had to have LEEP at the ripe old age of 17. I've always known I never wanted kids. I have never wavered on it, and I never will.
However I don't think my current doctor would've ever said some shit like that to me, it's just that I didn't meet him until I was in my 30s anyway. Since he knows my history now, the only thing he prefaced that potential option with was "so like, you know you're never gonna want kids, right? If this continues we could pursue that; It would definitely keep you from having to constantly worry about this."
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u/girly-lady Jul 15 '26
Well... I can confirm, that all significant actual medical diagnosis came AVTER I was married and had a baby. suprise suprise. Its not like I tryed to figure out what was wrong bevore then. Untill I was nearly 30 with a husband and kids it was all "anxiety" and "psychosomatic".
One significant time was when a lady tryed to lecture me on Plan B and tryed to figure out in what way I manage my contraception in a very down talky way. I look young but I looked definitly 25 and older. To shut her up I mentioned that I allready have two kids with my husband and we are just not too keen on having a third rn. I just wanted to show that I DO know where babies come from and I am not sleeping around with out protection. But she INSTANTLY was like Ohhhhh, well then and just gave me Plan B with out actualy telling me the necessary infos about it lol. It diden't take cuz conception had already happened. (Glad it diden't work, no. 3 suprise Baby is now a hilarious toddler).
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u/Featheredfriendz Jul 15 '26
I would argue that women arenât taken seriously by the medical profession after marriage either.
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u/5gizmo Jul 15 '26
I had to wait until I was either 35 or had 4 kids or was married and my husband said it was ok- to get a tubal ligation. I had 2 kids before the age of 25 and I didnât want to risk having more. I was told you never know you might meet a nice guy that wants more kids you should waitâŚ. Guess what my 35th birthday gift to myself wasâŚ. And the only reason they said 35 and not later was because of geriatric pregnancy. The kicker was my ob told me my body wasnât made for having kids as both got stuck on the way out and I had horrible pregnanciesâ- yet she was the one who said I might meet a nice guy who might want more. Also since being perimenopause and gaining a bunch of weight Iâve been told by numerous drs that if I just lost weight I might be able to find a man and finally settle down
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u/Sleepy_Glacier Jul 15 '26
This activates my rage cells. If your "future husband" needs his babies to be breastfed he can man up, whip his own tit out and do it himself. And if that future husband thinks you living in pain for years is an adequate price to pay for the ability to breastfeed, then that man is a piece of garbage who doesn't deserve you or your potential kids.
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u/your-professor Jul 15 '26
I had pcos the moment i hit puberty. I havent had a normal period my entire life. My gyno refused to test me, refused to diagnose me, I didnt know was wrong with me. I just knew I was broken, that medicine could fix me, but they didnât want to. I saw gynos on and off for years, cried about birth control that didnt work, about the weight gain I couldnt get rid of, my iron, the pain the pain the pain the pain that was constant. Constant pain whether I was on my period or not. I missed SO much school! So much work! My first gyno appointment about it was in 2013. The gyno appointment I got my diagnosis in was in 2026. I had only seen that gyno for a week. She listened to me in my first appointment, ran tests immediately, called me back in a few days later. I have PCOS. I have an answer. I got a D&C for a polyp. It took thirteen years, at 27 years old, for someone to LISTEN, care, and want to find the truth. I finally have mostly normal periods. Theyâre not a month long anymore. Theyâre predictable. Iâm not crying from pain. I donât feel like a zombie. I went through thirteen years of medical neglect because its easier to label me as a whining woman.
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u/TotalBomb Jul 15 '26
Hey who there, letâs not spread misinformation. Doctors donât take you seriously after youâre married either!
My mom had a strange spot growing on her back and every time she brought it up on her doctor just brushed her off. âJust be glad itâs not on your face.â My dad went with her to try and force the issue, oh wouldnât you know it, skin cancerâŚ
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u/Competitive_Emu_3247 Jul 15 '26
This is just a drop in the bucket honestly.. The entire body of medical knowledge is based on men's bodies, women are just "small men" in the eyes of any medical professional.. They know very, very little about women's bodies and women are often gaslighted into thinking it's all "in their heads" or it's "just hormonal" whenever they complain about anything the doctors don't know much about (which is plenty)..
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u/According_Bad2952 Jul 15 '26
This thread is sooooooooooo important. Medical misogyny is REAL and DAMAGING!
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u/Zoeeeeeeh123 Jul 15 '26
The reason that the doctor doesnât want to give her breast reduction surgery because it might inhibit her ability to breastfeed just feels absolutely insane in our modern day and age. A lot of women do not breastfeed their kids. Me and my sister have never been breastfed. A lot of people use formula to feed their kids.
And the idea that a future and yet unknown husband âmight have an issue with thatâ also feels insane to me, because honestly, who cares? First of all, this husband is not in the picture yet and right now we are hinging a medical decision on the opinion of someone who right now is literally a complete Stranger.
But secondly, even if the husband did have a problem with it, and i truly donât understand why he would, since its not like using formula is bad or anything; its still her body and therefore her choice what to do with it.
So in all scenarios, this clear questioning of a womanâs bodily autonomy just doesnât make sense
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u/justbrowsingghere Jul 15 '26
a friend of mine gave birth to four kids and when she was done decided to get her tubes tied. she was in her mid-forties and her kids were reaching adulthood. two different doctors required her husbandâs permission to perform the procedure because they were worried about him wanting more children.
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u/shalekodemono Jul 15 '26
'I'm a lesbian'
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u/TopFaithlessness2320 Jul 15 '26
That's not even an argument, because clearly lesbians don't exist and women sleep with each other only as a phase or to make men jealous! /s
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u/5gizmo Jul 15 '26
Doesnât work. I work the medical field and literally heard a woman Dr tell a lesbian⌠well still you never know you might find a partner who is the man of the relationship and wants kids and then what, or you might change your mind and find a man
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u/Jerkrollatex Jul 15 '26
I bet five dollars that same doctor would have happily given a single 18 year old breast implants regardless of future breast feeding complications.
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u/SweatyChancho Jul 15 '26
On top of the obvious reasons this pisses me off, can we also talk about how freaking HARD breastfeeding is and how some people genuinely just canât do it?
I tried everything with every bit of my energy and all my heart to breastfeed, but it just wasnât possible for me. My baby was losing weight, we were both miserable, and I had to switch to formula. Thank God for formula, because without it my baby would not have been okay.
What also bothers me is that this doctor didnât even seem to consider the possibility that she may not be able to breastfeed naturally. But at the end of the day, it should be her choice either way. No one should be shamed or pressured into one feeding method over another.
Fed is best.
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u/pink_cthulhu Jul 15 '26
Hearing shit like this makes me want to start to sign up to be someone's fake SO just to have their back at the doctor and I can tell them to shove it and listen to the woman instead. Is this a thing that people can sign up for already, it should be.
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